Thursday, June 28, 2007

   *covers face with one hand*
your right, you know that!
I just need to... to get away and think about things except letting them and everything walk over me.
I'm so frigging stupid at the moment thinking about things that don't even make sense. yet some how in my frigging mind there the only thing that does!
*hit myself in the head lightly with my hand*
dude, I've lost myself and who I am, I need to find me again and not combine ME, with other people and things that happened ages ago and let go and try to live in the now, not the fucking up past!!! I NEED TO or I'm just gonna... gonna end up hurting myself, (which I don't want to) or someone I really care about (which I REALLY REALLY REALLY, don't EVER, wanna do)
I need to find me again, to tell you the truth I kinda am, yet I'm losing peices of myself that I really need. my insanity is going loco and wacked out, and ME, I'm lost in a fucked up world in the past of self hate and blame that I can't even see myself in the mirror anymore and my eyes, I can't even see myself there!!! I see someone else, a stranger within me...something scary and... just NOT me.
I'm really SOOooooooooo, sorry I've been gone and that I haven't really been myself for a long time and I'm sorry if you needed me at one point or another and I wasn't there, but right now... I'm so fucked up I'd probably only make it worse! I'm so sorry I'm not there for you or that you can't be here for me, but somethings... you just have to do on your own. and this... this is just one of them.
I can't make any promises or anything but all I can tell you is that I'll be off for awhile MORE, sorry guys I really miss you so much but I gotta better me and my dang soul lol ^^ but really!!! but the goodnews is that i'll try and more and likely be on only to check pm's and replying on them so pm if you wanna know what's up or something ok ^^ and don't forget to let me KNOW, HOW YOU ARE, AND HOW'S IT GOING!!!
*HUG YOU VERY TIGHT* I really wanna know how things are going and how you are ok!!! ^^

thanks for the slap, back in to reality Driffter ^^ thanks, and you could never lose my friendship b/c of what you wrote!!! you where right!!! and I've know that for a long time that I have to change things and heal and just fix my life but it's hard when people in your family really need you and there sick or start crying b/c they need you and then guilt you out. I love my family deeply but there's times when... I just feel like strangling them all. lol ^^ really!!!

here's a poem I wrote, well I'll put up two. have a good one and I really do hope to see or read from you from now and again. and I swear I'll be back for good sooner then later ok! I promise!!! *hugs you so tight!!!* I love you guys!

and colleen, I'm really, really sorry about today, it was me the whole time! forgive me and I'm sorry about your sister! *hugs you* I'm sorry!


short poems that I never finished

I remain silent like a night breeze in the wind, as my true love walks to them. He smiles and blows me a kiss, as he disappears in the foggy blue mist.


So I shall remain silent like the night air breeze, only brushing carelessly against your skin, so that I may come from time to time with every breeze that comes by… only to let you know that I am here in the cold night air breeze.



today is one in many...
maybe one day I'll see what it is to be alive again, and maybe one day I'll finally believe in life and love, oneday I'll see inside myself and awaken from my dark slumber, or maybe that far away day, will just never come... I see a world inside an empty box today, and outside that box a person is there, a stupid girl thinking less of herself, all the while being alone and thinking she's got it worse. that girl is helpful and a great person to love, yet she hates herself and wants nobody inside that box, to ever love her! she feels as if she's let down the world... a world she has yet to even face. but even though she may feel that way, there's always the ones who have it worse within that box. so she climbs an unclimb-able moutain, where her true anwsers and questions lie at top. and even though it seems like she's getting higher, she's still stuck and frozen in place below.
she may cry and have pains of her own like others, but who else doesn't have or feel them too. she just wants to be love yet forgotten, so that her suicide will be unmorned. she feels as if her problems are nothing, so she smacks and hits herself to sleep. she has no idea of why she's hurting, but all she knows is that she feels. she has problems like everyone else and we all have to go on and move forward with or without them, but even though she feel like she is, she's still stuck and locked within a timeless box, of no hope's and no bedtime good dreams. so maybe on day she's finally wake up, and realize she's just a fool. a fool with nothing but stupid problems that never meant anything. so until that day comes upon her, she's still fight and hang on for dear life, but until or if the day ever comes, she's be slowly dying and hoping for the worst!

