Thursday, April 3, 2008

Hm.

Wow, this day turned out to be much different than I thought. Sorry it took an incredibly long time to post this, and it won't even be that long. Blame imeem.com! It took me two hours to find a new song for my site! ARGH! Anyway, I found this one, it's FUCKING HILARIOUS! Here's the lyrics: The Masochism Tango I ache for the touch of your lips, Dear, But much more for the touch of your whips, Dear. You can raise welts Like nobody else, As we dance to the Masochism Tango. Let our love be a flame, not an ember, Say it's me that you want to dismember. Blacken my eye, Set fire to my tie, As we dance to the Masochism Tango. At your command Before you here I stand, My heart is in my hand. Ecch! It's here that I must be. My heart entreats, Just hear those savage beats, And go put on your cleats And come and trample me. Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany, That's why I'm in such exquisite agony. My soul is on fire, It's aflame with desire, Which is why I perspire When we tango. You caught my nose In your left castanet, Love, I can feel the pain yet, Love, Ev'ry time I hear drums. And I envy the rose That you held in your teeth, Love, With the thorns underneath, Love, Sticking into your gums. Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches. The last time I needed twenty stitches To sew up the gash That you made with your lash, As we danced to the Masochism Tango. Bash in my brain, And make me scream with pain, Then kick me once again, And say we'll never part. I know too well I'm underneath your spell, So, Darling, if you smell Something burning, it's my heart. Excuse me! Take your cigarette from its holder, And burn your initials in my shoulder. Fracture my spine, And swear that you're mine, As we dance to the Masochism Tango. Don't worry I'll probably change it next Thursday! But it was too good to pass up! Lmao! Anyway, so I just need to say to Amanda, that I'm so very sorry you aren't having a very good day... er, week... or, time. My boobs are here for you to poke any time you need a smile! ^_^ (Long story October, don't you worry! *winks*) I know that no matter what I say, it won't make you change your mood, but I want you to know that you can vent anything you're feeling to me, I can take it! I love you so much Apanda! It kills me to see you unhappy! Tomorrow I'm going to give you another running start hug! K? Wow, uh, yeah, I gotta go and comment peeps... Stupid Imeem taking all of my time! *shakes fist*

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   Back Later!

Yo! Okay, so I'm at school right now, and I'm stuck here till 4, but after that I did succesfully kick my mom out of the house for the night so I'll give you a bigger post and PMs! Yay! Until then I'm here at school, and I'll be updating my Worlds on theO, which, personal plug, I have three Worlds, all of which will corrupt you completely if you ever chose to visit them! So I'll be back to pay attention to you guyses tonight! I can't wait! Ato!

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Wednesday, April 2, 2008

   Poem

*Heavy sigh* Well, Yesterday ended so great with me practically dancing around my house because lil miss October put this AWESOME thingy on her site that lets me hear her voice! OMG! I was beyond elated! But now I'm just brought right back down again by all these retarded little things... ugh, they aren't even worth mentioning. I'll just say that I have youth group tonight so I won't be on at any time but now, and I don't even know if I have enough time to PM anyone, especially with Tony here. -_- I'm going to try and bring my mood back up by talking about happy stuff, yes? Right, so I was exploring my laptop and got really excited because on Word I can password protect files! OMG, I didn't know you could do that! So now, I can have a journal and never have to worry about my mom sneaking a look at what I write! YES! Next, I found a sweet website that lets me download, legally, mp3s for free! Most of the songs don't work, but some do, so it's worth it for me! That means I can get a bunch of my favorite songs without having to pay for them! Haha, I'm so cheap! ^_^ So yup, that's the good stuff. Now the highlight of my post, I promised October that I'd post this poem I wrote about a dream I had of her, so here you go! First Contact It was a dream, A fantastic and impossible dream I had prayed for this day for so long, Surely it could not be real! And yet, every fiber in my being Wanted to believe. And here she stood. What a vision she was! All curves and easy sensuality With a smile that lit the room And eyes, Oh! What stunning eyes! I was frozen, In awe of this dreamangel, This dazzling beauty that I was unworthy to behold. But there! She had spied me too And the nearer she came, The more the breath was stolen from my lungs. She was smiling at me now, With a joy in her eyes that rivaled my own And my heart swelled. She stood before me, proud and passionate And I in my humble height could only Gaze in admiration. It was a dream, It had to be a dream! But she was reaching towards me, Threading her graceful fingers through my hair Sending a pleasurable shiver Down my body to my toes And her hand was behind my neck Pulling my dazed frame to hers And lighting every nerve on fire, Heating me to the core. And then! And then, The indescribable moment When all our long hours of conversation, When all our trails and hardships And torturous separations And passionate longings And thousands of miles stood between us Fianlly proved to be worth the fight. And our lips met, And my soul was hers. I hope you liked it my mouko (fierce tiger)! Now my time is up, I'll do my best to kick my mom out of the house tomorrow, I'll let you know if I do! Bye for now my pretties!

