Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Um.

Hey guys... is anyone alive?

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   Ah, Tuesday.

Hey guys, more work today, and I have to leave early. But it is my last day of training, so that's cool. Thursday I confirmed is free so that will be a good day. I post much, yes? Good luck to Amanda who is getting her wrist checked out at the doctors. Hope it isn't that bad hun. I missed you today. To Justine, who randomly showed up again yesterday. I love you darling, but really, we haven't seen/talked to each other in ages, and all you say is happy St. Patty's day? I miss you! What's going on with you?! I'm gonna have to stalk you, and I'm not sure if you'll like that! ^_^ To Britty, I'm so sorry for what happened on your site yesterday, I'll email you on Thursday and see how you are doing, okay? October, that poem was so sexy! I hope you had a great St. Patty's Day! Please be patient, I really want to PM you, but I have no time until Thursday! But then it will be nice and long, yes? Always Yours! Um, I leave you with lyrics then. Thinking of You By: Hanson Have you ever stood outside a picket fence You could see through but you can't get to the inside I sit there and wait I look at you and anticipate What we could be and what we could do Chorus: Fly the wings of an eagle Glide along with the wind No matter how high I'll be thinking of you the whole time Fly with wings of an eagle Glide along with the wind No matter how high I'll be thinking of you the whole time. I'm carrying this heavy load I don't know what to do The only thing I know is that I'm in love with you Oh Fly the wings of an eagle No matter how high I'll be thinkin' of you Fly the wings of an eagle Glide along with the wind No matter how high I'll be thinking of you the whole time Fly with wings of an eagle Glide along with the wind No matter how high I'll be thinking of you the whole time No matter how high No matter how low I'll be thinking of you No matter what I do No matter where I go I'll be thinking of you You'll be on my mind all the time You'll be on my mind all the time You'll be on my mind, I'll be thinking of you the Whole time Ato!

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Monday, March 17, 2008

   Work, Again!

Hey, I've got work! Sorry. *sobs* I think I'm gonna work tomorrow too, and Wednesday I'm going to youth group... but as far as I know, I've still got Thursday free, and then I'll PM everyone! Oh, and Happy Saint Patty's Day! Thanks to October for the sexiest poem I have ever read! Now that's what I call romance! ^_^ Sorry your weekend sucked Apanda, hey, let's have that sleepover during break, yes?! Fun! Alright, I leave now! Ato!

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Saturday, March 15, 2008

   YES!

OMG! HELLS YEAH BABY! I GOTS MY FAV SONG ON HERE! Thanks to October and Amanda for telling me how! YES!

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   BIG POST! MUAHAHA!

