Saturday, May 19, 2007

~*~I am sure that this is going to be a long post~*~
So I am going to try and remember all that I wanted to put on here from last friday. So this is going to be very long, I think. I would like some music but itunes isn't working! :(

Friday: (day of graduation party) Nothing really happened that day until 5th block. BCIS (5th block) I had gotten chased around the room by my class mate because he said he was going to do something very bad. I poked him later (it's really funny to poke him because of his reaction and he jumps like five feet) and he gets up and grabs me flips me upside down and carries me outside. It was really fun and scary at the same time.

Friday Night: (my party) I was running so late! It hadn't turned out like I had wanted but it was fun. I was upset that not a lot of people showed up but I got over it because I had fun. I danced with the guy from BCIS and apologized that my hands were sweaty (from dancing to just about every song). The song right after that one we danced to and he asked why do you want to dance with me? I said because I like you. This got him really nervous, (haha it makes me laugh just think about it) and he asked wait, what kind of like? I replied I dunno. He looked like he had solved a math problem that had been un-solved for centuries and asked Is that why youre hands are sweaty? Are you nervous? I said no.

Saturday: I actually woke up early and cleaned! I had so many left overs from my party that I invited a couple of people to come over and eat, olny one came over but it was cool. He came over and we ate, watched part of Scary Movie, and went to hasting where I bought the final volume of Punch and rented Chrono Crusade. We had some time left before I had to be home so we went to the park which is really fun cause I go there like not even once a year. If I had to make my way out of there by myself I would be so screwed! So later I got ready for my sister's choir preformance. I was txting that guy from 5th block and my party and he asked me to the movies. MY MOM ACTUALLY LET ME GO!! I was really excited. He picked me up from the preformance and we went to see 28 Weeks Later. I jumped twice and he made fun of me. Oh by the way, he was talking to me on the way to the theater. We got out of the theater and took the others home. It looked like something was bothering him. But he wouldn't say. We really didn't talk on the way home. I got home and txted him and called, he never answered. I called sunday too but he didn't answer.

Monday: (5th block) He was in a bad mood and my teacher thought it was her fault. But I really knew who's fault it was. MINE. He would give me these looks. He would barely talk to me. So I thought fine, he wants to act that way so will I. I don't need him cause he will just get in the way. ......... But it didn't work out that way. I was upset that he was like that it bothered me that I knew it was my fault. My teacher assured me that it was my fault, but I knew better.So I went to work where I tried not to let it bother me, but it did. At 4, when I get out of work, my teacher came and told me that it wasn't my fault and briefly told me what had bothered him. But deep down I knew it was really me, and if it wasn't I wish it had been.

Tuesday: (I am in a bad mood) I walk into 5th block and he is like nothing happened, even more ...happier? He tries to talk to me but I walk right past him, drop off my stuff and leave. I come back and he wants a hug, so I "tap" (not really a hug) and he says, thats not a hug, that was a tap. I said no, that was a hug. I walk in another direction and ignore him as he talks to me. I go over to my good freind, lets call him "B" and give him a hug and the guy who wanted a hug mouth drops, it was funny. He goes to me after I had sat down and squeezes me and says that if I didn't give him a hug that he was going to stay there squeezing me. I said that he was going to be there for a while. Later I went up to him and tried to give him a hug but he said, no it's too late. We then talked about what happened that monday.

OK so I can't remember what day I told him that I liked him but this is sorta how it went. HE went out of the class and started messing with things on the wall. (just wanna make sure: from what you have heard you would think that in the least bit that there might be a chance that he like me right?) I eventually tell him and he says something weird like you choose the right person or something and then tells me he isn't good with realationships. OH and that "I get all mad, do you want to go out?" It was a real confusing conversation i asked him you only think of me as a freind right? He said yes, so I left to work. I just remember that this was wednesday.

Thursday: (in the morning) My freind goes off on me and tells me that I need to learn how to talk, that I need to learn how to talk to guys and thats why I can't have a relationship. And all of this other stuff. They didn't see me upset but before I could get to the office I started crying. I had thought that all the crap that was happening to me I had under control, oh how I was wrong what my freind just made realize that I hadnt. That I had just pushed them aside. I went to 5th block upset but under control. I just decided that I am not going to put all that had happened cause it's already long. Guy from 5th block asked me why I was acting weird and I said that this is how I act, then he started ignoring me, I hate to be ignored. I started telling my teacher what was bothering me and got upset, tears forming on the ridges of my eyes, i got up and went out to the hall. I came back when I heard her telling the guy what had made me upset, he had seen me get teary eyed. I walked in and told her not to tell him. So she didn't he pulled her into the hall expecting an explanation but he didn't get one. She walked back in syaing something and told me that she didn't say anything. He looked like he felt sorry for me, that made me feel worse.

Friday: I tapped him to get his attention and he looks at me and turns around. So I walk off, it seems like he is ignoring me. Then later he wanted a hug and I told him that I was trying to give him a hug but he just ignored me. After I told that earlier I wasn't poking him but trying to get his attention to hug him.

Last night: I had a party and I only knew the one person, the person who had invited me. So I invited "the guy" but no answer. I call a couple of hours later, no answer. I txt him and time passes before I get a reply. Eventually he says yeah he'll come. He says he's on his way and so I am waiting. I put his name on the card so it doesn't look like he just came with an empty hand. SO I am waiting 30 minutes before I get a call. He tells me that he isn't going to go after all. Gave me this crappy excuse that he told his freind that he would hang out with him. I hear a girl's voice in the background. I said ok. so now I have 10 minutes to find someone to take me. I am really upset. So now i am not in the mood to go to a party anymore. I whiteout his name on the card but you can still sort of make out the name. I went and sat down at an empty table and two people that I had vaugely known from ROTC came and sat with me and I was glad but I hate being felt sorry for. I hung out with them until I called it an early night and went home at 10. By then I had decided that I am never going to talk to that guy again. In fact most of my guy freinds. I am slowly going to make myself alone. Monday I am not going to talk to anyone in 5th block but "B".

I am happy that today is Saturday and I am going to clean. Hopefully get done early so I can spend sometime by myself at the movies. The last movie I saw by myself was FEARLESS.

I give cookies to all who made it this far! *hands out cookies* Thank you so much. I know that was a lot, please forgive me.

I almost forgot I am going to try and work on my site. Going back to the beginning.

Have a wonderful day!

Jess
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