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Tuesday, April 1, 2008

   Happiness!

Hullo! Lords, Tony was pissing me off Yesterday! I mean, yes, I know he was going through a rough time, but he wouldn't leave me alone for five mintues! I was trying to write a PM to October, and he wouldn't shut up, even though I kept telling him to! I even said, "Tony I'll listen to you as soon as I'm done here, but I really need to write this." And he totally ignored my request! What the hell! So I probably sounded so removed in the PM and I so wish Tony didn't have 8th period free! How the hell do I get away from him?!?!?! ARGH! Moving on, because I'd much rather focus on more positive things *winks* Guess what?! .... Well, did you guess?!? *giggles* Okay, I GOT A LAPTOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! My Pastor heard that I wanted a laptop for school and he gave me his old one, for FREE! I couldn't believe it! I'm so shocked! Well, at the moment it's kinda useless, cuz it has nothing on it and there's no wireless internet in my house, but my friend Henry (computer genius dude) looked online and found this really cheap but really good wireless router for me and my mom said she'd consider it, so soon I'll be able to be online SO much more often! *squeal of happiness* I'm so excited! Next step is a cellphone so I can FINALLY call my darling, my koishii, my passionate seme October! *huge mischeivious grin* So I'm all hyper and happy from that. Yesterday was the first day of school after Spring Break, and it was so wonderful to see all my friends again! I gave Amanda the hugest hug, I think she'll agree, but I missed her bunches! So that was cool. Grape juice tastes good. Heh... I died my hair again, finally, and it looks so kickass when it's this red! I wish it would stay this red longer, but alas! It fades. *pouts* But whatev. Hey Amanda, do you have a digital camera? Just wondering. So Tony had one of his friends up in the computer lab with us (I don't know why he couldn't just talk to her! Instead of pestering me to point of me wanting to slap him!) And she was all like, who are you talking to online? Tony blurts out' "She's talking to her lover! Who lives in Texas!" And I was all mad, I mean we're in a public place for goodness sake! You can't go shouting out that I'm gay when no one is supposed to know! The risk he put me in! If rumor got around to my parents, my life would be over!!!! And his friend just makes it worse and goes on this little tirade and says, "Online relationships aren't good, I mean, you totally don't know if this girl is just a fake or is using you or anything, she could be dating someone and you wouldn't even know it. It's stupid to get in an online relationship. Especially with someone you have no hope of ever meeting." Well I just wanted to punch her ugly little face in! Instead I said all politely, "Yeah, but I trust this girl." And that's all I needed to say. Hmph. *crosses arms* Whoa, that was a total mood swing there.. let's go back to the happiness, yes? ^_^ Um, so nothing really exciting is happening besides what I've said already. Work was good Yesterday. Ryan was there, so I got to tease him and stuff. But he always got me back. *grins* FINE! I'm talking about October, I don't care if anyone gets mad at me!!!! >_< October wrote me this beautiful poem on her website that made me want to cry! And I know she wrote it while she was depressed, but it was just so beautiful and I want to share my favorite lines with you: "As I go with him I feel myself starting to decay, and the stars are not wanted now. I lost everything and have nothing, for you see, the darling IS my everything. She is my laugh, my heartbeat, my song, my air, my passion, my smile, my sunday rest. " She also got this sweet thing that will let me hear her voice, but I can't hear it yet because I'm at school, but hopefully tonight, or Thursday, I'll have the house to myself! I wrote a poem for October too, it isn't as good as hers, and it doesn't seem to talk about her, but the inspiration was ALL her. October is so passionate, and it seems like she's this flame that never wants to burn out, so she inspired me to write this. Burn Passion fades. The once all consuming fire Chokes and flickers out Forever to be lost Leaving a terrifying emptiness That cannot be filled. And the heart will yearn For the spark that kindled the blaze. Passion's murderer Is the treacherous hand of sloth; Pleaseure dulls over time and Complacency deals the the final blow. The logical mind Explains away the need For the heat of the flames That were so tedious to tend. But passion burns When the fire is fed. Let it consume the fuel Of love and tenderness And desire will Ignite the flames eternal To stand the test of time Then, passion never fades. There, I did my best, I hope she likes it! I also found these song lyrics for her, I thought they got my feelings across, so I liked them! Consume Me Lovely traces I can sense you in everything The way that you move me Takes me far away I seek no escape I'm dreaming through your eyes I am wandering through your mind I'm overtaken by the way that you deliver me I'm transcended There's no place I'd rather be Than here in heaven Without you I'm incomplete It's hopeless CHORUS: You consume me, you consume me Like a burning flame running through my veins You consume me moving through me Anytime, anyplace you invade my space You consume me, you consume me Wholly devoted I immerse myself in you Baptize me in your love Cause drowning in the thought of you Floods my soul I'm taken by the things you do Oh, you know It doesn't matter what I lose I'm yours I am in your hands Under your command Like a puppet on a string [Oh you know] I am willing to Put my faith in you So before the world I sing [Consume me] CHORUS: You consume me, you consume me Burning flame, through my veins You consume me moving through me Anytime, anyplace you invade my space You consume me [oh, you know that I surrender] I am consumed, I'm consumed with you There's no other way I can fly It's you and I, you and I There's no other way I can fly It's you and I, you and I Ah, now I leave you again, my apologies, but I have to PM people (October, I'll do better this time!) And I think I might even update one of my worlds on theO. So off I go! I send a giant hug to Amanda and a fiery kiss to October! You two are amazing! ^_^

