Friday, October 17, 2008

.

Hola. Um, yeah, you were right my gorgeous goth girl, I did have a super short break last time, that's why I only posted lyrics. Justine, maybe someday I'll get a deviantart, but it's blocked on my work's comp, so I can't even see your site. *sobs* But you spoke!!!! I miss you and want to see you soon too!!!! We shall. *nods* Apanda, did you not comment last time just cuz it was lyrics, or because of something else? Should I be worried about you, or are you fine? Good News: I got my Driver's License. In fact, I drove myself to work today. Homecoming was alright, dancing with Tony was funny, and Michael was hilarious, and Gloria rocked. I have narrowed down my college search considerably; now I'm looking into 13 colleges instead of 110. I found a soap opera with two gay teenagers, and it's super hot, despite the retarded soap opera drama. Look up 'Luke and Noah" on youtube and check out their first kiss. *shit-eating grin* Bad News: Before and after Homecoming was hell, and I'm still dealing with the reprecussions of it. Mom is on super freak-out-must-control-every-aspect-of-my-daughter's-life mode. *rolls eyes* I think I have to accept the fact that she will not forgive me for moving out for a long time, let alone choosing a non-Christian college. I don't even want to think about how she'll react to that. Mom is reading my emails again. I need to see Apanda and Justine. I need to. I can't possibly wait any longer. I will die. Okay, that's all the updates I guess. My beautiful October, I'll be praying for Patrick, I hope he is okay, and I'd be worrying too if I were you, so I totally get it. I'm sure he's fine tho. At least, I pray so. I have to go now, break is over. I love you all more than you can possibly know. Ato my pretties.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

.

Ready to Fall By: Rise Against Hold on slow down again from the top now and tell me everything I know I've been gone for what seems like forever But I'm here now waiting To convince you that I'm not a ghost or a stranger But closer than you think She said, "just go on to what you Pretend is your life but Please don't die on me" Wings won't take me Heights don't phase me So take a step But don't look down Take a step Now I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall I think I'm at the edge now but I could be wrong I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall Perpetual motion the image won't focus A blur is all that's seen But here in this moment like the eye of the storm It all came clear to me I found a shoulder to lean on An infallible reason to live all by itself I took one last look from the heights that I once loved And then I ran like hell Wings won't take me Heights don't phase me So take a step But don't look down Take a step Now I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall I think I'm at the edge now but I could be wrong I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall I count the times that I've been sorry I know, I know Now my compassion slowly drowns I know, I know If there's a time these walls could guard you I know, I know Then let that time be right now Now I'm standing on the rooftop Now I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall I think I'm at the edge now but I could be wrong I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall Now I'm standing on the rooftop (ready to fall) Now I'm standing on the rooftop (ready to fall) Now I'm standing on the rooftop (ready to fall) Now I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall

Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, October 13, 2008

.

I actually had a lot to say today, but my break is super short, so I can't unload my shit on you guys yet. So, Uh, here's a song for Justine. Hold On By: Good Charlotte This world, this world is cold But you don't, you don't have to go You're feeling sad you're feeling lonely And no one seems to care You're mother's gone and your father hits you This pain you cannot bare But we all bleed the same way as you do We all have the same things to go thru Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know Your days you say they're way too long And your nights you can't sleep at all (hold on) And you're not sure what you're looking for But you dont want to no more And you're not sure what you're waiting for but you dont want to no more But we all bleed the same way as you do And we all have the same things to go through Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know Don't stop looking you're one step closer Don't stop searching its not over...hold on What are you looking for? What are you waiting for? Do you know what youre doing to me? Go ahead...what are you waiting for? Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know Don't stop looking you're one step closer Don't stop searching its not over... Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know...hold on I love you all. Ato my pretties.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