a poem by yours truly hollow eyes!!!
inspired by you all!!! ^^

and my fave poem: in the depths of my heart

In the depths of my heart lies an unforgotten secret, a secret of broken hearts and pain. Torn feeling of sadness and a lost love forever gone yet always trapped within. With a sense of regret fading, but never far from my pain, a love that was once ignited by hope, that came from your face. You placed your hand within mine and brushed your fingers against my skin. You always knew how to love me, in ever single way, and you always held back within, so your heart would never again break. You held my heart in the palms of your hands and you torn it from my chest. You said that love was just a word and I thought you just needed time to mead. Yet I found out how much love could hurt me and how much it’ll never mend my broken pains. I found my love at age 15 and knew it was him before it all began. His love was never mine to give, and he broke my stupid naïve heart. His heart belonged to another, yet that girl torn his heart to pieces and into shreds. But somehow he still loved her, and wanted nothing more then to beg. I tried to love him, and convince him that I was the one. But still his heart belonged to that heartless bitch. So how could I tell him that my love would never hurt him, and that I would always be with him, but before I could show and tell him, he began lying to me instead. He broke my heart several times and still I loved that heartless guy, but still I kept hoping he’d change and so no matter how many times my heart was exposed, he’d end up breaking it without a single heartfelt care. So please help me mend my broken heart, from every time and again it was broken, while he made me hollow from within. I hope that rubs off on him, and he feels what I feel. To the ones who love me and wished I left his sorry ass, I love and cherish them instead, and to the ones who were there to hold me, and lift me up when my heart was torn inside out. I cry and lean on their shoulders while wishing I could save him from his pain, and I wished every night that I could heal him, and mend his heart broken pains. But you could only take so much before you break and never feel again, so I left him there to wallow away until he choose me, instead of the pain. In the depths of my heart lies a secret, a secret I’ll never forget. And that secret is a man I once loved, and now he’s just a myth.

L8ter guys,
and I am ok, but soon to be getting even better! ^^ see ya around!

Hollow eyes, forever inside your hearts, but needing time to find her lost forsaken heart.

lol bye guys! *smiles and hugs you while waving*
L8ter.
Comments (3) | Permalink

Saturday, June 23, 2007

*laughs* life... think about it
broken illusions made me this, thank you! really, thanks! *hugs you*


Time:10:03pm

Mood: life drama, I hate it and just want to be alone, yet no one leaves me alone. I htink it's b/c they know I'll kill myself or that I'll hurt myslef. I'm so fucking stupid and i'm all pity me, feel sorry for me and all that bull shit, but really I'm not like that, I only seem and look like it. but you'l never know the real me, cuz I bury myself deep within myself where no one can get to me.

I've been tagged by Kalli so here are 5 things about myself.

1.) I live more on to myself and in a shadowly dark space of my room only wanting to be alone and yet feeling like I don't. but I never get to be alone, everyone in my family is bothering me with stuff that seems not that important to me anymore and other times all I ever want is them to bother me yet they never do. kora's right, I am a drama queen and it's fucking funny!

2.) I live with my mother yet again and I'm 20 almost fucking 21 and I'm fucking pathetic, I did live with my sister in Idaho but when my mom got sick I can down to help her and I'm still here. in the way as always!

3.) I have dreams for myself but I'm to much of a damn pussy to grab hold of any of them and make a move and live them. try to at least walk in the pathways of them. I'm not even worthy of living and life.

4.) I have 5 sisters and 1 brother and I'm the one who always just goes off and finds an empty place to be. lol even on my brithday last year I left and just went out side to be by myself and yet I never could be. I'm always trying to find sancutuary but never find any.

5.) I let myself be used by everyone of my family members just so I could spend time with most of them. but more on the lines I have and now I just wanna go off into the world and be alone. b/c I am alone pretty much where I am but tortured by words of violence so where more would I want to be?

Kalli, I'm posting your questions as well ^^

MOUTHOLOGY

Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Italin or ranch

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. Ramaro’s a Mexican restaurant

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. don’t have one, probably never will

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. don’t go to any

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A. lol Ramen too, I don’t really know, foods food. But I’d say most of it’s bad for you anyways so who really cares anyways. DARREL (Celestial Chi) lmao!!! XD that’s wrong kalli lol

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. pepperoni and onions it’s better cold the next day anyways but that’s my fave pretty much

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A. butter and sometimes jam

TECHNOLOGY

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. Elfen lied it says: if I can’t stop killing people, I want you to kill me! I feel the same way.

