Wednesday, May 17, 2006

alright i really need to explain myself.
ok, here's the deal. i dont think ozzie is on drugs. he talked to his mom about it, and that's proof enuogh for me. im sure that what skyler saw in his energy was just from the first time he used it. kk everyone?
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alack, nobody's commenting...
lol, i cannit belive no one's commented yet. oh, i told Skyler that i like ozzie but he was cokcy about being right so i tried to play it down with the whole "just kidding, doofus" but it didnt work. he's gonna try dowsing for prooof, and i bet it'll come to yes and apprently i'm being defensive on the subject. yelling and screaming and ranting is not being defensive. well, maybe just a bit. but you dont understand! i cannot beleive him, he thinks he's won. hahaha, no he hasnt, i'll never admit it! lol, this is gonna continue forever, but the arrogance in his voice! "hah, i figured" no, no you didnt, you little bitch. let's play the bitch slapping game.

speaking of, i lost a lot of card games to kaitlin so i got pissed and tried to get skyler to play the bitch slapping game with me and he wouldnt do it cause he's "chivalrous" (sexist) and i used every method of manipulation i could think of, in this order:

1) i begged. i pleaded. "please???"

2) then i got mad. i demanded. "you will do this now.

3) i used logic: "this is my only chance to hit you wihtout feeling bad about it later!"

4) i used violence. "i wont let go of your hair untill you play the bitch slapping game with me"

5)then i used reasoning: "but dont you want revenge? for pulling your hair, and calling you gay, and making people hate you, and being angry and jealous all the time? and stealing your granola bars???"

well, none of it worked so i used my last resort: reverse psycology. fine, i dont wanna play the bitch slapping game anyway. still no game. then the bell rang and we had to go so i apologized and hugged him and went to class. it was funny, but i almost pissed him off i think.

ah, speking of being pissed off, i'm addicted to anger. rage gives me an emotiona high because im a mellow person. i explained this to skyler and i also explained how i love being his friend because i can take any thing he says or does and turn it against myself. i can put words in his mouth, twist his thoughts and feelings, add unnecessary connotations to what he says, and he has no idea, and it gets my blood boiling for weeks. he gave me the weirdest look ever, he was shocked. like, he knew i did this, but not to such a degree. lol, it was awesome, and i'm learning to be more honest with him. i'm really glad for it. he's still wrong ABOUT OZZIE THOUGH.

--Bond-Over-Blood--

(oh, and yesterday, we made up and i decided to completely dosregard drug useage. if he says he doesnt do it, its true. anyway. i dunno how it happened but we were spooning on my couch yesterday and my mom came home. thank goodness it was in my room , i told her i was cleanng. still guilty for betrayal to skyler though.)
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Monday, May 15, 2006

added a new drawing
a character of mine, it's really cool and BRAND NEW i just did it last night. enjoy:)
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happy mothers' day
shit. ozzie hates me. and skyler. he thinks we've been talking shit about him and we haven't. neither of us have said anything to anyone else. ozzie even brought it up with carla (his mom) and she brough it up with my paula (my my mom) and lenny (my dad) asked about it yesterday. i dont want to talk about it with them, so i told them we dont talk enough and left it at that. i hate this whole situation. i didnt rant at all to amanda though, she's still too young to understand i think, and she'd freak out anyway. ozzie spoke to rose about it too, and she beleives him over skyler. i'm starting to beleive him too, mostly because he admitted to doing it in 6th grade. maybe that would still be apparent, i dunno. pluse he spoke to carla about it, so that gives him pointers. i think i beleive him, and i really really want to. but it still doesnt change tha fact that he hates me, or the fact that people have offered to jump both me and skyler. skyler could kick their asses and have fun doing it, but i wouldnt stand a chance against anyone. DAMN i wish i was in karate...

