Sunday, March 18, 2007

   breezy and loving it ^^
well todays weather isn't as hot as yesterday but at lets the wind factor is nice and cool!!! ^^

Last night me and my sis's stayed up til 1 or 2 in the morning... she was on the internet and was told to get off at 10 and I was reading a book... I kept telling her she better rap things up and get off but she didn't and as I was finally setting in to sleep she got yelled at and grounded from the internet for a week... lol... I told her, but I also told her if she needed me to tell anyone she was grounded for a week I'll do it for her... yeah, what are sisters for right!!! ^^

well today I woke up around 3 in the morning to babysit, but no one woke me up to do it... I heard my sis's car leave and knew I had to... I went and got them and put the 2 and 3 year olds in my bed to go back to sleep... only it took a while longer for that to actually happen... *exhales* and not to mention they took up most the room on my bed and pretty much left me nothing... but it was all good!!! they finally and I went back to sleep around 4...
around 10 we all woke up, and hung out... my sis got some bad ass art supplies to mess around with and then my mom starting telling her about how she has a GREAT opportunity and talent in art and I do too, but as always she lets her know and leaves me out of everything that we both or even me has talent in... i felt down but it's all good... ^^

I'm just wondering when things are going to look brighter on my part and I go somewhere in life other then coming back home to help out!!! there's so manythings I want to do but I'm always confined to one place... like no matter how far I get away I keep getting dragged back here/home... it sucks!!! but life surpizes you in many ways so I just have to keep a good additude and look ahead!!! ^^

Questions...

1.) if you could be anything, career wise or just your interested in, what would it be?
2.) how do you see yourself down the road, 5 or 10 years from now?
3.) how would you live your last days on earth, (money isn't an option) say meteors are going to distroy the world, how would you live your last days on it?

me?!?
1.) artist, landscape designer, photo journalish, game programer, book writer, musician, script writer ^^, a mom!!!
2.) *exhales* man, that's a tough question!!! I see myself walking towards the right pathway in life or at least starting a career I like/love...
3.) ^^ have a blast and live those few short days with excitment, fun, and doing thrilling crazy stuff... like go surfing, fairs, roller coasters like six flags and universal studious, get tattoes, go clubbin', go to the dunes, car shows, motorcross, and spend my last night alive walking down at the beach with the moonlight guiding me to a place unknown to me yet...

Quote by hollow: even though life is are's for the taking and passing us by, we shouldn't take it for granite b/c we might think it'll always be there and we'll be too, but the hard truth is, it's not...

~*hollow*
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Saturday, March 17, 2007

   I'm melting ohh, what a hot and crule world...
As my title says, I'm melting... not really but I'm getting there!!! ^^ just yesterday it was 99' degree's and today will be 98'... and believe me it's, HOT!!! I live in Arizona, and for you lucky souls who don't I envy you!!! *wipes sweat from brow* cuz right now I'm wishing I was living somewhere where it's cold and snowing... ^^ *exhales sadly cuz even though I can imagine the snow so vividly the heat I'm surrounded by won't let up and is clouding my pic of cold frezzing snow* ^^ >.<

lol... but it's ok!!! ^^

I heard this bug was going around, I had it!!! some flu bug that made you sick and puke for hours on end... believe me, i had it and I'm kinda getting over it but it was a nightmare... heluva harsh way to experiance pain... and it hurt... it felt like someone was kickiing you in the gut nonstop... OUCH!!!! O.o
but I'm getting better... thank, GOD!!!!!
I found this joke for harley's aka crowgirlQ friend who's in the hospital... it's called cockroach... enjoy!!! ^^

Cockroach

One quiet evening at home, a man’s doorbell rang. He opened the
door to find a six-foot-tall cockroach standing outside. The
cockroach quickly punched him between the eyes and scuttled away.
The next evening the doorbell rang again. The man opened the door
to find the cockroach was back. This time the big bug punched him,
kicked him, and karate-chopped him before racing away.
On the third evening, the cockroach was back yet again. When the
man opened the door, it jumped at him and stabbed him several times
before running off.
Although gravely injured, he managed to crawl to the telephone and
call for an ambulance. He was rushed to intensive care, and his life
was saved. The doctor came to visit him during morning rounds the
following day and asked him what had happened. The man explained
about the cockroach’s attacks and the stabbing that almost killed
him.
After a moment’s thought, the doctor said, “Yes, I hear there’s a
nasty bug going around.

here's it another one...

98 LB Weakling

There was a 98 lb weakling who couldn’t get any girls.
One day he saw a buffed out guy on the beach surrounded
by beautiful women.
He waited til he could catch the guy alone and asked his
advice on how he too could get the girls.
The buffed guy was happy to oblige and told him to work
out with weights for a few months and then get a skimpy
bikini bathing suit and to put a potato in it and he
would soon be surrounded by all the beautiful women he
could handle.
So…….the 98 lb weakling worked out regularly, bought
a skimpy bathing suit and put a potato in it and went
out to the beach.
Well, the women ran away screaming! So, the weakling
finds the buffed guy who gave him the advice and
explained his predicament.
The buffed guy took one look and said;
“put the potato in front”.

have a good day/night and L8ter...