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. we have 3 but only 2 are connect to the regular stations and the other one is for are games.

BIOLOGY

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. Right! I could be left to but I’m right

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. teeth of course, who hasn’t and something else but that’s something I’ll be keeping to myself!

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. I don’t know

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A. 2 or 3 weeks ago a big 100 pound sack of dog food, chicken and then a frigging big 150 sack of onions, what can I say, I was raised up as a boy and I do heavy lifting. lol *sighs*

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. I think so, when I got stitckes ^^

BULLCRAPOLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. lol the funny thing is I just watched final destatnation 3 today and they know when they die lol but I’d have to say yeah, so I could do everything I wanted before I die.

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. Jean

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Purple

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. yeah

Q. Have you ever saved someone’s life?
A: yeah, my niece was drowning and no one even saw that she was and I swam out to her and saved her.

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. no, not really but probably.

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. yeah

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000
A. lol the other day I ask my brother to cut off one of my fingers. And he was so psyched and he really wanted to and even said he’d pay to do it! lol

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. yeah, I’m feeling less like I belong here anyways so I’d do it. I’d leave off myo and even the internet for that much. I need to get on with my life anyways

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. Hell no, I wouldn’t want people to be making fun of me and my ugly ass body for the rest of my life.

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. sure

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a humans life for $1,000,000?
A. no.

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A. I'm wearing PJ's, and I have pockets but nothings in them.

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A. Never saw it

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A. Both at my brothers, and carpet and cement at my mom’s

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A. Stand...

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A. I had 3 once but I have only 1 now

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A. 5 days ago lol

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: a journalist, an author, artist, Just something, go and be something then what I am now.

Q: Who is number 1 on your top 8
A: Top 8 what? Don’t have one.

LASTOLOGY

Q: Friend you talked to?
A: none

Q: Last person who called u?
A: my mother and she’s going to a funeral

Q: Person you hugged?
A: no one

Q: Person you kissed?
A: no one

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A: 7

Q: Season?
A: Fall in Idaho and are monsoon seasons here in Az b/c it rains

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A: all the time

Q: Mood?
A: lonely and hating life and wanting nothing more for life to just change and take me with it.

Q: Listening to?
A: nothing

Q: Watching?
A. the blue screen of my computer

Q: Worrying about?
A: my mom

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
A: right back to sleep

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: (your mom) lol Kalli that’s wrong! But draw and see and find something new and a reason for living life.

Q: What’s the last movie you saw?
A: waiting lol and it was so wrong yet funny

Q: Do you smile often?
A: no, not really


how is your day/night going?

~lifes not meant for everyone, but is given~

Bye,

~*hollow*
Comments (4) | Permalink

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

   second half con't of yesterday's poem ^^ don't cry lol
align=left>
I adopted a cute lil' gothy fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

align=left>
I adopted a cute lil' poison fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

align=left>
I adopted a cute lil' December birthstone fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

align=left>
I adopted a cute lil' mummy fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

Don't ask, lol ^^

well my mom's getting pissed off and I'm just on vacation away from my home still, and it's great! but I'm worried about things and them.
well I wrote a continued poem to the one I wrote yesterday and I'm a little worried in posting them, I don't want anyone to steal them and I love them, there personal ones but I'll post them for the hell of it anyways! ^^


