Thursday, April 15, 2004

Is this all I am?

No Don't You don't know what you're saying Stop Pointless to argue Needs to end End to everything End to life To love To worry To aggravation Stop it Forget this Not worth the cost What do I do What can I do Why won't you stop? Can't you listen? Talk Scream Fight All the same meaning Nothing changes Nothing ends If I leave If I die Will this stop? Will they stop? Are they deaf to my words? My pleas? My tears? Are they blind To my torment? Stop Pointless Meaningless Stop Now Can't Won't Refuse Insanity knocks Asks for entry Let it in? Shut it out? Does it already have a key? Ignorant Always crying Always sad Blood runs Down my arm Every night Who cares Nobody Will I stop Does anyone care No No one cares You mean nothing Everyone is everything You are less then the dirt under fingernails Who's Theirs Will they scrape me out From where I lie Will I stay Forever Will I crawl out myself Stop Don't do that Does not mean anything You are nothing Less then nothing Alone Crying Sobbing Alone No one cares No one listens You are on your own Always Alone Save yourself Let yourself die Your choice Alone Do I stay? Will they stop? When will my heart stop beating Why doesn't it beat through my chest And kill me Do I die Alone Will I die Alone Always and forever more Alone Everyone means everything You mean nothing To everyone Nobody helps They all scream Profanities At my prone body Mind is in constant state of unrest Trying to save What is already dead Died so long ago That everyone forgot Your name Hey you Chick with the long hair Never my name My name is forgotten I remember Rebecca right? Becky? Bex? Revkah? No I forgot So insignificant that I forgot myself I don't exist This body Runs itself Autopilot Eat Drink Never sleep Sleep is too close to Death Death Alone Die a lonely death Sad Pathetic Waste of flesh Will the worms and rats Feast on my flesh? Will I know? Will I enjoy it Because something knows I exist? Or did As a meal Not worth the memory Not worth a grave Will I rot Will I crumble to dust Will the wind blow my corpse away? No one will care And the arguments They will continue Because I was there But not there Body but not mind Autopilot Mind is dead Argue with a dead mind Result will always be the same Alone Body and mind Alone Cry into the darkness Trapped in my mind Which is dead So I am dead Always They are alive They make living noises Shouting Screaming Talking Laughing I don't make these I don't try Pointless Don't conform Can't conform Already dead Just a corpse Eating Drinking Never sleeping Sleep resembles death Everybody is everything I am death I cause death Within myself Dead Killed By myself? By them? I don't care Never did Can't care Emotions killed too Crying Sobbing In the darkness of a dead mind The dead can't cry They can't do anything But you do So you aren’t dead Logic No point Stop No talking No screaming No fighting The headaches are dead I killed them With my dead mind Death is contagious Soon this body will follow But no one will care Everyone is everything But I am nothing And nothing is me So everything I was Could be Wished to become Is nothing To everyone Even myself Screaming Yelling Stop I will stop this I can't stop you But I can stop my ears from hearing you Ears are part of this body On autopilot In my dead mind I will take control Of this hollow shell And destroy Kill Erase All memory of the happy child Who was bullied And taunted Teased for no reason For every reason Destroy what I was What I am What I could become I will take control Of the only thing I can My life is out of my hands But my death is not Blood runs down my arm Collects at my finger tips Drips to the floor Dries and blends in with the floor I will be as nothing The nothing that fills this life Excuse for a life Life is not my friend Death will be Promises eternal rest Quiet Peace Longing for that with my dead mind So this corpse I once was Will destroy itself And I will be free To escape The torments The abuse Everything that everyone is And I am not.

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