Sunday, June 12, 2005

   why do I lie to myself?

*Sigh* I keep lying to myself, and I can't hold it in any longer. I'm at the point of breaking... I keep crying, over something I should of gotten over all ready. Why is letting go so hard for me? The person was able to forget me easily it seems...but I cannot move on with this person, I'm still wanting to hold on...even though I know I'm just torturing myself by doing so, I can't help it...I just can't...Things that use dto be so easy...now seem so hard. I'm holding in my tears as I type this. I just...I dunno...I can't take this separation anymore... *sigh* I want this person to be happy, but when they are around me they are not happy... but I want to still be friends with this person...so I guess either way. I lose... Well....the only thing I say to conclude that... is...at least I still have my family and my friends : Dolly and Katie... Even though, I may never get over this...I must stay strong and do my best to do so. Well, to get my mind off the subject up there... let's just move on...I guess... I went to a family reunoin today...It was so boring...my cousin didn't want to do anything but role play Inuyasha... guess what I don't like roleplaying in person, no no no! embarassment! >.< to me...that's like playing pretend. Oh! and my older brother does it again! but...heh heh I cused him out this time...He called, saying that he was trying to get there, when my grandparents were to pick him up, but no...he just HAD to go off with his friends instead... go figure, so he called...and I was getting really annoyed because he told me I needed to get away from my mom and stop acting so bitchy like her... nuh-huh...no I just couldn't take it anymore...so, I called him an asshole. Then he called me a bitch...so I told him to eat shit and die and hung up the phone. He has disrespected her way too much...My mom...(dare I say it!) ...is my friend...She's always there when I need her the most... and she knows what to do and gives me advice... and my brother has no right to speak the way he was to her... >.< .... *sigh* That didn't get that person off my mind...I think I'm going to get off of here, and just draw something upseting or color a latest drawing of mine....who knows...maybe my babysitting job (yeah...I forgot to tell ya that) well give me enough money after awhile for my to get a scanner... ??? if I save up??? I dunno...it depends I guess... okay, now...I'm off...to cry some more...most likely I'll end up crying myself to sleep like I did last night...I think my cat was trying to comfort me somehow...it worked a little... well, buh-byes everyone, I'll post tomorrow if I feel like it... ... ...

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