Saturday, July 2, 2005

Summer, a time to... Work your butt off?

Hello hello to anyone who comes interested in reading my blog here, and a big thank you for taking the time to read through my thoughts (or rants, depending on the previous day, hee hee.) ^.^; It's greatly appreciated. *bows* (and there may be a little bit of special writing at the end too *wink wink*) Todays design obviously is from Wolf's Rain, or to be more exact, a character I made up on an RPG that was named Wolf's Rain. The character was a white male wolf, and being on an equine/human RPG, I was the only person given special permission to join a wolf there, and under special rules as well. So, Wolf's Rain is a pretty special character for me. He did so much for some characters, and even more for the story line between Yuki's and mine Amon and Robin characters (If you read through Amon's post below, you'll see him refer to a wolf... That's referring to Wolf's Rain. ^.^ ) *huggles Wolf's Rain* He was such a caring fellow, heh. Though yes... Ahh... summer is upon us finally here in Upstate New York (I'm talking actual upstate... Foothills of the Adirondack Mountains, Upstate. *nods*) And with the coming of summer season for everyone in K-12 school, comes the time when college students are supposed to get jobs to help pay for their books and the such. Alas though, not every college student is able to get a job, so that leaves them to be... Dun dun DUUUNNN! The Specialists! *shifts eyes* Er... well, it leaves them to do small jobs within their abilities at least ways. For example, I've become one of those college students. As hard as I tried, nobody wanted to hire me, so I am stuck at home all day with a computer and a shelf full of drawing and art supplies. Give or take a few weeks into my summer vacation and lo and behold! Jobs suddenly pop up where people who know me through church and family members are asking me to create images and posters for them and their clubs! *blinks* One of the jobs is creating a T-shirt design for a local 4-H club, where I make up a whole bunch of designs, present it to the club, finalize the design, find a place that will put the design on the shirts and then get paid. I thought it would be simple, but oh no! The club members can't decide on which design they want, and they want me to combine about five different ones into one single design (what I came out with was horridly busy looking. I truthfully hope they don't choose that one. *prays to God*) Now, all I have to do is get in touch with the club leader again so we can figure out what we're to do. *takes in a deep breath* And... Now, to add to the work load. The local county fair is coming up in less than three weeks, and I've been given the job to create posters where the names of baking contest winners will be displayed. And no, I don't want a simplistic design either... Oh no... I wanna put what I learned in college to the test and make something that will impress those who gaze upon my pieces of paper (in other words... making them a lot better than I did last year x.x ) So far so good though. I spent all of last night working on them (1am to 4:30am... Shhh... don't tell my parents that I was up that late!) They're looking good so far, but they're missing something in the background. Something to give them some, "Omph!" Heh, I'm going to have to look through my Photoshop brushes and see what I have to help with that. Well, it is getting late here, and I best be signing off for now. I'll add one more thing into here, a poem, or something of a poem that I wrote a couple weeks ago upon losing someone emotionally because of a decision I made. Eh, it's not the greatest, but I guess it doesn't have to be great when one is simply writing from the heart... Well, here we go, my poem entitled, "I'm Sorry..." I'm sorry for what I have done my love, And for the words I have spoken... I'm sorry that I loved you so, But ended up leaving us both broken... I'm sorry that I couldn't change myself, As I tried with all my heart, To leave behind my beliefs to be with you, To try and please your heart. I tried with all my might, But to no avail... I cannot leave God, Or my family at church. Even now, it brings tears to my eyes, Thinking of your silent goodbye. Not once have I heard a word from you ever since that day. Not even a single farewell from your lips after my final confession. You left me in painful regress, Making me wish I could have been what you wanted. For all it was but a single choice... One that would last a lifetime. To this day, I still think of you and read your loving letters, But every time I come to the abrupt end of them all, I still cannot help but shed a tear, inside and out. I love you still, my dear Avenger. Though you may hate me so now... My chest is still heavy with the sorrow of losing you, But onwards I must press... I know that tears must have stained your cheeks, As you read of my single choice. They might have sounded vile and horrid to you As I spoke of my choice in Christ But I hardly meant them as harsh Or to hurt I only wish, I could have been there, To wipe the tears, and hold you close. I never wanted to hurt you once, Never wanted to see your heart ache... Never in my life had I felt this way, And yet still, I never have about anyone except you. With you gone now, away from my reach, My heart is saddened beyond ever before... I gaze my eyes to others around me and wince, How can I ever love again? How can I ever feel such things towards another? I fear that my heart will tear open and I'll bleed to death if I ever do. I'm scared... scared of losing my memories of you, of our short time together. My heart still aches as I think of you daily, Praying that you'll find your place in life without me now... I know that you'll never look back to me again, Not now... I've done you too much harm with my choice, And over that, I can only hang my head in shame. For what I had promised never to do... I did... I'm sorry my love, with all of my heart. You've been the very first that I ever shared my heart's desires with, And for the longest time, you shall remain the only one. For now, I can hardly think of loving another... The thought of any such thing bringing a heavy burden upon my breast. I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I feel like I hardly deserve life itself, But yet... Here I stand... Alone and afraid, Wrapped in a robe of white stained with the blood from your heart ache. I cry at the sounding of your name, And now can only yearn that we may speak together once more... Not out of hatred, and not on unwilling terms, But once more as lovers, running enthusiastically after each other's heart But I reluctantly bid you fair well Knowing that our time has been spent... My heart still flutters at the thought of you my love But this sorrow continues to hold me down I love you Avenger... I always shall have a place for you in my heart And you'll never be forgotten I love you... And, I'm sorry... my love. ~Karilyn A. Liddle 2005~ c a l l e d Wolf's Rain s e x e d Male s p e c i f i e d Wolf a g e d 8 f r i e n d e d Hells Wander Anna Titanic Moon Shine s c o r n e d none h o m e d nowhere Html and Image © Mistress Aya 2004

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