Friday, January 12, 2007

   I didn't take a nap in 3rd. Sigh.
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   Aw. Jon's starting his tour tomorrow, so he won't be responding to my emails as quickly.

I had to tell Nisrin what's been going on with my life, so I just sent her the first post of the new year. I get tired of having to tell all these people what happened that day... that stupid, awful, terrible day.

I have the coolest girly ponytail today. It reminds me of Rikku. Am I slowly becoming her?

Pirate shirt today. That makes me happy.

I listened to Scissor Sisters (which makes me happy, too) this morning while I was doing my eye make-up. It made me happy. I was dancing around the bathroom, which isn't all that big.

"You give me contact, contact, contact, contact HIGH!" Jake Shears has such a high voice. I can't get that high unless I use a silly voice.

Blah blah blah. BORING! I'm going to take a nap third block.

-Susan

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Thursday, January 11, 2007

   CELEBRATION!
My hit meter says 505! I missed the 500 mark, somehow. I've been waiting for that ever since Michelle got hers some months ago. So YAY!

Ahem. Anyway, I talked to Alex yesterday (I do pretty much everyday, actually). Talking to him makes me feel better, I don't know why. He's the only person I've known for over seven years, and I think that's just amazing we're still such good friends. I know that's useless to some of you, but I felt like saying it.

Blah blah blah blah. I'm going to post lyrics because nothing eventful has happened. I'm sorry for those of you used to two pages of action daily, but... I gotta rest sometime.

"Land of a Thousand Words" - Scissor Sisters
(It sounds better as a song instead of just lyrics)

Another constellation dies
Do what you want 'cause it's your own sky
Just call me when the phone stops ringing
Thanks for coming by
I'm just glad I'm on your good side
Where it's smoldering or freezing
It's never all that easy to decide

This is the land of a thousand words
But it seems so few are worth the breath to say
Except I'll be looking after my own world
And you just keep on saving the day
I'll try to stay but it's in vain when you're far
I'm on the run to wherever you are

And that's the nature of the chase
You fall so far behind you end in first place
Pass the torch this time we're running to each's own regret
There'sno harm in playing hard to get
Boundlessness deceives me
Baby you may turn the corner yet

This is the land of a thousand words
But it seems so few are worth the breath to say
Except I'll be looking after my own world
And you just keep on saving the day
I'll try to stay but it's in vain when you're far
I'm on the run to wherever you are

I'm a gonna do everything I say
Tried to stay but time's running out
But now I'm on my way

More love than a little,
Susan
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Wednesday, January 10, 2007

   Open comment to HEATHER: I know, right? Our little "romance" is like a sad lifetime movie with prospects. It's like, "Dude, why don't we just go ahead and get married and have kids?" Y'know? Exactly. That'd be kind of awkward though. It's like, he's vegan, and I can't drop meat, eggs, and milk. It's like a hardcore Muslim marrying a hardcore Christian. lol. But that'd be pretty cool if those two religions ever married. It'd be like the end of wars over religion.

Open comment to NEDA: Yeah. I know. If it's killing you, imagine how I feel! I was "waiting by the phone" for four days! And then Alex called and I cried while I was talking to him about Caleb, and he cried while he was talking to me about his guy, and we were both just little hurt balls of emotions. lol. Then yesterday we laughed about it.

Open comment to BECCA: I miss you.

ANYWAY! BACK TO TODAY'S POST... I felt like I was in one of those Levi's commercials this morning, except it was for my Gap jeans. They didn't get dried last night, so my mom had to dry them this morning. I was kind of upset because at the moment, all the jeans I wear were in the wash. I had to try to find some jeans and I ended up wearing some that were just barely okay, you know? So, I got out to the truck and I was like, "Hang on. I'm going to see if those jeans are dry." Running back in, I go to the dryer, take out my favorite pair of jeans EVER, and, thank you God, they were dry. I was so happy, I was like the guy in the Levi's commercial who did the little dance when he got his jeans back.

Yeah, I'm sorry. That story was retarded. But I love these jeans. *looks down at jeans and smiles, daydream of me spinning in a field of posies, holding jeans out like they do in those funny romance things*

If that's possible.

Later fools, Susan
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Tuesday, January 9, 2007

You know, things are getting easier, better. I've been feeling pretty down lately. It comes and goes, you know? I'll be fine and then something will remind me of him and I'll start feeling sad. That's how it was before. It made me happy to think of him, that I was going to make biscuits at grandma's house that weekend with him, or how he'd drive to my house just so I could go to the store for him. I don't know. It's weird. I think of all the good times and that makes me happier.

Like when I saw him after my wisdom teeth were cut out. "Hey, snaggletooth. Are you hurtin'?"

Remembering stuff like that makes me feel better. And I was playing FFX last night and Rikku (who is the character I relate to most) was at the Farplane. She wouldn't go in and said, "I like to keep my memories inside. That's all they are, memories."

Okay, so, on a happy note.
Susan: "So I guess the answer's no."
Caleb: "i am back in canada, now. I'm sorry i didn't call you when i got back. i was so exhausted and all i did was pack for coming back here. i'll be back, soon, though and you are the first person i'll call."

Smile.

-Susan
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Monday, January 8, 2007

   Hey guys and gals.

It’s good to be back in the saddle, so to speak. I missed you guys, and, hopefully, you missed me too.