~*hollow*

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Friday, March 16, 2007

snobs and bullies, the scum of the earth!!!
Don't you just hate, and hate it when popular chicks/girls just have, to put their two cents into everything and say what they think!!! like say today you where feeling dark and wore black but had a grey shirt on as well, and they came up to you and said can you be, anymore gothic and where anymore black... with that snobbish additude and Ugly look of disgust on there face... it's like hey bitch, If I needed your Opinion on HOW, to be a slut and dress like a tramp I'll get back to you... and I hate it when you see them picking on other girls on looks, hair, geekness and just being them... I'm sorry for picking on the snobs and so on but their not as prefect and so *mimicing high pitch laughter* wonderful as they think they are!!!

reasons why? you might ask!!!

1.) They hurt peoples, good kind!!! peoples feels... and thrive off of peoples tears...
2.) they start bad horrible rumors that are fucking off the wall untrue, but since they are the popular ones, everyone believes them... naturally... *scoffs*
3.) and their the ones that mostly drive good people to a brick wall of no hope and escaping life and usually kill themselves or get into cutting so further down they will and or shoot up the school b/c they hate everyone b/c they were all in on laughing at them too!!!

*exhales* I'm sorry for being harsh and mean but it's the truth... I've seen good happy, well at least somewhat happy people be crushed by "them" and you never see that spark of happyness of joy in them ever again, it was like it was drained or sucked but more like they never even knew or experianced happyness or joy in their life... It makes me want to cry for them... b/c they'll go on through life hating people and never really know how to life, have fun, experance life b/c they'll be stuck in that moment and nightmare reliving it over and over in there heads b/c of the snobs, jockeys, bully's, jusy all around fucking ass holes who hurt them so deep that their soul gave up on living as well!!!

I just thought that you people should think and know that everyone you might see or look at in life being hurt, stepped on or laughted at is a person!!! even if you might in fact be joining in on that laughing and joking around think about who you would feel if the tables where turned and you where the one being laughted at... think about it!!!

question?!?

1.) have you ever seen someone being picked on and bullied? did you help them, or did you walk away?

Answer-1.) I have seen many people... I have helped some and we became great friends aswell!!! but there were times when all you could do was walk away... I have done that but regreted it b/c at that moment they were bearing their soul for anyone to help them and you just walked away... makes you feel shitty!!! -_-

this post is deicated to all those of you who were being picked on and hurt!!! I was one at a certain time!!!

Qoute by hollow: sometimes all we can to is put are hand out for people to grab it... it's up to them to pull themselves out of there darkness and numb place and want to grab it instead of pushing it away.....

Here's a youtube joke by dane cook a FF Comedian!!! the vidoe is all naruto amv... Provided By and made by: Rubix89... I'm sorry harley and who ever else can't watch youtube!!! Sorry!!!



have a good day or at least a ok one!!! ^^

~*hollow*
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Thursday, March 15, 2007

   Turtle Weed?!? lol...
your probably wondering about the title!!! lol... I've been currently watching 50 first dates!!! I love the movie!!! it cracks me up every time!!! XD
we today me and my sis watched some badd Ass stuff on youtube and had a blast messing with peoples minds and driving the crazy!!! :)'s
it was mean, but still it was fun...
I helped my sis get some new music for her site since "someone" (not saying who) stole her music off her site and put it on there's and well... It was messed up still and to top that off he didn't even say where they got it from...

well I've still been feeling like sh*t and I'm kinda thinking this flu like stuff I've been going through will never end... I've been puking and in pain... not to mention the dizzy spells... Yea!!!!!! those are my favorites... lol... :)'s

I just had to show you a part of me and what I feel... and what better way then with a song and video!!! I hope you like it... I got it from Youtube... naruto was used for it... and the songs called "we're all to blame" by sum 41!!! a great band!!! enjoy!!!



Quote by hollow: even though we blame are selves, life moves on. with or without us... it's how we learn to deal with it and move forward that defines who we really are....

have a good night and sleep well...

~*Hollow*
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Monday, March 12, 2007

   Bad morning and I'm hating myself...
Hey guys!!!

This morning was bad... lets just leave it at that... and that it was all my fault too... Man, I suck and ruin everything!!!

My weekend though was crazy... I babysitted and my neice and 2 nephews... two were bad, and not to mention the other one who was good (boy) puked on my bed twice one day and then again the next... he's sick and I think whatever I had two weeks ago he got(food poison or flu...) it was ok but I'm wore out and tired... at least today is my day off... but not from cleaning though...

My sis bought a BAD A** computer and desk... lucky S.O.B. I'm happy for her!!! and maybe now I'll be able to use the computer more... *crosses fingers* lol...


How do you guys like my site... I haven't finished it yet but I think it'll probably stay this way for awhile... I love the music so check it out and let me know what you think! 15 songs...

Today was messed up but it's a part of life, so we have to move on... have a good day or remaining night!!! I'm starting to believe in bad luck from chain mails... help me...

Quote by hollow: The best things in life come at you while you least expect it, not when you really want it too... so let life pass you by not worring about love, life and etc... have fun in it!!!


a good friend of mine showed me this and I just had to show you guys... it's FF!!!

bye guys... :)'s

~*Hollow*~
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Saturday, February 3, 2007

man, long time no see me huh!!! sorry!!!
sorry about not being on and such I've just couldn't get and be on!!! I hope you are all alright and have been great or at least ok!!!
so how are you guys and such? I've been ok and been trying to do something other then WHAT, I've been doing lately... such as not read books but plant my flowers, flowers and garden plants and fruit tree's...

