Tuesday, March 11, 2008

   Life

My dearies! Yeah, so I love Tony and all, but it’s really frickin’ annoying that he never stops talking to me in the library even when I have things to get done. He makes it next to impossible to post/PM anyone and it’s really, really getting on my nerves. Scratch that. It’s pissing me off. Lords! It’s bad enough that I have a grand total of 40 minutes to truly be myself on this site, but with Tony here, it gets knocked down to like, 10! I’m so sick of it! Telling him to shut up doesn’t even work! I tried! So many times! It’s like he’s the energizer bunny with a voice box! Makes me want to punch him! *mutters while slamming fist into palm* Sorry, I had to get that out. Hm. So on the Otaku, how do I delete a world? Cuz I made one, but then I changed my mind about it and I can’t figure out how to delete it. Stupid thing. Awww, you guys are so cute! No, it’s only one song written by Alanis Morisette and the “…” was in there to represent a moment of silence in the music. Ha, oops, I probably should have explained that. Sorry, it’s just so had to concentrate with TONY squawking in my ear! Well, the weekend sucked, but I’m over it. Even though I’m still not in a good mood, and least I’m trying. One good thing happened though. I’ll probably tell you about it tomorrow. Work sucks. I hate it and I haven’t even started yet. Heh. But hey, they paid me money already! So that’s pretty sweet. Um, so I figured out why my life sucks right now. Because it’s not my life. I went through this same thing in 7th grade and that’s when I got all suicidal. Nothing has changed since then, I’ve survived by sucking it up and knowing that freedom is coming soon, but now it’s not. At least not with the college I’m going to. I’m not second guessing my decision, I love Bob Jones University, but it really is like moving out of oppression under my parents and into oppression from other, less-known adults. Mom always said I was born with wings, I’ve always said I was born with a chain around my neck. Well, it’s starting to choke me again. And as you already know, my dad’s an ass, and I don’t care what he thinks anymore. He’s lost all my respect. But my mom is slowing breaking my heart. She’s so set on me finding a husband in college and having babies so she can be a grandma and it just kills me to think that I’ll be crushing her. I don’t really want children momma. I don’t really want a husband momma. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you momma. I love her too much to tell her the truth. I’ll never tell her. I’ll die alone and she’ll die without ever having grandchildren to cherish and spoil. We’ll both die brokenhearted. Damnit, now I’m crying. What’s wrong with me?! I’m so weak now. What happened to my dependable strength?! Oh yeah, it rotted away once I decided to be honest with myself. Well, the world can just fuck itself.

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