Sunday, June 12, 2005

   yo
hey there, i'm updating. interesting.
i'm really tired right now, it's 1:13 am.
today i cooked lumpia, the filipino version of eggrolls. they were yummy-licious! i'm connecting with my roots of a sort, lol.
the weather here has been really rainy and humid, i guess we're getting the edges of the first tropical storm of the hurricane season. what joy. though, it got nice and sunny this afternoon, a rarity lately with the norm being afternoon showers/thunderstorms. hopefully the weather won't keep getting in the way of my tennis! I need to play a lot to get my skills back after a long period of not getting to play, and luckily it's coming back to me. i am working on getting my footwork back and incorporating a jump in my serve, not easy. i love tennis man!
i've decided i'm not doing orchestra next year. this was by no means an easy decision, but i think it was inevitable. i just don't have that same feeling for it anymore. i never practice at home, and there were few times that true joy of music making was felt in that class under mr. luce, but it is by no means his fault, i think he's an alright guy. i just lost whatever it was. i never had it like zach has it. he lives and breathes music. he would always come home and actually pick up his violin and just play, or pick up his guitar. my parents used to nag at me to practice and tried to actually use zach as a comparison, that whole "well look at your brother, how he plays without anyone even telling him, everyday." ok, zach is in a whole other league there, lol. i remember though, when there was a time a really loved playing. i was the first cello in 6th grade back in missouri, out of nine or so cellos. i had issues with practicing even back then, but i did a hell of a lot better with it. In Ms. Rock's class i practiced some, because of those evil practice slips. it was after i was finaly free from those evil obnoxiously colored squares of paper that i really got bad about practicing. it was tons of fun playing with Mr. K though, and that along with all my old friends brought me the joy of music. then it all just kind-of went blah. Mr. K left, a bunch of my friends were saying they would drop out, and in general the music took a huge blow. i became disenchanted with a lot of it. at the end of the year as i debated whether i would take the class, mr. luce insisted i was needed, and laura wrote in my cheap-ass yearbook about the passion of music and how it was the greatest gift and that i should stick with it. that's when i realized it: i wasn't just some lost musician that had turned away from her passion and lost it forever; i was a person full of passions that were just different from what i had felt obligated to be passionate about. i'm passionate about God, i know no matter how fucked-up my life might be some day i'll never be alone. i'm passionate about writing, the flow of words and feeling shaped and crafted in unique prints from the very soul itself. i'm passionate about art, drawing, painting, making something beautiful. I'm passionate about tennis, my thoughts have never felt so clear and peaceful as when i'm out on the court smacking the ball across the net. and dammit, i'm passionate about the Daily Show with Jon Stewart and MXC! so what mr. luce and laura need to understand is that they have their passions and i have mine, but it is the same feeling, just a different outlet. it's not like i hate music anyway, i'm also quite passionate about music i hear if not produce. so there is my thought flow/essay thing about why i won't be in the orchestra next year. I will never regret the time i spent in orchestra, and i will dearly miss it, but i feel it is time for me to move on.
~mermaid
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