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Saturday, March 29, 2008

Joy

I feel really good. I’m just… I’m just utterly content right now. I can’t really think of another way to describe it. I don’t even know when it happened. Sometime last night? Or has it been coming for a little while now? Did I have to go through some really hard times to get to this place, or did it really, literally, just hit me over the head? For the first time in my life, I feel like I really know myself. And I feel so alive! I don’t know what it is. I guess I’m just finally coming into my own and I’m just content. I feel like I can be strong again, but not as a façade. Like it’s real strength. And I know that being strong doesn’t mean being immovable and unshaken when hard things come up. It doesn’t mean not showing your emotions when bad things are going on. I know it’s honesty. If that makes any sense. Strength is honesty? Lords, that sounds stupid, but when you think about it, it takes so much courage to be honest with your friends and the people you love, and even more to be honest with yourself. I always thought I had to be ‘strong for my friends’, I had to be the smile for people who were unhappy and the laugh for people who wanted to cry. How could I show my emotions to them? They had too many problems of their own, it would be selfish to dump my shit on them too. But that’s so wrong! That’s like being a parent, not a friend! I can still be strong for my friends, and I can be honest with them, and show them the real me, and what’s going on in my head. It’s not dumping my shit on them, it’s showing them I trust them and love them. I feel so free! And now I’m probably acting like a retard, but I am so happy. I know myself. I understand why I do and feel the things I do. I am happy with who I am, all my faults, everything. I don’t regret anything. I finally don’t regret anything! Come what may, I care not! Well, I have decided then, I'll make a new website when they are done mending myO. Don't worry, I'm not abandoning you guys! I'm just going to start fresh and shake myself out of the rut I was in. Like I said, I feel really good right now and it's about time I turn over a new page in my life. The website will basically look the same as this, because I'm finally content with this layout. If you haven't noticed, I've changed the intro little by little over the past few months, and I'm happy with how it turned out. I narrowed it down to what I thought were the most important things to say. First I've got that red-headed anime girl. I chose her because she represents my love of anime, and she's tough and strong with a hint of wide-eyed innocence too. So she's basically me in anime form. Next is 'Dum Spiro, Spero' which is Latin for 'While I breathe, I hope'. That's pretty self-explainatory. It's my motto. Then there's 'My loveless name is Thoughtless'. That's a tribute to my biggest fault of selfishness. It's a reminder that I need to take my eyes off myself and think about others. Then the 'Forgive Me' picture. This is me asking the forgiveness of anyone whom I've ever wronged, and for all my faults. While I may accept them, I am still ashamed of them. 'Question Everything' is because the one thing I've learned in my short but very eventful life is that you can never trust society to be honest with you. Never. You need to discover things on your own. The one person you can trust completely is God, but even then, you can't trust everything that people say about Him. And then, the banner stating 'My love is just waiting to turn your tears to roses.' This is here for a few reasons. One, it's my favorite line from my favorite song from my favorite band! XD Two, it's an odd play on my online name of Rose. Three, it's what I do. I love. It's in my nature to love, and part of that goes into doing whatever I can to make my friends happy. Finally, my avatar. I will probably keep this one for a while, because as much as I loved the 'The Porn, it Glows!' avatar, this one represents my life. I am caged. Not a happy thought, but it tells you something about me. There's my overly drawn out and entirely unnecessary explaination for all my pics and shit in my intro. My new site, hopefully, will be named Lady Valiant, after a poem I wrote that October claims is her favorite. I just pray the name hasn't been taken yet. Alright, I'm coming back on Monday, but I have work, so I don't know how much time I'll have. I'll probably only have time to PM, but we'll see! Thanks for being fantablulous and letting me rant about myself for this annoyingly pointless post. I appreciate it! I love everyone here so much, don't forget to smile today!