--Bond-Over-Blood--
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Friday, May 12, 2006

   dunno why i'm smiling...
i guess it's just nice to see the support that i have when i really need it. thanks everyone:) i dunno what i'm gonna do about ozzie, but at least i have you guys and skyler and rose to lean on now. on a lighter note, in computer applications we were researching a dream car and i chose a cement truck. found one too. 28 grand, who knew?
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Thursday, May 11, 2006

continued
well, i met him at the river and he denied it. flat out said "i'm more intelligent than that, i don't smoke" and even offered to pay the $300 to get his hair tested. i want to beleive him so badly, but i can't really argue evidence. it was in his aura, i saw it, skyler saw it, and i can't really argue with skyler either. they're both almost equal, both like family to me. i don't want to be in the middle of this anymore. not at all. i'm so glad to have Skyler and Rose comfort me the way they are. hell, if skyler hadn't told me not to, i'd probably be cutting myself down more than i do already. i really do hate myself for not seeing it before, or doing anything about it. i don't know what to do, or who to beleive, if i can tell anyone...

after i confronted him, i decided to beleive him for the time being and we went to his house, since it was right there and there were bugs around. so i stayed there for awhile and we played Grand Theft Auto, ate popcorn, and fought over whether he had to walk me home. it was fun, i suppose but it doesn't really change the fact that i'm still confused and angry as hell. i'm a steriotype of an anghsty teen. last night, i cried the hardest i have ever cried in my life. harder than leaving the country for Kuwait, harder than when Skyler dumped me, harder than when my parents discovered i'm wiccan. i don't want to beleive it, but really, what choice do i have?

--Bond-Over-Blood--
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   dammit...
okay, for starter, let's answer some comments:

Angel Best Dream, skyler is not making trouble for once in his life: he's helping. i asked him to do a scan because i knew i'd rationalize anything i found. and he did, and i owe for not only telling me the truth, but for comforting me too.

fullycrazy, yeah, it's probably from his dumbass little friends. dammit.

Magick Salem: thx for letting em know that i'm not alone. it sometimes seems like i am.

okay, i'm done. NOW, i confronted ozzie. i called him, and asked him to meet me at the river, which he refused. i had to convince him i was suicidal. (i was half lying, don't worry everyone) anyway, later.
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Wednesday, May 10, 2006

where to start???
bellydancing went horribly last night. i was just NOT IN THE MOOD. i've been working on my own manga for awhile now, i'm on chapter...4 i think. checked my email this morning. Rose decided on Tuesday to meet Skyler, so that's cool.

on another note, i heard that Ozzie may be doing pot, i'm gonna jhave Skyler do a body scan for it, i really don't wanna do it myself, as i would probably try to rationalize it. so i want to hear it from external source, preferably him for comfort purposes. i'd rather hear it from him than from some stranger. i swear though, if i find out he is doing pot, i'm going to cut him off from me and my life.

--Bond-Over-Blood--
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Tuesday, May 9, 2006

   i dumped him!
hell yay! i'm so proud of myself, the first thing i did yesterday when i got home was call Skyler for two resons:

1) he was sick and i was concerned. he's back today though. (with his hair spiked, yay)

2)"hey Skyler, you're good at hurting peoples' feelings. how do i get rid of this guy?"

lol, the whole conversationwent quite well, it was nice to talk to him. until he went into 'Nerdy Gamer Mode' and atarted talking about Morrowind. he'd been playing it all day and HAD to talk about. the only instance in which i really didn't care what he had to say and his voice didn't have that mesmorizing mind contol effect on me. i was quite annoyed. but other than that it was awesome. i'm just really glad he's okay. now to get him back...

--Bond-Over-Blood--
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Monday, May 8, 2006

   OMG, i am such a whore...
some guy asked me out, i'd been talking to him for a bit, and he asked me out and i don't know WTF compelled me to say 'okay' but i did. so know i feel like a whore, welcome to Skyler's world. hell yay. i'm gonna ask him for help on this matter, but no matter what he says i'll probably just put up with it and wait for him to dump me anyway. and he will, i'm a abd girlfriend. i do feel like i batrayed Skyler though...i mean, even thuogh we're not dating anymore, i still feel really attached...

--Bond-Over-Blood--
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