Tuesday, October 19, 2004

   So... Bored.
People actually want me to stay here... That's surprising. Hmm... So. IT'S SO FUCKING COLD! ARGH! Yeah. I learned a new song on my guitar. 'Never Again' by Nickelback. It's so awesome! I can really head bang to that song. It is now my favourite song.

Haha... Stupid Arsenije... He was an Idiot today too (Notice that I capitalized "Idiot". He gave it a whole new meaning! Good for him!)

Wow uh... You guys give me something to talk about... I got stupid Measurement homework to do so...
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Monday, October 18, 2004

   I Hate Myself And I Want to Die...
Title describes itself. I attempted to slit my wrists but the goddamn knife wasn't sharp enough... Pam slapped me cuz I told her I tried it and then Arsenije was being an asshole as usual... He was trying to beat me up and then he kept missing. So then I ran away...

Goddammit... My life sucks... I dunno how... But if I don't find romance again soon, I'm not going to be able to pull myself out of this deep depression... Hopefully, I will be reincarnated into a better life where I am very beautiful and guys will be all over me... Mother Fuckers.

My ex-friend, Nyny, is such a bitch. She was walking around with Fatima and Ashley and then when I went up to them, she said, 'GO AWAY! NANANANANEENENENEENAH!' SHUT UP YOU STUPID PREP! She's a fucking Goth Poser...
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Saturday, October 16, 2004

   Eh... I Feel Like Rambling...
So... RAMBLE I SHALL! Kay... What's the big deal with arm socks? What the fuck were the people who invented them smoking? Or did they just say, 'Let's make kids look stupid by telling them arm socks are cool and then posting on the Internet that they're not. What a perfect scandal!' Uh... sure it is...

And... I am going crazy... I am totally insane. I am starting to talk to posters of Billy Martin and once in a while licking the window... THAT'S RIGHT! I licked the window... Oh yeah. And I wrapped myself in Caution tape... Hehe... I had to jump in order to move... heeheehee... My dog eats peanuts... heeheehee...

Soooo... What's up mah homies? Ya even readin'? Cuz if ya ain't I get mah Thug friendz to beat yo assez up. Straight up yo. Eastside to the A-town uh... Thugglez? Kay whatever. I dunno how people can talk like that. It's gay. I personally can't survive without using proper grammar and spelling.

Woooooooo... Hehe... WOOOOOOOOOHEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHWOOOOOOOO!

I'm depressed now... nobody visits... NOBODY CARES IF I KILL MYSELF! [Falls off chair.] Nope. Need to get higher. [Jumps off stairs.] That hurt... But I didn't die. DAMN! [Jumps off house and lands in a pile of leaves.] DAMN YOU TO HELL LEAVES! [Starts tearing up leaves.] AHHHHHHRRRGGGGAAAAHHHHHH! [Uncontrolable sobs.] THESE PEOPLE ARE FREAKIN' ME OUT! THERE'S THINGS THEY ALL WANNA KNOW! THEY WANT DOPE! BUT I AIN'T GOT ANY! AND THEY CAN'T SEE THE PAIN THEY CAUSED! AND BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! I'm gonna try to write a song here...

You can't see what you have done
Invisible scars trace into my heart which lies across the floor
But I am not completely dead
I can see the cheerful faces and the open door

Why can't you understand?
That I can't take this weight on my shoulders any longer
My head is about to explode
And all you can do is say, 'It's okay. It's okay...'
And I know damn well that nothing is all right
And why won't you ever feel?
The things that I have felt in these past days

And I'm twirling, twirling in these messed up emotions
And I'm swirling, swirling in this whirlwind of depression

I'm losing control on everything I once had
And I can't focus anymore
Your voice circles through my mind like a mosquito thirsty for my salty blood

Why can't everything be like it used to be?
So innocent and happy...
So why is the world covered in darkness?
Nothing seems to have it's colour...
But my vibes are grey... and no-one can change my opinion,
On what this world has become...

And I'm twirling, twirling in these messed up emotions
And I'm swirling, swirling in this whirlwind of depression

Just leave me alone...

