Tuesday, May 31, 2005

depressed
Ryan and I .. I think. *sigh* wow. Either that was our first row... or we're never talking again. Either way it sucks, and... =(

It's all my fault. It's 'always' my fault. I'm always hurting him! Ugh.. I can't take it anymore. Why do I keep doing that?!

I just lost one of my best friends... =(

Forever yours,
a TRULY depressed,
Jackie Lupin
Comments (2) | Permalink

   In a Daze
School today. Meh. Not fun at all. Two tests and a final. I don't think people should be put up to the task, quite frankly. It's madness, I tell you! Madness! Half the ruddy crap I learn in Algebra - I'll never need to know for my future. Seriously. And French class? Nobody French lives here in the U.S. and SPEAKS it! Sheesh. I'm just... ugh. I can tell that I'll end up sleeping in algebra again. Science... now 'that' class is worth going to. SO COOL! My teacher, ugh. She rocks. Anywho, I've always had a passion for science, so it's all good.

Language Arts - final exam. But when I tell you it's easy - even the people who didn't participate in class - could get an easy "A" she's just that stupid of a teacher

Social Studies... ooh I hate that class. No. stronger than hate. LOATHE. I LOATHE History. And then there's gym, yay! Run and jump and woot! I can do that. lol.

Uhm.. let's see. I'm going to finish up my shopping today, although I can't wait 'that' long. I have marching band rehearsal too. WHICH IS BEYOND AWESOME!! PFft. lol. My band teacher - Mr. Martino, wow. You got to love the guy. He's more of a friend than a teacher. Hereby concluding why all the students love him.

Snow fox, guess what? I got a skirt yesterday, and was so happy... wow. Those will be the memories. lol. jk

As for Ryan, I didn't talk with him much last night which I feel... so horrible and guilty for, but my grandfather ( as he knws) was in the hospital, and we went to visit. Aww, I love my grandpa. He's bald and short and tans his head in the summer. =)~

Phil? He called, but I didn't talk much. Told him I had to go. He thinks I'm avoiding him. *rolls eyes* Gee, you think?

I'll post soon
Ox Jackie

P.S. Thanks to all the lovely people who signed my guestbook!
Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, May 30, 2005

   Very very confused
Wow. It has been... one hell of a hectic morning. I've just got a post (read previous comments) from Ryan and he loves me. Oy vey. Now, normally, this is a perfect moment for me to say, "aww... thanks," because that's just how I am.

But at 8:30 this morning, I was put in a bit of a loop. -.- It completely threw me off guard. As you may not know, my friend - more like one of my best friend- Phil, whom I consider a brother, has been fighting with me all week. I'm not entirely sure why, but all he'd used to say was "I can't even 'look' at you anymore!" *sigh* Now I know why. This morning he told me he's fallen in love with me. *nods* Yes, I know. What about Ryan?

I've never been the sort to chose. And I would never want to have to come between my best friend - and a person whom I feel so, so close to. I just refuse to do it. Therefore, I'm going to try to let this play out... like snowy fox (thanks again) said, "you can't change what you don't control, so instead try not to let it bother you too much."

Ah, she should be my words of wisdom, I swear. *smiles like an idiot* Anywho, I'll just do as she recommended. Try not to let it bother me. I know it will. I know I'll be in the middle of class Thursday or tomorrow and be like "What am I going to do?"

But I'll try to stay strong. Because Ryan, I suppose wasn't as upset as I thought. Which - believe me. Is a good thing, because my little strawberry isn't the 'mad' type. It worries me. And Phil wasn't as mad as I thought. He just loved me. o.O *sigh*

Well to clear my mind, my other best friends, Jackie D. (I call her Dizzle) and Jen are taking me shopping today for my graduation dress. Or skirt and top. Can't chose. Well I'm looking forward to that. I haven't had a night out with my girls for a while now. So this should be refreshing.

This post, as long as it may seem, is, indeed, not long at all. I'll probably end up posting longer when the outcome of the Ryan vs. Phil thing happens. *sigh* I don't want to chose! I hate this. Gr. Just when all was getting good...

*POKE* Something least expected happens. ;) And as much as an anime fan I am, I'm a bajillion (yes, bajillion) times more of a harry potter fan. <33 sessy. The books coming out soon. woot! That will 'most definitely' cheer me up. I'm going at midnight with Jen to get it as soon as it's released in the U.S. talk about wicked, eh? ;) mm... well, I'll post soon. I swear this will end up being my life journal.

Ox Jackie
Comments (6) | Permalink

Sunday, May 29, 2005

   Sad
Did you ever get the feeling that the one person you're meant to care for and help is in no need of assitance? I think Ryan is going through... a frustrating time right now. And I can only wish he gets better. I tried to help him. Really, I did! Ask him. *sigh* I don't know.

He's one of my closest friends, and such a sweetie. He doesn't deserve such things that's been happening to him. I can only wish the best for him. Hope he gets better. He insists he is fine.

Ahem.

Ryan : Hun, don't worry! Pretty please?

