Sunday, September 30, 2007

I've been tired lately. I mean really tired, but I can't sleep. I lay down and fade in and out but I never fall asleep. I end up watching tv. My sister is going through hell and I feel so bad for her. I mean, we fight way too much, but I love her. Her asshole of a dad is putting her through hell and back. Tell me if this is not suspicious. She was gonna go homecoming dress shopping with her REAl mother. Well her step-bitch...I mean mother, got all pissed. On frieday her dad called her and told her she couldn't go because she had a c on her progress report. A 79%...one percentage point away from a B. Bullshit! I bet you before the week is done the mega-bitch will take her dress shopping. I hate people like that. They manipulate people because they can. People like her 'dad' need to get a fuckin slap to the face. Although I bet if you slapped him, he would mistake your hand for a flying chicken leg and eat it. Fukin fat-ass bitch, and yes I mean her dad. For those of you who don't know, we have different fathers. Yea out mom was a whore. xDD j/k My dad can be a dick at times...all the time, but he would never manipulate me like that. She's counting down the days until she turns 18. OH and he told her that when she turned 18 he couldn't control if she moved in with my mom, but he said if she did, it would be the worst mistake of her life. I asked her if on her birthday if I could call the bastard out and scream at him. Nobody treats my sister like a fucking puppet. I'm gonna go now. I'm about to be yelled at for being online for over an hour. Oh god forbid I be on for a whole minute after and hour. We have high speed, what're we gonna do, miss a call? OooH! Noo! Bai...hope you all had a better day than me.
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Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Well, I found out a couple days ago my cat had a tumor. We had to put her down. they said she had been in the last stages of liver failure so realy, if we hadn't found out she would have died anyway. I can't help but feel responsible because she had been in pain a while back. She would wake up in the middle of a dead sleep and start howling and crying. I just didn't put 2 and 2 together. My dad made me feel like it was my fault though. He may deny it and say, "You've just got a guilty conscious". I doo feel bad that I couldn't help her, but I didn't cause her tumor. It's not like a cold you can catch. Well I have to go. I have to watch Dora with a friends kid. Bai...

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Sunday, September 23, 2007

I haven't posted in a couple of days so I've decided to post. My life has been boring as usual. Nothing except homecoming has happened, which I really don't feel like talking about. Today i'm supposed to go to Tori's for an anime convention meeting. I don't think that'll do much good seeing as how we don't even know when or where the new anime convention is going to be. Last night after Homecoming (i came home early) my dad kept saying what any parent would say.."Their jealous of you..." who would be jealous of someone as ugly as me. I have nothing to be jealous of. The only thing about me that anyone can be jealous about is my ...chest area, and I don't even want these. They get in the way. I guess I'm just not having a good day. I read some of my early, early posts and I hate how I used to act. I know it was only a summer ago but sheesh, I showed off too much. I was rude to people who may not even know it (just the way I said stuff), I tried to be too funny. I'm sorry to anyone I was rude to, if you caught it. If you didn't then I'm still sorry. It's not that I was making fun of anyone, I was just such a jerk I thought everyone liked me and I said stuff that was...rude. I can tell...today is gonna be a slow day. I'm glad though. I just want to relax. Well, I don't know when I'll post next but I will. Bai...
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Sunday, September 16, 2007

This post has been edited (to much vulgarity)
I think I'm going insane. I hate my stepfather because he's a douche. He needs to learn that I'm not a (sorry almost wrote a bad word) child. I can hear what goes on in MY life. If he wants to keep me out of it he needs to look at who the hell he's talking to. i'm sick and tired ot people talking to me like I'm a child. I've always been led out of the room when they talk about stuff that 'I can't hear'. I knew more stuff at 5 years old than anyone else I know. All the things that happened to me and how fast my life changed because of one damn trip to the hospital....sorry, I got off track. I'm just sick and tired o people treating me like shit. I try to put on a happy face, to smile and help other people feel good about themselves. I hate seeing other people upset. it makes me feel like I can't do anything to help them. I don't want people to go through what i had to go through. i know there are far worse things that could have happened, but honestly, I would take them over this right now. I'm sorry to all of the people who I've said anything bd about. i'm sorry for people who hate me, I'm sorry for people who I care for. All i do to these people is make them upset even more. I'm not gonna go do something stupid like pop some pills or cut myself (some things are just to bad to mention). I'm gonna go to sleep and try to have a better day. I hope I didn't upset anyone. Good night and sweet dreams. I love you guys. bai...
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Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Neh!
Well, not much happened today. I woke up, went to school, learned a bit, and went to art club. (i'mma geek) Yea but finally this girl, I think her name is Jessica, who everybody knows talked to me. For a while I thought she heard somehing bad...like I'd killed a person (I really didn't people just assume I'm an aggresive person). You know what I say...when you assume...you make and ASS out of U and ME....learned that from my dad. Yea but anyway, now I know she doesn't think I'm a murderer. She's pretty cute. ANYHOO!!!! I dunno. I watched Foster's today. I still like Edwardo. I don't watch the show to much though. I did when it first came out but now Tori freakin' loves it. I just watch it when I want to. My dad got a cup from Envy J. Havoc's parents because she stayed here for a week and my dad let her. Yea, it was a Pluto coffee mug. (Pluto from Disney) Well not much else to talk about. Bai people....
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Sunday, September 9, 2007

-weet woo-
I'm back! (not that anyone cares, but I'm not being emo about it! yay!) Yea finally my dad called the damn isp people and figured out what was wrong. I had to sit here for about an hour and try to figure out what the man was saying, and suprisingly I didn't really have that much trouble it's just he was slow. (having a dad with a girlfriend from the philipeanes helps.)
that sound kinda racist but trust me it wasn't.

