Friday, October 3, 2008

My Wings Are Back...

Wow, it's like this huge weight is off my shoulders... I know that some of you don't believe in God, and you know I won't push my religion on you, but I've gotta says this, k? I've been putting off praying lately, because I knew I'd have to talk to God about my desire to move out, and I thought he'd tell me not to. So I've just sorta avoided thinking about God lately, and for me, that's bad news. So finally last night I gave in, because I just couldn't concentrate on anything, and I took out my prayer journal and prayed. I told God about why I want to move out and asked him if it was alright. I expected him to say, "Honor your father and mother," which would translate to 'no'. But instead I got this overwhelming feeling of peace and rightness. So I asked Him, "What should I do about Mom?" and I opened my Bible and the verse that my eyes first landed on was "Trust the Lord your God with all your heart, with all you soul, and with all your mind." Of course God. How could I be so stupid? So blind? I am weary oh God, I and weary oh God, and worn out. Surely I am too stupid to be a man. I have not the understanding of a man. How much easier would this whole ordeal have been if I just prayed to God in the beginning? I could have trusted that he would get me through this, that my desires to leave weren't sinful. I could have trusted God to work in my mom's heart instead of just worrying how she would react when I finally brought it up. Now I feel like I'm flying again. I walked over to Gloria's yesterday, and we talked for a good four hours. I told her how I haven't been a very good friend to her because I keep dumping all my problems on her, but I haven't asked her once how she was doing lately, or if she needed to talk. We hugged and talked about everything we were feeling, and everything we were dealing with. And now I just feel whole and strong again. She's my person. The one person I can lean on totally, but hold up at the same time. And now, now I can focus on you, Apanda, and you Britty, and you Justine, and you October. Now I can start being a good friend to you again. Why didn't I just talk to God from the beginning?! Help Me Out God By: Superchick Help me out God I need a little something Turn the brights on I can't see where we're going Cause I don't know when things'll work out just fine Or if this road we're on leads us up Or is leading me on down to my wishing well Where I might drown Oh I might drown Cause I can't swim without you God Help me out God I need a little something Hold my hand So I know that I'm not falling Down or spinning around Or am I really just fine Is this the vertigo I feel Just simply fear or maybe real It's a long way down And I might fall and I might fall Cause I can't stand without you God Help me out God I need a little something Just enough so I don't lose hope Before morning comes Cause in the sun things'll work out just fine But this night's been extra long I fear I won't make it to the dawn Cause the night is dark And I might doubt and I might doubt Cause I can't hope without you God Just enough for today get me Through til tomorrow Ato my pretties, please don't take offense to this post if you don't believe in God. Just know that I do, and it's just a part of who I am. I love you all so much, I hope you understand.

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