Friday, December 10, 2004

Boku mo~~~

I was reading a buddy's journal and I realized. I have no idea what age you have to be in order to legally own a fire arm. I need to look into that. Oh! And I'm having fun with switching to the metric system. Makes my head spin. I at least know that I'm 168cm tall, and I'm 90kg. 90!! FREAKING kgs!!! I can't believe I weigh so much! *whimpers* I don't want to end up looking like my sister Emily. *shudders in horror* NOOOO~! Seriously, my sister is most likely around 180kgs, give or take a few, and she wears really... REALLY tight clothes. She's always wearing stuff that should be for thinner people and she just struts around with her rolls hanging out. *cries* It's so horrifying and she think's it's pretty!!!

Now that I've burned that into your lovely little heads. I'll distract you with my nifty new lay out! W00T!! Naruto and Sasuke as Anbu! WACHA~! You know, a lot of people like to pair those two together as a couple... I don't... see it. I have nothing against yaoi, shounen ai, shoujo ai, or.. yauri? (what the heck is the two girl thing called?) I really don't, I've got a lot of bi-sexual and homosexual friends. They're so freaking fun to hang out with. But those TWO I just CAN'T see IT!
Camus X Milo = Saint Seiya
Yuuki X Shuuichi = Gravetation (that's a given XD)
Shuuichi X Hiro = Gravetation
Duo X Heero = Gundam Wing
Okita X Hijikata = Peace Maker
Toa X Yuna = my cosplay idols (only woman pairing I'll admit to)
I can see all of these but... *looks at Naruto and Sasuke* They're to much fun not being a couple. XD I wounder if that's my only reason. lol No wait, I want Naruto to be with Hinata, she's so shy and freaking cute. LOL They'd have cute little kits, er kids.

I've been drawing a lot lately. Fun fun. Been posting all of it on DA though, I'll post my stuff here soon just to share the wealth. Got this cute little short comic with Naruto and Sasuke that I couldn't help myself from drawing, were Naruto asks Sasuke why he wants to kill his brother so badly. *evil snerk* I'll burn for that one, but I'm sure I'll come up with worse.
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Wednesday, December 8, 2004

OMFG!! I live!
Yeah amazing isn't it? Thought I died didn't you? Well that normal to believe that I stopped breathing after several hours of trying to understand English *shakes fist at founders of English* I bet they're all laughing at my anguish. Had to help my mother with this report right? Freaking hard as hell because she was nagging and yelling at me while I was trying to help and the freaking programs they had wouldn't print right so I had to occomdate and crap like that.

Anyway, I've seen up to episode 112 of Naruto and have read 241!! I blaim my buddy Ruby-chan for tempting me (she had me draw Kakashi a while back and my curiousty had peaked ever since). I totally loved it when they got their... 3rd? ending with the army of chibis walking around. XD I love the song too, I like Orange Range, they're a cool band.

Hnn... I've been drawing some Naruto kind of stuff. Made my own fan character that has surprisingly gained a huge amount of popularty on deviantart.com and some popularty on minitokyo.net. Maybe I'll post her stats or a link to my DA thing here. I've already gotten a small one paged doujinshi of her and Sasuke when they were kids. Sasuke's a little OOC only because it's a clipet from the story and needs more explination that I'm to lazy to do.

*whirls around and points at Kakashi* I blaim you for my current laziness!!!

Kakashi: *looks up from book* Sore wa kekkou.

*ignores him* Okay, as for my college and teaching career. I'm haggling with finantual aid to get into spring quarter. Seems I need to do some stuff that takes a long while and I can't have it done before winter quarter. But still, one step closer, ne? Ooo, ooo, I can read some names now too! WAHAHAHAAA~! I'm so proud. Names are so freaking hard, so many freaking rules to them, but I got some down! I RULE! lol j/k
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Tuesday, November 23, 2004

You get what you strive for...

I've been woundering for a very long time of what I want to do with my life. I've always had a keen interest in language, writting, art, things like that. I finally decided what I will strive for. I will become a language teacher. I'll teach Japanese in such a unique form that none of my students could ever fail. I will be that kind of teacher that you will remember for the rest of your life and I'll have my own tradition of giving something special to my students once they graduate from my class. Nothing like a damn stupid school ring, it'll be something more awesome like a head band. I'm going to force the colleges into accepting me back no matter what. I WILL do this, this will be the first step of my fukushuu.