Your never there in the breeze


Another dawn comes and goes without you, another tear falls down my tearful face, a summer breeze blows all around me, yet I feel your never there.
Your always on my mind, and not forgotten, your there instead of here, is it me or is there’s no more longing, to be here instead of there.
Without your touch I’m hollow and lost, without your love I’m decaying and withering like an enchanting dead rose.
I’m lost yet never found inside me, will you ever be near and around me when I call and feel this pain.
I lay in my bed crying, your name whispers from my lips and my heart breaks with every minute you’re now resting, in your dark lifeless hollow grave.
The loving breeze never comes around me to entrap me with your love.
Your soft touch is never on me, when rose petals fly amuck.
Your loving embrace no longer haunts me, your warmth touch is never there, your endearing kisses are never felt but wanted… and now I know you’re never there.
My tears fall on your grave stone, my heart is bleeding from my chest.
You’re died and no longer with me, yet I once felt your lips on my neck.
The breeze that once was endearing and gentle, no long blows my longing way, and the sweet memories of you around, no long hold me at bay.
You broke my heart when you said you’d always be around me, and now I know why my heart broke at those very words.
You always told me you’d never leave me, and in the breeze I knew you never would.
It was in which of the breeze you could only hold and touch me, and now your touch no longer is there.
Why is it that I always love thee, and yet my heart is the only one that has to bleed.
And I can’t imagine how your bleeding, when I’m the only one who’s hurting.
You blood still mingling on my hands in nightmares, your soft words no longer there.
My tears splash all around us, yet your never there.
Your never there!
So another dawn rises and falls down upon me, and I whisper my faint goodbyes.
I’m always there lying down by your grave stone beside you, like some haunting dead ghost not excepting goodbye.
While all along you’re the one who’s haunting me, in my life and in my dreams.
But I’ll still cherish and remember, all those heartfelt summer breezes, when you used to touch me.


~It’s better to have loved, then to have never loved at all!!! B/c then you could at least say you found love once, then say you never found love at all~ second half is mine thoughts and first half... well you know the famous quote! ^^


~*hollow*

Comments (4) | Permalink

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

my tears and the breeze (my new written poem)
Time: 1:31pm
Mood: iffy
Thoughts: looking for love is harder then just being alone, why is it that it never finds most of us, but tortures us in knowing that others have it and found it. maybe it's b/c we feel unloveable and not capably of love and of someone loving us... me! lol me. but love will find me, like a cool summer breeze finds me, I just have to let it wash over me and let it come to me. not hide and run in the house when it blows on by. I always let the breeze wash over me but a man or guy... that's a different story! a breeze never hurts you emotional but physically, well sometimes yes. but emotionally NO! and thats why I love it so much I guess or that it just makes me smile for some reason everytime is blows and washes over me with new life. life, yet to be found in others, a whole world waiting for us to explore and live in. I want to live in it, do you?



My tears and the breeze


I cried while my tears fell upon your lips and caress your face as they slid down your bruised face.
My cries were never heard, but echoed only in the silence of the murky dark night, forever staying within the silent night of my cold heart.
I held you in my arms and watched as you slipped away within the darkness of the dead.
And as I kissed your rough lips stained with my sorrow filled tears upon them, I dead inside.
While my soul stretched out under my skin and pulled at my flesh trying to break free from it and its confined cage... in order for me to just reach out to you, and in hopes of going with you in spirit… so I wouldn’t be alone in this heartless world we both lived in.
But I failed, you left without me, and my heart chipped off like ice into pieces, leaving me hollow and empty, without you in this world.
It means nothing to me without you here.
I don’t want to be in it without you holding me each and everyday, kissing me with you sweet lips, and making me laugh and smile while deep down inside you know I’m crying.
And so my cries fall upon my out stretched bruised palms as I see your blood stained upon them. I feel you under my skin and caressing my hands as if you’re here with me.
So as I close my eyes in hopes of remembering the last smile and look of your face, and you reach out to me in spirit to whisper my name, as I open my eyes to see your face, I see nothing but the streaming of your blood running into the lake.
I hug and hold on to your body one last time and your face is all I see when I hear my name on your lips in the night breeze.
Cherry blossoms are gliding and dancing within it and combine together as your face.
Then you swipe at me with the petals and caress my skin face and lips, in a one last attempt to touch me as you fade away, forever unseen by me, but forever there beside me.
So as my tears fell swiftly into the dark night, I knew that you were always there to catch them and kiss me with leaves and petals that caress my cheek on a summer breeze.
And that you’ll always be there with me and within my heart until we can finally meet once again.
But for now we’ll always have a breeze to connect us, and a whole world to share together unseen but forever together, until we meet.

written by: Jean well... Vanessa aka hollow

did you like it?
how are you?
what's new and going on?

