Tuesday, May 8, 2007

   teeheehee! ^_______________^
kevin called me last night, and we talked for more than an hour! ^^, then, when i was going to school this morning, i saw him walking over to matts house, and i told my mom to pull over so we could talk, and shes all "NO! youre gonna be late for school!" but he was getting into fights about me cuz nick marvel said i was a dirty slut, and im not dirty, i shower every night unlike him. but we were talking about how logan wasnt much of a romantic, but i stood up for him, and kevin says he stands up for him too, like a little brother. my sunburn is looking a little bit better, and i parted my hair last night so i look cute today! im also piercing kevins ear today, and hes doing my nipple! >.< hell, hes seen my tits already from my half-nudist beach of Exhibitioners. <3 my mom is still freaking out about how i have friends over when she isnt home, so now i cant have any over when shes not there, so ill just go to a store with them until she gets home. but i have been wanting to go to that thrift shop to check out those vintage boots and tube tops..
i wonder how matt is doing because he had a little breakdown sunday night and was actually crying ((i have never seen him cry before!! T_T ))

-LATER IN CFM-
meh. art was akward, cuz john was all depressed and giving me wierd glances during class, and when i tried taking his pencil ((i had pepsi and i was hyper)) he left the table and sulked at his. but the back of his neck is peeling from a sunburn, and it looks like it hurts. >.< i hope i wont peel this summer.
FRANK! hi frank. are you a virgin to your hand? really? still a virgin in all ways? you suck. sex is good for you!
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Monday, May 7, 2007

   swimming and sun burns
saturday morning, at about 2:45 AM, daniel rojas called me, my .NET bf from WA. i got his new cell # and address. i went to write him a letter, and my mom went and read it. stupid bitch.
sunday i went to the ''spot'' and we all went swimming ((Mark, Jesse, Ruben, Matt, Logan, Kevin, and me)) but i had no underwear on or bra; just a pair of logan's shorts and my pale blue skull tee, and matts sneakers ((i hurt my feet!)) then i went to the little creek thingie and i laid on a rock to warm up and dry off. Mark came over and we hung out, warming up, then kevin ((not donohue)) came over and gave me the best back rub that ive had in awhile. when i got dry enough, i used everyones hoodies and wrapped myself up, and jokingly called logan over to fuck him, but he didnt have a condom. i got dressed and i needed help finding my shirt. i didnt wear a bra most the day, just val's VANS beater. when i was napping on kevins lap, he was massaging the back of my neck on my G-spot. when i got home, i had a sunburn on my face, but later that night, i found out i had more on my shoulders. i even burned my scars, and now they match my skin color! xP but when we got to my house, i dressed kevin up in my hottopic pants, ring belt, noises off tee, trench coat, bulky necklace, myu glow in the dark skullie, and more. ((will write more in other classes))
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Friday, May 4, 2007

*next period, same day as post before*
well, i found out that john is going to the white dance AFTEr we broke up! ho wouldnt go with me, but he can probably go with his "girlfriend" and jackie doesnt even go out with him! im trying to hide my feelings for him, but when hge was next to me in art class, i had to ask him to move away because i smelled him and wanted to hug him, and i think he got mad, even though he denied it on jackies life. i cant ask him to swear on mine anymore cuz we broke up and he already broke a promise me made on my life. not just one, if you think about it...he promised to me that hed never cheat on me, that hed never look at another girl, but he did. and i WONT forget it. i wont be able to forget him. how could i say i loved someone so quickly after breaking up with him? it shows that he was just a dick, just another cock in my life. just another stab at my heart, one more grand-canyon-sized crack going through it, an almost passing attempt to kill me at my rehardened core.

THOUGHTFUL RANT
___________________________________
i let him into my heart, the heart that i hardened in fear of what he would do in the end. he broke past my barriers of my life, the jail walls i put up around me to keep me enclosed. he promised to be different, and i guess he was. he broke my heart in a new way to me, in a way no one had done to me before. he -----