O_O

She spoke!!! Justine spoke!!!! *dies* *comes back* YESH! Apanda, you didn't say you missed me... *bursts into tears* I knew you didn't love me!!! *points finger* ... ^_^ Sorry, I guess I'm just hyper over Justine acutally speaking. XD Homecoming is ... coming. Heh. I'm going to the DMV tomorrow, PRAY FOR ME. I'm so nervous. My mom says that if I fail the test, then she won't get me a state ID, and I won't get to go to Homecoming. What parent punishes her kid for trying and failing?!?! *rips stuff to pieces* I mean, I've got a fucking dress, and I'm Gloria's "date", and if I don't go, she won't either, so my mom will be punishing Gloria too, and that's not fair at all. *folds arms* Mrs. Bitchiness. Whatev. I'm gonna try, and that's all I can do, ne? Lyrics!!! This song has nothing to do with anything going on in my life right now ( or does it...? O_o), but I keep listening to it, cuz it's a beautiful song. *nods* Blinded By: Third Eye Blind Just an old friend coming over now to visit you and That's what I've become I let myself in though I know I'm not supposed to but I never know when I'm done And I see you fogging up the mirror Vapor round your body glistens in the shower And I want to stay right here and go down on you for an hour Or stay, and let the day just fade away In wild dedication, take the moment of hope And let it run, and never look back at all the damage we have done now To each other Cause when I see you, it's like I'm starring down the sun And I'm blinded There's nothing left to do Still I see you I never believed that things they happen for a reason and They never go as planned I wanted to thank you for a vision that was lost that you returned but You're passed do you understand Now her appetite is blown, little else is known Except she a little angry, grabs a towel and looks away And heat fades with the day And I fall down on what to say, Oh something clean let me be clever Hey oh well whatever But that's not what I mean When where we've been has left us burned Still I won't turn now from a fight you know I'll never win So when I see you, you know all the things I've done Well I'm blinded Like I'm staring down the sun When I see you It's like I'm staring down the sun Time passes and it tells us what we're left with We become the things we do Me I'm a fool, spent from defiance, yeah you got me but I didn't give up on you Icarus is not a tee shirt or a swan song, no He is born again and it's not easy being me But I can't promise I will mend or bend When you believe that we are fixed now from our birth And I've just fallen back to earth Still you know I'll try again Cause I believe that we are lucky We are golden we're stolen manners In the days when we were one [Chorus] So when I see you, despite all that we've become I'm still blinded But I'm still staring down the sun When I see you I'm blinded Uh, I gotta go look up colleges now, I love you all bunches and oodles!!!! :D Ato my pretties, till Monday. Unless my mom goes on another vacation. Then Thursday. ATO!

Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, October 6, 2008

.

I miss Apanda. I miss Justine.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, October 4, 2008

License...?

I guess I'm getting more comfortable with driving now, and that's a good thing. When is Vampire Knight coming out again?!?!?! Gah! It's October! They should have a new episode already!!!!! *shakes fist* It's been nice without my mom here. My dad and I had a fire in our backyard last night. We sat outside together for like four hours. It was really nice. We talked about college plans, and he fully supports my Harper idea, and he told me stories about when he was young and crazy. He still wants me to go to a Christian college after Harper, but we'll see. Maybe by then I will have worn him down. I think I seriously want to be an art teacher. I mean, like really. *giggles* I'm actually starting to get super excited about it. Lyrics! Marvelous Things By: Eisley I awoke the dawn Saw horses growing out the lawn Ah ah ..... I glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings Oh what marvelous things Ah ah.... Dark night...hold tight, and sleep tight My baby Morning light...shall burst bright And keep us here safely I followed a rabbit Through rows of mermaid entwined Shrubbery Ah ah.... Oh what marvelous things but, they are, they are, they are Giving me the creeps Dark night...hold tight, and sleep tight My baby Morning light...shall burst bright And keep us here safely Oh...lying in the sun Everday feeling all of the magic in life You might find the wonder..... Dark night...hold tight, and sleep tight My baby Morning light...shall burst bright And keep us here safely Morning light...shall burst bright And keep us here safely Ah ah..... Just a weird little fun song for you!!! ^_^ Well, sorry, my break is really short today and I gotta go and comment you peeps. I love you all, ato my pretties!! ^_^

Comments (0) | Permalink

Friday, October 3, 2008

My Wings Are Back...