L8ter,

~*hollow*


Comments (3) | Permalink

Monday, June 18, 2007

   ...



time:12:24pm
mood: iffy

thoughts: life is a very troubling place, but that doesn't always mean you have to take shit from it.



a wonderful friend of mine (lynn/lyndsey) sent this to me and I just thought I'd share this with you all!!! ^^

GIRLS IN MY CIRCLE

I used to believe in the concept of one best
friend,
and then I started to become a woman.

And then I found out that if you allow your heart
to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through
things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through
things with your mom.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt,
joke, or just be.

One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,'
another, 'Let's fight together,'
another, 'Let's walk away together.'

One friend will meet your spiritual need,
another your shoe fetish,
another your love for movies,
another will be with you in your season of
confusion,
another will be your clarifier,
another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,
on whatever the occasion,
on whatever the day,
or wherever you need them to meet you with their
gym shoes on and hair
pulled back,
or to hold you back from making a complete fool of
yourself
those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman,
but for many, it's wrapped up in several...
one from 7th grade,
one from high school,
several from the college years,
a couple from old jobs,
on some days your mother,
on some days your neighbor,
on others, your sisters,
and on some days, your daughters.
So whether they've been your friend for 20 minutes
or 20 years,
AND YOU CAN PASS IT ON IF YOU'D LIKE TO.

I have nothing really to post about... well nothing of interest about me, so... well nothing worth reading about and I don't want you to worry about me so yeah... lol *covers face with hand in a humor yet depression look on face* well yesterday me and my brother went to town, me wearing his sweat pants and t-shirt b/c mine where muddy and very caked in mudd from my neices b-day party. and well... so lol I looked... it was funny. well we were speeding and eating while driving, and swerving too lol don't ask. and a cop was right behind us and we didn't even know. lol
he passed us and then he did a u-turn and his lights came on. and we were like shit!!! (my brother has been in trouble with the law and those ass holes want to get him) we pulled to the side (like your suppost to do to get out of the way) and he passed us. we were like, phew!!! and exhaled the air we both were holding. lol
never a dull moment in my life, and never a quite on either. the day before my brother and sis in law were yelling and fighting. it woke me up out of a dead sleep and I felt... it just brought back old memories and stuff. I was filled with... not fear but dread and I couldn't... I just... I felt panic yet nothing but worry. but all along I knew, I KNEW!!! my brother wasn't like him... like MY father, so I waited and strained to hear and listen to a thud, a slap, a pounding shove into a wall. I heard nothing but the fading memories of my childhood sounds come to life. nothing happened as I suspected but I hate it, I JUST FUCKING HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE FIGHT AROUND ME. my childhood comes alive and hits me all over again with hidden memories of it all. and I hate those feelings.

wellI gotta go. I hope your all doing great, how are you? ^^
I'll see you around and I'm visiting today! ^^ slowly yet I'm gonna do it! ^^ lol
well have a good one.
L8ter, and thanks for visiting me!!! ^^ *hugs you*
cya,

~within ever shadow of ones mind lies a hidden truth, what's yours~

~*hollow*

Comments (5) | Permalink

Sunday, June 17, 2007

yeah...


time: 2:23pm
mood: right on/mellow ^^

still at my bro's and having a kick ass time, I haven't been home to actually... I'm feeling better know but I haven't been home to actually have his death over me and reminding me he's gone either. so right now I'm in-between feelings!
I'm really sorry I haven't been on all that much and visited and I just hope we'll still be friends when I do and can since I can't at the moment! T.T

I can NOW, receive mail/pm's so pm me away. I try to atleast have been writing back! but yeah. well I'm ok, happy fathers day to all the fella's and papa's out there and keep it real and cool!
L8ter,

~death comes and goes but the living mainly and rarly stay at all~ by hollow eyes

~*hollow*
Comments (1) | Permalink

Thursday, June 14, 2007

things take and give, I only wonder when I'll be getting instead of it always taking...
Time: 9:34am
Mood: iffy yet I seem to be feeling nothing at the moment.
thoughts: why does life always have to take, take things of value or symbols of feelings like love and so on to all of us. I'm not just taking about me! I'm talking about ppl I know, life seems to always take the good away from us and in return it leaves us hollow and painfilled. and mostly... well lots of times it never gives back. why does it have to take anyways. is it the things we do, sins we commit, lies we tell, or hate we feel, have or give on to others that life just explodes on us and takes. I'm not saying am any of those, I have sinned though, lied, and... did things, HELL... we all have but why does it always seem like after we change are ways life just smacks you down and gives you pay back! I don't understand it. do you?