L8ter...
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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

I'm.... *exhales* I'm sorry...
I'm sorry for not visiting you guys and commenting on your sites and all!!! I've just... NO!!! that's no excuse!!! I should have come on and said hi to you!!! but I couldn't b/c of family and obligation and loyalty to my mother in helping her in her times of need!!! she needs me and so like always I sacrifice myself in order to lessen ones pains, wants and needs, which are mine usually by helping others and consuming my mind with other things at hand...

well back to better things, I sung at a bar today with some pretty cool people!!! it was fun, crazy, funny, and down right embaressing!!! *blushes and tries to hind in the far corner in the dark* but I still had an alright time... :)'s
well I haven't started on my 5th chapter yet, and I hope YOU, YES YOU!!! KAI!!! love it and super like it by telling me what was your fave part!!! :)'s
YES!!! be discriptive!!! :)'s lol...

well we came home to a house just a mess and food that was just... yucky... but still what else is there... (my older sis made dinner) I was at work with mom, and my younger sis!!! we came home at nine and I have to go to work tomorrow at 3:30 in the morning (car troubles and my old sis has to work at 4 and so she has to tke us in the opposite direction)

SUCKS TO BE ME...
but what can you do... try to live I guess!!! lol...

well I heard the most awesome song on the radio and its by skillet: whispers in the dark!!! I love it!!! utterly and forever love it!!! it touched my soul!!!

well I better get going b/c... well I can already hear my mother bitching at me!!! so L8ter and stay cool!!! thanks a million for visiting me and commenting!!! LOvE yA and sleep well!!!

Poem by hollow: I whisper in the dark and I'm lost for once, I can't find my way but seem I'm at a loss, it's getting colder and I'm frezing inside, i'm going in cirles and running in fright, will I ever find home or a place for the night, will I ever find someone to just hold me tonight!!!

Qoute/saying by hollow: just b/c your alone never truly means you are alone, not even inside... theirs always a part of you who's always there to comfort you, even if you don't see it... they are there... inside you!!! holding you tight... it's your soul!!! it weeps for you, even if others and no one will not!!! it holds you tight and loves you for you, don't forget that!!!

Nite... ZZZzzzzzz.... pleasent dreams!!! :)'s
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Thursday, January 18, 2007

   at the moment lifes just.....
Hey...

Well today, which was the 17th now... was ok for the better part but not really... I can't escape from my mother hounding me... I even dream about her pushing me around!!! it's kinda to much and scary don't cha think?!?

well matt, this pretty cool guy at work thinks somethings totally wrong/messed up with me and pities or just wonders about me... I'm just a person with lots of issues who's not so willing to share the outside world with... well not my town at least!!!

this lady came in today all high and stuff it was funny!!! but I felt sorry for her b/c she's so pretty and real soon she'll look old and uglier then now and scars all over too!!! b/c with drugs you feel like bugs are under your skin and start scratching and ripping and tearing at your skin... and NO!!! I have not and never did them, but 3 of my family members have!!! they got out before it really took hold of them but still it took it's effects on them...

well back to the lady... she couldn't really walk straight and eat her food... and the guy she was with was fine lookin'!!! heck YEAH!!! and then this other punked out guy came and he was HOT!!! but as usually he's from out of state passing through... (bummer) *sad look on face I really liked him too*

well then I drew pics in the back and started my new book... the baby farm!!! it's pretty good and it's about some psycho killer kidnapping new borns and pregnant mothers... and a Doc and a midwife who is trying to find out why and save her friend and sis from the mad manor girl/person!!! it's pretty good so far!!!

then I came home, hung out with my sis and my older sis's kids, watched shriek 2 and then One Tree hill!!! don't laugh at me alright!!! not for watching that!!! it's real good!!! I like it but not as much as Supernatural!!! and Kai, it was "HUNTED"... and it was really good!!! it was about sam and how "he" and others like him were meant for by the demon... pm me if you want more info!!!

that's pretty much it and it's

TIME: 11:55
MOOD: ehhh, unknown at the moment...
LISTENING TO: Jay lenno show in background... Bah... I'm boring...
MY QUOTE: you have to understand the pains of others in order to comprehend their sufferings and pains in the end, if you have the guts to actually help them... so don't judge and rule by the cover of someone, read and understand before... By hollow

sleep well and hopefully I won't be dreaming of my mother hounding me like in kill bill 2 were she's sleeping and then punches the wall b/c she's been hounded so much it's natural even in her sleep to do what-not which she's hounded about!!!

Nite... and sleep well without bad dreams... ZZZzzzz zzz (sleep talking) *ehhh, ok!!! dang, really?!? coming mother... waits on hands and foot, walks back and forth to pick and get things... kool, alright... in a minute, I'm only one person mom!!!* *wakes up* Why am I so tired?!? :)'s

nite guys and thanks a million for stopping by!!!
*hugs and doesn't want to let go... really!!!* lol...
L8terz!!!

Hollow~* Sleepy time... ZZZzzzzz Zzzzz...
*exhales into silent and peaceful sleep*
good nite!!! Hollow OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!.........



