Friday, May 21, 2004

   Guess what I've done now?
How quick I can screw things up. Wanna hear about my day?

At school everything was fine. Of course the day went by slow because I'm excited about tomorrow. Found out Ben likes me "as a friend," not too happy about that. But as soon as Elizabeth told me I was over it and moving on.

I got home. My "step brother" gave me some things that he bought me for my birthday and all was going good. I taught him how to play Egyptian Rat Screw when my "step mothers" friend came here.

My "step moms" friend has a son and as soon as her son asked if my "step brother" could stop playing of course he did.

That made me kinda upset. Then when I went outside and sat on the swing and started talking, everything that is going on in my life right now can change. Yeah, I screwed it up that bad.

I told my step mother that I didn't have to listen to her because she's not my mom. She made a good point in saying she's done more for me than my mom ever will because that's true. Then when she asked me why I said that I told her "because I don't like it here, I don't like who you're related to" basically I hate everything about my life right now. Things at school contribute to this too.

So she's all "you think things will be better if I'm out of the picture?" Now she thinks I want her gone, which I don't, and when we talk to my dad when he gets home there's a huge chance that everything could change.

"Why do you have to do this to me? Why are you treating me this way?" I asked God. I know the answer. It's because God want's to see how I'm going to react to this situation, I know he's waiting to jump in and help me if I mess it up even more. That's the first thing I did when this happened. I cried my eyes out, I'm still crying, and I talked to God.

Don't comment on this if all you're gonna say is "good luck" I don't want to hear it.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Thursday, May 20, 2004

   Happiness
I invited Ben to my house for sunday. Since his birthday is Wednesday (I'm 4 days older than him, I always tease him about it) he's gonna be at his dad's, but he said he could see what he could do about coming to my house. He was all "thanks for the invite" and I was all "no problem." It was awesome.

Brooke says I look at him with "googly eyes," whatever those are. I don't think I do.

I hope he can come to my house. It'll be fun, we're going to see Troy, I finally found out a time. The people should be at my house about 12:30PM so we can go to the movies at 1:00PM, watch Troy, then come back to my house for BBQ. It's an awesome plan.

On Satuday I'm going to take Chico, Coty, and my little sis, Tabitha, to see Shreck 2 at 5:25PM. I have a packed weekend and I like it that way. It'll be an awesome birthday weekend.

Someone said it sucked that my birthday was on a Saturday. How? Why? What are you talking about? I'm glad it's on a Saturday. ^_^

I'm really excited about this weekend. It's gonna be an awesome get together thing on Sunday and I can't wait to see my little sister. She lives in Florida with my mom so I never get to see her. One of my sisters, Gabby, couldn't come because of school. That sucks so much. It makes me feel bad because the school said there was no way for her to come here and pass school at the same time. What bull is that?

Anyway, I'm listening to Blink 182 once again. Great band, great songs. It's just awesome.

Oh oh, I may actually pass English. Last grade I got in English was a 32%, low, I know. I made up a test today and earned some major extra credit yesterday and my teacher just gave me another chance to earn extra credit. I'm so happy that I could cry. I CANNOT FAIL this class. I just can't and now I'm confident I won't.

I'm in such a good mood, you won't even believe. I feel like alot of good things are about to happen. It's a weird feeling, but it's good. I can feel it in my gut, good things are going to happen sometime soon.

Well. I'm gonna go do something else, can't write all day... well I could if my hand wasn't hurting when I type. Later.

\m/(^_^)\m/
Comments (3) | Permalink

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

   Shorties Watchin Shorties
What an awesome show? Anyone seen it? I'm watching it right now, it's hilarious.

Sunday I'm inviting my friends over for a birthday thing because I'll be 16 on saturday and since I'm taking my little siblings and Chico to go see Shrek 2 we're having the get together on sunday.

Since I can't invite alot of people, I've decided on:

-Brook
-Elizabeth
-Seth
-Ben
-Drew
-Danielle
-Zac
-Bradley
-Chico

It sucks that I can't invite alot of people, my last list was outrageously long, so I had to break it down. Boy was that hard. I'm not playing.

Anyways, today I saw Ben when I was walking down the hall because I walked a different way to class so I could meet Elizabeth, who didn't show up might I add. Anyways, I walked past and he was like 'hey' but I kept walking. I got, like, two steps when I turned around really fast. I was like 'woah I didn't notice you' and I walked right past him.

