Friday, September 5, 2008

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Hm. Got nothing to really say, once again I'm just waiting waiting waiting for my life to start.. or end. Whichever happens first. But I'd rather it start. *nods* I might just do a full-time Harper thing when I move out, because if I go full-time then I get a full ride cuz of my sweetass ACT score, but it doesn't count if I'm part-time. So... yeah, free college is what I needs. >_> So I'm just itching to write now, but I can't cuz Mom's got all my journals under surveilence. It's driving me insane. But I've got this book all planned out in my head. A lesbian and gay love novel. O_o There aren't enough damnit, so I'll write one myself. It's all in my head though, and it aint some happily ever after mushy retarded unrealist piece of shit either. It's gonna be a tradegy. It's all set in the 1920-1930's when you know, things were WAY harder for gays than they are today. Yeah, I'm not giving any more away, but when I write it, do you promise to buy it? Cuz I could use the funds... Hehe ^_^ So I have to go cuz work is over and I'm banished back to my prison. I'm working tomorrow, but I doubt I'll get a break, Saturdays are hell. So I don't think I'll be back till Monday. I love you all and I'm crazy with how much I miss EVERYONE. Pray for me. Please?

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Saturday, August 30, 2008

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Blah. Can't talk, breaks over. I loves ya.

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Friday, August 29, 2008

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Sorry, I can't really say anything today, work has been a bitch and I have no time. Congrats to my beautiful October for getting a job. Apanda and Justine, what days of the week are usually best for you to hang out? Britty, thanks for all your support and encouragement, sorry I haven't PMed you back yet, I will ASAP. I love you all, I don't know when I'll be on next. Ato.

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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Cuz I've Got Some "Time"

