Saturday, June 18, 2005

Oh, so tired. Tonight at work was our monthly cleaning party. This is an event where the whole staff- cooks, dishwashers, waitresses, and whatnot-get to clean the joint from top to bottom, what fun. So I got there at 3 this afternoon and got out of there at 11:30. yay. Mom is doing slightly better, the new meds seem to be helping. She actually remembers conversations now! You have no idea how great this is. But...Maddie, my mutt, screwed up her other leg. Same shit as before. Torn muscle in the left hind leg now. I can't see how we're going to be able to get the surgury again. Still paying off the last one...all $2,400 someodd of it. I've forgotten the exact amount. Something needs to let up. I'm crumbling under the constant strain of all this shit. I need a vacation. going to do something else now.

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Thursday, June 9, 2005

I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I feel down all the time, and I know it's just my depression acting up again, but I'm not sure why. Could be because of all the stress I've been going through lately. Mom is on some new medication, it is supposed to stop her seizers before they start, but the last two days have been hell. It's like the meds are stopping the seizers but allowing the usual after-math of her seizers out. I know, doesn't make sense to you. She can't remember what she's doing...she’ll start something and then forget why she started said activity in the first place. Crying fits. She forgets where everybody is and starts crying. I have to go to class, Jackie's in summer school, and Dad's at work. That leaves Mom all alone. God Damn it! We need to hire a nurse, but how can we with no money to do so? I pray to God...Please make Mom better. Please. Please please please! Then there's the stress of working and going to school at the same time. Tiring and frustrating. Spend 2 1/2 hours listening to some old, boring, annoying teacher then kiss ass at work to more old annoying and boring customers. Well, I shouldn't be so mean. For the most part, I rather enjoy the people who come in. But my teacher has no idea how boring her class is. What agony that 2 1/2 hours are. She says she wants the class to be fun, however her very voice sends half the class into a stupor and the other half (my half) into side conversations, which alleviate some of the mind-numbing drone. It's gonna be a long semester. If I get her again (when I take Psych 2) I'm gonna switch teachers. That's how bad she is. Jared and I are doing well, although we are separated. Every time I see him, I explode with joy. And every time he has to leave, I start to cry. This is bad, this whole living-apart shit. It really drives down all pleasure in my days (and nights) when I know he's just going to have to leave me again. I want to cling to him and not let him go, not to let him leave me again. And again. I saw him yesterday, and we had a pretty good time together, but all that was forgotten when he had to leave me here. I know I'm repeating myself, and I know this shouldn't be affecting me this way. But I'm such a nut-job. The one great thing in my life, my rock, my happiness, my safety, has to be apart form me. And as God as my witness, I'm not sure I can handle that and all the other shit going on right now. Neko, my little demon cat, is doing fine. Full of spunk and attitude. And Maddie's doing well as well. Her leg has healed decently, however, it's still rather weak. She can't go on just her hind legs now, not for more then 3 or 4 seconds. But other then that, holding up pretty good. Well, that's about it. I'm sure we'll get into my headaches on some later date. Night

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Friday, April 29, 2005

On my way home from work tonight, I got hit by a car. I'm okay, but my bike is not. Still rather shaken from the whole ordeal. The chick driving ran a stop sign and clipped my back wheel. She stopped just long enough to find out if I was alright, then she drove off. I didn't even get her plate, so the cops my dad called won't be able to find her. That's all.

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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Okay, yesterday was my 19th B-day. And not a whole lot has changed in the last year, lol. I've gotten my job at Kwik back, and they are using me as a fill in for ppl who don't show up. fun fun. kinda tiring tho, I have to ride my bike to and from work, all 5 miles of it. It wouldn't be so bad if it was a straight shot, but going home is all uphill. I'm getting in great shape tho. Something good out of a generally bad situation. laters

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Monday, April 18, 2005

Okay, whew. The site has gone through a serious makeover. I'm not done screwing with it yet, so bear with me. The text is not easily readable with that background, so I'm trying to figure out a way to make it better (wheither by changing the font color or by changing the picture). I'm not sure I like the colors atm, so if anyone has helpful tips and advise, it would be appreciated. Any negative comments will be ignored. Or laughed at, depending on the mood I happen to be in at the time. So, ta-ta for now, until we meet again...