Whoa baby! Here I am, flying high from my alone day! Oh, I do so love these days! I went on fanfiction.net and read a couple stories, went to youtube and looked at emo boys kissing boys and emo girls kissing girls, finished and updated my shrine to Gin and Aizen on theO and now, I’m here to give you that big post I promised! YAY! Oh, and just to let you know, never drink orange juice right after brushing your teeth. >_< So I just got really frustrated because I was trying to save a bunch of pictures from my college trip onto my computer, and they saved, but I can’t move them/copy and paste them! How am I supposed to show you guys my trip if I can’t copy and paste! ARGH! So that was annoying. If anyone sorta knows what to do, it would be much appreciated! *bows* Next topic, work! Yup, so my job so doesn’t suit my personality, and a couple people at work have already told me that (they say I should be a receptionist, I’m too bubbly and friendly to be stuck down in the miserable kitchen), but you know what?! It’s money. And I’ll do whatever the fuck I have to to help my parents out. I’m not moving. No way. I don’t care if I have to work every night of every week to keep us afloat, I refuse to let my dad’s laziness and ego to force us out of the house. So there you have it, my attitude on work. *sigh* I like orange juice. *giggles* Well, I told Amanda, the other Amanda, not you Amanda…. Wait, that was confusing. Um, let’s put it this way. I told my friend Amanda Heath (not Amanda pretty eyes nice nose and sweatshirt girl! Ha! Another compliment! *sticks tongue out*) randomly that I was bi. I had decided a little while ago not to tell her, but I don’t know what changed my mind. So I did. She got a little red in the face and had this really confused look for like, 15 seconds, and then she just nodded. And I’m like, ‘Amanda, what do you think?’ And she just starts smiling and says ‘Well, I guess I sorta subconsciously knew, without really knowing, if that makes sense’ and she laughed and continued ‘It’s alright *insert my real name here*, I’m just glad you told me.’ It was real funny though, because she said almost the exact same thing that my other good friend Erin said. That she sorta knew without really knowing… Anyways, so it’s cool that my friends are accepting it, but at the same time, it makes me kinda nervous that they ‘knew’ because I thought I was doing such a good job of hiding it! *bites fingernails* Oh well. Hey Apanda, who should I tell next?! Heh… So this great thing happened at work last night. There’s a Spanish lady named Maria who has been working there for 20 years or so, and she basically knows everything there is to know about this job. She’s constantly telling people what to do, and it gets on everyone else’s nerves, but not mine because she really helps me. I need someone to tell me what to do, because I don’t know anything! And I know that even though it seems like she’s nagging, she’s just trying to make sure everyone does their job right. So she’s cool. But there’ this guy named Anderson that works there as well, and he’s, well, I don’t think he’s all there, in the head, you know? I don’t want to be mean… you know. But anyway, he wasn’t doing something right so Maria tells him so. He gets all pissed and YELLS at her (stupid man, she’s your boss! Never yell at the person who is paying you money!) and calls her a BITCH for always nagging him! OMG! How dumb can you get?! So they launch into this huge fight that the whole kitchen can hear, and everyone was staring, and finally Maria just calms down and says in her heavy Spanish accent ‘You can go home now Anderson’ Everyone had their mouths hanging open and Anderson just gets all blue in the face and walks out the door. Ha! It was amazing! Go Maria! And sorry I’ve been so moody lately, I was really in serious need of my day of sanity. Amanda knows that I usually have Thursday nights to myself, but lately, because of work, I’ve gone a month without my alone day! I need it, and not even because I want to get online, though that’s a big part of it, but because I seriously need a break from people. Not that they get on my nerves and not that I don’t love every one of my friends, but I just can’t handle all the emotion. I don’t know, I’m not explaining it well. I’ll try this. My mom put it about right when she tried to figure out why I need this weekly break. She said ‘You pour all of your emotions into your friends, you care so much for and love each one of them, sometimes you need time to regroup and build your emotional strength back up.’ Yeah, my momma knows me so well! ^_^ I like cream savers too. *crazy grin* Ooo! My most lovely and gorgeous goth, here’s that poem I wrote for you! It really sucks because I started writing it one way, but it was really late at night, and I couldn’t think, so I ended up switching directions. It sucks, but it got my feeling across! Written about you, my sweetest October! Captivating My passion Loves with all Her mighty strength Never half-hearted Overwhelms me My sin Wraps herself Around my heart Spreading her tendrils Corrupts me My fire Lights the night With undying flame Wild and fierce Consumes me My love My passion My sin My fire You captivate me Wow. That’s really bad. I can do better. Give me some time, and I’ll blow you away! *sigh* Anyway, I was listening to my iPod and I have about 150 oldies songs (yup, cuz I like it!) and one of the songs just made me smile, so I’ll share! Bus Stop By: The Hollies Bus stop, wet day, she's there, I say Please share my umbrella Bus stop, bus goes, she stays, love grows Under my umbrella All that summer we enjoyed it Wind and rain and shine That umbrella, we employed it By August, she was mine Every morning I would see her waiting at the stop Sometimes she'd shopped and she would show me what she bought Other people stared as if we were both quite insane Someday my name and hers are going to be the same That's the way the whole thing started Silly but it's true Thinkin' of a sweet romance Beginning in a queue Came the sun the ice was melting No more sheltering now Nice to think that that umbrella Led me to a vow Every morning I would see her waiting at the stop Sometimes she'd shopped and she would show me what she bought Other people stared as if we were both quite insane Someday my name and hers are going to be the same Bus stop, wet day, she's there, I say Please share my umbrella Bus stop, bus goes, she stays, love grows Under my umbrella All that summer we enjoyed it Wind and rain and shine That umbrella, we employed it By August, she was mine So cute! I really like the oldies, almost as much as I love opera! (yeah, so you think I’m crazy do ya?! o.O ohyeah?! Well! I am. Ha!) But screamo is in my blood! *gets crazed evil look on face* Muahahahaha! Which reminds me. How exactly do you get music on these sites anyway? I know the thingy says ‘midi url’ but I don’t know what that is or how to get it. Cuz I love this one song from my favorite band, and the lyrics are good, but they sound so much better with the music. Like, you just can’t separate them, it ruins the effect. So yeah, if anyone would be so kind as to explain to my poor computer retarded mind, that would be fantastic! Thanks! Oh, poor Britty is lonely. I commented that she could PM me if she wants, but I guess she wasn’t on anymore. I hope she feels better! Ha! I just corrupted little miss cutely innocent Apanda! Told her to go on youtube and watch emo girls kissing. Hehe! Enjoy my panda! ^_^ Um, wow, I’ve written a lot. I guess I must leave for now, I’ve got some *cough* a lot *cough* of PMing to do, so I leave you! Kisses all around! With lots towards October! *grins* Ato!