Well, my holidays weren’t awful, but they were fun either. I lost someone I was very close to. My granddaddy died on December 23rd, which was a huge, HUGE emotional blow to my family and myself. I was emotionally crippled, and, in a way, I still am, sort of. It was kind of rushed. We had to have the funeral on the 24th because otherwise we’d have to wait until awhile after Christmas, and we wouldn’t have survived that. So it was like, he died and then he was in the crypt.

December 23rd was awful because someone I saw 350 days a year died, someone I loved and cared about. Everyone who knows me well knows that he and my grandma are my favorite people in the entire world.

And now he’s gone and grandma’s house has this big empty void in it. (And there’s really no way I can put in words how much he meant to me and how much his death has affected me.) Christmas wasn’t much fun, but we tried. I got the iPod I was after, my locket (which I wanted for years and put pictures of my grandparents in, and now wear everyday), some other gifts, and then my grandma handed me a present. I knew what it was before I opened it. It was the cookbook she was going to give Granddaddy. I opened it solemnly and she said, “You’re going to have to be our cook now.” One thing he was known for was cooking. I remember when I woke up, found both cars missing, and called grandma’s to hear my mom crying and telling me he was dead. I went into Lisa’s room, woke her up, and, after about six minutes of standing in her doorway crying, sat next to her and said, “Who’s going to make us soup?” which is really funny to us, kind of an inside joke. You’d have to have known him to understand the significance.

Also, I was supposed to see Caleb on the 23rd. He was just about to leave his house to pick me up when I had to tell him “Can we reschedule?” And I had to wait until the next day, when he called me back, to tell him why because the words wouldn’t come out. Then he said he was going to New Orleans and he wouldn’t be back until around the 1st… Maybe we could hang out then. That’s what he said, at least.

But I don’t know. Was I supposed to call him? How was I supposed to know when he was back? Shouldn’t he have called me?

So, I didn’t get to see Caleb.

And 23 is no longer my favorite number. Not anymore.

When I talked to Alex a few days ago, we both cried. It was the first time I’d cried on the phone with him. He was telling me about this guy he’s in love with and how he’s leaving at the end of the year (exchange student). And then I told him about my granddaddy and Caleb and he said, “I thought I heard something in your voice…” And then we went on to comfort each other about our situations, both of which have no real solution. But it made me feel better to know that someone cared.

Caleb didn’t even say, “I’m sorry.”

I told Alex about how I waited for Caleb’s call on the 1st. When he didn’t call, I thought,
“Maybe the 2nd… Maybe the 3rd…” And, like a fool, I waited until the 5th. Then Alex called and I decided to stop waiting. He wasn’t going to call. He probably thought I was lying. Why would I lie about something like that? Why would I say that about my granddaddy if it weren’t true?

This whole holiday has changed my feelings for Caleb… or at least that’s how it seems. Was his caring voice on the phone a masquerade? Was it a figment of my imagination?

And then I read Jon's email this morning wishing me good luck. It kind of cheered me up while brining me down. He's this really cool indie muscian from... California? He used to be in Florida... hmmm.

-Susan

P.S. If your religion permits, please keep my family in your prayers.

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Friday, December 22, 2006

   Guess what, ladies and gents?

On Wednesday, I answered a phone call from the nicest voice in town at the moment... Guess who.

Caleb. I've got a date with him Saturday.

"Well, I look forward to seeing you, Susan."

And so do I.

-Susan

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

   i commented this on randall's site, but it's good enough to be post... so...

"I'd be happy in Germany, but, well, that's obvious. I think if I ever went there to live, I might never come back. That's the only downside. I'd end up living there until I'm this old lady with a German husband and German children.

"But hey, my German would kickass."

Merry Christmas everyone.

I'm getting married tomorrow.

-Susan

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Monday, December 18, 2006

   The best post to date
I'm finally a bit better from the "open mouth surgery" I underwent. My face is still a bit sensitive. I have a bruise on my arm from the needle. My gums are still bleeding a bit, but not that bad.

And I feel sleepy and dreamy because of the pills I have to take now. One is just a huge ibuprofen. The other is this red pill I can't recall the name of.

Last night, I couldn't stay still. We (mom, dad, Lisa, and I) were watching a movie and I had to excuse myself because I was so hyped. I ended up rearranging my bookshelves and picking little pieces of filth off the carpet in my room.

Talk about a nutter.

Today is my last day of school. To explain how much I don't want to be here, I've only brought my purse. I plan on sleeping through the day and skipping third to stay with Angela. It's not like third even matters, not this late in the game at least.

And I got up spot on 5 AM to the sound of some unknown object dropping onto the wood floor near my bed, which, fifteen minutes later, was followed by my dad telling me that my door was locked and I needed to get up.

Morning routine music today: Tom Waits: "Rain Dogs"

The next three days are exams, but I don't have to take any. It's going to be me and Lisa alone for the majority of the day. If we don't kill each other first, we'll have a lot of fun.

Blah blah blah.

Two days to fake coffee.

-Susan, Eternally yours

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Friday, December 15, 2006

“It seems that most the world is driven by the eye, right? They design cities to look great but they always sound horrible, ... They design telephones to look great, but they sound horrible. I think it was about time that the other senses were celebrated.” -Bjork

Too many thoughts fill my head for just one entry today. So I only put a quote.

-Susan

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