Tuesday, May 31, 2005

   I'm sorry officer. I didn't know I couldn't do that.
I went to the emergency room a few days ago. Apparently I've been having anxiety attacks. I don't know why. There's nothing I can think of that would trigger it. Actually, there's one thing. I don't know why, but for some reason I get afraid to eat because I think it'll go down my trachea and I won't feel it and it'll get into my lungs and I'll die.

The thing is, I may not be crazy. When your thyroid is producing too much hormones, it could alter your perception. So now I have to go and get my thyroid checked.

I don't have much else to talk about, except there are only five more days of school left then I'll be a senior. Actually, I'm sorta a senior already because all the real seniors got out of school last Friday.

I'm gonna go. I have to clean up my room and I'm watching Dave Chappelle stand up comedy. It's awesome, I love Dave.
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Tuesday, May 24, 2005

   Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually.
Things are getting better. It's good to see people able to pull through stuff like what happened prom night. There was one argue at school, to my knowledge, about the situation. I'm glad the students are being so mature.

On a lighter note, I have a crush on Ben. He's cute, and funny. I think we really hit it off. Everytime we talk we're either laughing or playing around. Our relationship is awesome, I would love to be his girlfriend.

For my birthday I'm getting some new shoes, a CD player and I asked for season one of "Scrubs". I love that show. But if my parents can't get that, I want the "Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack, the one with two discs. I'm not sure what I'll be getting.

I've been working a lot on that story a mentioned a couple posts ago. So far, coming along well. I'm feeling it, it's working out for me. I just keep on getting these ideas and writing them down. Well I'm gonna go read "America: The Book" again. It's the funniest thing in the world, I reccomend it.

PETER: Everybody I've got bad news. We've been cancelled.
LOIS: Oh no Peter! How could they do that?
PETER: Well unfortuantely Lois, there's just no more room on the schedule. We just gotta accept the fact that FOX has to make room for terrific shows like Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That 80's Show, Wonder Falls, Fast Lane, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Skin, Girl's Club, Cracking Up, The Pitts, Firefly, Get Real, Freaky Links, Wanda At Large, Costello, The Lone Gunman, A Minute with Stan Hooper, Normal Ohio, Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddy, The Street, American Embassy, Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Louie, And Greg The Bunny....
LOIS: Is there no hope?
PETER: Well I suppose if ALL those shows go down the tubes we might have a shot.
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Monday, May 23, 2005

   Serious Post
Prom night was two days ago and something tragic happened. Four kids were shot to death, still in their prom clothes. Two of them were from our school, one of them had already graduated though. Everything at school today was slow. No one spoke much and the aura wasn't positive. What happened to these four kids is the worst thing you can imagine.

I'm not going to go into detail. If you go to www.msnbc.com you'll probably find something about it. It should be labeled something like, "Four kids shot to death in Huntington, West Virginia". My heart goes out to the people who were friends and family to the murdered kids. My heart goes out to the kids as well. I didn't know any of them, but this is still sad.

To add on to that there were threats at school about a shoot out. Nothing happened, but there were policemen all over campus. What a day, what a day.
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Sunday, May 22, 2005

   Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Today is my birthday. It was alright. I'm not going to be getting any presents until the end of the month, not too far off. My step mom said that she and my dad hate that they aren't able to do anything for me today because it was bothering me earlier that I'm bored and it's my birthday. I had some cake with my aunt and step mom and now everything's cool.

I'm 17. Good year, I'm looking forward to it. You know what I'm looking forward to more? Summer vacation. Once I complete finals on the last two days of school I'll be home free for about two or three months. Awesome. I love the end of the school year.

Shara's (RavenWinona) not feeling well so everybody think about her getting better. She spent the night last night and had to leave before cake today. Poor girl. I wish she could have experienced the heavenly flavor of that exquisite banana cake. Mmmm... I'm gonna go get more cake. See you around.