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Saturday, January 13, 2007

   thursday's post and todays!!! and I have a surprize for you...
Hey,

well yesterday was just a day for myself really... I hung out by myself, played my gamecube skys of arcadia (my sis has my play station 2 that I let her borrow so I'm playing her GC) but I really just want to play my PS2 and beat my games...
well I couldn't come on. on thurs my sis go on at 8:30 and stayed on till 1:30 and got in trouble, which also had repurcussions on me b/c my sis could have ruined my time on the computer for a while!!! I watched my favorite show in the world!!! well normal show that is!!! SUPERNATURAL!!! love it!!! and my Kai-chan too!!! :)'s

well today I finished my story and it's longer then the rest of them so I'll cut it short, today I watched my sis's kids, made cake frosting for a wedding cake that I'll be going to tomorrow... I'll be sitting everyone... so I'm the bouncer!!! I always wanted to through people out of a bar!!! Wee!!! and the party is in one!!! we won't be drinking boo's but we'll be having food, party, and etc there!!! I'm not even related to them... free food... I kind feel like the guys off of the wedding crashers but not parting that hard core!!! bummer.....
well we came home I read somemore of my book, watched a dumb ass guy on the road play chicken with the night... he sped and hald ass all over the road with and without his lights on... what an idiot... we have a lot of people who do that though and peel out infront of are drive way... jurks!!!
well now it's about 1am, my moods alright, and my qoute is... well : no matter big or small, always know that the ones who are alone, are in need of friends too... and maybe you'll make a difference, because you cared enough to keep your heart, when so many others froze theirs in hate... by hollow



