Monday, November 5, 2007

so i was inspired to put this on here by one of my new friends, i wrote this a long long time ago when my ex boyfriend left me the first time. and i wrote it for him, but now i don't consider it really for him. its title was "For Anthony" but yeah... here it is: A night wasted away on sighs Without you, my heart cries So close to eternitys end Yet my souls twists and bends So far away from death Not wanting to take its last breath Reaching out a hand to you Yet my heartbeats seem so few And you a million miles away So I just lay here to decay Waiting for you to come again To save me from the hell I'm in You are my only salvation From my world of humiliation No where is there left to hide Wanting for you here by my side To catch me when I drift away My heart never led astray and i doubt i will EVER write something that good again, in fact i know i won't. so other news... i'm playing hookie from school today, b/c i can. and i am going to work on the request i have, i actually completed the request last night but i am unhappy with it so i am going to work on it today. i am also going to work on one my ap art drawing that i hate, how on earth am i ever going to malke myself do it?! oh well. so yeah have a nice day peoples! ^_^

Comments (2) | Permalink

Sunday, November 4, 2007

ok so i'm bored out my frickin mind with nothing to do, ok wait let me rephrase that, with plenty to do, but nothing i WANT to do... i changed my avatar, i think its kick ass, but then well its me, and i'm just a loser, baby. so i did this scratch board (for those who do not know its like a ink covered board that you have to scratch away the ink to design a picture) well i did the scratch board of my totally awesome almost emo friend ben, and i'm wondering, should i post it on here? i mean.... its not exactly anime or anything, but... i don't know, its just really awesome. but i guess maybe i shouldn't since its for my AP portfolio. i've finally figured out what my concentration is going to be, its going to be of thing that piss my principle off, or other words "breaking school rules". so far i have an image of two emo guys kissing, PDA. and some chick wearing like inapropriate clothing, and something do with drinking and smoking. i think its going to be fun to accomplish...

Comments (1) | Permalink

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey butane in my veins so i'm out to cut the junkie with the plastic eyeballs spray paint the vegetables dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose kill the headlights and put it in neutral stock car flamin' with a loser and the cruise control baby's in Reno with the vitamin D got a couple of couches sleep on the love seat someone keeps sayin' I'm insane to complain about a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt don't believe everything that you breathe you get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve so shave your face with some mace in the dark savin' all your food stamps and burnin' down the trailer park (yo cut it) Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me? (double-barrel buckshot) Soy un perdedor i'm a loser baby,so why don't you kill me? Forces of evil in a bozo nightmare banned all the music with a phony gas chamber 'cuz one's got a weasel and the other's got a flag one's got on the pole shove the other in a bag with the rerun shows and the cocaine nose job the daytime crap with the folksinger slop he hung himself with a guitar string slap the turkey neck and it's hangin' on a pigeon wing you can't write if you can't relate trade the cash for the beef for the body for the hate and my time is a piece of wax fallin' on a termite who's chokin' on the splinters Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me? (get crazy with the cheeze whiz) Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me? (drive-by body pierce) (yo bring it on down) soooooooyy.... (I'm a driver I'm a winner things are gonna change I can feel it) Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me? (I can't believe you) Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me? Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me? [repeat] (Sprechen sie Deutches, baby) Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me? (Know what I'm sayin'?)

Comments (1) | Permalink

Friday, November 2, 2007

I've calmed down a lot since the other day. though my feelings on the issue are still intact and valid, i refuse to discuss it anymore. i guess my idea of ignoring everyone was silly b/c i find it impossible to do so, though i did an ok job of it the first day afterwards. i did get my hinata outfit, which was totally kick ass. i wore the jacket to school and got like so many compliments. i kept jumping around telling people to feel my hip (it was fuzzy). i am currently trying to get a job at the UPS store, they are hiring, but i don't know i can or not, i hope so, i am tired of being broke. oh and thanks for the encourageing comments left when i kinda lost it. (thats to Amanda and Darkemyst) ^_^ and shinedown is like my most favoritest band, i am listening to them right now.

Comments (1) | Permalink

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

i previously posted something today, but i think i am going crazy and i feel like i have to post this to explain things. i just want to say first off that i am in no way saying my life is more worse than anyone elses, i am just expressing how i feel. i've been thinking alot in the past few hours, i realized i've never felt this way before, i've lost it i believe. nothing i do ever seems to be good enough, people are always wanting more more more from me. yesterday was my granddad's death anniversary. i don't talk about my granddad often, but i loved him alot, he always seemed to be the one person that REALLY cared about me. so thats was kind of wearing thin on me today. i can't trust anyone, not b/c they are un trust worthy, but because i refuse to feel vunerable. today i lost it, i seriously lost it. i think the thing that made me lose it was the fact that i felt like i had absolutely no control on things and i just couldn't take it. this is what happened. me and some friends, as from previous posts were planning on going trick or treating, to haunted houses and then to the mall. my friend said that we changed it at the last minute, and didn't tell him, that all we told him was that we were going to the mall. i'm not going to say anymore on that subject other than in return, he changed everything on me, and then decided to tell me at the last minute. i was pretty much screwed then b/c the "new" plan pretty much left me out. in a world where i feel like i have not so much control, that little bit kinda made me snap. now i can't stop shaking, and i'm so stressed out that i don't think i can take anymore, oh but on top of all that, my dad started yelling at me, and that i think was the last straw for tonight. i can't handle stress, and i can't handle the responsibility of my future just yet. i'm a senior, and i'm expected to plan out the rest of my life in the next couple months. i can't do it. i have so many people depending on my future too, that how can i do it? what if i screw up? i have no one, i don't expect anyone to do it for me, but i do expect to have at least someone to lean on and i don't, i have no one, so what do i do? do i just drop everyone else's life even though they depend on me? how can i ruin their lives just b/c i can't run my own? i've decided to focus on everything right now in school, i want to get a job and ignore everyone else, except those people who depend on me. i just can't take this and this is all i know of how to handle it. i probably won't post that often, including art, except for a request that i already promised to do. and i'm sorry for this, though if i have any free time i will come check everyone else's art. i apologize. but this is all i got besides giving up completely.