Also, took this test. Alarmingly accurate on my part.
Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"

January
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking andproductive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious.
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Sunday, November 21, 2004

Everybody is weak, everybody is strong...

As usual life gets in the way of goals, fun, and everything else in between. Thus why no update in a while. April has been coughing her additude around, taking off to hang out with her delinquent of a twin, and she's been ignoring her cat who looks to me for attention. Carmel is heart broken that she doesn't give him attention any more. Some creep freaking hurt my black kitten, Hiei, he has to go into the vet for X-rays because one of his hind legs is most likely broken and his crooked tail (birth defect) is now pretty knarled. And if I find out that someone I know did that to him then I'm going to punch them and I mean it. It's one thing to mess with me and one thing to mess with my animals.

Got to a breaking point after this woman I know pratically called me a 'dobe' (basicly a drop out in japanese). She was harping on the fact that I didn't know her well, which I never claimed that I did, then she went about how I didn't know the Japanese language. That pissed me off, I'm still angry over it. I may not know a lot of vocabulary, but the stuff I know is accurate to the point that I can even correct a Japanese person when they translate something into English. After that the lady was telling me how I enjoy talking down to people and act like everyone is stupid. They are. People have the intellect of a shoe horn, but a person can be smart. Thanks to her and her hours of getting on my nerves I've completely reverted back into my oldself; which is a silent, alienating, anti-socialist that hates looking at people's faces and loathes hearing their voices even more. I'm going to try to keep rather nice on MyO due to the fact that none of you have done anything to get on my nerves yet and you've earned my respect for that.

So until next time...
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Thursday, November 11, 2004

Did I really do that?

Why, yes, yes I did. *grins evily* And it felt good and she's hasn't been talking to me lately which is better! Who am I talking about, well my sister April. Remember how I was telling you how much she's been laying in to me and won't back off for nothing? I finally comfronted her and yelled back, telling her to lay off and that because of her additude not only I but my eldest sister feels like we have to hide things from her. For example we bought a cake using cash and ate it real fast and disposed of the container where she wouldn't find it. We bought it because we wanted a treat and we couldn't use Adriane's debt card because April shares the same account and she'd lay it on us if she found out.

Anyway, so I yelled at her back right? I also confronted her about being in love with her twin. She started to get confused and was trying to denai (can't spell!) everything but I kept at her and she finally said that she very well could be. And then she tried to do this whole pitty party thing and I just told her to take it some where else. So far she hasn't talked to me after that. Which is so very nice, I've only seen her face twice and it's lovely. She was really getting on my nerves.

Charlie (little bro's best friend) says that Kate (the 'friend' that was a total bitch to me on halloween) is really sorry. I just told him that I don't care, things are over between me and her. I've spent several years trying to be her friend and she has stollen from me, been rude, abandoned me and I had it. So it's over, feels nice to let go of extra baggag.

Still trying to find a job, even if it's only seasonal. Haven't been able to get through to my college to talk about finantual aid either. *sighs* Need to get that taken care of. And that's about it... yeah. later

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Wednesday, November 3, 2004

At long last...

April no longer is sharing my room, YES! I was able to actually sleep in my own bed, and it was nice, so nice that I actually spent a full day in there. *insane cackle* Emily is cleaning out her new trailer house and is going to move some time this week, I finally got to dump a free loading friend, Crewger has only been mildly annoying, my cramps for this month's period wasn't as bad as usual (which I usually have to take several pain releiving sleeping pills in order to waid through for the week, yes the week not just the first day). I moved my computer into my room so I can look at what I want and I don't need to care what people will think of me! YES! I'm talking about Sol Badguy fanart where a lot of it shows his pants mostly unzipped and he's shirtless (no willie shots, thank god, I don't think my sensitivity could handle that just yet). *punches up into the air* GO SOL!!!

Oh hey, speaking os Sol, the new Guilty Gear game has come out! OMG!!! I need to get it. Sol's so freaking awesome and no one can defeat me when I'm him (unless they are in freaking god mode but I still give them a hell of a run for their money). If you haven't figured out by now I'm a MAJOR Sol Badguy fan. Has anyone heard anything more on that Guilty Gear movie that Sammy productions is supposed to be working on? Man, I love his deep Japanese voice. *fangirl sigh*

Anyway, now that we've made my sister another room and she's moved out I'm looking for a job, I'm starting to feel better now that I have my personal space back. But I don't get why they put this little plack thing on my door that reads:
An Irish Blessing
May the road rise up to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face And until we meet again,
May God hold up in the palm of his hand.

