I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I feel down all the time, and I know it's just my depression acting up again, but I'm not sure why. Could be because of all the stress I've been going through lately.
Mom is on some new medication, it is supposed to stop her seizers before they start, but the last two days have been hell. It's like the meds are stopping the seizers but allowing the usual after-math of her seizers out. I know, doesn't make sense to you. She can't remember what she's doing...she’ll start something and then forget why she started said activity in the first place. Crying fits. She forgets where everybody is and starts crying. I have to go to class, Jackie's in summer school, and Dad's at work. That leaves Mom all alone. God Damn it! We need to hire a nurse, but how can we with no money to do so? I pray to God...Please make Mom better. Please. Please please please!
Then there's the stress of working and going to school at the same time. Tiring and frustrating. Spend 2 1/2 hours listening to some old, boring, annoying teacher then kiss ass at work to more old annoying and boring customers. Well, I shouldn't be so mean. For the most part, I rather enjoy the people who come in. But my teacher has no idea how boring her class is. What agony that 2 1/2 hours are. She says she wants the class to be fun, however her very voice sends half the class into a stupor and the other half (my half) into side conversations, which alleviate some of the mind-numbing drone. It's gonna be a long semester. If I get her again (when I take Psych 2) I'm gonna switch teachers. That's how bad she is.
Jared and I are doing well, although we are separated. Every time I see him, I explode with joy. And every time he has to leave, I start to cry. This is bad, this whole living-apart shit. It really drives down all pleasure in my days (and nights) when I know he's just going to have to leave me again. I want to cling to him and not let him go, not to let him leave me again. And again. I saw him yesterday, and we had a pretty good time together, but all that was forgotten when he had to leave me here. I know I'm repeating myself, and I know this shouldn't be affecting me this way. But I'm such a nut-job. The one great thing in my life, my rock, my happiness, my safety, has to be apart form me. And as God as my witness, I'm not sure I can handle that and all the other shit going on right now.
Neko, my little demon cat, is doing fine. Full of spunk and attitude. And Maddie's doing well as well. Her leg has healed decently, however, it's still rather weak. She can't go on just her hind legs now, not for more then 3 or 4 seconds. But other then that, holding up pretty good.
Well, that's about it. I'm sure we'll get into my headaches on some later date.
Night
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