Wow, it's like this huge weight is off my shoulders... I know that some of you don't believe in God, and you know I won't push my religion on you, but I've gotta says this, k? I've been putting off praying lately, because I knew I'd have to talk to God about my desire to move out, and I thought he'd tell me not to. So I've just sorta avoided thinking about God lately, and for me, that's bad news. So finally last night I gave in, because I just couldn't concentrate on anything, and I took out my prayer journal and prayed. I told God about why I want to move out and asked him if it was alright. I expected him to say, "Honor your father and mother," which would translate to 'no'. But instead I got this overwhelming feeling of peace and rightness. So I asked Him, "What should I do about Mom?" and I opened my Bible and the verse that my eyes first landed on was "Trust the Lord your God with all your heart, with all you soul, and with all your mind." Of course God. How could I be so stupid? So blind? I am weary oh God, I and weary oh God, and worn out. Surely I am too stupid to be a man. I have not the understanding of a man. How much easier would this whole ordeal have been if I just prayed to God in the beginning? I could have trusted that he would get me through this, that my desires to leave weren't sinful. I could have trusted God to work in my mom's heart instead of just worrying how she would react when I finally brought it up. Now I feel like I'm flying again. I walked over to Gloria's yesterday, and we talked for a good four hours. I told her how I haven't been a very good friend to her because I keep dumping all my problems on her, but I haven't asked her once how she was doing lately, or if she needed to talk. We hugged and talked about everything we were feeling, and everything we were dealing with. And now I just feel whole and strong again. She's my person. The one person I can lean on totally, but hold up at the same time. And now, now I can focus on you, Apanda, and you Britty, and you Justine, and you October. Now I can start being a good friend to you again. Why didn't I just talk to God from the beginning?! Help Me Out God By: Superchick Help me out God I need a little something Turn the brights on I can't see where we're going Cause I don't know when things'll work out just fine Or if this road we're on leads us up Or is leading me on down to my wishing well Where I might drown Oh I might drown Cause I can't swim without you God Help me out God I need a little something Hold my hand So I know that I'm not falling Down or spinning around Or am I really just fine Is this the vertigo I feel Just simply fear or maybe real It's a long way down And I might fall and I might fall Cause I can't stand without you God Help me out God I need a little something Just enough so I don't lose hope Before morning comes Cause in the sun things'll work out just fine But this night's been extra long I fear I won't make it to the dawn Cause the night is dark And I might doubt and I might doubt Cause I can't hope without you God Just enough for today get me Through til tomorrow Ato my pretties, please don't take offense to this post if you don't believe in God. Just know that I do, and it's just a part of who I am. I love you all so much, I hope you understand.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

And So, Life Becomes Enjoyable

Mom just left. I is free!!!! Till Sunday at least. Suzie, my Savoir and mom's friend found a homecoming dress for me at the Sparrow's Nest (thrift store). $15. *nods* It makes me feel beautiful. Just a little black, strapless thing with a belt that ties into a bow in the back. Fit's me like it was made for me. Now all I have to worry about is the acne on my back (EWWW! *Vomits*). Damn. Oh well. At least now that I have a dress, I'm more determined to work hard at driving. Mom says we're going next Wednesday to the DMV. Pray that I don't fail the test... *chews nails* NOOOO!!!! Acen is during Prom?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!? AAAAARGHHHH!!!! Damn. Well, I've got the Prom dress, so I'm going to Prom. Damn it all. Why is Miss Apanda grounded from everything? What did lil 'ol miss Apanda do? Britty! I'm sorry your shout out was shorter than everyone else's!!!! *bursts into tears* I was just looking at the clock and noticing that I was already five mintues late to get back to work and I couldn't think of anything!!! I'm sorry!!!! *sobs* Well, here, I'll make up for it. I read you post today, seems like things sorta suck for you right now. I can't believe that Ashley girl! What a jerkface! I woulda punched her out for sure for being such a bitch to you! *cracks knuckles* And that Casey kid, I woulda poured orange juice on his pants for pushing a chair out in front of you. Jackass. Here, have sticky pants the rest of the day. And Nate, poor Nate. I wonder what's been eating him lately. I'm sorry that he keeps hurting your feelings. I'm proud of you that you didn't cut yourself, even if you wanted to. Keep being strong Britty, you can do it. You can make it. Here's a song for you: Real By: Superchick I am what I am I’m super fortified hundred proof girl with a band And I’m a velveteen rabbit made of steel with a plan I’m not your seventeen girl but its not worth a can Of worms, I’m not your beauty queen I’m not the girl in glamour magazine I’m not running for miss popularity Cause I won’t be what I can’t be CHORUS: But I want to be real I want to find out who I am And I will find my way to heal And I will find my voice my stand I am who I am I am woman hear me roar and I am salt, I am sand A million starfish stranded, landed, I’ll throw back what I can I’ll save the planet, change the world, I’ll make a one girl stand I’ve got better things to do than be shown off I won’t be the doll you lock up in a box Don’t expect me to be anything I’m not Cause I won’t be what I can’t be CHORUS Approval is your sword Popularity your crown But I’m not one of your subjects, you can’t bring me down You say I lose your approval if I’m not cool like you Well, here’s a newsflash for you - I’ve got nothing to lose Your laughter is hallow because I don’t care You look down on me, but I’m not there I’ve got nothing to prove and nothing to lose Nothing to prove and nothing to lose CHORUS And if I never find a place that I can call my own I will have tried I will’ve been free I’ll be alive as long as I’m still trying to be me As long as I’m still trying to be me Hum... that's it for today I guess, maybe I'll post later tonight, but I've got a shitload of chores to do before Dad gets home. OH! What do you think of this for my new email address: mikomitsuneni...and then numbers and the address thingy. You like? Means Hope Always. Tell me whatcha think. I love you all my pretties, be happy! I command it!!! ^_^

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Rambling...