The hell? The only reference to a 'god'like figure with people on the palm of his hand is Buddha, where some monk said something about how people can run around and think that they are all high and mighty but they are nothing because they are all running on Buddha's palm.

Anyway, things are finally looking up. YES! Let you know what happens tomorrow.
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Friday, October 29, 2004

Timeless standing...

Wow, this is an all time new for me, to be pissed off only two days away from Halloween. Let me do a nice run down for ya:

1) Since argument with sister, April, I've been sleeping on the couch.

2) The other night I thought I'd get over it and sleep in my own bed (we share a room), the next day she acted like I did something bad. She kept on giving me that look of, "I can't believe you did that! You bitch."

3) Yestarday I tried to talk to my eldest sister, Adriane, but April wouldn't shut up so I finally shouted at her and she yelled at me for getting angry.

4) Brother's wouldn't shut up when they where screaming and yelling over a video game. I asked seven times before I started to shout at them to shut up. Eventually I had to leave the house.

5) Fell asleep on the couch again, Cory (elder brother) got angry with me when I told him to keep it down. He asked why I was on the couch and I said because April was being mean. He only scoffed and said, "April mean? Yeah right."

6) Was disterbed countless times by April when she got up for work.

7) Had to put on my mother's halloween make-up for her since she isn't skilled in that (I don't mind because that was kind of fun, just wish that I wasn't half awake at the time)

And that's the very very slim version of what's been going on. I'm going over to my friend, Kate's house on Halloween night with my little bro and eldest sister. We haven't seen Kate and her brother, Charlie, in a long while so that'll be a treat.

Pissed off with the latest Saint Seiya movie. They freaking screwed my favorite characters and my other loved characters had little to no screen time. And then the ending was all weird, I think Seiya's memory was wiped by the gods. Good side of that is that the artistry was beautiful, I couldn't take my eyes off of it... well, except when Athena showed up (hate that bitch).

Been trying to talk with my buddy Amy, but she's like way busy so that's annoying. Neiko's been talkitive which is awesome.

What else... hnnn... well, I've been thinking about Ben again. I can't help but think he was my one true love that I never got a chance at. Yeah, happy thought, not. My dog, Crewger has been so freaking annoying lately. He's just riled up, the ghosts in the house are moving around and playing pranks. Freaking freaked me out when April told me she found Crewger playing with something invisible. I asked her if he was just chasing his tail or something and she said, "No, he was playing like he would with another dog or one of the cats." That, he has never done before.

That's it... wait, two last things. That damn coding Shanny. I copied and pasted it, exactly the way you put it in my Email and I didn't do it. I think it just hates me, so I just put this new background up. And to Death... 2...T.... um... the fellow Dragon Knights fan. Yes, Gil dies, and so does Alfeegi, but Gil comes back later on along with Bierrez, Ramganus (Llamganus?), and one of Bierrez's old buddies. I'm a little ticked at that because I want Alfeegi and Kai-stern back.
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Sunday, October 24, 2004

When will it stop?
I got into an arguement with my sister April. She wanted to go to this corn maze that comes up once every year. I told her we didn't have the finaces to do it, we have little to no food. Emily was there, she wouldn't shut up so I kept on telling her to when ever she talked. I was talking to April but Emily kept on saying to my eldest sister that she should talk for herself and I quote, "Not have your grundgy ho of a puppet master talk for you." So I told her to, "Shut the hell up slut" and April got furious and told me never to call her that again. I told her that I didn't care, because to me that's what she is. April wouldn't stop yelling at me... So I pointed out that I have never seen her defending me.

She got hurt and screamed at me about how it wasn't true, how she's always sticking up for me. I said, "Then how come I never see it?" She ran off crying saying no matter what she'll go. Three seconds later our father comes storming in, looking like he was about to hit me. I told him my point of view and he was still pissed off. I told him how much 16 bucks would by food, wise. So father was still pissed at me, but left me alone after my eldest sister stepped in. Then their friend Alone came in and started to rank on me about how horrible a person I was and how I could never be his friend. I only told him that I never wanted to be his friend. He likes to take advantage of people and mooch off of them as much as he can.

So, frustrated to the point of tears. I just told my eldest sister to go and have fun. Everyone but myself left to the stupid maze, I cooked what little food we had for dinner. I called a friend that's out of state, I know I'll get yelled at for that, but I really needed to talk to someone that wasn't part of my family. It helped a little because she talked about Bakura all the time. I didn't have to think about my family for that moment.