I guess I kinda got sick of the normal update, because quite frankly, I'm just trudging through every day here. They're all the same. Only good news is that Mom says I only have to finish 50 math lessons and all of my US Government curriculum in order to graduate, and that's like three and a half months of work, so, I might actually get a high school diploma instead of a GED. Really bad news is that I can't move out till after Christmas, because otherwise I won't get to see all my family, and I'm not cool with that. So, I must wait longer. Damn it all. Okay, so today I wanted to show you three unusual songs that have made a huge difference in my life just far. Here you go: High School By: Superchick CHORUS: Cuz, high school (high school) Could be (Could be) A mini me of the rest of society There's always () A prom queen (prom queen) There'll always be, always be seroritys Sadly (Sadly) Some will be (some will be) Eternally keeping score of popularity And just 'cause (just 'cause ) They all do (They all do) Doesn't mean we have to act like we're in high school High school is like a big competition Beauty contests, prom court is the mission There can only be one queen, one king Everyone voting, everyone competing But these are the rule, the way of high school If someone puts you down That's so high school Someone talks behind your back That's so high school and when you you have to get them back That's also high school I KNOW I'LL BE GRADUATING EARLY... CHORUS High school is like the state of the nation Some people never change after graduation Believing any light you shine makes their's lesser They have to prove to everyone that their's is better These are the rules, the ways of high school If someone puts you down That's so high school Believing they're too cool for you That's so high school and you believe it too That's also high school I KNOW I'LL BE GRADUATING EARLY... CHORUS Doesn't mean we have to act like we're in high school Doesn't mean we have to act like we're in high school We've all got bad yearbook photos Which we've forgot to let go And just like acne our insecurity Should be something we left with the JV So here's to letting go of yearbook photos Things we kept that hold us down so That was yesterday, there's always tomorrow We are tomorrow, we are tomorrow I KNOW I'LL BE GRADUATING EARLY... CHORUS: cuz high school (high school) Could be (Could be) A mini me of the rest of society There's always (always) A prom queen (prom queen) There'll always be, always be celebrities Sadly (Sadly) Some will be (Some will be) Eternally keeping score of popularity And just 'cause (just 'cause ) They all do (They all do) Doesn't mean we have to act like we're in high school This song changed my life because of the line "I know I'll be graduating early". Because it convinced me to do so... ^_^ College Kids By: Relient K someone please save us, us college kids! what my parents told me is what i did they said go to school and be a college kid but in the end i question why i did i'm poor, i'm starving, i'm flat broke, i've got no cash to spend sell all my books for front row tickets to dave matthews band my girlfriend's at another school, i know this year will test her i called, found out she had three other boyfriends last semester and that's why i say oh no! not for me, not for me call it torture, call it university no! arts and crafts is all i need i'll take calligraphy and then i'll make a fake degree 80 grand later i found out that all that i had learned is that you should show up to take your finals and your midterms the party scene is kinda mean, i think it's sick and twisted the navy showed up at my dorm and claimed that i enlisted and that's why i say oh no! not for me, not for me call it torture, call it university no! arts and crafts is all i need i'll take calligraphy and then i'll make a fake degree don't get excited. she'll say "no" without a doubt you see and i've decided college girls just won't go out with me they make me nervous and they always catch me off my guard like cell phone services i drop out cause college is too hard it's time to call my father cause it's his alma mater good grades aren't what they seem i think he knows the dean it's time to call my father cause it's his alma mater he says he's proud of me but college always was his dream and i would always say it's not for me oh no! not for me, not for me call it torture, call it university no! arts and crafts is all i need i'll take calligraphy and then i'll make a fake degree someone please save us, us college kids! what my parents told me is what i did they said go to school and be a college kid but in the end i question why i did do what will make you happy do what you feel is right only but one thing matters learn how to live your life [in background:] (phi, beta, delta, cappa someone please save us, us college kids! what my parents told me is what i did they said go to school and be a college kid but in the end i question why i did) do what will make God happy do what you feel is right only but one thing matters learn how to live your life This entire song taught me that I need to stop doing what those around me think is best for me, and start doing what is true to myself. Young and the Hopeless By: Good Charlotte Hard days made me, hard nights shaped me I don't know they somehow saved me And I know I'm making something out of this life they called nothing I take what I want Take what I need They say it's wrong but it's right for me I won't look down Won't say I'm sorry I KNOW THAT ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME And if I make it through today will tomorrow be the same Am I just running in place? and if I stumble and I fall Should I get up and carry on or will it all just be the same 'Cause, I'm young and hopeless I'm lost and I know this I'm going nowhere fast that's what they say I'm troublesome, I've fallen I'm angry at my father It's me against this world and I don't care, I don't care Benji: And no one in this industry Understands the life I lead When I sing about my past It's not a gimmick, not an act These critics and these trust fund kids Try to tell me what punk is But when I see them on the streets, they got nothing to say.... And if I make it through today will tomorrow be the same Am I just running in place? If I stumble and I fall Should I get up and carry on or will it all just be the same 'Cause, I'm young and hopeless I'm lost and I know this I'm going nowhere fast that's what they say I'm troublesome, I've fallen I'm angry at my father It's me against this world and I don't care, I don't care I don't care, now I don't care I'm young and hopeless I'm lost and I know this I'm going nowhere fast that's what they say That I'm troublesome, I've fallen I'm angry at my father It's me against this world and I don't care, I don't care I don't care I don't care And this song changed my life because of that one line: I know that only God can jugde me. So true. I need to stop worrying about what other people think of me. *nods* Well, that's all for today, I'm late getting back to work. Love you all. I might get back online Friday.

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Tuesday, August 19, 2008

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Hmm, short update cuz I've got to get back to work. Britty, thanks for that comment, you've been a real encouragement to me lately, and I'm very grateful. Apanda and Justine, good luck at school, I hope you are doing well. I'd give anything to see you girlies soon. I love you both so, so much. October, I hope you are doing well, koishii, that boy better be treating you right! I love you always and forever, and I miss you very much. Things still suck, but I've got 5 people who will take me in when I'm 18, and that makes me feel a lot better. That's all I can think of, and I've gotta go anyway, thanks for being friends with me guys. I don't know when I'll be on next. I love you all. Adyuu.