How can I not worry? If your friend was in trouble, you'd want to help, right? Or maybe I'm being barbaric and over protective! I'm not sure! And he likes me, or at least I've been told. I like him too... such a sessy, cool guy. *sigh* I'm not sure if he's ready for another thing like that, or if I am for that matter.

Whatever. It's been a hectic day. The stupid picnic and my aunt going to the hospital. I said I didn't want to go. But does anyone listen? No. Never. Maybe that's how Ryan feels. That I don't listen and just want to help when he honestly doesn't need it.

Then why do I feel like I'm the only one who knows his pain? What he's going through? My life is a havoc, an alarm waiting to go off.

I'll just wait for that moment...

Ox Jackie
Comments (1) | Permalink

   Happy Sunday
Well today I am going to my cousin's for a picnic (although it's sunny... weatherman says it'll rain) Which makes me happy! Now don't get me wrong... my cousin is an awesome person. He just married the wrong girl. Ever wish you could just point to someone in your family as say "Poo, be gone?" Yeah, well that's her. She has only one mood - hate. It makes me so mad... gr. So everyone please hope it rains. =)

In other news, my ankle might be sprained. Oh joy. Now I've had a broken arm before, but I'm a klutz. Me and crutches - that's a no go. ^_^ lol. Did you know (Yes I tried this because I am random) that if you leave a watermelon out over night... it gets smaller? Or something like that... yeah, but now my watermelon looks dead. (keep in mind it's the inside, not the outside) =)~

I'm so weird. I think I'll go play my final fantasy now. ciao!

OX Jackie
Comments (3) | Permalink

Saturday, May 28, 2005

   Quite Pleased
Now, normally, I'd be on my site... editing everything, making sure all is perfect. However, today Ryan and I have decided to begin the story. Which... to be perfectly honest, pleased me. I hardly ever get the time to update my stories of have time just to myself. Today I do. =) So all is good in the land of Jackie.

Some random guy just called my house asking for a "Bob." Problem is, a "Bob" doesn't live here. -_- Don't you just hate that? I've always pondered as to how these random people get my number. It highly disturbs me.

I, Jackie... er... Lupin. ahem. Am very proud of myself. Today, I killed one of my greatest fears... a spider. It was such an accomplishment, I actually laughed in the insects... er.. face. It was an awkward sight.

Chapter uno of the story is complete. I'm off to read it. Au revoir!

Ox Jackie
Comments (1) | Permalink

Friday, May 27, 2005

   So Sad....
Okay, so here's the 'bad' news of the evening. Ryan's gone. Yes, I know, not good. But the thing is, he promised to leave at seven for me, and I let him down. 'course it wasn't my fault. My internet miraculously (sp?) crashed again. So I had to fix it... and I couldn't talk to him. Aww.

I'm listening to "Lonely." Makes perfect sense, hm? =) Anyways, Mary and I (she's in my class.. funny, insane girl. You'll see me type lots 'bout my friends) anyways, Mary and I have the same view points on descrimination. We were just bored today in class and decided to talk about it.

Basically, why most everyone 'sort' themselves? Why is there the 'popularity, the brains, the... unordinary?' We're all pretty much the same, if you give others a chance. A lot of us have the same views. *sigh* I don't know. I'm just going to use my favorite, random quote, right now. "Don't hate, appreciate." People in our country take everything for granted and ... ugh! It just annoys me. *shrugs*

My friend, Jackie, (yes, we have the same name) just got out of the hospital. I just hope she feels better. =( I can't stand seeing people upset, no matter what sort of mood I am in. My friends come first. That should be everyone's main priority. In 'my' opinion, anyways.

Phil (kid from school... not the site) and I got into a bit of a row today and we 'never' fight. It was just all very weird. I don't think I can be that kind of person - the one to hold a grudge. We said our 'sorries' ... so hopefully everything will be okay soon.

My mum and I were talking. I think she's happy that I plan to be an author. She likes hearing my perspective and view points, rather than from an adult. I suppose it's because seeing it through a new generation's eyes is more... enlightning? Who knows?

Wow. Long post, eh? Well.. not much left to say 'cept thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday! =) I love you guys...

Ox Jackie
Comments (1) | Permalink

   giddy...
Okay, so this is how my day went. I went to school. I didn't like my math test. I went to my first period class. I had another final. oh fun... -_- w/e. I'll one day ignore it. Hehe... when I give my students loads of rediculous work.

I talked to Ryan today. Mhm, again. It's all good though because he's a sessy, pervy, strawberry. And! oh! He won't be here tonight.. :( so sad.

But! Do not frown! Cheer up! He;s currently in the shower... -_- and left me to write this myself. Silly. My plan someday is to be a writer. And to fulfill this... dream, Ryan and I are writing a story together. Mhm, we are.

Ah! And my favorite song is "Iris" by googoo dolls. Guess who got me hooked on that, too? Take one guess. Give up? Ryan! I swear, he's addicting. Anyways, I think my plan for today is check my site,check my emails, sleep, and then go out to play some hockey. (Ah yes, but baseball is better... go Yankees!)

Well, for my first entry, this is good. I'll go back to listening to Avril. ;) "I don't want to fall to pieces..." au revoir!

xO Jackie
Comments (1) | Permalink