Thursday, September 18, 2003

   I think that I want to talk about a 'problem' one of my friends had last year. I have to write an essay about this, and this is kinda like a rough draft. The topic of the essay is: "A Lesson I Learned In Life". The lesson I learned was that even though people may not want your help, they may really, REALLY need it.

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A good friend of mine, I'll call her E.M., had a problem last year; a REALLY big problem. She cut herself, and for all that I know, she may still. She would come to school, and proudly display the scars on her legs, saying that she got an amazing adrenaline rush by cutting. I was terrified for her. She said that nothing else could make her feel that way. E.M. didn't want anyone's help with anything. She thought that she could handle herself. She was very wrong.

She was pushing everyone away, and trying to keep them close at the same time. We were all afraid that she would try to hurt us, as she was prone to violent outbursts. She would cut herself with sewing scissors, the edges of metal rulers, and with just about anything with a sharp spot. She started reading depressing stories about suicide, rape, and abuse. E.M. was rude to her mother, and she wouldn't do anything that she was asked to do. Unfortunately, her mother didn't punish her at all.

She would get really violent for the silliest reasons. One of my other friends, Meg, was afraid that she was going to hurt a younger boy when he asked her to move. She threw herself in front of the boy, and told E.M. to back off. E.M. threw her to the ground, and yelled at her, asking her what the **** she thought she was doing.

We eventually went to our school counselor, and got her help. She is doing better now, and I hope that no one else has to see one of their friends ruin their own life.
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Saturday, September 6, 2003

   When was the last time you thought about who you really are? Was it three seconds ago or three years? Most people today don't care about who they are. They are only interested in how someone looks. That is the most ridiculous thing in the world. An American Eagle T-Shirt doesn't make a person. When ever I hear the other girls in my school talking, they focus mainly on four things: their hair, their clothes, their makeup, and what member of the opposite sex they find attractive. They don't take the time to find out if that person is as dumb as rock or if they have a personality like Hiiro Yui's. They only want a popular guy who is 'hot'. I don't think there is such a thing as 'hotness'. Either a person has an attractive personality or they don't. The way they look is unimportant.

People today are incredibly rude. I don't think that they realise it, either. I've had at LEAST five people SLAM into at me in the hallways, and not one of them took the time to say 'I'm sorry', or 'Excuse me.' They were too caught up in their conversations. No one, aside from friends I've had for years, takes the time talk to me. I don't want an in depth conversation, but they could do more than insult me.

I HATE my school. I know that no matter where I go, there will still be people like them out there, but I can't help but dream of getting away. I am in band, and even though our band is one of the best in the state, no one at our school really cares. All of the authority figures are too caught up with their sports teams. SO WHAT! They aren't the ones bringing the school money. At the football games, almost all of the crowd leaves after the band plays at half-time. I've been there. The majority of the people in the stands are parents of band members. I'm not even going to start on the "cheerleaders". I swear their uniforms get skimpier every year!

They only way to be popular at my school is to act stoned, or really be stoned ALL THE TIME. One girl in my US History class stares into space and drools for most of the class. It's disgusting. I want to be somewhere else. Anywhere else.


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Thursday, September 4, 2003

   hi!
I just had to post this song's lyrics. I heard it once and fell in love. It's called Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) and it's sung by Baz Luhrmann.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, OF THE CLASS OF '99.
WEAR SUNSCREEN.

IF I COULD OFFER YOU ONLY ONE TIP FOR THE FUTURE, SUNSCREEN WOULD BE IT.
THE LONG TERM BENEFITS OF SUNSCREEN HAVE BEEN PROVED BY SCIENTISTS, WHEREAS THE REST OF MY ADVICE HAS NO BASIS MORE RELIABLE THAN MY OWN MEANDERING EXPERIENCE. I WILL DISPENSE THIS ADVICE NOW.

ENJOY THE POWER AND BEAUTY OF YOUR YOUTH.
OH, NEVER MIND.
YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND THE POWER AND BEAUTY OF YOUR YOUTH UNTIL THEY'VE FADED.
BUT TRUST ME, IN 20 YEARS, YOU'LL LOOK BACK AT PHOTOS OF YOURSELF AND RECALL IN A WAY YOU CAN'T GRASP NOW HOW MUCH POSSIBILITY LAY BEFORE YOU KNOW AND HOW FABULOUS YOU REALLY LOOKED.
YOU ARE NOT AS FAT AS YOU IMAGINE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE FUTURE.
OR WORRY, BUT KNOW THAT WORRYING IS AS EFFECTIVE AS TRYING TO SOLVE AN ALGEBRA EQUATION BY CHEWING BUBBLE GUM.
THE REAL TROUBLES IN LIFE ARE THE KIND THAT BLINDSIDE YOU AT 4 PM ON SOME IDLE TUESDAY.

DO ONE THING EVERYDAY THAT SCARES YOU.

SING.

DON'T BE RECKLESS WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S HEARTS.
DON'T PUT UP WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE CARELESS WITH YOURS.

FLOSS.

DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME ON JEALOUSY.
SOMETIMES YOU'RE AHEAD, SOMETIMES YOU'RE BEHIND.
THE RACE IS LONG, AND IN THE END, IT'S ONLY WITH YOURSELF.

REMEMBER COMPLIMENTS THAT YOU RECEIVE.
FORGET THE INSULTS.
IF YOU SUCCEED IN DOING THIS, TELL ME HOW.