Owen was filled with worry all through the three days she was out and never left her side once... but distinctively noticed the changes in her bruises and cuts in the morning of the second day... it was like the cuts were healing rather fast then they were suppose to... he barely took notice to them the first day, he was filled with grief and blame to even look upon her without hitting himself for the condition and state she was in... at first he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him but that all changed when he actually heard her broken ribs crack back into place in the evening of the second day... his detective side rapidly took over and no longer cared for her other than who, how and WHAT was happening!!! he wanted and was stubbornly going to get those answers from her no matter what this time when she wakes!!! he wasn't going to let her get off of it this time with some sort of lame excuse for something, he wanted the answers, and answers is what he'll get!!! he only hoped he will be getting them very soon!!! but after that incident he watched her ever so carefully and with a watchful eye in caution and care... he no longer thought of her as a harmless woman but a puzzlement of knowing whether or not shes telling you lies, or in fact is a killer... he doubted the second thought but you never know who is, not or who could be a killer until they try to kill you... so he kept his guard up at all times of the day and night... he knew nothing of this woman and now he wished he left her in the forest to take upon her fate then and there as she was going to... but even though he thought that, he still knew in his heart that even now, he still couldn't leave her... NOT without answers anyways...
he would often look out the window and gaze out in the fog filled night and wonder if he should consult with his friend of the predicament he has landed himself in this time... but he no longer thought he could trust anyone ever again, except for himself after that fiery night... it still haunted him now and again from time to time... It always awakes him in a sweat full shaking sensation filled with fear and dread... he pushed those feeling aside and thought for pleasanter times instead while returning to her side once more... she began shaking, moving her body side to side as if she too, was recalling a horrible experience... she often did so and broke out in the night with sweats and terrors... he would hear her crying mostly and talking too, but rarely would as she slept... he caught himself staring at her constantly and tried hard not give her the benefit of the doubt in her situation... but he worries about her and wonders how she had, HAS ever survived living her life... he had found previous scars on her body and long gapping ones on her back... as if she was whipped severely and left to die, her wounds on her back were never attended to and that's what caused Owen to believe she was whipped and then left to die... they seemed as if they were infected at some point and that's why she couldn't heal them... she healed almost as fast as he does... and that shocked and scared him b/c he feared of what that could in fact mean... but waited patiently for her to wake so he could finally hear her side of the story instead of him piecing facts and puzzlements together against her...
Owen- What the HELL, have I gotten myself into...[he looked at her and wiped the sweat off her forehead...] I hope for her sake she can spin one hell of a lie to make me believe the shit that just happened in the last two days...
Her- No, no.... Please don't, stop it... [she shakes violently and cries out] don't hurt her, leave her be... hurt me instead but leave her alone... just leave her alone....... [screams out in pain] NO-O-O!!!! [tears roll down her face as she clenches her hands in fists and flexes them out and again] why.... WHY!!!! oh god, no-o-o.....
Owen tries to wake her but knows she needs to remember but is heartbroken to hear her cry out and beg for the other woman to be set free and not harmed by sacrificing herself instead... He only wishes he could have been there to stop whatever pain that was inflicted upon her... or wakes her from remembering and reliving it all over again... all he could do was stay at her side holding her hand to let her know that he was their with her throughout her pain and suffering...
she finally feel into a silent sleep late that night, the moon was a self-illuminating dream, so vivid and beautiful... it was a bright silvery blue color that made him want to go off running with only the light from the moon on his back and the starlight shining above him guiding him home... or a place he could at last call his home...
he just kept staring out in the night sky wondering what tomorrow will bring and give him... all he wanted was answers and so he finally checked on her one last time, sat next to her and shut his eyes to await the up coming day, hoping that it would come sooner and that his dreams wouldn't bring on his terrible nightmares...
[A mans voice off in the distance]- RUN!!! run you stupid bastard, run for your life... go now!!! Father, NO!!! I won't leave you to face them alone!!! you won't make it back alive... [father knells down and grabs son by the shoulders in an embrace like hold]
son, I know your honorable, courageous and would give up your life for mine and everyone else in this village but I won't let you do such a thing... son, I know how much you want to be a man and that they don't run but face fear and their destiny head on!!! but son, your only ten...[chuckles a bit] I'm so proud of you and what commitments you took on at such an early age but your barely becoming a man and I want to know that somewhere out there you will indeed become one... even if I may not be their to watch you change into one, just knowing you will, would satisfy me even in death, henceforth and there after... You have been the only joy in my life worth fighting for and will be to give up for... Son... be a good man as I have always taught you do be and raised you to... always look out for others and for yourself... be the boy who I love with all my heart son and never forget who you really are!!! no matter what happens son, know that I will always be right here... [touches Nathaniel's chest over his heart] and no one can take that away and the love I have always and WILL always have for you!!! ALWAYS SON!!! [tears streamed down Nathaniel's cheeks] Father, what will become of you?!? a memory son, a life long memory you will always carry with you... I love you son... Now go!!! [Nathaniel's father runs towards the beasts while yelling back at Nathaniel] LIVE SON... LIVE FOR ME!!!
Owen- No-o-o, Father!!! [wakes up sitting with his hand reaching out for his father, breathing quickly and finds himself in Naomi's/Dani's bed spread on the floor covered and warm...]
Owen gets up and rushes outside looking by all means of finding her... in the distance he hears violent splashing and runs in an intensifying velocity he never knew he could ever run before, towards it... he didn't know what he thought was happening or expected but all he knew was that she was gone and left him pissed off as hell... but most of all he was worried about her!!!
he halted in front of a wall of bushes trying to find a way through them, he finally unexpectedly and forcibly rushed throw them tearing and slashing his face, chest, upper arms and legs getting throw... there was no canopy of trees to shade his unfocused yet unawakened eyes from the blazing sun and so he quickly hid them from the sun... he tried to focus on an image in front of him while squinting... and sooner then he realize it, it was Dani/Naomi bathing and unashamed staring right back at him...
Her- care to join me Owen!!! [a daring and anxious look in her eyes and expression]
Owen was baffled and willing to just see if she was playing some sort of position game, or if she indeed really meant it... she seemed so entirely different to Owen as if she were a whole different person now... and thought NOW, was the time to question her...
Owen- WHO are you?!?
Her- Oh Owen, how rude of you... I'm not even dressed or covered and you think upon yourself to simply just asking questions of me without thinking of right or wrongs here... [makes a tisk, tisk sound] how ungentlemanly of you, I'm disappointed in you Owen... I thought you were so much more better then that... she gradually walks up out of the covering of the water... Her hair covered her breasts but Owen never takes his eyes off her face as if trying to figure out her soft expressions... she stopped right in front of him with a smirk on her face...
Her- please pass me my garments, if you mind please... [nodding her head in the direction behind him] their right behind you Owen, if you'll mind getting them for me so I can get dress, that would be greatly appreciated...
Owen didn't trust her so, he moved out of her way...
Owen- You can get them yourself...
Owen wasn't about to turn his back on her and be unguarded for an assault upon himself so he swiftly moved from her pathway and watched as she picked up her garments but turned so she could at least have some privacy getting dressed...
and that was his biggest mistake... before he knew it he was struck in the back of the head severely, knocking him out cold... At first she thought she might have killed him but in case she didn't she needed a hostage but the real reason for keeping him alive was to get information out of him and then leave him to the vultures or wild animals to finish him off...