It was kinda funny, you had to be there. Oh, hears a little conversation I had with Ben and Jessie:

BEN: All guys like me.
ME: Only guys?
BEM: Girls, too. She likes me, you like me.
ME: I don't like you. I'm prejudice against stupid people.
JESSIE: You're prejudiced against me?
ME: Yeah, sorry. I try not to be but it's too hard.

There was no point to that, but it was funny when I was there.

I was going to tell you about another thing, but it's lame and I'm making this way too long.

If you read this and know what it says, thanks. If you skimmed and have an idea about what it says, go to school, reading isn't hard.

\m/(^_^)\m/
Comments (4) | Permalink

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

   If you could see the expression on my face, or hear the tone of my voice you'd know that I had a boring day. Not very eventful. I am listening to Blink 182, though.

I feel bad because at lunch there's this girl that sits with us, and one of my friends doesn't like her and I don't even know her. Obviously, I'm gonna take my friends side, but to an extent.

We had a quiz bowl in English and it's on the play Julius Ceasar. I'm one of the finalist and tomorrow we're having the face off. Me against Logan. Hm.

According to last post I was gonna change. No sign of it yet. (oh yeah, and I did email Drew and say I was sorry -_-)

It's an awkward position for me. One, because I'm not having things work in my favor, in other words I'm not getting what I want. And two, I see these people everyday. I could go on and on about this, which I did in second mod today, but I'm not. There's no point. Again with the keeping-feelings-and-thoughts-to-myself. There's only one time I expressed myself freely and that's when I felt comfortable.

Anyway's, I have to go take a shower. My birthday is in four days, don't worry I'll post before and on that day. Send me lot's of happiness, I'm needing it.

In my opinion, I'm being lied to about alot of things by alot of different people. I think I'm taking it too seriously and they aren't lieing at all, but I can't help think it.

If you actaully read this and you know what it say's, thanks. If you skimmed it and you only have an idea of what it say's, go to school, reading isn't hard.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Monday, May 17, 2004

   After A Bad Day
After a really bad day of me moping around about how much Drew is an idiot, I'm over it.

As stupid as this is, I did still like him. I explained this all to Bradley. The reason he and I kept breaking up was because the whole time I dated him, I was figuring out alot about myself. I was taking steps to finding out who I was, and he can't handle that.

Now he's saying thing's about his new girlfriend that he said to me.

-How Much He Loves Her
-How Great It Is To Be In A Serious Relationship

And Drew, I know about your whole giving-up-porn when you met me thing. That's sweet.

Next subject, my my my. I'm not having a very good home life. I'm not getting along with my step mom, and that's not her fault. I keep thinking she took me away from my home, now she's taking my dad. Not a good feeling.

I just got yelled at, which I'm really sensitive to, so I ran upstairs crying. Overly-dramatic? What can I say.

Things are gonna change. No more fake. I'm gonna be real. People should deal with that, their gonna have to.

This is my daily rant, it's probably gonna change tomorrow. I'll end up apologizing to Drew again, and I'll be telling you all about my sucky life again, but I'm glad I said... WROTE this all anyway. It felt good.
Comments (4) | Permalink

Sunday, May 16, 2004

   Let's Clear Up a Few Things
I had a good weekend. I went to the movies Saturday night, we saw 'New York Minute' it was funny.

I read a few posts from my ex and let me tell you, they aren't making me feel very happy. The one I read today got me close to crying. May not seem like a big deal but when someone implies things like me not liking 'him for him' and saying that we didn't have a serious relationship, it kinda makes me sad. I'll clear things up for you, Crim;

First, if I didn't like you for you, I wouldn't have said yes when you asked me out. I don't appreciate you saying that, and I've told you before, you should know why I like you. Apparently you don't.

Second, serious relationship? I took it seriously, I guess you didn't. It makes me feel really bad about all the time I spent with you when you say things like this. I understand that you like this girl alot, but that doesn't mean you can say things.

My mood level just went down.

Drew, I was gonna talk to you about how your posts were bothering me, but I guess I don't have to now. I'm glad you had fun at prom.
Comments (3) | Permalink

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

   Title-less
I've been having an interesting day, starting about five minutes ago. Too bad I can't say why in fear of someone reading this, that would suck.