KEEP YOUR OLD LOVE LETTERS.
THROW AWAY YOUR OLD BANK STATEMENTS.

STRETCH.

DON'T FEEL GUILTY IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE.
THE MOST INTERESTING PEOPLE I KNOW DIDN'T KNOW AT 22 WHAT THEY WANTED TO DO WITH THEIR LIVES.
SOME OF THE MOST INTERESTING 40-YEAR-OLDS I KNOW STILL DON'T/

GET PLENTY OF CALCIUM.
BE KIND TO YOUR KNEES.
YOU'LL MISS THEM WHEN THEY'RE GONE.

MAYBE YOU'LL MARRY, MAYBE YOU WON'T.
MAYBE YOU'LL HAVE CHILDREN, MAYBE YOU WON'T.
MAYBE YOU'LL DIVORCE AT 40, MAYBE YOU'LL DANCE THE FUNKY CHICKEN ON YOUR 75TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T CONGRATULATE YOURSELF TOO MUCH, OR BERATE YOURSELF EITHER.
YOUR CHOICES ARE HALF CHANCE.
SO ARE EVERYBODY ELSE'S.

ENJOY YOUR BODY.
USE IT IN EVERYWAY YOU CAN.
DON'T BE AFRAID OF IT OR WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF IT.
IT'S THE GREATEST INSTRUMENT YOU'LL EVERY OWN.

DANCE, EVEN IF YOU HAVE NOWHERE TO DO IT BUT YOUR LIVING ROOM.

READ THE DIRECTIONS, EVEN IF YOU DON'T FOLLOW THEM.

DO NOT READ BEAUTY MAGAZINES.
THEY WILL ONLY MAKE YOU FEEL UGLY.

GET TO KNOW YOUR PARENTS.
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THEY'LL BE GONE FOR GOOD.
BE NICE TO YOUR SIBLINGS.
THEY'RE YOUR BEST LINK TO YOUR PAST AND THE PEOPLE MOST LIKELY TO STICK WITH YOU IN THE FUTURE.

UNDERSTAND THAT FRIENDS COME AND GO, BUT WITH A PRECIOUS FEW YOU SHOULD HOLD ON TO.
WORK HARD TO BRIDGE THE GAPS IN GEOGRAPHY AND LIFESTYLE, BECAUSE THE OLDER YOU GET, THE MORE YOU NEED THE PEOPLE WHO KNEW YOU WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG.
LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY ONCE, BUT LEAVE BEOFRE IT MAKES YOU COLD.
LIVE IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA ONCE,BUT LEAVE BEFORE IT MAKES YOU SOFT.
TRAVEL.
ACCEPT CERTAIN INALIENABLE TRUTHS:
PRICES WILL RISE.
POLITICIANS WILL PHILANDER.
YOU, TOO, WILL GET OLD.

AND WHEN YOU DO, YOU'LL FANTASIZE THAT WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG, PRICES WERE ACCEPTABLE, POLITICIANS WERE NOBLE, AND CHILDREN RESPECTED THEIR ELDERS.

RESPECT YOUR ELDERS.

DON'T EXPECT ANYONE ELSE TO SUPPORT YOU.
MAYBE YOU HAVE A TRUST FUND.
MAYBE YOU'LL HAVE A WEALTHY SPOUSE.
BUT YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN EITHER ONE WILL RUN OUT.

BE CAREFUL WHOSE ADVICE YOU BUY, BUT BE PATIENT WITH THOSE WHO SUPPLY IT.
ADVICE IS A FORM OF NOSTALGIA.
DISPENSING IT IS A WAY OF FISHING THE PAST FROM THE DISPOSAL, WIPING IT OFF, AND PAINTING OVER THE UGLY PARTS AND RECYCLING IT FOR MORE THAN IT'S WORTH.

BUT TRUST ME ON THE SUNSCREEN.



See? Wasn't that cool?

*giggle* I LIKE that!!!!







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Sunday, August 31, 2003

   AAARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!
I have had the most awful week. I got into an argument with all of my friends, if I can call them 'friends'. They really don't act like it. They fight all the time, and they're always yelling about something. One of them got kicked out of the school lunchroom before the first week of classes were ever over...

On top of all of that, my older brother is going off to college oin Tuesday Sept. 2nd. I will miss him, depite what I may (or may not) say.

Since Monday is Labor Day, and his last day at home, almost our entire family is getting together to celebrate. That means aunts and uncles and cousins. They will more than likely all be coming to our house, and it seems crowded enough as it is.

I don't think that I will enjoy going back to school on Tuesday. I'll have to face everyone there, and I'm not quite sure that I'm capable of doing so. They all tell me that they aren't angry at me, but I can't help but wonder what they are really thinking. I'm not that naive. There isn't much more that I can say, only that I hope they all 'grow up' soon. They're so immature......
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Saturday, August 2, 2003

   NERVOUS!!
I'm going back to school the 18th and I'm absolutely TERRIFIED! I'll be in a new building, so knowing me, I'll get lost. I've also heard so many horror stories about the teachers..

One thing I heard was fairly amusing, but still very inappropriate.
A friend told me that one of the younger female teachers, (I won't give her real name.), wears mini skirts to class everyday, puts all the boys in seats up front, and sits on her stool at the front of the class. When she sits down her skirt rides up, and I'll leave the rest to your imagination. (I know this is true, my older brother was in her class one year.)
Luckily for me, I wasn't placed in her class.

I do believe that it's a bad sign when I'm wishing for summer break before school even begins!!
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