Thursday, November 10, 2005

   I'm not
Icon Mood:
Well since Karena spilled her guts I suppose I might as well to (did that sound conceited? Sorry if it did). I'm not sure were to start. I know now alot of people read this thing so I suppose it doesn't really matter but it does to me. I have a hard time telling people how I feel even typing it gets me uneasy. I hope I can post this and I don't chicken out. I suppose I might as well start with my family for starters. My mom's side of the family is ok their kinda weird but supportive. My dad's side however... as some of you may or may not know I used to be overweight by like 5 or 10 pounds I don't remember it was like 3 years ago. Well during that time my dad's side of the family was anything but supportive. They would always call me fat and whenever I ate there they would always crack jokes at me like oh who wants the rest? of course peanut! (my nickname) Not everyone was like that though my cousin was nice to me (Lili) but even my dad would make fun of me. I've never liked him, he's always found something that's wrong with me. During the time that I was still fat I was always getting dropped from the options program. Then my dad decided I was stupid and starting locking me in a room so force me to study. Of course he didn't give a crap what I thought. Of course when he found out that I had already decided not to stay in the options program he got pissed. Of course I just stood there and took it. Karena and Juila you guys know that I get really good grades in school and always score in the high percentile. Well last year when I showed my dad and uncle my report card of all A's (cept on B) they just said " That's not straight A's it's straight B's, your not in the gifted program anymore". Of course I felt bad and I told my mother because unlike my father she could tell when I was mad. She didn't do anything about it at first because I told her not to. Juila and Karena you know I don't show my grades to my dad anymore. I've just decided fuck it if he doesn't care then I ain't showing him. My dad and uncle (josh) both said I couldn't get into northside and to now even try, of course all my teachers and my mom and step-dad say differently but I'm not telling him that because I'm not going to try anymore with them. I'm going to try out for the best schools and when my dad asks me what school I'm going to I'm not telling him till the last possible moment! My mum talked to him about how I don't even want to tell him my grades because he'll just but me down and he started crying. I talked to him while he was crying but all I could think about is how many times he put me down and how many times he yelled at me. I don't even want to see him on weekends anymore. Well I think that's enough for now.. I still have more to say but this post is long enough.
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