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myOtaku.com: ima loser baby


Thursday, May 15, 2008


im going to pretend everything is completely back to normal. i noticed that there is a link to pms, but its the TheO's pm system. i guess thats ok, but i do kinda miss the old pms.

im also going to pretend more people read this, but in all honesty b/c i used myo to get things off my mind. it didn't really matter if people read it or commented. i guess knowing people commented just make everything feel ok, b/c the comments were always support. when everyone left, it just felt so empty.

i feel like crap right now. every now and again something will trigger a bout of insecurity and i just want to give up. i mention it all the time, but i've been dating my boyfriend a year and 9 months. the situation isn't all that great and we don't get to spend time together, but i love him enough to just hang in until the situation can be better. i was thinking today of how it would feel to break up with him, and i found that wouldn't hurt quite as bad as if he was to date someone else b/c i just couldn't imagine him giving his love to anyone else, it felt so bad that i couldn't even imagine it. i dunno, none of this probably makes since, it doesn't to me. but anyways back to the point, i was watching tv today.... scrubs... and if you watch it, you'll know that through everything theres always like a lesson, and one of the characters make the comment that their is always a point of being in love that the situation sucks, but the actual love is if you still want to be there even when the situation sucks. its so true in my situation, but i saw something earlier that i just automatically jump to conclusions and i get sooooooooo depressed, and right now i feel like shit. but its all gravy i guess, i just gotta take a deep breath and not assume things, but its soooo hard.

but back to other news, i got my first commision to do ^^ i am so excited. my dad says i'm not a true artist until i get paid for my work. i have to do a picture for my principle, i am worried it will turn out like crap, but all i can do is try...

well thats all i guess. i really do hope everyone else is doing okies. ^^

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