Comments (3) | Permalink

well my trick-or-treating plans were ruined, or wait let me rephrase that, they were changing without my knowing until the last minute so i got pissed and there was a arguement, and i decided to just come home and let them go out. so i am gonna go to a party. ^_^ it should be fun, just last minute plans. i haven't gotten my costume yet, but it should be arriving soon. so HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!! and i hope everyone has fun!

Comments (5) | Permalink

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

lots of cheers for adam! i am so happy myotaku is back, even though i've already said that in a previous post. what did i do while myotaku was down? i read books. exciting huh? so heres about my costume, i got an email from the site saying that there was problem with the shipping and i needed to call UPS. so i did, and it was telling me that my shipment would arrive on the 31st. what happened was that they put my order on the wrong truck, so it got here b4 it was supposed to. is that luck or what? i mean its such a weird coincidence. i think my newest worst enemy is sleep. i can't seem to get any. *sigh* i can never get to sleep anymore at night and then i usually wake up entirely too early. so it sucks, i feel pretty much drained. and i really can't wait until tomorrow, its going to be so much fun. it kinda makes me sad, one of my friends from on here, doesn't have internet, so i may not get to talk to him in a while. but i guess its all good. lol everything is eventually good. and i almost forgot, i have to do a request, i should probably get started on it... sometime.

Comments (4) | Permalink

Monday, October 29, 2007

i am so happy right now: 1. MYOTAKU IS BACK! i was so worried about it, i have become obsessed with this site. 2. I tracked my costume, and well the first time i did this, well it said it wouldn't arrive until Nov. 5th, but i checked it today and it says it'll arrive on October 31, which that means it might arrive in time for our little thing we have going on!!! we have finally figured out what everyone will be: ME - Hinata (naruto) ... (or hippie) AMANDA - Shino (naruto) JOHN - Ritsuka (loveless) RELLIE - Hello Kitty TOKEN - A Pimp STORMY - A Geisha I just noticed, my friends have like really awesome names. I really like the name Rellie and Stormy, i mean stormy is her real name too, isn't that so cool? I love their names. i mean i like my name too, but their names seem so much cooler than mine. but its all good. anyways i can't wait until halloween, i have to find some haunted houses now...

Comments (3) | Permalink

Thursday, October 25, 2007

so today has been like super great, except for the fact two of my best friends broke up. how am i going to choose? i mean token was my friend longer than stormy, but i can't just forget about stormy. grrr i am just going to go kick tokens ass until he realizes what a mistake he made! *insert angery smiley here* but i was so proud of myself, i got my fortune cookie piece in today... on time *cough cough* ok so i totally just lied about that, its like 3 days late. but at least i got it in and saved my grade. i'm so bored right now. oh and if you haven't found out from previous posties, i CAN'T FRICKEN WAIT FOR MY COSTUME! but its not going to be as fun b/c if stormy and token doesn't make up, token won't come *sigh* but if he does come, hes going as a pimp, oh yeah! wow i've wrote alot of pointless crap, well if you've gotten this far, thanks for taking the time to read my pointless rant! ^_^ edit: I FRICKIN HATE SOME PEOPLE. yes it was VERY nessesary for me to type that is all caps. today in art, i was reading ben's book, which is flippin awesome btw, and i was pointing out one of the spelling errors, and this girl was like, why do you pick the flaws out in people? and i just kinda ignored her later, and my teacher was acking the correct way to pronounce anime, and the girl was like "why can't you just pronounce the way you want to?" and i told her well they could but it'd be wrong, and she started going on about how we judged people b/c of that. i mean WTF? what made it so bad was she then said she didn't judge people, she has never judged people in her life. uhh... hello! did you not just judge us for judging, and are you not picking my flaws out? this is how i feel about her: *gets rag doll and pins the name "charlene" to it and starts beating its head against the wall* ... yep that explains it all.

Comments (3) | Permalink

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

  

so i just submitted two artsies! one is of the emo boy i did, and another is for a halloween contest, i hope they will hurry up and show up soon. anyways i also just ordered my hinata costume!! i hope it arrives on time for halloween!

Comments (5) | Permalink