she dragged him one mile in a half, all the way back to the house and tied him up to one of the remaining pole structures keeping the house from collapsible... she tied up and around his shoulders, tied his waist, and neck around in a several knots to the pole... his arms were around the pole knotted and his legs tied at the ankles and above the knees connecting to the back of the pole so he couldn't move his lower half trying to get free... she knew it was kind of a lot of rope to use but she wasn't going to take any chances of him escaping and trying to warn the others or killing her instead... her life depended on her not messing this one up... she couldn't believe she was doing this and didn't want to but she had no other choice... in order to survive this entire ordeal and predicament she was thrown in even as a child she had no room for error and mistakes... it was her life on the line, no one else's, not anymore anyways...
she took care of his wounds, the ones he inflicted on himself while rushing through the bushes and the one she did on the back of his head... she tried to make him as comfortable as possible and splashed him with water time and again to wake him but no luck so far... she was growing very impatient with him and slapped him a couple of times but was hating herself after she had done it... she grabbed his face in her hands and caressed the swollen red hand marks across his face and kissed his cheek for every slap mark she put on him and ask for forgiveness... and then began to softly cry...
Her- Forgive me ... [rushes hands towards face sobbing] I'm sorry... I'm so sorry Owen!!! you've been nothing but nice, caring, humane, compassionate, gentle with me and I show you none in return... I don't and never did deserve your kindhearted good-natured soul... touches face again and looks away in shame...
Owen- [smiles] Thanks for making me feel better at least for the moment with your kisses... [grins while he said it then changes his expression entirely] Why have you done this to me?!?
Her- you wouldn't understand and for me to tell you, well ... I'd have to kill you... [serious look on her face] I'm on a mission of revenge and I'll be getting' it every soon!!! I have to put back things the way...... [exhales and has a distant look in her eyes as if remembering something painful] make things right again!!! even if it's at the expense of killing someone... I'll take that chance and those who have fallen deserve there revenge even if it's ME, who gives it to them... I can live with the bad dreams but I can't live with HE, who lives with blood on his hands...
Owen- what are you talking about?!? I understand we've gotten of on the wrong foot here, so can I at least have your name?!?
Her- It'll be better if you didn't know who I am... Owen... I don't even know who I am!!!
Owen- so you still don't remember who you are!!!
Her- NO... I mean Yes, I remember everything now!!! It's just... Never mind... [looks away frustrated] I'm Dani she says from over her shoulder...
Owen- So then who's Naomi?!?
Turns immediately with her fists in a punch motion as if going to punch him...
Dani- It's nothing, forget I ever said it... [serious daring look on her face]
Dani remembered what Owen said when he was called Nathaniel... You know I don't go by that name anymore... it's dead to me, and if you bring it up EVER again... I'll make sure you never will...
Owen- it doesn't seem like it is to me... not with your fist and expression all hard and ready to punch me if I say it again!!!
his expressions were a questioning look, truth searching, and point of matter-of-factly that he knew he was right!!! it meant more to her then she was letting on...
Dani- well there you have it!!! we're similar in the past memories or names we had... their DEAD, to us...
Owen knew for now that that's all he was gonna get out from her... for now at least...
Owen- Just...
Dani- [cuts him off and yells it out at him] don't ever call me that or say or even remember that, NAME!!! [a worried look on her face] just forget I ever said it Owen... just don't remember it... Please... I beg of you!!!
falls to her knees and holds head in hands closing eyes tightly... as if she was having a terrible headache and couldn't stop it...
Owen- Okay, but at least can you untie me and tell me why you had to go to such extremes in tyeing me and knocking me out!!! [pleading look in his eyes]
Dani- I can't... I'm sorry Owen... things have been said...[looks away] and I can't be worrying about you running off and saying things or trying to stop me from what I have to do... I don't trust you fully and I can't let my feeling get in the way of my pride and what I know is the right thing to do!!! I can't let you go... I'm sorry!!! I'm sorry for getting you into MY, mess and having you care, worry, and
so on about me... I'm sorry I ever told you anything... or even met you... so you wouldn't have to be in this situation!!! I hope you know that!!!
Owen- what's so wrong with knowing things about you Dani?!? what's so important your hiding and keeping from me?!?
Dani- I'm So-o-o, sorry Owen... [shows a sympathetic look on face but anger and frustration as well] It's not like you've told me much about yourself!!! but even so your prying answers and throwing questions all my way when I STILL, don't know nothing about you!!!!!! I wonder who's getting the better end of the stick here with information!!! eh!!! hem mm... and besides we've only just met!!!
Owen- Okay, OKAY!!! your right!!! So-o-o, what do you want to know!!! [sexy look in his eyes]
That took her by surprise and kinda knocked her off balance...
Dani- um mm, ohm, eh h!!! [lite laughter but noticed she was the only one laughing and acting foolish... she regained her composer as if what she did never really happened] lets see!!!
Owen just stared at her with anticipation and amusement... he watched how she was blushing, muttering incoherent words, and how she quickly took control of the situation when it was going badly... he hoped her questions weren't to personal and a prejudice forthcoming ones about what he's done... Yes, he was a shape shifter who in animal form was a wolf!!! most of them were, but still that didn't make him a monster or crazed animal out looking for his next fragile, heart pumping kill... yes, most of his kind did love to kill humans and the chase in hunting them... sometimes the beast inside takes over and wants but the human can resist only if he/her want to... WANTS, that's the key word!!!
he just kept thinking to himself for a while as he watched and waited for her questions... maybe this WAS, a bad idea... a troubling look on his face filled with worry and doubt showed...
Dani- are you having second thoughts Owen?!? b/c if so I'm not going to make you answer anything, you don't have to, if you don't want!!!
Owen- ain't I suppose to be the one saying that!!! [a smile in his face...] No, it's Okay!!! ask away!!!
Dani- alright... how old are you?!? what are you really like?!? can you be trusted?!? why do you look at me as if you've... your puzzled, distant, with care, entrusting, not trusting, hurting, AFRAID?!? are you worried and afraid of me?!? are you worried what the others will do to me?!? is that it?!?
Owen- [exhales] I'm 22, I'm just someone with a lot to deal with, have trust issues and doesn't like surprises... other then that I'm a loyal, TRUSTWORTHY, person looking for a place to in which I haven't found yet... I look at you that way b/c you are a BIG question mark to me!!! I don't know you and I worry about you b/c I can!!! I'm not afraid of you but it's more on the lines of what they'll do to you that bothers me and fills me with worry and fear!!! and what about you?!?
Owen won't tell her other reasons but for now that's what she have to take from him in answers.... b/c he still yet trusts her too...
Dani- well I'm 20, I'm a very distant person who doesn't NEED, people in her life... if you would like to trust me that's your choice but as it may I'll let you know that I AM, a trusting person!!! I would keep that secret till the death of me!!! [he believed her too, remembering her cries out for someone in her dream being tortured he just wished he knew why she became such a hard person inside] and since I care none of that, in which way I have asked you, I will not answer them...
Owen- why are you so closed off?!? what did anyone ever do to you to ever make you that way?!?
Dani looked away from him and stared off into the night sky... he watched her closely and noticed a tear cascading down her smooth cheek only leaving wetness in it's wake and fall...
Dani- Loving me... I'm so closed off because of them loving me...
she still looked out the wind and he watched as another tear rolled down her cheek... she was so unraveled and heartbroken with past memories that when she realized she was crying she forced her tears away, wiped them off, and acted as if nothing happened and changed the subject quickly... she was a strong person, mentally, emotionally and physically... she blocked out all that weakened her so she could live in the now!!! sooner or later she'll burn out and crumble like the real delicate leaf she really was... but he didn't know her, so why was he judging her that way...
Dani- I'm letting you go in the morning!!! you can go wherever, I just have requests from you...
Owen- I'm all hears... [puzzled by the change of air and feel of her]
Dani- Don't follow me!!! you can go tell your elders about me and the information you gathered from me as well, but know this... that I'll be watching you...
Owen- what kind of agreement is that Dani!!! I can't follow you, yet you'll be watching me!!! is that some kind of threat!!! why won't you ask me to not say a word about you or trust me enough to go with you?!?
