Tuesday, June 20, 2006

   yesterday and today!!! the true story at what happened... lol...
well yesterday my mother and sis came home and I helped my sis put her new bed set (cover set) together on her bed and help her put up her new curtains up aswell!!! and I cryed also!!! my gradmother finished my quilt and I called her up to tell her thank you and I told her now when I'm missing her I can just smell the afken (which is the quilt) and be reminded or feel as if she's her with me!!! and I did feel that way!!!!!!! and then we both stared crying!!! and you can really smell my grandma in the cover!!! she sowed it herself the whole thing by hand!!! I love her SOOOOoooo much and she's the only one who loved me without ever judging me!!! and showed me lots of love throughout the years!!! I love her!!!!!! my grandma also gave me a couple of books to read!!! she's SOOOooooooo awesome!!!
I had to also get their things out of the truck and put in house!!! I watered the plants and just hangout outside!!! it was weird having them back!!! I felt when they were gone like it was.... I don't know like I belonged and didn't have to be ones caddy and muse!!! or get beat upon with slaps on shoulder, scratches, or being tripped all the time by my sister!!! she's a little punk/brat but I still love her!!! then I made pizza for my sis and me and then we watches princess mononoke and her TV had a ghost inside it b/c everything something dramatic happened the light and color went dark and when it was all happy and suck it went back up and lighted the TV screen!!! it was weird and funny how it did it perfectly like if it was in done to the movie!!! lol *laughs as I remember* It was Kewl!!! and then we fought!!! over something stupid and it was her that caused it and she acted all innocent and like she was the one you got hurt by it!!! [scoffs] typical of her though!!! well then I cleaned up my whole entire room and got all the laundy outside to wash today!!! well I spent the whole time in my room and they bugged me and would not leave me alone!!! i also needed time to think and recollect meself b/c I felt so weird and lost when they came home like I didn't know how to feel or act around them anymore!!! it was strange and kinda scary!!! but when I told them I wanted to be alone they took it out of porportion and thought it was b/c they were home and I didn't want them to be!!! and it wasn't like that but that's how they are always thinking they know me and how I feeland why!!! I hate that and they don't listen to me or anything!!!somoetimes I hate them but in the end I just can't... b/c I love them to much and I get that BIG heart, from my grandma who also but sometimes I don't see it, to my mom!!! she has the big heart too!!! but I also have his anger and that's was frightens me and scares me SOOOOOOOoooooooooo much!!! that I might turn out like him or even be like him!!! and I hate him!!! and I'm SOOOOooooooo terrified that I could be since he is my father!!! but I don't consider him as anything to me but an ass hole!!! he wasn't their when I was born and then came 2 years later and whatever and such!!! well I read one of my BOOKs last night till 2:30 in the morning and I was so jitty, heart-pounding and excited to read on when I was almost done, last two chapters left and it i'm on ch 51!!!!!!!!!!!!! then I heard his alarm clock go off and he had to get up and go to work... I hid so fast into the covers and played dead!!! lol..... asleep!!! and I actually feel asleep!!! awwwwwwww, just my luck!!! oh yeah and pretty soon I'm gonna get a dream book!!! I really need one and hope I can traslate mydreams and figure out what they mean!!!


Today!!!!!!!
well today I woke up at 7:00 and then rushed to get the phonon out of bed!!! (it was ringing) and my sis got of the internet like 5 mins before the ring!!! then she left to go riding or walking to a friends house down the way passed are house!!! with are cuz!!! so then I rushed to my bed and con't reading my book and finished it!!!! and OMG I LOVED the ending and it gave me chills of excitment that she had finally found her mother, family, and found out her name and who she was!!! after 23 year of memory lost and living on the streets!!! I LOVED THE BOOK!!!! it was great and sweet...wel then I got oh and my sis in Idaho sent me some emails and told me she's saving up some money to come and get me since my mom and other sis I'm babysittin for can't but it seems like won't find a babtsitter to watch her kids so I can go!!! and she sent me a sort of poem and I really liked it I hope you do to and below it I'll tell you how it made me feel!!!


I'm Glad You're In My Dash

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone,
From the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.

(1933 - 1991)

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth...
And now only those who loved her,
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;
The cars...the house...the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard...
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile..
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read
With your life's actions to rehash...
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

I am glad that you're in my life and part of my dash.

and you guys can send this to your friends and family if you want!!!
From My dash to yours.

Laugh long, live long,
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is a mystery


It's sad how I lived my dash or maybe in a way it's not!!! b/c along the way I've met people and learned early about doing bad and things always coming back to bit you!!! charma!!! doesn't it just suck sometimes!?! lol......... I like how it expressed how it doesn't matter the beginning and the end of ones life, but the middl an dhow you lived it that truly matters!!!!!!!and that the future is unknown and ready to be lived!!! so I must and have to live it before it take me with it, along with ending it!!! so what did you guys thing about the poem and such?????????!? well I got to goo and I'm still working on Moonless shadow/moonlight shadow!!! I like both!!! what do you think?!?
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