Anyway's we've now moved into our new house and it's really cool. It's small but still cool. My room is small, and the ceiling slants, it's kinda like an attic, but still cool.

There are these kids that live across the street and I swear they are little demons.

"Ya'll want to play some baseball?" *insert hick accent*

It's hilarious. I laughed alot.

I'm gonna go. I'm having an interesting conversation with Cory, Chico, Mark, and Texan.
Comments (4) | Permalink

Tuesday, May 4, 2004

   Feeling better, I am
Forget my last post, it was rude of me to say that stuff. To clear things up:

--I don't want to kill *cough*ChrisVital*cough*, I only said I did because he said something rude.
--I apologized for Drew because I called him a jerk. The only reason I did that was because I don't like the fact that it feels like he's ignoring me.

Anyways, I did alot of apologizing so far today and it's making me feel better. The brutal honesty that I'm getting does suck, but atleast I'm not getting any lies from anyone.

It feels so good to clear this up. (see a couple posts down when I put up the phone call from Kristana)

Like the post is titled I feel really good now and I'm very happy to clear this up. I'm not the type of person to be honest, I don't like to hurt people's feelings, and I've never been in the position were someone was being extremely honest with me up until today when I talked to one of the people I got into an argument with.

Anyway's, what this post is about is the fact that I'm feeling better since two days ago. I just wish that I could talk to Chico. She say's she's not in the mood so I'm gonna give her some time.

I have to go do some work, besides, if Ms. Harrison see's me on this site then I'm in trouble. We're only aloud to go to educational sites >( Which sucks.

I'll post later, or whenever I get time. As you all know, my life is so exciting. *sarcasm*
Comments (2) | Permalink

Sunday, May 2, 2004

   For once I'm not gonna post about how much my life sucks.
There's this certain someone *cough*ChrisVital*cough* who I wish would die an incredible painful death. Why? I don't like him. Simple as that.

This someone *cough*ChrisVital*cough* is getting on my nerves with his jerkyness, much like Drew. Who's been on my nerves for quite a while now (now you have something to think about, Drew. don't think too hard, you might hurt yourself, or cry)

I'm venting my anger. It's fun, you should all try it. It really is fun.

Well. I'm done talking mean about people for today, and it's not nice to talk about people behind their backs, even if you don't like them.

Well, have a peachy keen day. ^_^\/
Comments (5) | Permalink

Thursday, April 29, 2004

   Life sucks, what else is new
Boy. What an interesting few days I've had. By interesting I mean, sucky beyond words. Would you like to know what's happened to me? Of course you would.

First, I broke up with my boyfriend, but that's old news, happened a long time ago, no need for any explanations.

Second, and the one that got me the worst, Chico has decided to do our Chicago musical again. Sounds like good news. It's not.

Meredith, Kristana, Chico, Kimmi, Molly, and me were in it. We had Mary and Holly-Ann replaced. Kristana and I do not get along at all. So yesterday at school we had the usual altercation and I walked out of practice. I overheard everyone discussing the argument, and I especially heard Mark pointing out how much women are like crocodiles because Kristana is "taking alene in your mouth and just snapping her in half" (I'm alene and those are Mark's words)

I was sick last night, which rolled into this morning so I didn't go to school. I got a phone call from Meredith asking if I was going to be at practice tomorrow and I said yeah as long as Kimmi can pick me up. I told her I didn't want to go to practice at 8 in the morning on a Friday of no school, but I would still go. So she say's hang on and I wait.

Kristana get's on the phone and here's the conversation how I remember it:

KRISTANA: Why aren't you at school?
ME: I have a stomach ache.
KRISTANA: Oh. Well Chico doesn't have time for this so we don't need you anymore.
ME: Okay.
KRISTANA: Okay bye.

And that was it. The whole time we practiced yesterday I was being compared to everyone else and my problems were being compared to everyone elses. I was disapointed that they replaced me, and I was angry too.

But hey, call me whatever you want, Chico made a mistake by replacing all the original members, save for three. Especially since she only has three weeks to find wardrobe, and teach them the moves to a 6 and a half minute song. Which I'm telling you, was hard the first time.

To close my pointlessness today, I'd like to tell everyone involved in the Chicago presentation:

"Have fun bombing on your performance and making yourselfs look like bigger idiots."
Comments (4) | Permalink