You know... some times I woulder if life can get any worse. I'm just waiting to see if it'll happen. No... more like when.

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Thursday, October 21, 2004

All these years... you never saw... my dispair...
New depressing theme, live with it, I'm very depressed at the moment. I just got through with my most loved sister telling me that I'm worthless, a mooch, and I'm screwed up in the head.

Here, I'll give you my past just so you can see just how screwed up I turned out to be through these events.

Ever since I could remember I had my eldest half brother molesting me until I was 12 years old. Until I was 12! It had become a reuten(sp?) with me and him. He did not rape me (still a virgin) but it's horrible, even now when I hear how close he is my body wishes nothing more than to pick up for where he had left off. Molestation takes away everything as well as rape. It's a horrible trama to the body as you all know.

I developed a quick temper due to it, and was teased and ridiculed for how quickly I got angry. Going to school in Elementry wasn't easy considering that my elder siblings made it clear to the rest of the society that our family were outsiders and we were living in a very racial, biest town. First day of school, I stepped on the bus and got spat on, litterally. I was bullied constently on the play ground and at home all of us children would (no joke) try to kill each other.

I never had any friends that wasn't using me until I met Brea in Jr. High, she was my first real friend. I still keep in contact with her. In Jr. High I met a boy by the name of Ben Nelsen. I crushed after the popular handsome boys like all normal girls do, but the more Ben talked to me, and hung out with me the more I discovered that I had fallen in love with him. The summer just before High School, he had died in a car accident with his Grandparents. His best friend Gene Bush spoke with me while I was on the play ground playing with my little brother, elder brother, and my eldest sister. He litterally said in a very casual way, "Oh, by the way, did you know that Ben died?" he had informed me later on that Ben was to ask me out on the eve of the first day of school.

High school came about and a friend of mine died of cancer while my sisters got into several car accidents (they are alive but still reckless at driving, stupid peopel never learn). By this time I had placed my molestation behind me and I was doing very well. Then we moved into the city that we are currently in, I was informed by my father that he had recieved a letter from Jarry, my eldest half brother. Father wrote back saying that he wanted nothing to do with Jarry. The only one who was worried about me, of all people, was my evil sister Emily. No one else cared. After that, a very precious person to me, someone that I truly loved dearly, died.

Made many friends on line, told each one that they would leave me. I found that everyone that I have made friends will forget about me at some point in time until I make myself known again. They all said that they would not, all but one stopped talking to me with in the past three months.

To tell you the truth, the only thing that is keeping me alive right now are my cats, and the thought of what my true love will think of me if I take my own life.

There, that's my life story in a depressing nutshell, a very small nutshell. More stuff had happened but this damn thing is long enough.

So tell me? Do I have a right to have Manic Depression? Do I have a right to cry when I am saddened? If you do... then why does my family think the oppisate?
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Tuesday, October 19, 2004

When was it?

When was it that time decided to flow away from the hands of man? How many events had you said 'I still have time' only to find out that you had none? When did your body grow old and when did you start to look into love for a man or a woman insted of a simple interest?

Things change so rappidly in front of you like a river. Yet we don't see these changes only the river itself, something that had always been there until it is gone, dried up or filled in. You try to move on to find that same river, so that you can say that nothing has changed but it already has. Time never did enjoy the world that we know, it perfers reality. Reality, where if you ignore it it'll crush you as it passes by not caring of your pained pleas for hope.

When was it that we no longer lived in a world that we wanted to? How come it changed to the dirty alleyways that dark monsters lurked and not remain the fields of memory?

When did we grow up?

Okay, there was my deep... thing, for a while, or until my next post, it all depends on how much I care... or not. Anyway, GOOD NEWS!! my evil evil evily sister, Emily, and her fiance (who is just as evil) will be moving out next month! YES! THANK YOU RA~! (yes I'm a believer of Egyptain gods, got a problem take it up with my inner child) Also this dude that lives with my parents... who undresses me with his eyes, and kind of creeps me out because he's attracted to Emily and think's I'm just a nicer version of her *gag gag*. Where was I? Oh yeah, I only heard this, but he's apperantly supposed to move away soon too! YES! I hope it's true!

Other notes, people who have been signing my comments, you rule. Neiko, Shanny, and Shinigami, you guys are Mu (my way of saying awesome).

New people have signed my guest book, you guys are cool. Now all you have to do is sign my comments. XD

Okay, I'm off for now. And yes I'm most likely on the verg of an other mental break down. Ja ne~!
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