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Friday, March 14, 2008

   Tomorrow!!!!

*sigh* Yup, more work today, I have no time to PM anyone... *shakes fist* BUT! Tomorrow my momma promised to leave the whole day and I'll be on baby! I'll give you nice big post and lots oh PMs! Yay! Um, lyrics! Then I'm gone, alas. Surrender by: Joy Williams There are places in my heart and corners of my mind That I’ve hidden from Your light Like buried treasure deep inside of me I don’t want You to see, I keep it to myself But You give Your love to me You open up Your heart unselfishly Oh, in Your embrace now I can say, I surrender CHORUS Everything I held so precious Everything I kept away I give it up, give it up All for You, I give it all for You Everything I held as treasure I give it all for You, I give it all for You In Your light, I feel a new power coming over me Calling me to Your surrender; I gotta find the answer What is this Your love has opened up inside? Suddenly I cannot hide You give Your love to me You open up Your heart unselfishly Oh, in Your embrace now I can say, I surrender CHORUS ‘Cause Your love is everything to me And in Your light I finally see Oh, I can’t hold it back Everything I’ve hidden deep inside Now I surrender Surrender, I surrender I give it all to You You give Your love to me You open up Your heart unselfishly How can I not do the same for You? I surrender Oh, and I did finish that poem for you October, I'll post that too... ^_^ Kisses!

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Thursday, March 13, 2008

   Work

Okay darlings, once again, I apologize, I really want to give you a decent post, but I have to go to work, so I only have ten mintues on the computer. I'm going to work tomorrow too, and I won't be on long AGAIN. *sigh* It's really frustrating me, because I miss you all bunches. But I am negotiating with my mom to have her leave the house on Saturday so I can have some alone time. If it works out, I'll give you all a nice big post for the weekend! ^_^ Damn, off I go, I love you all! Thanks for your patience! I give you lyrics though: Just One of Dem Days by: Monica It's just one of them days, when I wanna be all alone It's just one of them days, when I gotta be all alone 1: it's just one of them days, don't take it personal I just wanna be all alone, when you think I treat you wrong I wanna take some time out to think things through, I know it always feels like im doing ya wrong, but I'm so in love with you, so understand that im only in love your the only one i need, So have no thought that I want to leave and baby trust me please Just one of them days, that a girl goes through When I'm angry inside, dont wanna take it out on you, just one of dem days, dont take it personal I just wanna be all alone, when you think i treat you wrong Baby baby baby baby, don't take it personal I sit and I think about every thing we do Hey now, I really want to be with you the whole way through And I find myself in misery and that ain't cool As I swing back from mood to mood it's not because of you But the way you make me feel inside keeps me confused I never want you to be insecure, so won't you understand that I'm only in love, your the only one I need I'll be there for you when you need me boy, so baby don't you leave Don't take it personal Baby baby baby baby, don't take it personal Don't take it personal, yeah , don't take it personal Don't take it personal baby personal baby, personal babyPersonal baby, personal baby, personal baby

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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

   Phew!

