Tuesday, May 3, 2005

"Suddenly the only thing left of yesterday is me"

Quote written on my fanart---> http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/17902340/ Apparently it's to big to submit here, aaa well.


Been feeling awkward the past few days. It's like... I don't know... like being the only thing left from the days gone by. You're suddenly the only one left from yesterday and are in a void of darkness in which you only look up every once in a while because of the whole "what's the point". You'd think that after so many years of being forgoten, pushed to the side, washed into the background, you'd get used to it. Nah, you never get used to it. All it does is causes you to develop a weird sense of humor and desensitizes you. What gets me is that most the people I know tell me that they'd never forget me, no matter what I was there friend and they'd always be there for me. Soon as I say hello they have already forgetten I exsisted. I'm not angry about it. *shrugs* Not too sure how I feel about it really since it's happened so many times in my life. I guess I feel discouraged about it, thus why it's hard to gain my trust. I remember this one girl, she would talk to me all the time, then out of the blue she stopped talking, looking, and sitting next to me. I asked her what was the deal and she told me she just got some new friends. I only smiled and told her I was happy for her and moved on. Guess I'm just that type of weirdo. I get hurt over and over again and I rarely cry because "what's the point". I'll just smile and root for people.

Sure, I'll get depressed, like MAJOR depression. I've even cut myself a few times, even got NAGI carved into my left forarm. But hey, I haven't been that depressed in a long time. I'm not sucidle, just get this odd need to cut myself. Kind of like draining out the evils that have infested within. Granted this never works so don't try it at home kiddies.

How am I feeling right now? Meh, just there. That's the best way I can discribe it. My Geography teacher seems to think I'm just a lawn orniment in his class, never met my History teacher since it's a telecourse, and my AOS teacher hates my guts to the point that she has no freaking clue how far I am in the class. Then there are the issues with the roommates. Cory still doesn't give a damn about anyone else, which upsets Jamie. Jamie keeps on trying to ignore him but she can't really because she thinks my brother is hot. Jamie's been in her room more and more and even when we call her up for dinner she doesn't touch it and it goes bad so we get a bit ticked. Little bro, Eric, he's still obessed over his Devil May Cry games and I think I've heard enough about Dante to last me over three life times and plus I think Dante is ugly. But Eric at least is some what civil to me but a lot of the time he just says something out of no where that's just a horrible jab. I'll give you an example;
*clears throat* About a year or so ago (yes it was this bad) he came out of the kitchen while I as studying for at test on the couch. Our sister Adriane was there and he's holding a cup of water, all is quiet and then he just blurted out, "You know, now I know why all of Hiso-chan's dogs die."

Yeah, it wasn't nice. To know the full extent I'll tell you the history of my dogs; 1st dog - hit by car, 2nd dog - got shot by neighbors, 3rd dog - had to give away, 4th dog - shot by neighbors, 5th dog - had to give away, 6th dog - puppy named Link got a disease that mades their little innerds mush - died in my arms (loved that puppy like it was my own kid, so harsh blow there), 7th dog - went insane and got put down. For a while I wouldn't even touch a dog so I finally got my father to allow me to have a cat (he's really allergic to cats). Still have her, and now I've got my 8th dog... so far he's alive, well, happy, stupid but smart most the time, and I'm keeping my eye on him to make sure nothing goes wrong.

Uh, back to roommates, Jamie... Eric... Cory... ah the last one, Adriane. Adraine has been giving me these looks as of lately like she's going to kill me in my sleep, seriously she is. So I've been kind of calling her rude names as of lately but only because I feel threatened, I've tried to tell her that but she just ignored that and kept on taking it personally. So lately I haven't been getting much sleep not only because of school but because I expect someone to come into my room with some kind of axe... hatchet, she's more of a hatchet person, and yeah... red bed sheets anyone? Thought not.
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