Sunday, November 13, 2005

I have some news...11-13-05
All Kyle wanted was to be happy
with a person, to be with him forever...was that so much so much to ask?...It'a all he wanted but not even I could give him that...and now he's gone...

About 4 months ago I met a boy online...his name was kyle...he was a very sad person, he believed no one loved him, cared about him, he despiratly wanted someone to hold him to tell him everything was ok...and I was the only thing that stood between him and death. He was just so sad and I was so scared that he would kill himself...Everyday, I'd tell him to just smile...because I thought that it'd help him, I needed him to believe he could live...be happy with someone...Eventually he confessed that he loved me...but...but I couldn't see how he could...we'd never really met...I couldn't be that person...I couldn't love him...and he grew even sadder...So one day I told him that this was our last conversation...I couldn't keep hurting him, I couldn't take it, every time I talked to him I gave him false hope...for us...I had to break it off...forever...I left him with the promise that I'd never forget him...and that I wanted him to do one thing for me...to smile...

4 months later for some reason he came into my mind. As I was washing my face, he suddenly entered my mind, and I looked up into the mirror...and I wondered, "are you ok?...alive?...happy?...or are you dead?...killed?...dying?...depressed?..." So I wrote an e-mail to him because I had to have these questions answered. When I sent the mail it came back to me stating that there was an error...it said that his e-mail address was cancelled, disconnected and now I realize...he's probably dead...even if I simply got the address wrong or if his computer was broken, something told me...he was gone...

I feel so helpless...so sad because I couldn't help him or save him...I really need you guys now...
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