Saturday, February 28, 2004

I don't know... Musings?
I've read my friends journals and... they all know themselves or at least what their problems are. Me? I don't ever talk about myself unless someone forces it out of me or I breakdown and let it slip from my thoughts into some pretty emotional words...

*sighs* I really despise this... talking about myself... it feels so much like I'm whining or I'm making myself seem weak. -.- I don't like either emotions... ugh. XP I wish I could talk about something or someone else... Anything other than me. x.x

*blinks* Oh! Okay.. There. That's something about me. >.> I tend to focus on others instead of myself. That way I don't feel like a burden to anyone and I can help ppl. Sometimes tho... As I listen to these hurt and troubled souls I find myself wanting to scream at them to 'Go away. Leave me be... You're hurting me by giving me your pain.' Only I never say that... as much as I don't want to feel pain, I also don't want to give it to someone who comes to me for help/comfort/guidance. I know what pain is... and I don't ever want to give it to someone.

Bleh! Subject change.
I'm pretty social. But I don't try to be... Somehow as I'm talking to one person I end up talking to the others around that person as well... or in some cases I try avoiding a person becuz they scare me and somehow some mysterious guy or girl senses how I'm feeling and ends up protecting me. O__o;;;; I guess I give off a scared little girl or fragile kitten vibe when frightened. (I asked a few ppl who 'rescued' me why they did it. Their answers are usually the same... o-o; mostly the little girl/sister thing or cute/fragile kitten one.)

@___x mah head hurts really bad... I'll stop for now and continue this later. If I remember...

Ja!
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