Sunday, August 12, 2007

What's so wrong about being gay?
Have you ever wanted to tell someone someting so bad it made you sick? I was at the mall yesterday, looking for clothes. I found all these rainbow things that I really wanted but my dad wouldn't let me have. I think he's homophobic. Everytime he hears about someone being gay, he makes all these jokes and what not. I make jokes about being gay, and gay people but I don't really mean to hurt anyone. The things he says...they hurt me. I was supposed to tell him yesterday. After talkng to a friend for a while in texts, I felt like I was ready to tell him. I was scared, and a little nervous, but I wanted him to know. I'm just really scared he would kick me out. My mama knows. I told her when I still trusted her. If he did kick me out I would go live with my mom. The thing that really gets me is that if I didn't get kicked out, I wouldn't be able to have friends over. My dad, if you knew him, you would know that he would kick me out. I hate the way he sees a guy he thinks is attractive, he looks at me and says, "I bet you think he's cute." I just fake a smile and and laughs and says I was right! You do like him. It hurts me not to be able to tell him. Shouldn't you be able to trust your parents and feel that when there is something wrong you can talk to them. I can't do that. He just tells me to suck it up. I know for a fact that there are other kids out there who can't talk to there parents about stuff like this. I hate that feeling. Tyhe knot in your stomache when you are so excited to tell them, but then you lose your nerve. I just, I wanty him to know. Not like he deserves to. I think, sub-conciously he knows. I'm to much of a wimp to tell him though. The worst thing about me though, I want to tell him (in a way) to make him angry. He always makes fun of me for wanting to get rainbow or colorful things. I don't see why the Rainbow is the international sign for being gay. little 5 year old girls have rainbows all over there walls and clothes. They are not gay.

Anyways, My computer is not going to be working for a very long time. I'm at a firends house right now. I'll probably get on a my mamas house. I won't be on a lot. I would still appreciate some comments and stuff like that. I'm sorry (for those of you who actually comment on my stuff) for the delays to messages and the non-posting periods. (ooh I hate that word) Well talk to you all later. Bye...
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