well I'm at my sister-in-laws and brothers house babysitting and so on, I'm terribly sorry I haven't been on all that much and been visiting you all! my home computer is dying and I don't really know how long I'll be on here anyways and the stupid things not letting me or even bringing up the comment box so I could comment on most of your sites. I'm sorry.
things are well I'm just not feeling anthing or kind of loss towards buster, are family/childhood dog. it's like I... I haven't even cried I said a couple of words to him as I stood there on tuesday over him as he layed there motionless and bleeding. the day before i knew something was wrong and told my mother inwhich told my dad and they and ME... well, I did nothing and b/c of that he's died! me and my sister had to drag his maggot filled body away from the house and then spary off the porch. I felt so shitty and like... even in death I some how hurt him and let him down. when I was looking down at him I apolgized to him saying I was sorry for all the times I wasn't there to pet and just play with him even though I was just a ways away.... inside the house for crist sake. as I said I was sorry I knew it didn't matter now, it's not like he's here to hear it or what-not. everyday I'd say to him "hey old dog/man, what's up how's it going" and now he won't be there for it and me. he'd always walk with me and watch over me as I'd go out into the night/dark and just hang out somewhere on the property or just get the mail or something. he'd always walk with me and sit there, like he was making sure I'd be ok or maybe it was that he some how sensed my pain and wanted to heal me and make things better. I feel like he... he was a dog for goodness sake and... I'll miss that damn dog and his playfulness he once had, he had the heart of a young pup but what old. and he died laying down and it seemed like he was watching over are house or maybe reaching out and no one just carried enough to grab his paw/hand. I don't know, but I left the day he died to my brothers house, and I haven't been back since and just looked. just looked and finally let it all come into grasp and me realize... he's NOT, coming back. but I'll always cherish and good old days and fun time we had herding, running, playing, and just having a good old time with him.

buster R.I.P

hollow~ trying to feel for a dog that's just not real to the touch... anmore~
Comments (5) | Permalink

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

   R.I.P.
, , , , , , ,


my family's childhood dog died today! T.T


~*hollow*

Comments (4) | Permalink

Friday, June 8, 2007

*sighs heavily* damn, life is hell.


Sorry I haven't really been on that much lately!!! I've been really busy with my family reunion/50th anniversey!!! it's crazy!!! and I thing all hells gonna break loose soon, like everytime the family gets together lol ^^ but seriously!!!

i don't even have a room anymore and in the place I was sleeping at I fucking saw things and heard weird ass things!!!

well tomorrow's the big day wish me good luck or just PRAY for me so if things get fucking crazy and I have to jump in lol oh god I hope not yet a part of me wants too lol
well see ya and I'll see you around in two days or so!!!
L8ter,


~*hollow*

Comments (12) | Permalink

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

   why does pain have to be so real. yet we feel nothing to.


Time: 11:11pm Oh shit!!! fuck! somethings bads gonna happen, FUCK!!!
Mood: iffy yet not ok!
Thoughts" why does the wind make things seem so alive and make you feel it so as well.


well my second to the olders sister was taken to the hospidal (yes I know I didn't spell that right) and now she has to go into surgery. and the time thing, it's just something me and my little sis have issues with and everytime we see the clock at 11:11 something bad always happened. shit!!!
well I'm so frigging tire it's not even funny, I stayed up all saturday and night and on sunday I barely slept and so I'm pretty much just on the edges of complete distruction or coma lol JK! I wish, jk on that one too!

A poem just written by me:

the night air full of sorrow and pain filled in my lungs evertime I took a breath, the moon so dark and no longer there clouding my emotions and making me hate the night, the soft words of a lost love calling me yet never found, the whisper of words never spoken tore and ripped into my forgotten heart.
I could take it all away if I could, but there would never be you, so I'll remember you always and love you til time it self... no longer exists.

what do you think? well I hope everythings going ok, so is it?
have a great night and day!
L8ter,

hollow
Comments (7) | Permalink