HEY! Yeah.. That's MY song. So don't steal it or I will have my people beat up your people and your people will die and you will die also... MY SONG!

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Thursday, October 14, 2004

   Heum... I miss Scottie...
I miss Scott... We're still friends and stuff... but yeah. I wanna post a picture of him when he was REALLY young. He was um... twelve. And yeah. So here it is!



Wooo... That's at Christmas. My mom is headlocking him and the guy in the background is his step dad.
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Monday, October 11, 2004

   Thanksgiving...
I went to my aunt Lisa's house last night for Thanksgiving. The whole family was there (Except for Aunt Connie and Aunt Julie). I was playing ATV Offroad Fury with John (My cousin, Amanda's, boyfriend) And he sucked at it. And little Alexandra... My adopted cousin from Russia... She's so cute. She bit my finger though. But who cares! She's cute!

And Aunt Donna and my annoying cousins are coming over today for Thanksgiving... That sucks ass. Kastyl is just going to be copying everything that I do and saying gay things like, 'It'd be cool if Nickelback was right here right now and they took you and me away forever!' And then I'd roll my eyes and pretend what she said was cool. My Dad said for me to be a, "Good enfluence on Kastyl". What's that supposed to mean? I'm not allowed to be myself? That's Bull Shit... But who cares? None of you. I'll be suprised if even one of you comments on this...

I got the coolest Halloween costume and I have to go or else I'll get in trouble. I'm supposed to be cleaning the house so. BYE!
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Saturday, October 9, 2004

In This World (Murder)
In This World, all our sins are simple
We choose Death over Innocent Life
And In This World it's not our money that's evil
It's the ones who choose it over Life
And in my heart I cannot believe in this Murder
And I will not be fed all the lies
And all of our lives are created just to be Murdered
It's Murder

No matter how hard they try
And no matter how loud they cry
They can't buy their way into Heaven
No matter how hard they try
And no matter how high they climb up the ladder
They won't reach up into Heaven

And they can't see the Innocent Lives
The pointless suffering
And in my heart I wanna undo all this Murder
Open cages and stop their luxurious Murder
It's Murder

No matter how hard they try
And no matter how loud they cry
They can't buy their way into Heaven
No matter how hard they try
And no matter how high they climb up the ladder
They won't reach up into Heaven

Murder
Innocent Lives
Innocent
Murder
What have we done?

No matter how hard they try
And no matter how loud they cry
They can't buy their way into Heaven
No matter how hard they try
And no matter how high they climb up the ladder
They won't reach up into Heaven

No matter how hard they try
And no matter how loud they cry
They can't buy their way into Heaven
No matter how hard they try
And no matter how high they climb up the ladder
They won't reach up into Heaven

No matter how hard they try
And no matter how loud they cry
They can't buy their way into Heaven
No matter how hard they try
And no matter how high up the ladder
They won't reach up into Heaven
Heaven
Heaven

That's very hard to type out word for word and without the lyric booklet. But this is one of my favourite songs off of The Chronicles of Life and Death... So... yeah.



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Wednesday, October 6, 2004

   WOOOOOOOO!
I'm so HAPPY! I got Good Charlotte's new CD! I got the Life version even though I wanted the Death version... OH WELL! Now... I have one day to memorise all of their songs for the VERY SPECIAL EVENT... Good Charlotte is going to be at Much Music TOMORROW! So... My eyes are going to be glued to the TV.

And... we had a half day today... I love half days... but PA days are better. So are Snow Days.

I am Rambling so... GOOD BYE!
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Tuesday, October 5, 2004

   OooooooOOOOOo...SCOTT, YOU IN TWOUBLE!
I called Scott tonight and this is how the conversation went:

Scott: Hello?

Me: You're such a jerk.

Scott: Carly, is that you?

Me: Ah... Yes-It-Is... How many times have I told you not to call me that horrible name?

Scott: Oh sorry... So why were you calling me a jerk?

Me: You cheating bastard... YOU BETRAYED ME! You said you loved me...

Scott:.... What are you talking about?

Me: I know about your little affair... And your break-up. Oh yes... You and me are no more. I am breaking up with you.

Scott: Listen... I'm sorry. I just... I don't see you as often and I... get bored...

