Tuesday, December 18, 2007

   My Decision

OOOOOOOOO! It just feels so good to be this honest! I'm so going to use this site to just spill my heart out all the time! Me so happy! Okay, so this morning, I made a decision. I am not full of my self, or narcissitic, because it was a difficult decision to make, and it took a long time to get to this point. Here it is: I like my body. Yeah, that's right, I've finally come to a point in my life when I can just accept my flaws and love them. That makes me happy. I've never looked at myself as pretty, or sexy, or skinny, or even relatively goodlooking, but now, I will say with confidence that I am content with my body. I like my eyes, and my big boobs, and my small ears, hands, and feet. I like my hair, even though it is dyed, and I like my calves and ankles. I like my ass too, though there's not much of it. I like my lips, that the bottom lip is a little bigger than the upper one, and that I still have a little bit of baby fat left in my face. I like my eyebrows too. I like that I have an impossibly tiny waist, even if I can't show it off because my hips are too big. Which brings me to the fact that I like my hips, especially that way that they stick out nicely when I don't have clothes on. I like that my back curves so much too. As for the negatives, I chose to like them too. I like my strong thighs, even if I have a lot of trouble finding jeans to fit them. I like them beacuse they remind my that I am strong, and it will take a lot to bring me down. I like the little bit of fat I have under my belly button, quite frankly, that's how women are supposed to look. And the stretch marks. I know that most of you will think that there is nothing positive that I could possibly find in stretch marks. Think again! I like my stretch marks becausse they remind me that I am a woman. And I grew up fast. And there is nothing wrong with that. Damn right! Yeah I apologize, I know I was ranting, but that was more for my benefit than yours, sorry. Thanks for enduring, I love you all bunches!

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Monday, December 17, 2007

   History

So I had attempted to put this information in the 'Achievements' section of my profile, but apparently, it was way too long to fit. Fine, I'll just put it here! I was a model child when I was in elementary school. I never even dreamed of disobeying my parents, and all my closest friends were the same. I recieved the President's Award for straight As all through elementary school. I became a Christian when I was nine years old, before either of my parents did.Then Junior High came around. Being introduced to a whole new group of people, with a completely different outlook on life, I fell apart. I was an instant emo after the first week of school, as sad as that sounds. I basically said, "Screw God", and my life went downhill from there. I attempted to kill myself twice, though they were rather halfhearted attempts; I could have succeded if I had really wanted to. After a particularly extreme bout of depression, I locked myself in my home office for two weeks straight and researched on the internet everything that could possibly scientificaly prove that there was no God. When I finally emerged, I had decided that evolution was a giant load of shit, and there was no other explaination for man's existance but that God created us. Thus I renewed my faith in a God who knew me better than anyone else in the world, and life was looking up. Then of course, me being retarded and all, I decided to go screw it up again. I became addicted to erotic literature, and even more recently, I have realized that I'm a bisexual. I retain my faith in God, but He is disgusted with me. But everyone has their sins, though that's no excuse, and unfortunately, I just can't seem to give mine up. So there you have it. My biggest acomplishment: I'm a hypocrite.

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Thursday, December 13, 2007

   Epiffany

Well, I have updated my other site, so I suppose it is fitting to write in this one as well. I had a great day, because I'm all alone! Happiness! Thursday, no one is at home except for me, so I've been fiddling around on this computer all day. Today was also a day of self-discovery. I've always been confused about myself, I have a very complicated personality you know, but every once in a while I'll have an epiffany. So here is my most recent: A question I've asked myself for a long time is 'Why do I have so many shy and submissive friends, when I would prefer to be submissive?' This, sorry, does kind of refer to my sexual prefernces, but I don't mean to be inappropriate. Well, sort of. I've always had a darker side to me, a side that enjoys recieving pain, and loves the thought of being dominated. But in friendships, I usually seek out quiet and shy people, and I tend to dominate conversations (not selfishly) and influence friends to do what is right. So because I'm naturally a dominant person, why wouldn't I be dominant when it comes to sex? Well, stupid me didn't figure that easy answer out until today. It's the loss of control. Losing control is stressful and frightening; it gets my adrenaline pumping, and suddenly, I'm aroused. This is why for the longest time, I assumed I was strait, despite the fact that I always looked at girls. Men tend to dominate more, so I am more aroused be them. As of now, I know that I definitely like women too, but there just aren't as many dominating women out there. So there you have it. I warned you, I'm an extremely honest person. *smiles*

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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

   EEK!

Someone! Help! How do I put in an awesome background? Everytime I try, it just sucks. Anyone out there good with computers?

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Monday, December 10, 2007

   Hey

So it begins! I now have two sites up and running! Hurray! I won't be posting often on this site however, because my other site is more important to me, sorry. However, I will be using this site to communicate! Justine, Amanda, aren't you proud of me?

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