Tuesday, February 20, 2007

This has been the longest break of my life, and it was only a three day weekend. I haven't seen Jason in five days. I don't know why something like that bothers me as much as it does. Maybe ya'll are right.

I spent the weekend at my Grandma's, and I might be doing it weekly now too. My cousin was caught with his dumbass friends in my granddaddy's old motorhome, smoking and probably doing other shit too. Grandma kicked him out for a while. He called my mom a bitch (she's the one who caught him). And now I'm pissed at him more than I was before.

So, Mom went to stay with Grandma last night, but I know she can't do it every night. I'll probably be called to duty, so to speak.

I finally got Nana vol. 5 yesterday. I had a nice chat with the saleperson. He was so flirting with me, but he's probably in his twenties.

I really hope Jason is here today. I don't need to explain why.

-Susan


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Friday, February 16, 2007

Extra notes that won't fit well in my original post.
Caleb and I have platonic love, at least I do on my side and that's how he believes it.

C: "Thank you. I'm flattered. Really. :)"

How sweet.

Watara is still emailing me. It sucks. I want him to stop. Caleb said I should block him. I think I'm just going to stop answering his emails, just ignore them.

-Susan
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My name is Susan. What’s yours?
I don’t know what’s going to happen between myself and Jason, but for all of you rooting for a relationship, you may just get to do your victory dance. I can feel it right around the corner.

Friends don’t usually kiss and hold hands in the hallway. Friends don’t usually cuddle and lean all over each other. Friends don’t usually tell each other that they really, really love each other. Jason is becoming more than a friend… Again.

We shared a moment of intimate eating.

S: *Takes a corner off chicken sandwich and hands it to Jason* Here.
J: *Takes it* What is this?
S: Ketchup.
J: Oh. *holds it out* Take your bread.
S: *notices what he meant, a piece of bread hanging off the side, and takes it*
[After Jason’s trip to the vending machine with Mr. D]
S: *reaches for Jason’s bag of sun chips*
J: *notices and holds it out* These are stale.
S: *takes a bite* Yeah. They are. *takes one of the chips in her hand and holds it out to Jason*
J: *eats it from her fingers* I don’t see how that happens… It’s been in the machine less than a week and it’s stale.
S: It says March 2007 on the “use by”.
J: *munch-munch* They’re still stale.

Friends don’t usually miss each other this much, or wish it wasn’t a snow day so they could see each other.

Collin keeps saying, “You two. Go out. Now.”
Jai keeps saying, “Ya’ll make a cute couple. Why don’t you go out?”
Neda keeps saying, “Go out with him.”
And each time, Jason says, “No. We tried that. It doesn’t work.”
I’m sure everyone who sees us together thinks we’re dating, that we’re a couple. The way Courtney looked at me when Jason and I were messing with each other, she knew. And I just smiled. I know it, too.

But maybe this time it will be different. Maybe this time they’re won’t be a third party to split us up. Maybe we’ll make to May and he can take me to prom. Maybe he won’t wait until then to ask me out again, or decide that he might as well since we’re this close now.

“Falling in love is only for the brave. So, tell me, angel, how strong if your heart?” (pale3)

-Susan

P.S. I think one of the cutest things he does is that little puppy dog face, or when he taps his cheek, wanting a kiss.

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Jason was my Valentine today.

And we kissed. And he held my hand in the hallway, which violates his "we're in public now" policy.

I asked him if he was going to buy my chocolates and he said, "Yeah, wait a few days when they go 70% off and I'll get you some."

How sweet.

-Susan
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It's snowing today. It's Valentine's Day. I'm single.

Okay. So, it's Valentine's Day... I'm single... and it's snowing.

You wouldn't believe it, but this is going to be a great day.

I just hope Jason is here.

-Susan
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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Rent a flat above a shop
Cut your hair and get a job
Smoke some fags and play some pool
Pretend you never went to school
But still you'll never get it right
'cos when you're laid in bed at night
watching roaches climb the wall
if you called your dad he could stop it all
yeah
You'll never live like common people
You'll never do whatever common people do
You'll never fail like common people
You'll never watch your life slide out of view
and then dance and drink and screw
because there's nothing else to do


-from "Common People" by Pulp
(http://www.paradise-engineering.com/quotation/commonpeople.mp3)

Check out William Shatner's cover.
IT IS GLORIOUS AND BEAUTIFUL AND IT STIRS MY SOUL!


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Neun Risse sind getrocknet, bevor sie meine Augen verlassen haben.
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What he said.
Susan,

I didn't write back earlier, because I didn't know what to write.


I still don't, really..there's not a great way to respond, I don't think.

I value your friendship and I think you are an excellent, inspired human. You are very creative and fearless, it seems.

and obviously lots of people look up to you and want to be around you.

i'm not interested in a relationship that is more than friendship with you. I'm sorry.


I understand about closing a chapter in your life. and i think it's totally healthy and important.and yes, i have felt like that a lot, lately.

there was an older girl in high school that i dated for a short time that i liked for years after that. it hurt so bad that we couldn't be together and i wondered when all the hurt would stop. but then, gradually, it got better and i could let go. i realized that there were lots of other exciting people that i should be focusing my time and energy on and so i did.

it seems like you have no problem finding people that adore you. so focus on the people in your life right now and be happy with who and what you have.

i hope this helps some.

sorry for the chronic tardiness on returning emails -- remember, I was always late to school and class, too..


talk to you soon,

Caleb


Hey,

Listen. You can love someone and not want to be in a relationship with them. I thought you'd know that. I was trying to see what you'd say if I said that. Automatically you assumed it was relationship wise.

I tell a lot of my friends that I tell I love you too and they don't automatically assume I want to screw them or anything.

-Susan

A good cover. And, I realize that maybe that's what it's come down to, you know? Maybe he was just that person I could never be with, that was so fucking amazing that I had to fall for.

I still think he's great, but... to tell you the truth, a relationship with him would be awkward. It's all good in writing, but... hmmm.

I'm not just saying all this because of what he said. Really. I'm not covering any tears or making up bullshit to sound like I'm not hurt.

And I'm not even hurt, to be honest... He was just so amazing I forgot my head. And that's what Neda was trying to tell me.

Chapter closed. Next.

-Susan
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Monday, February 12, 2007

No. It wasn't MR. Rehn, but... I swear. I'd kick him in the shins if I ever saw him in public. Then I'd get out my sketchbook, hit him over the head with it and yell, "Bitch! Give that an F!" Motherfucker. I hate him.

Anyway, Jason is here today! YAY! He was all cuddly-wuddly with me, but it was weird. We were laughing and messing with each other like we were dating. And he kissed my shoulders, like multiple times... like Gomez Addams. It was funny.

I really did miss him.

(Upon finding a saved pallet of paint)
J: I could use that orange and blue and white paint.
S: Hey. I could use that red and silver paint.
J: Well, let's go paint, babe.

-Susan

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Urdu is the shit, man.

Did you hear about the guy who got arrested at JCPenny for "preforming lewd acts on another man"? Yeah, well, he is a French teacher at my school, currently. I never liked him. I always knew there was something up with him.

Anyway, today's a lazy day. I can feel it. I'm going to read my Peter Cook book and fall asleep in 2nd block.

I hope Jason is here today. I miss him.

-Susan

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