Friday, October 26, 2007

DAMN!
its been a long time, hasnt it? well i go out with josh howard now and i think im pregant... yeah, my tummys been hurting alot and this isnt usual. but me n john are friends again, and hes trying to get back with me. but josh is trying to get me to quit smoking and gave away half a pack of bogies that I bought, not him, yet he spends more money on bud than i ever had on bogies ((cigarettes)).

ive basically moved in with josh and his mommy lurves me. his sister, stacy, scares me cuz she says shit about chito and its all lies and then she yells at me for telling josh what she told me. sharron is pregnant and is due in january. shes soo pretty! ive gotten used to handlebar riding on bikles and my ass doesnt get as many bruises now. me n kevin went out and broke up 2 days after i met josh. i was a fucking wreck and matt helped me through it.

my lip is also pierced now..
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Thursday, May 31, 2007

   im back. but now im in art. and mad. and bored. and torn. ~.~ too many fucking feelings are pent up inside me today. wont someone listen to make them go away? can anyone ever understand how i feel or what i do? i really think no one can understand me thro
art sucks. ive always hated it, and i really despise doing it. i mean, i cant draw on demand, and of certain specific things, instead of spontaneaous and of what i like.

but this morning, i went out to the corner to see kevin and to try talking to him in person ((still scared to death of him)) but my mom came and got me before i could seee him, but i saw him as we were pulling off the street. my mom hates him with a a passion now, and she refers to him as a freak, but i anyones a freak, its me.

but i bitched to my dad last night about how i need and WILL get a new bathing suit this year cuz im tired of wearing vals old ones that are always too big((see whos the smaller one!!)) i demand the one from hottopic.com , the Solid Black One-Piece Suit, but im not a fan of the skull one. >.<

jesse keeps bugging me to suck him off, and i told him i dun wanna hurt logan, and he said it wouldnt hurt him, but i know it would cuz im practically his first non-abusive girl, so, yeah. i told jesse it would hurt him and it would in fact be cheatin, and everyone agrees that i should avoid jesse for awhile till he finds a fuck buddy that is legal for him ((hes 20, im 15)) and he keeps saying he'll pay me too, but id hafta give him really good head. i said, get a whore or a toy from a porno, and he said he didnt like it, but i think he just wants to get off on doing a younger chick.

but its art, like i said and bitched about before. my wrist hurts from heating up a lighter and holding it to my wrist, then taking a metal barbell end and trying to stab a vein.

keivn and i have a bet going, that he could get me to trust him fully and that he can still be optimistic when im being bipolar. i really must see this because he says that he can protect me from myself, but he isnt there half the time. he invited me to dinner at his house on friday and said hed make spagetti, and i told him i hated it. i told him i love chicken and salads, and that i could bring somethin over cuz when i do feel like cooking, i really can cook. most people know my bad cookin skills, but im good at baking, grilling, making soups, and whatever when i try.

I WANNA PLAY WITH MY DAMN WHIP!!!! GR! theres no one to whip, no one to scream and run, no one to torture. im sorry if this is disturbing, but im used to scaring people off, and its pretty much all i know now. i feel poetic now. but cryptically poetic. is anyone ever like this?
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   matt made me talk to kevin.
i beat mark AND logan at super mario smash bros. it was awesome, and now i have those orange and blue boxer-briefs of logans and he has my spying shirt. i was with logan till 6, but jesse's boss made him leave work early cuz he forgot to clock out for break.