Brian: Peter, did you read the fine print on this loan contract?
Peter: Um, if by "read" you mean imagined a naked lady, then, yes.
--Family Guy--
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Thursday, May 19, 2005

   Oh yeah?! We're all just super stamp it stamp it no erasies mega gay!
I'm writing another story. Only, I don't have a name for it. It's about a young woman named Lynette Rousseau and her equally young lover, Jonathon Ainsworth. They met at a young age and fell in love fairly quickly. When Lynette's friend, Sofia D'Aubigne, and Jonathon's friend, Charles Astley, make the decision that Lynette and Jonathon are too young to make commitments and that they needed to see what else was out there, the two work together to make sure this happens. Charles takes Jonathon out of town with him while Sofia introduces Lynette to one of the most handsome and desired men in the country; Duke Riley Haswell. Is Lynette and Jonathon's love only temporary, or will they triumph over the obstacles being thrown at them?

I'm thinking of a name for this story but I can't come up with one, so I'm looking for some help. Don't bother stealing the idea, I just finished getting it copyrighted yesterday. So come on people, give me a little help here. (And let's all thank Dan Quayle for the following quote.)

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Dan Quayle--
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Monday, May 16, 2005

   Stupid Dirty Whore
Kim is ultimately pissed off at me. I made a little mistake by telling a white lie. I know what you're thinking, there are no such things as 'white lies'. You are so right.

I didn't want to do Stage Works (see below post) so I told Kim I had a doctor's appointment and I couldn't cancel. I was telling half of the truth. I did have a doctor's appointment. Only it was today, not tomorrow. The lie was coming along well until the end of the day when Jeremy Gunn, in all his non-existent glory, announced that Stage Works was going to be rescheduled because of WesTest.

Now Kim know's I lied, don't know how, and she's threatened me, saying to my friend, "I'll get her tomorrow." I'm on my last nerve and if I end up getting in trouble tomorrow, so help me, I will be VERY pissed. Karshara (RavenWinona) was all like, "There's no such thing as violent-Alene. You're scaring the children." I'm usually very passive, but God has been punching me in the face a lot lately.

On a lighter note. "I plea the fif" from the bottom post, was, in fact, from Dave Chappelle Show. I love that show, it is the funniest thing in the entire world. Dave is hillarious. I'm sure some will be able to guess that the topic of todays post, wich has nothing to do with the actual post, is from South Park. The episode Paris Hilton came. I saw it twice yesterday, give me a break.

I got a Tetnis Booster shot today. Not fun. Twice I almost talked the doctor out of giving me one. Yeah, I'm that person that goes places and tries to con people into doing something or not doing something. I came so close with that doctor, but he cut me off and I ended up getting the shot. It's still sore. That bastard.

So I'm going to be leaving now. Not before I tell you what happened. Shara (RavenWinona) and I called Stephen, cute boy which Shara loves, and talked to him for a couple hours. We 3-wayed him. He's a cool guy. This was the first time I got to talk to him and he jokes around a lot. What's cool is that he's going to wash his hair so it's soft tomorrow because I want to touch it. That sounds weird, but RavenWinona says it's soft and I need proof. Everyone loves his hair, I want in on it.

"Oh, I was humbled when I was at LA County sleeping in a six-by-six cell with rats and roaches."
--Rick James--
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   I plea the fif
I went to the doctor. He didn't find anything wrong with me, and what he told me was 'avoid pain'. So I suppose I'm somewhat of a hypochondriac, exaggerating my illnessess and injuries and such.

Now, onto more recent news. Today (it's 12:30am right now) I have to get a tetnis shot. Whoopie! Only not really.

On Tuesday I'm supposed to do a performance for Stage Works, wich is when the seniors who have taken theatre four times get to put on a performance of their own. I'm participating in one of my friends, but next year I get to do my own.

Now, Kim, my friend, asked me to do the performance, and I agreed. That was before I knew I would only get one practice and I would only get the lines three days before the actual performance. I'm going to tell her I can't do it, it's stupid to expect me to. I've taken theatre for four years, I know better then to pull something like this.

I'm so happy today because my dad bought "The Phantom of the Opera" DVD, and as an early birthday present I got "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack. My birthday is on the 22, and I'm so excited to get the rest of my presents, and to especially turn 17. w00t. I'll check in later, even though no one is messaging me. Oh well.
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Sunday, May 8, 2005

   It's so easy to use geico.com, a caveman can do it.
How is everyone? I hope you're all doing better then I am. Something happened to me last Thursday which was sort of weird.