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Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Had to move back in with my parents. Not enough money to pay the rent. Going to go back to Kwik Inn and beg for my old job back. Mike, feel free to gimme a call or stop by. Laters

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Wednesday, March 9, 2005

Good evening folks, hope everyone is doing well. Jared has got two job prospects and he doesn't know which one to choose. One is working in a Motercycle warehouse the other is doing landscaping for the rich assholes who have enough money to pay others to do menial labor. The landscaping pays well, but he won't get paid till next month or so. The cycle shop pays decent, but they start paying immediatly. I think he should choose the cycle shop, but it's really up to him. Which ever he desides on, we'll be able to pay last months rent. Takes a major load off my mind. So, basically, things are looking up. I told my mom that Jared asked me to marry him. She was less then happy. Rather pissed to be honest. "You're too young!" "How are you going to get by?" etc... The basic parent response, lol. Oh, on the subject of my parents: Mom is going to be getting surgury soon to implant a machine into her neck. It attaches to a nerve in her spinal cord and is supposed to help reduce/elimanate her seizers. There is a 3rd chance that it won't work as well. I'm praying for the elimanation of her problems. My Dad is getting deployed in August. Unless he can manage to change jobs, then he may have the chance to not get deployed at all. He's worred about leaving mom alone while he's overseas. I've offered to help Mom if she needs me, but she doesn't want my help. She doesn't want ANYBODIES help, stubborn women. Other than that, they're doing good. My little sis, Jackie is turning into quite the artist. She has 3 paintings in her school's art contest. I'm proud, lol. I've only had 2 peices of art in shows, and they never won any ribbons, sigh. My older sis, Maida is not doing so hot. She's been engaged to Jason for about a year now, and she's screwing the relationship up. He's about ready to say 'fuck it' and move on with his life. A little bit of info on Maida: She was a drug addict. To every drug known to man. No lies. She has a daughter that she has to share with her ex-husband. There's more, but I don't have the time nor the energy to rant about her. I prolly will in the near future, she's ripe for an ass whooping. Baka. Anyways, my enthusiasim for this post has fled. Have a good one, folks.

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Saturday, March 5, 2005

Hello folks. If you still live at your parents house, and you are confident that you will never relive your parents mistakes, then you are sadly mistaken. Your parents are what sheild you from the harsh reality of life. I've come to terms with this, because having moved out of the 'rents house has matured me in a way that staying there wouldn't have. My parents were right, lol. I am a stupid, rude, and compulsive idiot. Or was. Right now, I'm happy they did what they could for me while I was under their thumbs. It may have seemed harsh at the time, but it was nessisary for this growth. My parents are 2 of the best people on the planet, and I think I would seriously injure anyone who said otherwise. Sure, say it over the internet. I'll find you and break you, no joke. Living with Jared is great. But the money troubles we've been having are not. I've applied for food stamps because we just don't have the money for bills and food. Basically been living on Ramen for the last couple of months. Oh, and canned tuna and crackers, mustn't forget that. But I believe we can get through this. I miss my cat. I had to leave him with my parents because our landlord won't let us have pets. Not even caged animals. He's a prick, but what can we do, right? Maddie is recovering from the surgury she had to have a few months ago, but I'm still unable to pay my Grandmother back. Hopefully my puppy won't screw up her newly mended leg, I just don't have any way to fix it if she does. But other then a few new revelations about my parents and my current woes, nothing new has really occured. Cross your fingers that I can get a second job, folks. I need all the luck I can get.

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Thursday, January 27, 2005

Very bad things

Suffering from withdrawls from my drug of choice. The tax on smokes has increased thus more money. Can't afford to buy them anymore. Sitting here craving a smoke. Actually finding used butts and lighting them. For the love of god, this sucks my ass. Can't think, except to want some cigarettes. Jittering. Headache. AGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!

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Saturday, January 1, 2005

Happy New Year and all that shit

Welcome to the new year. Strangely enough, it feels a lot like the previous one. Still shity weather, annoying people are just as rampant, and jobs are still hard to come by. Good news, almost have a job now. Here's to the hope that I get this gig. Jared and I are as happy as ever. Was kicked out of my parents house, so I moved in with him. Not a bad arangement, feels great to wake up in the morning next to him. My parents are falling apart. Dad's got hemmeroids that he's getting surgery for. Mom's condition is quickly deteriorating. Was placed in the hospital countless times. I feel bad for them. I really do. Just hoping that I don't have to move back to their house to take care of them. Love them, but hate them, you understand how it goes. As for the site, Like the new colors? The purple was getting on my nerves, it's been that way since I first set this site up. The green is a definate change in pace. Not much else to report, aside from the fact that I have a horrible hangover. Partying all last night, and right into this morning. Hotwings, beer, and music galore. Enjoy the newness of the year while it lasts. Soon the shiny wrapping it came in will be torn away by the brutal hands of reality. After all, what exactlly changed in the last 24 hours?

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