Thursday, May 31, 2007

   im back. but now im in art. and mad. and bored. and torn. ~.~ too many fucking feelings are pent up inside me today. wont someone listen to make them go away? can anyone ever understand how i feel or what i do? i really think no one can understand me thro
art sucks. ive always hated it, and i really despise doing it. i mean, i cant draw on demand, and of certain specific things, instead of spontaneaous and of what i like.

but this morning, i went out to the corner to see kevin and to try talking to him in person ((still scared to death of him)) but my mom came and got me before i could seee him, but i saw him as we were pulling off the street. my mom hates him with a a passion now, and she refers to him as a freak, but i anyones a freak, its me.

but i bitched to my dad last night about how i need and WILL get a new bathing suit this year cuz im tired of wearing vals old ones that are always too big((see whos the smaller one!!)) i demand the one from hottopic.com , the Solid Black One-Piece Suit, but im not a fan of the skull one. >.<

jesse keeps bugging me to suck him off, and i told him i dun wanna hurt logan, and he said it wouldnt hurt him, but i know it would cuz im practically his first non-abusive girl, so, yeah. i told jesse it would hurt him and it would in fact be cheatin, and everyone agrees that i should avoid jesse for awhile till he finds a fuck buddy that is legal for him ((hes 20, im 15)) and he keeps saying he'll pay me too, but id hafta give him really good head. i said, get a whore or a toy from a porno, and he said he didnt like it, but i think he just wants to get off on doing a younger chick.

but its art, like i said and bitched about before. my wrist hurts from heating up a lighter and holding it to my wrist, then taking a metal barbell end and trying to stab a vein.

keivn and i have a bet going, that he could get me to trust him fully and that he can still be optimistic when im being bipolar. i really must see this because he says that he can protect me from myself, but he isnt there half the time. he invited me to dinner at his house on friday and said hed make spagetti, and i told him i hated it. i told him i love chicken and salads, and that i could bring somethin over cuz when i do feel like cooking, i really can cook. most people know my bad cookin skills, but im good at baking, grilling, making soups, and whatever when i try.

I WANNA PLAY WITH MY DAMN WHIP!!!! GR! theres no one to whip, no one to scream and run, no one to torture. im sorry if this is disturbing, but im used to scaring people off, and its pretty much all i know now. i feel poetic now. but cryptically poetic. is anyone ever like this?
Comments (0)