__________________________________________________
im sorry. i still cant do this. i still cant bear to think about it. my heart stops beating, i stop breathing, and i relive all the pain mixed witht he happiness, and i need to swallow it all down with all the tears ive ever cried for him. i ripped my heart out for him, so many times, and never once did he pick my living heart up fully, not once, and help me with what i needed. he helped me in ways i didnt want to be helped in, in subjects that were closed off from everyone, even myself. i offered him my body, and of course, he took it. draining it, using it for his own pleasure and mine at times.
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   i got logan to grab my ass!! ~.^
well, him and matt are coming over tonite to watch a movie. but i went and got my eyebrows waxed last night, and then i went ot my dentist's appointment. when i got home, i called robert to see if he wanted to hang out, but he was in a foul mood. so i laid in bed and napped for a half hour or so. i woke up to val yelling that matt was over, so i stumbled outta bed and downsatirs. i wasnt allowed to go outside without eating dinner, so i took my french bread pizza outside with me, and logan was there! ^________^ i brought them inside to eat ice cream, and those boys ate the rest of my strawberry ice cream! >.> i got full from eating half of my pizza, logan took it and ate it in less than 5 bites! O_O but i was stupid and told him i loved him, and he said he loved me back. ^-^'''' but matt kept bugging me to go get megan, so i did, and he was happy and they were luvin up on each other. logan was romantic as promised by matt, and he grabbed MY hand first, hugged ME befre i asked, and he even went after the vollyball when it went in the grass.. ~.~' he even tried catching me when i ran at him, but he just turned sideways at a block for me to hit. ow. but he grabbed my butt when i stuck it out, and he went after the stick of gum in my bra ((but he didnt grab anything!!! T_________T)) but i did mean that i loved him, and i will. he is soo cute, soo nice, and caring.
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Thursday, May 3, 2007

   today is sorta of a happy day
yesterday, ryan book asked me out and wanted me to break up with logan cuz he doesnt pay much atention to me. also, he wanted to see me or something, but i cant make out his accent or something. brandon came over and gave me my weed, so now i need to find some rolling papers. >.> im working shit out with john still, and i hope its going well. matt came over last night during the middle of Malcolm in the Middle, and i went outside to play some tennis with him, so now hes teaching me how to play better ((i only know how to play in Animal Crossing))! DAMNIT! this keyboards keys are sticking, and its fucking me up. but i wrote a note to logan and matts giving it to him. and matt had a dream about megan, my neighbor who likes him. but matt is trying to have loan tell me he loves me, cuz im not gonna be the first one to say it this time, cuz im tired of giving up myself, so i want him to be vulnerable. love , tori
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Wednesday, May 2, 2007

   conflict in my heart once again
john hugged me yesterday and i wasnt ready for it. i went home crying, and i packed up all his stuff and i brought the box to school and its filled to the brim. i wrote him a note telling him i take all the blame for our relatonship and that he should give all my stuff to jackie ((if he did love me, he wouldnt cuz i wrote on another note that he can drop whatevers left off at my house)) and keep what he wants. but i smacked him today cuz he was all in my face when i was doing andy wards shakespeare packet, so i yanked his ear, almost slapped his face, and smacked his ass to make him get outta my way. i'll be writing in you now because i gave the blue denim journal val gave me to john because i dont want the memories or anything. so i love you, my otaku journal, and now i am yours as well death's daughter and suicide as my mother.
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Tuesday, May 1, 2007

   getting better
i walked home yesterday, and now i got blisters! x.x but i broke out my sandals, but theyre dusty ((no wonder)) brianna is getting her back brace off soon after getting it fractured during gymnastics and cheerleading. she has a pet chiuaua and a great dane. i didnt get to see logan or matt yesterday, so i was sad. my dad took my mom to the cheesecake factory last night, so i had to fend for myself. when i woke up this morning, i sawa spider on my cieling, and i freaked out. i called my mom to kill it ((im scared of little spiders, not tarantulas)) and she grabbed it and somehow flung it into my bed corner or under my table. i am sooo bruised form this weekend, and i dont think ive had this many bruises form just 1 and 1/2 days! xD i love this blog. this is the only place i can blog at in school. I love you otaku!
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Monday, April 30, 2007

   All is Fair in Love and War
John Wilcox and i broke up last week wednesday by me beating the crap outta him cuz he was leavin me for jackie, and i SO will not stand for it. i let loose the punches and got suspended even though it was after school hours. >.>

now i go out with another john, but he prefers to be called logan. ((his first name is john, logan is his mmiddle name.)) hes so cute and innocent. but hes cross-eyed! <3 his moms are lesbians, and i think that both of them like me as HIS girlfreind. all his cats are cute and small, but all of them have been rescued from different things.

matt elmer, you know him, hes hitting on me at all hours of the day, and touching my boobs, ass, and close to my pussy. <.< if he liked me, he shouldve asked me out after dumping whats-her-name-Cassie.


but i just dont feel right anymore cuz i have no future, no one to call late at night or when it thunders out. is this how i should feel? is it a good reason to cry? should it be my gateway to die? no more cutting, no more cigarettes. ~.~ bad, bad habits.
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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

   the voices the voices
well, if figured out who one of them was; robert. but he started tlaking to me yesterday, and i was surprised.. >.> now m just being quiet because john is looking over my shoulder as i write in you. i know..thanks. but he likes how i can type without looking most of the time. ^-^ :P but now im at gaia sooo much, and i prefer hanging out wiht matty! <3
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Thursday, July 7, 2005

phone ##
lis: (908) 884-8462
cor: 210 854 7105
ermes: 3342-4140. ((find country code))
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