I was playing with my dog, Milo, when he bit me on the hand. About a minute and a half after that, I was feeling really dizzy and I passed out. While I was out of it, according to my step mom, I convulsed. Which is scary. I've passed out two times before, but I have never convulsed. Now I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday. I'll tell you all how it goes.

We have a few ideas about what may have caused this little episode. Maybe Milo bit a nerve or pressure point, maybe I have low blood sugar. Or maybe, suggested by my dad, I'm a wuss. He said that it may have scared me. That makes sense though, because I was never bit by a dog before and I usually make any injury worse then it is.

On a different note, Shara (RavenWinona) invited her long-time crush, Stephen, to a barbecue today. From what I understand it went well. Go to her site, I'm sure she's going to post a rant about it soon.
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Sunday, May 1, 2005

   This sh*t's bananas, B-a-n-a-n-a-s!
Well-p. Looks like today's my lucky day. Ahem, you won't believe what happened to me this morning. I got the "Napoleon Dynamite" DVD. Yeah. Bask in the glory that is Napoleon Dynamite. I tried to tell my family that the "Napoleon Dynamite" DVD was the new God of this house, but they won't listen to a word I say.

So. Looks like I'm going to France next year. It's a sure thing. I'm excited about it... Though I suppose I should have taken up French instead of Japanese... Those two languages are no where near the same... It's not even funny.

Um... I just talked to my mom about a half an hour ago. She just got home from the bar, like that's a surprise. I told her about my honor roll report card, and I told her that I completed my first official turn-about. She seemed concerned... But I also told her that I wanted $200 for my birthday because she didn't get me anything for Christmas last year. Surprise, surprise, looks like she can't manage that much. Could the reason be that she has been spending all her money at the *gasp* bar?

Whatever. It doesn't matter to me. Ever since the last big arguement I had with my mom, I haven't really been worried about anything as much. You know, no more crying myself to sleep over experiences I had when I was 12.

Anyway, I'm gonna go to bed. School tomorrow, and I have to stay after to practice for Kim's play. I'm playing the drunk fairy god-mother. I'm looking forward to it.

\m/(^_^)\m/
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Wednesday, March 30, 2005

   Hope and Faith
I spoke to my mother today. I told her about everything that's been bothering me. I told her that she wasn't treating me the way a mother should.

To help you understand, when I was young and living with my mother I was abused. My mother would get drunk and if I did something wrong she would go overboard with it and we would end up fighting. It's easy for me to talk about because I think talking is the thing that's helped me get through it so I've always been willing to talk about it.

Tonight though I finally felt that it's gone too far. Everytime my sister or my mom or my cousin living in Florida calls, my little sister staying with us doesn't tell me so I never get to talk to them. But tonight I overheard my little sister and I knew who she was talking to and I managed to get a hold of the phone.

First I talked to my 15 year old sister Gabriel (pronounced Gabrielle). I talked to her about a few minor things and I talked to her about how she never seems to want to talk to me. She just swore at me and I gave the phone back to my little sister.

My step mother, Michelle, came in and talked to me. She told me that I have to talk to them. I know it's not going to go away unless I do. My dad came into my room and said, "I don't know why you do it when you know all you're doing is hurting yourself." I hurts him to see me like that. Crying and all. But I do it because I want to fix things between myself and the rest of my family.

When I got on the phone with my mom I brought it to her attention that I have been hurting for so many years because of what she did to me when I was a little girl. She told me that she thought my imagination was running away with me because she didn't remember any of that happening. She was drunk all the time then so I'm not surprised.

She kept saying, "Why this all of a sudden?" It's not all of a sudden. I just finally felt I was ready to talk about it, but I see now that I may be ready but she isn't. She needs more time. She told me that I was starting to sound like her, and I said I don't want to sound like her I want to sound like myself.

I made her cry. And I hope she'll think about everything I said to her tonight. I hope instead of reaching for a beer, or drugs or pills she sits down and thinks about what I've said... But all I can do is hope.

I pray for my mother all the time. It hurts me knowing that me living in West Virginia and her living in Florida, I can't do anything to make sure she's on the right track in life... All I have is hope and faith. Faith in God, and hope that he'll help my mother fix her life. I want my relationship with her to be better. I want things right between us.
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