Thursday, December 20, 2007

   LOVE!

Well, I'm not in the best of moods today, mostly because it's that time of the month, and I'm in pain. So, to make me feel better, today's post will mostly consist of me bashing my ex-boyfriend (there will be more than that though). My first boyfriend's name is Mike. I will not say his last name just in case someone knows him. It's just too embarrassing. Mike and I met in 8th grade, and he asked me out the last week of school. Did I like him? Not really, but I was too excited that someone liked me to care. Our first date was pretty great actually. It was at the 8th grade picnic at Twin Lakes. We sat under a tree in front of the 'lake' and talked and cuddled for a long time and then we walked around holding hands. It was rather romantic. It all went downhill from that point on. I wasn't allowed to date, so I had to keep it a secret, but my mom figured it out when we went on vacation and she listened in on our phone call. Needless to say I was grounded and couldn't see him or talk to him. To overcome this problem, we sent messages to each other via my ex-friend Hallie (Justine, she's the one that in 6th grade I did that stuff with that I told you about... do you know what I'm talking about?). It was all going well and good until about a month and a half into the relationship, Hallie and I went to a New Years Eve party at our youth group. She gave me her cell phone so I could call Mike and talk to him. He wasn't being very talkative though, and the whole conversation was kinda strange. So I said goodbye and then went to go have fun. The next time I saw Hallie she was chatting away on the phone, and she told me she talking to her friend who lives in Florida. I was like, 'okay,' and left her alone. She talked for maybe two hours, easily, laughing and telling jokes and talking about jobs and other shit. Then my good friend Lauren clued me in. Hallie wasn't talking to her friend in Florida. She was talking to Mike. For hours. I kinda flipped out on her for lying to me. Perhaps I overreacted. But that still doesn't change the fact that my boyfriend had a better time talking to my best friend than he had talking to me. Oh yes, it gets worse. He and Hallie went to the movies a couple times together too, even though he still had an excuse everytime I wanted to do something. Now before you go saying that perhaps I was just being a little jealous, and maybe they were just friends, let me tell you. Mike and Hallie were not friends before we started going out. In fact, Mike was constantly complaining about me being friends with her. He called her a slut and a druggie all the time. And then, when I couldn't talk to him anymore, he just ran along and had his fun with my best friend. Ass. Then, my home life was just sucking because my mom was always crying about me being disobedient and now she 'couldn't trust me' and shit and I was sick of it. So, because I couldn't call him, and he never wanted to go on a date with me, I wrote him a letter. A very long and nice letter telling him that I was very sorry, but I just couldn't disobey my parents anymore. I figured it was better than emailing him. A week later I recieved and email from him entitled 'Fuck you'. Nice huh? And it gets WORSE! He then went and told the entire Freshman football team that I was a psycho. Yeah. I got that fantastic piece of information from this really nice guy named Jamie whom I met in Biology class. (It was a couple of months into Freshman year and Jamie was my partner for a project. We were working together and sudden;y he just up and asks what my last name was. Then he explains to me that this 'kid name Mike keeps talking about you, saying you're a psycho and stuff. I didn' think it was you 'cuz you seem pretty cool, but it is.') Great. Well, wasn't that a wonderful little experience. It's always great to have your first boyfriend say 'fuck you' in an email and then tell everyone that you're a psycho. Now, onto my second boyfriend. His name is Chris. And you know what, he's a great guy. We met on a missions trip to Mississippi. It was a sixteen hour bus ride there, and a week long trip. He was really nice and blatantly flirted with me, which is always fun. The bus ride home was where the magic happened. I was sitting with my friend Lauren (the same one that clued me in on Hallie being a slut) when he just up and orders me to sit with him. That was sexy. So I do and we talk for five hours straight. Yes, I am not exaggerating that. There wasn't even one awkward pause. We talked about everything from our favorite foods, to what we wanted to do with our lives, to grades in school, to our families... everything you could think of. Then, it got cold in the bus, and we were sharing his blanket and I got tired. I must have fallen asleep sitting straight up in the chair, beacause I remember waking up slightly to feel his hand on the back of my neck, and he pulled me down to lay on his shoulder. That was nice. Then when I woke up a few hours later, he was holding my hand. I think I blushed so much in that one bus ride that I've never really been able to blush since then. The next week at youth group he asked me out. The conversation went something like this: Chris- Hey, Kay, I really like you, would you go out with me? Kay- *blushes* Chris, I'd love to, but I'm not allowed to date. Chris- Neither am I. *grins mischeviously* Kay- *smirks* Okay then. So that's how it started. We talked on the phone almost everyday, and it actually went unnoticed because my best friend at the time was named Chris, so my boyfriend Chris just pretended to be my best friend. Hehe! About a week and half into it Chris calls and tells me that he just cut himself. On purpose. Now, please, do not get me wrong, please don't look at me like I'm a bitch, but I couldn't deal with that. I really appreciated his honesty and his trust in me, but I couldn't do it. I was too emotionally unstable myself to be there for someone else in their troubles. I couldn't be his rock. If this had happend now, it would have been alright. I know myself now. I could be there for him. I could be his rock now. But not then. I saw him at youth group the next day and broke it off. It was amiable though, and we remain friends. Now that's a good end to a relationship. AH! One more! Not another boyfriend though. No, this one was my first love. And I still love him, though I haven't seen him in over a year, and I have no idea where he is. Matt was a foster child that I met when I was nine because his foster parents and my parents were friends. He was an angry kid to anyone else that looked, but I saw right through that. He was scared out of his mind. His mom could sign him off any day saying that she didn't want him anymore, and he was scared. I befriended him. When we got older, about 14, we played hide and seek in his basement. With the lights off. It turned into a wrestling match when he wouldn't admit defeat. The wrestling match ended with him stradling me and making me say that he won. That was probably the most erotic moment of my life by the way. The next time I saw him, his mom had finally signed him off. He was officially unwanted. We were in his basement again and I told him that I was sorry. That only made him angry. He screamed at me and told me that I didn't know anything and that I was stupid, and a couple other profanities. I just sat on the couch and took it all, and didn't say a word or get upset. Now, Matt wasn't used to people not yelling back, and eventually, he ran out of things to say, and he broke down. The night ended in me cradling his head in my lap while he cried. The next week he was sent to a boys' home after he screamed at his foster mom. The next time I saw him, it was at my Sweet Sixteen birthday party. We had rented out a small room and I had all my friends over for a dance. It was going great, but then one of my friends started causing drama. I took her outside and gave her a talking to, but then I saw Matt. He was with his friends and they were walking up the stairs of the building to go and visit his other friend. We stared at each other, even though I was mid-sentence. My other friend just walked away, and Matt told his friends to go on ahead without him. Then it was just us outside. We just looked at each other, and then he finally hugged me. We snuck into the bathroom and we hugged and he told me as much as he could. That he was getting adopted, and that he found his little brother, and that he got into a knife fight to save his friend. But then he had to leave. He kissed me on the forehead and said goodbye. That's the last time I saw Matt. I don't know where he is now, and I don't know if he is okay. But I love him with all my heart, and I pray for him every night. HOLY FLYING MONKIES!!! That was a long one!!! Hope ya had fun reading that!!!! Heh... Wow. I used up all my words for the day. Goodbye.

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