I'm just happy right now. I'm sorry, I can't be on long. I'm just celebrating that October is safe! And I'm sorry Amanda is having a hard day. She should stay on myO though! Cuz I miss her! And I hope Britty likes her new school! And I know I posted this before, but October didn't see it, so I'm posing it again, this is a poem I found for you. October That October breeze that breezes through my head The orange, red, brownish that makes autumn seem undead The leaves that change from quarter to quarter The leaf shower that pours like rain that forms into water That fall feeling that seems so unreal so unusual The smell of happiness has been feared Year by Year seasons leave and go But nothing will be better than October's pose. I must leave! I love you all!

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Tuesday, March 11, 2008

   Life

My dearies! Yeah, so I love Tony and all, but it’s really frickin’ annoying that he never stops talking to me in the library even when I have things to get done. He makes it next to impossible to post/PM anyone and it’s really, really getting on my nerves. Scratch that. It’s pissing me off. Lords! It’s bad enough that I have a grand total of 40 minutes to truly be myself on this site, but with Tony here, it gets knocked down to like, 10! I’m so sick of it! Telling him to shut up doesn’t even work! I tried! So many times! It’s like he’s the energizer bunny with a voice box! Makes me want to punch him! *mutters while slamming fist into palm* Sorry, I had to get that out. Hm. So on the Otaku, how do I delete a world? Cuz I made one, but then I changed my mind about it and I can’t figure out how to delete it. Stupid thing. Awww, you guys are so cute! No, it’s only one song written by Alanis Morisette and the “…” was in there to represent a moment of silence in the music. Ha, oops, I probably should have explained that. Sorry, it’s just so had to concentrate with TONY squawking in my ear! Well, the weekend sucked, but I’m over it. Even though I’m still not in a good mood, and least I’m trying. One good thing happened though. I’ll probably tell you about it tomorrow. Work sucks. I hate it and I haven’t even started yet. Heh. But hey, they paid me money already! So that’s pretty sweet. Um, so I figured out why my life sucks right now. Because it’s not my life. I went through this same thing in 7th grade and that’s when I got all suicidal. Nothing has changed since then, I’ve survived by sucking it up and knowing that freedom is coming soon, but now it’s not. At least not with the college I’m going to. I’m not second guessing my decision, I love Bob Jones University, but it really is like moving out of oppression under my parents and into oppression from other, less-known adults. Mom always said I was born with wings, I’ve always said I was born with a chain around my neck. Well, it’s starting to choke me again. And as you already know, my dad’s an ass, and I don’t care what he thinks anymore. He’s lost all my respect. But my mom is slowing breaking my heart. She’s so set on me finding a husband in college and having babies so she can be a grandma and it just kills me to think that I’ll be crushing her. I don’t really want children momma. I don’t really want a husband momma. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you momma. I love her too much to tell her the truth. I’ll never tell her. I’ll die alone and she’ll die without ever having grandchildren to cherish and spoil. We’ll both die brokenhearted. Damnit, now I’m crying. What’s wrong with me?! I’m so weak now. What happened to my dependable strength?! Oh yeah, it rotted away once I decided to be honest with myself. Well, the world can just fuck itself.

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Monday, March 10, 2008

   Alanis

"All I Really Want" Do I stress you out My sweater is on backwards and inside out And you say how appropriate I don't want to dissect everything today I don't mean to pick you apart you see But I can't help it There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off Slap me with a splintered ruler And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already If only I could hunt the hunter And all I really want is some patience A way to calm the angry voice And all I really want is deliverance Do I wear you out You must wonder why I'm relentless and all strung out I'm consumed by the chill of solitary I'm like Estella I like to reel it in and then spit it out I'm frustrated by your apathy And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land If only I could meet the Maker And I am fascinated by the spiritual man I am humbled by his humble nature What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate Someone else to catch this drift And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred Why are you so petrified of silence Here can you handle this? … Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines Or when you think you're gonna die Or did you long for the next distraction And all I need now is intellectual intercourse A soul to dig the hole much deeper And I have no concept of time other than it is flying If only I could kill the killer All I really want is some peace man a place to find a common ground And all I really want is a wavelength All I really want is some comfort A way to get my hands untied And all I really want is some justice... Yeah, so I have nothing really to say except thanks to Amanda and Britty for caring. So I’ve got work today, and I won’t be on. Sorry. Um, I go now. Loves ya.

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