Saturday, May 24, 2008

well im good. im trying not to let it bother me, and i'm trying not to do anything that might remind me of him... we are going to the beach on senior week, and at first i had canceled it because well the beach house burned down (which my information was wrong, it was only the shed in the backyard that burned) and then this with greg, but im not going to let this ruin my life. it still hurts like hell, but im not letting it get to me. i cant let it get to me. i still hope he'll snap out of this, but i can't do anything about it and i'm not even going to bother b/c it hurts too much to bother. i might have a job, but i'm unsure if i really want it.... if i get it, i'll have two jobs.. i have to go for yet another interview next week. i don't really need another job other than more money. ohh, i had to go to senior night the other night, where they give us awards and stuff. well i got an advanced diploma, and i got recongized for being accepted into into the national technical honors society. but yeah... hope everyone else is ok...

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Tuesday, May 20, 2008

im so completely lost and it seems like i have no one. my friend ben has been a pretty good help so i can't say no one. i know that my friend marisol is there for me too. also my cousin/friend melanie took me to the movies to get my mind off of things. i think everyone who actually comments already knows on here. but my boyfriend broke up with me, but not because he was tired of me, or we were having problems, but because he doesn't want me to see him being buried. he has it in his head that hes going to die soon and hes cutting himself off from everyone,even his own niece. im using art as my escape and i'm doing a koi fish watercolor... here it is, but it is still in progress...

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Sunday, May 18, 2008

is the computer my worst enemy? i was just thinking about stuff, and it made me realize that every time i get depressed or insecure, it can be linked back to the computer in some way. i could try to take a break, but it would be useless. maybe i should limit my actions on the computer? blehhh.. anyways i didn't go to prom last night, but i did go out to eat with my friends and then we went bowling. >< bowling is expensive. anyways we had alot of fun bowling. i also went shopping for my mom last night b/c today is her birthday. she loved all the clothes i got her. i didn't get any manga, but thats ago b/c i've gotten to where i'm reading all my manga online. my friend marisol did get manga, and she let me read one of hers "Ral Grad" and its a really awesome manga ^^ you should all go look into it. but yeah... hope everyone is okie dokie!

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Friday, May 16, 2008

well i talked to one of my friends last night. i don't get to talk to him often at all... like one every month, sometimes two months. but its been even longer this time i think. i've known him since i was 14.... 4 years since im now 18. i've never actually met him, he lives in california, i met him online when i was 14. hes always been a good friend that i could talk to. i mean c'mon, we've stay in touch this long. he is about to go into the national guard or something. to me it feels like i may not get to talk tohim again, but i know thats not true. i was just happy to talk to him again. so besides that i still feel pretty much the same. today was okay, i got to hang out with my friends and that was awesome. i'm the only loser to comes to school on senior skip day -_-, but i couldnt miss anymore days. hope everyone is doing alright. ^^ EDIT: i changed the look of my page, if you havent already noticed. the bg is little pandas ^^

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Thursday, May 15, 2008

im going to pretend everything is completely back to normal. i noticed that there is a link to pms, but its the TheO's pm system. i guess thats ok, but i do kinda miss the old pms. im also going to pretend more people read this, but in all honesty b/c i used myo to get things off my mind. it didn't really matter if people read it or commented. i guess knowing people commented just make everything feel ok, b/c the comments were always support. when everyone left, it just felt so empty. i feel like crap right now. every now and again something will trigger a bout of insecurity and i just want to give up. i mention it all the time, but i've been dating my boyfriend a year and 9 months. the situation isn't all that great and we don't get to spend time together, but i love him enough to just hang in until the situation can be better. i was thinking today of how it would feel to break up with him, and i found that wouldn't hurt quite as bad as if he was to date someone else b/c i just couldn't imagine him giving his love to anyone else, it felt so bad that i couldn't even imagine it. i dunno, none of this probably makes since, it doesn't to me. but anyways back to the point, i was watching tv today.... scrubs... and if you watch it, you'll know that through everything theres always like a lesson, and one of the characters make the comment that their is always a point of being in love that the situation sucks, but the actual love is if you still want to be there even when the situation sucks. its so true in my situation, but i saw something earlier that i just automatically jump to conclusions and i get sooooooooo depressed, and right now i feel like shit. but its all gravy i guess, i just gotta take a deep breath and not assume things, but its soooo hard. but back to other news, i got my first commision to do ^^ i am so excited. my dad says i'm not a true artist until i get paid for my work. i have to do a picture for my principle, i am worried it will turn out like crap, but all i can do is try... well thats all i guess. i really do hope everyone else is doing okies. ^^

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Tuesday, May 13, 2008

now that pms are back and stuff, we need to get the community back. but how do we do that? most of my friends abandoned this place all together v.v but its a start, we just have to hang in i guess. i feel really awful, i had all but abandoned MyO too, i had given up, i didnt think there would be any actions taken for MyO. but at least i am here now

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Monday, May 12, 2008

*jumps for joy* maybe we still have a chance!

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Saturday, May 3, 2008

i miss this place v.v i miss getting online everyday to see if any of my friends updated or if they left me a comment. i miss the community that was once here, the friends who actually did seem to care. Gahhh! *kicks adam for breaking us all up and double kicks TheOtaku* sorry i really had to get that off my chest. i really hate whats been done, and i feel so helpless because i can't do a damn thing about it. there are so many hateful things i'd like to say right now about adam, but i can't b/c i know that he was only doing what he felt was right. and i guess it was alright with some people. so blah. fuck it. sorry if none of this made sense. like CosmicSailor said, we need to find something else to do with our time and i guess i kind of have, but it won't change how i miss this place.

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Monday, April 14, 2008

so i'm updating again. my birthday is saturday, i'll be 18 ^^ awesome huh? i'm starting a Manga (hopefully)... so when i get it up, i'm going to put it on here. ^^ not much else to say, hope everyone is on over there, i've been spending my time on DeviantArt.

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Wednesday, April 9, 2008

i updated.

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