Thursday, September 18, 2008

For a Second

Hola. Um, so yeah. I was mad at myself because, well, I got home from work Monday night and went up to my room, and I just broke down. Like the really ugly kind of sobbing thing. So I was mad, because I can't do that now, I can't be emotional now because I need to stay strong. I can't feel anything till I've accomplished what I need to. I can't be weak until I get out of here. So that's why I got pissed and tried to distract myself by working out. Hence the soreness. But, I guess I'm better-ish now. The soreness is gone, I'm working out again, and I am emotionless again. I think it helped that my mom has been real busy this week, so I've had a lot of time alone. Hence the posting today from home instead of work. I think I'll mess with my backgrounds and colors and shit now that I have the time. I know I don't really talk to her, but I really like Michelle's site. *nods* It's simple and poetic, instead of gloomy and dispairing like mine. I finished watching Ouran High School Host Club. I'm actually kinda pissed that they ended it there. I wanted to find out what happened, you know? But I guess they left it so fanfiction writers could have a lot of fun with possible futures, and that's cool with me. I'm still itching to write, but I can't. I've got like, three poems and two novels locked in my head right now. My hands ache. I need to write. You know, Ryan is a good friend of mine, but there are times when his sense of humor really hurts. Like usually it's hilarious when he's a bastard, if it's in the right situation. But Monday we were leaving work, and we were washing our hands in the same sink, and he goes' "Your hair is sticking up in the back, it's really cute." Naturally I'm shocked, but happy, but I ask him, "Are you being serious?" And he's all, "No!" and laughs and walks away. Gee, thanks Ry. Because you're like the only friend I get to see on a regular bassis. The only taste of humanity I get during these months. And for a second, you said something really nice, something that I actually needed from someone else in that moment, and then just like that, you snuff out that little glimmer of happiness. Thanks Ry. You're really great. Sorry, you all know Ry is a good guy, but sometimes, he can't see past his own nose. If you catch my drift. Well, I'm gonna go mess with my settings. I love you all, I'll try and call you today Apanda.

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