Hmmm. I've got some time today. But nothing to really say. Damn. My boss is fantastic. He's trying so hard to come up with ways I can add more hours so I can get benefits. He really wants to help because he knows I want to move out soon. He's so awesome. It's really great to have your friend's dad as a boss. *thumbs up* Hey! My mom is gone from tomorrow till Sunday. *does happy dance* If you have any free time Apanda, Justine, call me, and we can hang out! ^_^ YESH!!! I just wanted to comment that Michelle does sorta look like Kouya, so that's a frickin' sweet cosplay. When is Acen this year? I might be able to go... *looks hopeful* Lyrics? Telescope Eyes By: Eisley Oh... you humor me today, Calling me out to play, With your telescope eyes, metal teeth, I can't be seen with you, you see. Please don't make me cry, Please don't make me cry, I'm just like you, I know you know, I'm just like you, so leave me alone. I wonder, why can’t you see? You’re just not near enough like me, With your telescope eyes, metal teeth, I can’t be seen with you. Please don't make me cry, Please don't make me cry, I'm just like you, I know you know, I'm just like you, so leave me alone. (Guitar Bridge) Please don't make me cry, Please don't make me cry, I'm just like you, I know you know, I'm just like you, so leave me alone. Please don't make me cry, Please don't make me cry, I'm just like you, I know you know, I'm just like you, so leave me alone. Oh, you humor me today... This is the song I have playing on my site that my October liked so much. ^_^ I actually looked up the meaning. It's about this boy named Matthew who always got made fun of because he was gay, and eventually he killed himself. In college I'm gonna join a gay club and a Baptist club. Just to shake things up a bit. It will be interesting to see how both sides react. *nods* *then giggles* There I go again, always causing awkward silences... ^_^ Mom and I went shopping for Homecoming dresses today. We didn't find anything, except for a Prom dress. So I'm set for prom, but not Homecoming. Damn. I like the Prom dress though. It's a forest green and super modest. Doesn't show any back or cleavage. But it still looks good. It's a little big though, in the waist, cuz I've got a tiny waist and huge hips, so it's always hard to find stuff that fits. So I either have to get fat by Prom, or get it tailored, which is a pain. But hey, it was a $20 dress. Go thrift stores baby... You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize what an awful friend I am. I'm so self-centered, you know? Like Gloria always listens when I have a problem, but I'm always 'busy' when she needs me. Why am I like that? I don't want to be. I don't mean to be. I usually don't even realize that I'm doing it. But whatev. I'll just have to work on that. There's a reason my Loveless name is Thoughtless. Apanda Apanda Apanda Apanda.... I want to be a good friend to you. I try, you know. but you have to tell me when I'm being stupid. I'm pretty thickheaded sometimes. When I move out, I want to walk you home from school at least once a week. K? Then we could always be caught up, and we wouldn't have to miss each other as much. I love you bunches and oodles. JUSITNE!!! You spoke!!! Two posts ago anyway... Do you have any idea how much I miss you??!!? Huh?! HUH!!!?!! I have no idea what is going on in your life, if you're happy or sad or busy or anything! I don't like it. Hmph. I'll try and call you to see if you're busy this week. I love you more than Tony loves breaking out into song at random and sometimes awkward moments. Britty dear, you rock my socks. My fundie status is... camando!!! ^_^ Ocotber love, I hope you feel better soon, fights are always hard. I'm glad Patrick is treating you well. Think of me when it rains, love. I miss you more than you know. I love you forever. Okay! That's all I have time for today my pretties!!! Long post, ne? I love all, I'll be back... hmmm.... Wednesday maybe. *nods* Ato!!

Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, September 29, 2008

Thus Far...

Well, let's see. Mom won't let me go to Homecoming unless I get my Driver's license. Which means I have about a week to practice. I have no dress for Homecoming anyway. I'm prety sure I'll be moving in with Amanda Heath when I turn 18. She seems excited. I talked to my boss, and he's going to try and help me figure out a way I can get benefits at work, so I can get insurance. My boss rocks. I'll go to Harper next year for free. After that, I'll probably transfer to an Illinois University. I'll minor in Japanese. The major is still questionable. I might try and be an art teacher. Because those who can't do, teach. That's my plan thus far. *nods* I'm glad you all liked my pics. Now Britty and my beautiful October know what I look like. ^_^ Someday I'll post better pics. I'm sorry this post is brief, but my break is over. I don't know when I'll be on next, sorry! I love you all more than you know! Thank you for being my support through this time! *kisses all around* Ato my pretties.

Comments (0) | Permalink