Dani- It's my burden Owen, my guilt and sacrifice alone... it's not a threat of some kind, it's just that I'll be watching you from a safe distance to make sure of your safe return to Cedric... other then that I'll be on my way afterwards and out of your life forever!!! you can make me out to be a dream, illusion, a false lie... but I can NOT, and WILL not, let you come with me... it's not that I don't trust you Owen... well I don't really, but it's more of a insurance police of my safety and a successful outcome!!! and come on, we don't even know each other fully or well enough for real trust!!!
she was right, Owen knew that!!! but he couldn't find himself abandoning her now or ever in this situation and time... and the way she said “and I'll be out of your life forever...” it was like she didn't even care that he took care of her and didn't rat her out when she was out... anyways he had a terrible feeling that she was way in over her head and he had to be there to protect her... no matter what, even if he had to trick her and follow her instead later on!!! but for now he'll act as if he'll take her request and play nice for her... or at least until morning so she wouldn't expect anything less of him then compliance... but he just had the worst feeling in his gut that she was... he didn't even want to think it!!!
Owen- alright, we have a deal as long as you do something for me!!!
he looked serious and had a warning look in his eyes that said don't mess with me and you better take my word and request personally!!! his expression was so intense... she felt like a near death rabbit caught in front of someones headlights in the dark....
Dani- are you threating me Owen?!? what will you do to me if I don't take your request?!? [a challenging look in her eyes]
Owen- I guess I am Dani!!! I'll....[she cut him off]
Dani- because your not in any position to be making threats Owen!!! Now are you?!? Let's see... your tied up, I can pretty much do what I want to you and dismiss you the Very same way!!!
Owen knew right then that he made a mistake by saying anything and giving her shit about “if she didn't take him seriously...” damn, he pretty much blew it and his chances of her letting him go and trusting him... F-U-C-K!!! how could he be so stupid... it's cool you can still make it out of here, maybe!!! changes attitude...
Owen- come on Dani!!! don't be that way I was only kidding... [weak smile] I just wanted you to know that I hope my request is meant the same way as yours... and that's why I... I-I...
Dani- what's the agreement then?!?
relief washed over Owen as his explanation worked on her...
Owen- that you answer all my questions before you let me out in the morning!!!
Dani- what kind of questions?!? [she looked worried and angry]
Owen- about YOU!!!
Dani- I'll answer some but if some of them are to personal I will not, and never shall answer them to you!!!
Owen- fine... at least I'll get some out of you!!! what are you?!? I mean I saw you heal yourself and brake your bones back into place in two days, you were fully healed... It would have taken me four in the condition you were in!!! why is that?!?
Dani- to personal!!! I can't without you... no I won't!!! [looks away from him with disgust for herself]
Owen- WHAT!!! why not?!? and you didn't have to give me that look!!!
Dani- you don't need to know!!! I won't get you involved in my affairs and the look wasn't for you!!! you'll find out in time Owen, I promise you will!!! and not from me... I don't want them to use it against you and torment you with excruciating tortures and sufferings because your holding back information because of me...
Owen looked puzzled and mixed with emotions of dread, fear, worry etc... he couldn't believe or come to grips to even think that she was even in this deep of a situation... she felt bad to see him care for her and worry this way about her...
Dani- don't worry about me Owen!!! I'm a big girl... thanks for the tender love and care treatment but I don't need it or deserve it Owen...!!! [smiles and scoffs] and don't give it to me again!!! [she glared at him]
Owen- I don't understand, what are you trying so hard not to tell me or leave me out of Dani!!! I can help you!!!
Dani- I guess that's enough for one night!!!
Owen- Dani what's....
Dani- I said that's enough Owen!!! don't make me stuff a shock in your mouth and then tie it shut!!! I don't WANT, to do that Owen but you'll force me to do so if you continue... [sad look on her face] so just drop it and go to sleep...
Owen- I take it then, that your leaving me tied up tomorrow!!!
Dani- Owen, just get some sleep and we'll take it on from where we were tomorrow... I'm tired, I have a headache and just want to rest... is that to much to as for?!? I'm sorry I can't answer your most wanted questions!!! but you have to understand I'm doing it out of what's BEST, for you and your safety Owen... [compassion and care showing in her eyes] I wouldn't want you to get hurt over me or because of me!!! you have to understand I'm a shadowy person Owen!!! Not some open talking, free thinking, blurt out my whole entire life to someone I just met person!!! I'm not like that... I have secrets, we all do!!! I just keep mine more hidden and to me then everyone else!!! I lived on my own and I'll die that way, it's as simple as that Owen!!!
Owen- I don't understand you, how can a beautiful woman who I've seen cry over hurting and slapping me, be so burdened with secrets and pain to NOT, let anyone ever in!!! why are you the way you are?!? so distant to the world, hate it, feel alone, want to face death and is not afraid of it, you have a good heart... I know you do, but still you hide... why are you taking on the world by yourself?!? why won't you let me help you!?!
Dani- [looks away briefly before gazing back at him with so much emotions in her expression and eyes that it was over bearing and heartbreaking to see] I stay hidden and distant so people like you won't get involved in my problems and issues!!! I stay hidden in the shadows so no one will ever consider trying to get involved with me in chatting or emotional affairs... people who are good and pure who never ever deserved anything in there life!!! But you... your very kind and we are in many ways similar... but are issues are not and are problems will never be compared even remotely in the same category as one another!!! you risked your life to save me while never knowing who or anything about me... not many... [shakes head] No one would have done that!!! I don't have time to look after others I would come to love and protect... I'm the way I am because I was made to be, forced to live as... I tried to make things work the other way as you want, but there always had to be casualties, soaked bed sheets stained with blood as I found the ones I came to love or care about slaughtered in there beds never seeing them coming or expecting it to... I face death so fearlessly because I care nothing of my life any longer, I see them every night as I slept and wish to calm revenge for the ones who showed me so much love and kindness and then befell such a horrible fate just for caring, being kind to and or loving me... and you can't help me b/c I must do this on my own... I faced it alone... so I will end it alone... I can't ask you to be apart of this Owen... and you will not!!! I'm sorry for what I'm going to do... but please forgive me one day!!! [sorrow and despair took hold over her eyes] and find it in your heart to understand my choice and what I had to do... I'm sorry Owen... [walks up to him and kisses his cheek and caress it] [Owen leans into her caressing hand] THANK YOU, thank So much, for everything!!! I just thought you should know that... [closes her eyes with tears falling down as she walks away]
Owen- where are you going?!? Dani!!! Dani!!! DAAANNNIIIII!!!
As Owen watched her walk out into the night never looking back, he felt a piece of him dieing and disappearing to go run off with her inside... All he felt was anger towards her but it was more of her stubbornness he was pissed off with... time pasted by and the night grew shorter, before he realized the feelings in which he actually felt for her, his and his beasts... his other side took hold and over powered him while reaching the boiling point never to fuck with... his beast side exploded into anger and rage within and couldn't stand by any longer with her out there on her own and without her... he broke the ropes that chained him from her and rushed in the moonlight sniffing the night sky air in search of Dani, in search of the truth... even if he would have to find it else where other then the mouth he wanted it to come out of... he was pissed at her but was more with himself... for he let his emotions rule over him and now the situation was worse then before... she had a five hour start on him, but he felt as if she was still near him... and her scent was everywhere and on him... he was just going crazy, but he felt eyes on him, watching him!!! but all he saw was a Kestrel, to put it plainly, a sparrow hawk and it was peering at him... it was high up in a tree and watched him as if he was the hunted prey to it's next course meal... Owen wished he could go up there and pluck it down so he could cook it with a so called victory smirk on his face saying he won... that thought brought a smile to his face... and he then continued with his journey in finding Dani... searching, looking and watching for signs of her anywhere... little did he know that all along she was the one looking and watching him......

