Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Halfway Through

Today I've got youth group, and Henry is supposed to call me at four. Once again, I'm just completely emotionless. Can't feel anything really. Except, I'm glad that Apanda seems to be doing better. I'm excited for her and Justine going to Acen. I did have fun this morning, I watched Ouran High School Host Club, which is probably the oddest and most fucking hilarious anime ever. So it made me smile. Mom had a fight with her best friend today, so she's in a bad mood. Missed work yesterday, not looking forward to facing my supervisor. Got a weird comment from your stalker Apanda, Shadowfox12. Said she wanted me to talk to her cuz no one else would. Weird. Call me a bitch, but I totally ignored it. I've read her posts. They're so fake, she just wants attention. I feel bad, but no way am I gonna waste my time on someone who isn't real with me. Talked to Nat today finally. He claimed he didn't even realize he was ignoring me. I made him uncomfortable. Good. Little fucker, such a liar. And where is October? I'm getting worried again. I know I shouldn't but, she hasn't even left any more messages on her snapvine player, so I don't even know if she's alive. I like how even though Justine is on the comp all the time she still doesn't read my posts. I miss you darling. Got some lyrics here for you, I didn't feel like posting anymore This Providence, although Apanda should still check them out. Beauty from Pain By: Superchick The lights go out all around me One last candle to keep out the night And then the darkness surrounds me I know I'm alive But I feel like I died And all that's left is to accept that it's over My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made I try to keep warm but I just grow colder I feel like I'm slipping away After all this has passed I still will remain After I've cried my last There'll be beauty from pain Though it won't be today Someday I'll hope again And there'll be beauty from pain You will bring beauty from my pain My whole world is the pain inside me The best I can do is just get through the day When life before is only a memory I wonder why God lets me walk through this place And though I can't understand why this happened I know that I will when I look back someday And see how you've brought beauty from ashes And made me as gold purified through these flames After all this has passed I still will remain After I've cried my last There'll be beauty from pain Though it won't be today Someday I'll hope again And there'll be beauty from pain You will bring beauty from my pain Here I am at the end of me Trying to hold to what I can't see I forgot how to hope This night's been so long I cling to your promise There will be a dawn After all this has passed I still will remain After I've cried my last There'll be beauty from pain Though it won't be today Someday I'll hope again And there'll be beauty from pain You will bring beauty from my pain Superchick is a really good band too, the singer and bassist are sisters, and the singer has a really kickass voice. Everyone else in the band are the sisters' best friends. They're all guys. So it's pretty cool. And their songs are great. This one is one of my favorites. I'm gonna go find a book now, and listen to screamo. I kinda wanna get in a fight. Or go cry. Or make out with someone. But of course, I'll be damned if I give my first kiss to someone that didn't mean anything to me. So that option doesn't work. And I can't go cry, I've got youth group tonight. And my mom can't know why I'm upset. And I won't fight anyone either. I'm a goody-two-shoes. So what do I do? I'll just stop feeling and thinking again. That's how I cope with this. Gotta go, Mom's picking me up early today. Ato.

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