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Tuesday, August 12, 2008

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Time Bomb By: Faber Drive Tic tic tic tic it away she said to me she'd rather be outside the ozone hands on her face she starts to shake her house is no home woah no woah no oh oh it's bombs away gotta get away she just can't take it time bomb tic tic she's gonna flick the switch her fix stays crazy time bomb tic tic it away her microscope looks way too close for imperfections but under the gun she's had enough she can't impress them woah no woah no oh oh it's bombs away gotta get away she just can't take it time bomb tic tic she's gonna flick the switch her fix stays crazy timb bomb tic tic it she's gotta get away she just can't take it time bomb tic tic she's gotta flick the switch her fix stays crazy time bomb tic tic it away blows me away blows me awayyy [tic tic tic it away] blows me away blows me awayyy [tic tic tic it away] blows me away blows me awayyyyyy she said to me she'd rather be inside the ocean inside a sea of fantasy to live slow-mo oh gotta get away she just can't take it time bomb tic tic she's gonna flick the switch her fix stays crazy timb bomb tic tic it she's gotta get away she just can't take it time bomb tic tic she's gotta flick the switch [her fix stays crazy] time bomb tic tic it away blows me away blows me awayyy [tic tic tic it away] blows me away blows me awayyy [tic tic tic it away] blows me away blows me awayyyyyy Way Away By: Yellowcard I think I’m breaking out I’m gonna leave you now There’s nothing for me here It’s all the same And even though I know That everything might go Go down hill from here I’m not afraid Way away away from here I’ll be Way away away so you can see How it feels to be alone and not believe [It feels to be alone and not believe] Feels to be alone and not believe Anything You can’t stop me now You can’t hold me down You can’t keep me here I’m on my way** I made it this far now And I’m not burning out No matter what you say I’m not afraid Way away away from here I’ll be Way away away so you can see How it feels to be alone and not believe [Feels to be alone and not believe] Feels to be alone and not believe Anything Letting out the noise inside of me [Letting out the noise inside of me] Every windowpane is shattering [Every windowpane is shattering] Cutting out my words before I speak [Cutting out my words] This is how it feels to not believe Letting out the noise inside of me [Letting out the noise inside of me] Every windowpane is shattering [Every windowpane is shattering] Cutting out my words before I speak [Cutting out my words] This is how it feels to not believe Way away Away from here I’ll be Way away Away so you can see How it feels to be alone and not believe [Feels to be alone and not believe] How it feels to be alone and not believe Anything There's some lyrics for you, I'm enjoying those songs during this time. A little update for you: Doing better in school, I finished two subjects yesterday, which were promptly replaced by harder subjects, but it felt good to finish something. Still have no access at home to the internet, I'm currently on break at work. Went through a bunch of my notebooks from seventh grade. Holy flying monkies, I felt the same then as I do now, and I was freaky suicidal chick back then. I guess I'm stronger now. Parents say that I WILL be going to college. Hm. Really? You so sure about that? >_> Otherwise, everything is the same. Still feel like shit, still want to get out, still have to wait till November 28th. And oh how I wait.

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Friday, August 8, 2008

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Don't really have time. Mom found out that I basically took a year and a half off of school, and of course, she's angry. (You know, for not doing school for a year and a hlaf, I'd say a 30 on the ACT is pretty fucking spectacular. Just thought I'd mention that.) She has every right to be, it was my fault. Dad's mad at HER though, cuz he says she should have been watching me. But she trusted me, and I ruined that. So... I'm not graduating, I have no access to the internet at home, and can't see my friends. I don't really know what is going to happen to me, but whatever goes on, the only thing I can think about is November 28th. I don't know where I'll go, but when Novemeber 28th comes around, I'm leaving. I don't know where or how, but I don't care anymore.

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Monday, August 4, 2008

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I wrote a poem on a piece of paper and stuck it in my Bible. My mom read it. It was about her.

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Thursday, July 31, 2008

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My mom went on an impromptu vacation for two days. Consequently, I'm feeling slightly more human. Hence the quiz result below that I found amusing. Apparently I'm a vicious bastard. And that makes me smile. Mom is back now, I'm sure I will return to the desperate depression I have felt this whole summer. Countdown till November 28th.

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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

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Lost all my emotions. I went too long feeling too badly, so now I don't feel anything. Can't wait for November 28th.

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