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Thursday, March 27, 2008

Yo.

Hey, don't have time. My Hair.

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Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Yeah.

Um, so I'm at work and I can't really be on now, but I'm breaking the rules. I just wanted to repost this from a couple days ago, but that's all I have time to do, sorry. "For October. Far Away By: Nickleback This time, This place Misused, Mistakes Too long, Too late Who was I to make you wait Just one chance Just one breath Just in case there's just one left 'Cause you know, you know, you know [CHORUS] That I love you That I have loved you all along And I miss you From far away for far too long I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore On my knees, I'll ask Last chance for one last dance 'Cause with you, I'd withstand All of hell to hold your hand I'd give it all I'd give for us Give anything but I won't give up 'Cause you know, you know, you know [CHORUS] That I love you That I have loved you all along And I miss you From far away for far too long I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore So far away Been far away for far too long So far away Been far away for far too long But you know, you know, you know I wanted I wanted you to stay 'Cause I needed I need to hear you say That I love you I have loved you all along And I forgive you For being away for far too long So keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go I know I said I'd give a long post, but that's not important right now. So, next time, maybe." Yeah, so that was from Thursday. Have a great week everyone! Kisses!

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Saturday, March 22, 2008

Yup.

Hey, it's Spring Break. I won't be on. And I think I might just be done with the site anyway. There's been way too much fucking drama. I hate drama. So, it's just a thought. See ya, maybe after break.

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Thursday, March 20, 2008

I Will Forgive You Always, No Matter What.

For October. Far Away By: Nickleback This time, This place Misused, Mistakes Too long, Too late Who was I to make you wait Just one chance Just one breath Just in case there's just one left 'Cause you know, you know, you know [CHORUS] That I love you That I have loved you all along And I miss you From far away for far too long I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore On my knees, I'll ask Last chance for one last dance 'Cause with you, I'd withstand All of hell to hold your hand I'd give it all I'd give for us Give anything but I won't give up 'Cause you know, you know, you know [CHORUS] That I love you That I have loved you all along And I miss you From far away for far too long I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore So far away Been far away for far too long So far away Been far away for far too long But you know, you know, you know I wanted I wanted you to stay 'Cause I needed I need to hear you say That I love you I have loved you all along And I forgive you For being away for far too long So keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go I know I said I'd give a long post, but that's not important right now. So, next time, maybe.

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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

   Gee.

Everyone is gone. Hm. It's like I have no life now. I'll be on tomorrow, like I promised, to give that great big post that no one will read. *sigh* I really ought to get a life. I love everyone, and I guess I'm just worried, so don't mind me. Ato.

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