I find myself in the midst of a dilemma. I have several older male friends (from early 30's to late 40's). My problem is that one of them is in love with me. Bob and I both are members of a group called Civil Air Patrol (the official auxiliary of the Air Force), this is where we met. My cynical and sarcastic nature proved equal to his, and we became friends outside of CAP. We often communicate online and on the phone. I had no problem with this, he is entertaining and can tell great stories.
But several months ago he began calling with more frequency, and the amount of time the phone calls lasted rose. He has been telling me that he loves me. Not just sexually (he insists that that is a bonus), but as soul mates. He wants to start a relationship with me. As much as I enjoy his company, I don't want to become involved with him in this way. I told him that. Bob remains undeterred; he won't ask me out anymore, but he always tells me how much I mean to him. He remains convinced that his love for me will induce like feelings in me. I am running out of nice ways of telling him to back off. Hell, I'm running out of mean ways, too.
Bob is seriously freaking me out. What if one day he just got so frustrated because of me, that he decided to succumb to his urges? What if he forces me into doing something I don't want to do?
There are no simple answers to this. I've looked at it from every angle. I could break ties with him all together, but he will be hurt, and the friendship will be no more. I could give the relationship thing a shot, but I don't feel comfortable doing this. I could just disappear, but this option is not practical. SHIT. How about having a distant relationship? Nope, can't do it as long as I'm a member of CAP. And I can't just quit CAP; I've put too much goddamned work into it.
On the same vein, I've got nearly the same thing going on with another of my older male friends. This one is married. I work the same shifts he does at work, so we have gotten to know one another. Ron went to a bar with the kitchen manager a few nights ago, where he told Brad that he loved me. This was before they both got shit-faced. Brad told me yesterday; he seemed to think it was funny. Idiot. With this one, I'm going to ignore what Ron supposedly feels for me. Brad could just be full of shit, but Ron's behavior supports this idea. DAMN.
*Musing* If I just deformed my face, would all this shit end? Well, the stares from strangers would stop, but Bob would still bother me. What if I cut off my hair? Wouldn't matter, these eyes would draw them in anyway. I can stop wearing contacts. Then I wouldn't be able to see as well. I could stop wearing tight clothing! All of my clothes are baggy, wouldn't matter. SH-IT.
No matter what I do, I'm still trapped. As much as I enjoy guys, they all need to back off.
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