but when i got home, i called kevin to warn him about the guys coming over, and he practically hung up on me. i called matt asking him why he left school early, and then he said he had a call on the other line, he went over, cmae back and said it was kevin being all pissed off that i wrote in my blog about him, and i told matt to tell him i write about the BIG things in my life, and that he is a part of it. matt got mad, saying he wasnt a voicemail, and he went over and told kevin id call him when he and i finished talking, that i HAD to call him. matt and i talked a bit, then i had to finish my dinner. brandon came over, and i got a copy of the final exam, i wrote the answers down for him, and i studied the essays. after my dad had brandon leave, i got to calling kevin. i didnt know what to talk about, but i got off when he told me he had cut himself again. we talked for, like, 3 hours, and we tried to work things out. i told him i was used to having anger taken out on me instead of infront of me, and i was still scared that he did that infront of me. he told me how heartbroken he was when he heard that i was scared to death of him.
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Wednesday, May 30, 2007

   im scared to death of him, but im saving his life.
im having logan pick matt and kevin up when riverside lets out so cody and the guys cant kill him. jesse and i are talkin about whats been goin on, and i think i used more than a hundred texts ALREADY!!! ~.~ i just got all my minutes last nite. i figure daniel rojas has been kicked out of his house cuz hes living with his ''homies'' ((blech. i HATE that word)) and i hope he can come here to stay for a bit. but i have a few new fav songs; 'The Carpal Tunnel of Love' by F.O.B., 'Famous LAst Words' by My Chemical Romance, and the new Used CD. ^__^ i especially like songs 'Earthquake', 'Smother Me', and 'Paralyzed'. but im getting too worked up about all the shit thats going on and i constantly feel like im gonna throw up. i finished my ELA exam, my Spanish exam, and im starting my SS one next. ~.~ i swear, i hate final exam week, but there are still, like, more days cuz of regents and the teachers make us clean up THEIR rooms.. >.> but jesse's trying to talk me into giving him head, but i swear im not gonna until me and logan break up, and after that, im goin lesbian ((im already bi)).
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ahh! kevin was waiting for me at logans house!! o_o
the title says it all. but he moved his hand in a way that i thought he was gonna hit me. but yeah. logan came over and ate MORE ice cream, and im likie, dude!! wtf? you ate more than half! again! but it was our one month aniiversary! ^^, brianna is hawt. she has no undershirt, and you can almost see in her bra.
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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

AnimeCon North was awesome!
kevin went way too emo yesterday and was hurting himself, and it put me into a flashback mood. now im scared of him and that he might subconciously forced me into breaking down adn sending me back to ECMC. but i stalked off to the park steaming, and halfway through the park, logan caught up with me and made sure i was okay. i bought him fried dough, and it was gone in, like, 5 minutes and it was like, w-o-w.

but at animecon, i met a sora in kitty form, and he gave me his cell and email, and i gave him my cell #. he texted me, and i only have 3 cents left and now geoff is getting me minutes. i miss daniel the kitty! ^___^ i wanna text him, but im getting my minutes tonite! ^-^ im soooo not

before kevin went all out emo, he walked off from matt, sam, logan, and i on our way to the carnie ((carnival)) and then sam took logan back to logan's house to get his wallet. sam helped him to win me a rose that is, like, a yard long! i love it so much and i slept with it. ^^, im going over to his house today afterschool! PS: his mommy loves me.

now im getting paranoid about the whole kevin thing, and i keep seeing him trying to kill himself everywhere i turn. ~.~ i couldnt sleep last night. i saw him this morning as my mom drove me past matts house, and the light was red so we were stopped, matt spotted us and kevin saw us too, and he waed at me, but i just shrunk back into my seat. now im still freakin out, and when john was touchin my arm in art, i started shaking and i almost started crying.
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Friday, May 25, 2007

   im still goin to AnimeCon!!!
my mom has a piccy of me from when i was 8 with my thumb print. it means i can go to toronto still! ^^, last night i dyed ruben's hair and did another piercing on kevin; a second bottom hole. i had to take his cartilage out, and it turns out he didnt clean it that well, so when i pulled the back off, his ear started bleeding. when i did the second bottom hole, it didnt go through, and kevin freaked out which caused me to. this morning, matt and kevin were waiting out front for me with another animecon dude. i gave matt a kitty plushie, and kevin gave me my surprise! its the new Used cd burned for me and personalized.
^-^ ill have so many new piccys of me cuz kevin has a whole camera just for piccys of moi! yay!
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