Well, I finally get to talk to people I haven't talked to all freakin' summer. I'm happy. My brother got in trouble because he was the one who got the virus on the pc by looking up porn. xDD I laughed as my dad 'lectured' him. (he couldn't stop smiling) I'm getting kinda boring so I'll go. I'm just happy to be back. Baiz...


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Sunday, August 12, 2007

What's so wrong about being gay?
Have you ever wanted to tell someone someting so bad it made you sick? I was at the mall yesterday, looking for clothes. I found all these rainbow things that I really wanted but my dad wouldn't let me have. I think he's homophobic. Everytime he hears about someone being gay, he makes all these jokes and what not. I make jokes about being gay, and gay people but I don't really mean to hurt anyone. The things he says...they hurt me. I was supposed to tell him yesterday. After talkng to a friend for a while in texts, I felt like I was ready to tell him. I was scared, and a little nervous, but I wanted him to know. I'm just really scared he would kick me out. My mama knows. I told her when I still trusted her. If he did kick me out I would go live with my mom. The thing that really gets me is that if I didn't get kicked out, I wouldn't be able to have friends over. My dad, if you knew him, you would know that he would kick me out. I hate the way he sees a guy he thinks is attractive, he looks at me and says, "I bet you think he's cute." I just fake a smile and and laughs and says I was right! You do like him. It hurts me not to be able to tell him. Shouldn't you be able to trust your parents and feel that when there is something wrong you can talk to them. I can't do that. He just tells me to suck it up. I know for a fact that there are other kids out there who can't talk to there parents about stuff like this. I hate that feeling. Tyhe knot in your stomache when you are so excited to tell them, but then you lose your nerve. I just, I wanty him to know. Not like he deserves to. I think, sub-conciously he knows. I'm to much of a wimp to tell him though. The worst thing about me though, I want to tell him (in a way) to make him angry. He always makes fun of me for wanting to get rainbow or colorful things. I don't see why the Rainbow is the international sign for being gay. little 5 year old girls have rainbows all over there walls and clothes. They are not gay.

Anyways, My computer is not going to be working for a very long time. I'm at a firends house right now. I'll probably get on a my mamas house. I won't be on a lot. I would still appreciate some comments and stuff like that. I'm sorry (for those of you who actually comment on my stuff) for the delays to messages and the non-posting periods. (ooh I hate that word) Well talk to you all later. Bye...
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Friday, August 3, 2007

23
I just got done watching the movie 'The Number 23'. Well....I am freaked out. I have seen so many 23's since then. I'm at Birt's house and I thought about my address and her's. Mine added together equals 23. Her's plus the amount of people that live in her house equals 23. It is starting to creep me out. My dad and I were trying to find all the 23's in the movie. It's harder than it looks. We paused I so many times. Oh and I just figured out that in Tori's address there's a 23. OOooOOOoooOOooOOOOoh! xDD I'm sorry, but it's true. Well, now I'm going to figure out how many more 23's I can find. *weird* Sorry for the craziness of this post. Baiz!
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Thursday, August 2, 2007

Oh...
And Tori, I approve of Slade...(just thought you should know that)
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Hellz Ya!
Well, I met Tori's boyfriend, Slade, today. He's so quiet! He needs to talk. But I guess it was just cause I was there. I was 'at the Zoo' so my dad thought. But shh, he doesn't know. I kinda wanted to go. The Zoo kicks ass man! 'Specially the turtles! and the bears. I dun know if there are pandas at our Zoo. There should be. That'd be frickin' sweet. xDD Well, back to the Slade subject. Tori was freaking out. The signs of her nervousness were showing. Plus she was shaking and talking really loud. 'Twas kinda funny. Here mom was kinda jittery too. I was all laid back watching shark week. ;D We waited outside for about 3 minutes and they showed up. As soon as he walked into the driveway she glomped him. It was funny. (random) Tori's mom makes good Lasagna. xDD (Yes Tori tell your mom this!) My dad got mad at me cause I asked to stay to eat. He gets mad about the smallest shit. He needs to get laid....xDD sorry people. But he does. Poor guy. Well, I have to clean the house cause I'm gonna be going to my mamas house tomorrow and then on sunday Vivian (my dads woman, thouhg I don't know what she sees in him.) is coming down. We're celebrating her birthday. At least he'll be nice with her around. So I'mma go clean now. Baiz ;D
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