Sunday, February 12, 2006

Spider-petting day
Today is National SPIDER PETTING DAY.

Yes, you heard right. No, I'm not tripping. No. Magnus Lensherr wasn't tripping either... Just likes spiders a lot, for some unknown reason.

Which reminds me, at a dance last night, there was this little plastic spider. I named it Speedo. A misnomer if I ever heard one, because it didnt' move at all. But if you think the theory of relativity holds out in real life, it was moving at light speed. So it must have been moving pretty fast. So Speedo deserved his name. His name was actually spelled "Spido" but that wouldn't look the way it sounded. So it's Speedo.

So, I assume mosta y'all don't like Spiders?

Never fear! Inuchanslilsister is here! Because you know, it's mandatory that you pet a spider. Seeing it's spider-petting day and all.

So. First, to get over your fear, boil a vat of maple syrup. Strip to your underwear and jump in. Jump up'n down and scream like you're getting burned with maple syrup (this shouldn't be too hard).

Go up to a spider (Don't ask me how to get out of the frickin' vat! This is your life, you loser!)and pet it. It will stick to your hand. Because--unless you decided, for some odd reason, to hose yourself down--you are covered in hot, sticky maple syrup.

As I was saying. If you are an arachnophobic, you will again jump up and down and scream like a lunatic and if you try to take off the spider, it will eat your left kidney (side effect of the maple syrup. Just wash it off and you'll be fine.)

If you ever get the spider off your hand and don't die from the burns, you will officially be... a spider-petter. Congrats.

Note: Inuchanslilsister does not claim any responsibility for: 1, 2, 3rd degree burns, clogged up washing machines, dead grass, or death by spider eating your kidney.

At that, my friends, is how you pet a spider.

This girl I was talking to on the bathroom floor said she was bipolar... SINCE SHE WAS THREE.

I'm sorry. What did you say? Bathroom floor?

Oh, right. That day, the bathroom was turned into a teen rec center. *shrugs* so me, Mary, Sarah Fedderman and two other chicks hung out and talked.

Mary and Sarah believe in magick. They were trying to do spells from a book. I told them they were nuts. They told me to please shut the fuck up, they were trying to erase my memory. At which I decided to not stop talking.

Because, believe it or not, I'm not eager to get my mind wiped.

Anyway, Sarah said she was bipolar. Sure, whatever. Bipolar. Whaddaya want, a medal? And then she said she'd had it since she was three.

A three-year old wouldn't be able to even comprehend that. But whatever. You can't diagnose people when' they're freakin' three.

Firefox kicks Safari's fat ass. Remember that, kids!

I'm going to go to Arkansas and then Iowa to see... people... so don't be expectin' updates.

I love you people, but I woudln't care if you died... well, yes I would... but whatever.... okay, that was relatively pointless...

I want a digital camera.


We have fourteen phone messages.

I played Mozart again today.

I bought a whole bunch of books, and, get this--I"M NOT GONNA READ THEM!! Not until Tuesday, anyway,when we leave for our big "road Trip".

WE have genuine stained glass windows in our house.

I'm really tired. "So go to bed," you say. I say back, "So just shut up, dorkface". And you say, "You're a dorkface." To which I reply, "Oh, yeah?" ANd you say, "Yeah."

"Oh, YEAH?"

"Yep."

"You wanna take this outSIDE? Huh? Huh? Huh?"

Once Derek did that to me and I was like, "sure" all up in his face. And he backed down.

He was such a cutie... XP... hair and eyes and evertin'....

Okay. If my dad comes back from Tapas I'm screwed. And he'd said he'd be back round 12:30. So I'd better go.

Bye.

~~~
Later, at a SANE hour
``
To answer your loverly comments.

Ziopheth: Yes, I'm insane. But believe me, I'm not that insane in real life. ANd I was not being mean to Derek! I was just... it was a joke! 3:} Deal!

Mysticelfgirl: yeah. coolest thing on the planet. go pet a spider.

Magnus Lensherr: Glad you enjoyed your holiday. i made it special for you, you know.

obnoxious: Who? Who was talking about a spider...? And I get these ideas... um... well, I purposefully write random stuff. I thought of maple syrup because I was eating cereal. With maple syrup and milk. It's not until after when I realize how inherently weird it all sounds. XP

I got pet-a-spider day when I invented pet-a-toad day and Magnus said that it should be spiders instead.

So there.
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