Me: Bored? YOU GET BORED?! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! What... you want to have sex or something? Scott, I am eleven years old and have had PMS since I was ten. Do you want to be a father at the age of fourteen like my good-for-nothing Grandfather?

Scott: I'd use a condom...

Me: AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH! You're SO STUPID! You really ARE PERVERTED! GOOD BYE! [Hangs up.]

HAHA! He won't be comin' back... So know, I am single again... I'm lonely again now... Any takers?

Billy Martin: [Puts Hand Up.]

WEEEEEEEEEE! IT'S MY DREAM COME TRUE! But I hate my Dad now... HE DIDN'T BUY ME GOOD CHARLOTTE'S NEW ALBUM! GRRR! AND I JUST FOUND OUT THAT JOEL IS GOING OUT WITH HILARY DUFF! So, I will take pictures of her and make her look ugly like me...

PICTURES OF BILLY MARTIN TIME!












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Sunday, October 3, 2004

   I Had SO Much Fun Last Night!
WOOOOOOO! So yesterday was my cousin, Scott and Lauren's wedding and THIS TIME I was invited to the reception.

So when it came time to go to the reception, I was sitting with all of my other cousins (Well, some of them) Alex, Mark, Mallerie, and Jessica. The dinner was delicious and my drink was spiked so... it was taken away by the bartenders.

The only reason that I went to the reception anyway was for the dancing. My family is crazy when it comes to weddings. Especially on my Dad's side. So everybody was dancing and we all made fools of ourselves at one point...

But anyway! This is MY time not THEIRS. So, I was tearing up the dance floor with my killer moves when I am challenged by my cousin, Alex. He started break dancing to... um... 'Hey Mama' by Black Eyed Peas. And when he was done I went in and did my air DDR and I was jumpin' all over the place, sometimes doing a bit of break dancing moves. And I did this while wearing a dress. And everybody said to Alex, 'BURN!'

Uncle Huey and I were dancing too and we were both the center of attention. Even Aunt Connie and I were doing the bump.

And all of a sudden... GREEN DAY COMES ON! So, Alex and I are jammin' to 'American Idiot' while screaming out the words and shaking and swirling our hair and playing air guitar to the beat. I slow danced with him too.

I think I like Alex. That's a VERY BAD thing. Oh well. Tough beans. I think he's cute and there's nothin' you can do about it. Well, he lives all the way out in Calgary... But I can buy him presents right? But anyway... There's one more thing.

I was crowned Dancing Queen and Alex was crowned Dancing King. We had to slow dance after...

Everybody was saying I'm a very good dancer and I said 'Damn straight!' It was very fun and I can't wait until the next wedding.
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Friday, October 1, 2004

   I'M NOT OKAY! I SWEAR!
AHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGG! I just figured out that Scott was cheating on me... Which makes me more depressed than I have ever been... TOO MANY UNEXPECTED TURNS! Just when I thought I was back to my old self when THIS smacked me hard in the face. How did I figure out you ask? Well... my mom told me... I told her I was going to ask Scott to come to the Halloween dance with me when she's said:

Mom: Scott has a girlfriend... But he just broke up with her.

Me: .... But I'M his girlfriend.

Mom: No you're not he has another one.

Me: [Spit's out toothpaste and drops hair brush.] H-h-he h-has a-an-a-another o-o-one?

Mom: [Nods.]

So... then my dad approaches me and says:

Dad: You're being a bad example on your cousin.

Me: ....

Dad: She wants to BE you.

Me: .... Why?

Dad: Who knows? I just want you to be a good influence.

So... I CAN'T ACT LIKE MYSELF?! I CAN'T BE ME EVER AGAIN?! I CAN'T HAVE MY OWN OPINIONS OR THOUGHTS OR OUTLOOKS?! MUST I BE A CLONE OF YOU?! MUST I GO WITH THE FLOW?! WHY CAN'T I BE MY OWN PERSON?! All of these thoughts are swirling through my mind and I am getting very confused... I need to get away... I need someone to hold me... I need a shoulder to cry all of my sorrows on... I have no reason to live... I never thought I would say these words but...

I need help.
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