End of chapter 4

if you survived through that then you deserve this *pats on back and gives a big hug b/c I met you on the other side* lol... don't mind my weird thinking!!! so how'd you like it?!? who do you see yourself mainly as?!? me well I see myself as Dani!!! I took bits and peice's of myself and put it into Dani... but she has strengh when I do not... people tell me I do but I don't see it... and niether does dani... well I hope you liked it!!! nite...



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Thursday, January 11, 2007

   Hiya I... *pukes in background*
I woke up today around 4am to take my mom to work and hang out until she's ready to leave... it was NOT!!! busy and so boring for once... I burned my hand with boiling HOT!!!!!!! water... and ate food that had me sick and puking my brains out so much that my head felt like it was going to explode and that I was going to passout... my uncle (fave one) came and visited us in the restrant... that was cool!!!
I listend to Ink'd music for a while but had to change it b/c the "restrant" was for older time life people not the new day life style... it was ok we listened to 50's through the 80's best hits... I knew a lot of them b/c of my younger sibling while growing up and my mom...
I felt so bad the entire day, I felt like someone was twisting a knife in my gut, or tearing my insides out only to play yo'yo with them to cause me brutal pain... I felt like crying... I couldn't breath at times, and wanted to fall to my knees begging for god to end my suffering...

we came home around 11:30 I slept a little and then we had to go back to work to cash out are shift amount... and stayed for a bit...

we came home, I made dinner, and we watched some Tv and now it's
Time: 11:25pm...
Mood: I'm sick and tired...
listening to: the silence and it's soothing and calming me a bit...
and my quote for the day it: you can take the sadness out of your expressions but you can't take the sadness out of you... hiding from your pain and the world just makes you disappear for a little while, until "they" want to hurt you some more... just think about that!!! by hollow

end of post... nite and don't let the darkness of nightmares consume you tonight... *wraps arms around you and hold you tight* sleep, it'll all be over soon... *puts on night-lamp to help you sleep better* *covers you up and sits in corner til your fast asleep... nite*

ZZZZzzz.... *eyes are shut*
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