Saturday, November 1, 2008

Halloween Blues

Well, that was the worst Halloween I've ever had. But it should have been good, ne? I mean, I got to see two of the people that I love most in the world, so I should have had a good time, ne? First I got to hang out with Justine. We took her little sister trick-or-treating for an hour, and then we went to Sumo for dinner. Now this was good, I got to catch up with her for a little bit. But our time together was so short, I felt like we didn't even get a chance to really talk. And then we were late getting her home, and I practically had to push her out of the car; I didn't even get to say a real goodbye. I have no idea whether or not she got in trouble for being late, and I can only pray that everything is alright. Then I was SUPER late meeting Apanda at the Fremd football game. So I had the weight of guilt for dropping Justine off late, and then making Apanda wait a ridiculously long time for me. Damn. Then when I was talking to Apanda, I just had to be completely honest with her, because I physically cannot lie to her. And of course she made a fun little moment out of what I said, but I know that I hurt her, which is why I stoppped myself from... it while I could. Because I love Apanda, and I CANNOT hurt her. And now I have. Cuz I'm honest. Fuck. And you know what Apanda, you said you didn't believe me when I said I loved you. I figure I have some explaining to do. Apanda, I may not love you in the romantic way, but in my opinion, the way I love you is so much more powerful than that. I love you no matter what you do to drive me away, no matter what you do 'wrong', no matter how many times you bring yourself down, I love you. And I really don't care that you don't believe me. I once quoted a Bible verse for you, even though I know you don't believe in the Bible. "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13. I believe this verse with all my heart, and I want you to know that when I said I'd give up my life for you, I really meant it. THAT'S why I stoppped myself when I did. Because I will not take what is precious to you. I will sacrifice my happiness for yours a thousand times over, because your friendship means SO much more to me. So what we talked about last night, you 'plan' that made you cry inside, I'm just not okay with it, because I will NOT be the cause of you misery. There. Now I'm being COMPLETELY honest with you. So there. My Halloween sucked because I may have fucked up a lot a things for my friends. And to top it all off, Palatine lost the football game.

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