I know I should just shut down for the night. Turn the computer off and pick up one of the books I'm reading right now. I don't sleep, sometimes I pass out, but I never sleep. Once I got some medication for that, but I would get nightmares. So I stopped taking them, stupid sleeping pills. I don't want to sleep that desperately, thanks all the same.
Sitting here, listening to Slipknot. I think I'll take it out of the CD player soon; it is boring the hell out of me. Maybe I should put in The Suicide Machines, or perhaps some George Carlin. Yeah, that sounds good, I always enjoyed Carlin.
A few days ago, I got into a fistfight. So I have a rather nasty bruise on my left cheek. You should have seen what I did to the guy. Heh, he looks like a pick-up ran over his face.
Normally I'm not violent enough to do this to someone, but I've been rather stressed lately. Some serious family problems. Not stupid ones about who does what around the house. My Mother was just diagnosed with Lupus (I sounded it out, so that is not spelt correctly). This disease is killing her. Now add that to her Epilepsy, Fiber Mialgia, and Seizures. A guaranteed fun time for everyone.
The next asshole that complains about how rotten his/her life is going to get put in the fucking hospital. I know for a fact that their biggest problems are no big deal. Morons. I'll give them something to complain about.
Somehow life just doesn't seem worth it. I watch my Mother struggle through this shit, and wonder why she does. Then I wonder how weak I must be; if I had half of her problems, then I would probably kill myself. Hell, I want to do that right now. But just thinking about Mom makes me feel guilty. She would never trade her life for mine, mostly because she wouldn't want to inflict her pain upon me.
Is it any wonder why I can't sleep? I have far too much on my mind to fall asleep. I read, don't want to think. Turn the light out, then my mind kicks into overdrive. What if she doesn't wake up? What if I never get to tell her how I feel? I know what I want to say, but I can't form the fucking words. Mind is ablaze, even though I know she will be around for a little while longer, I can't stop thinking about it. I go to work/school and can't think about what I'm supposed to be doing. Mom is always on my mind. Damn it.
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