Friday, April 18, 2008

Blarg
Just come by to say that I'm gonna go see Rush! Hellz yeah! Anyway.. here's my favorite fights in kenshin just because I'm bored. But they play much better from youtube itself, so just click it to link there.

Seta vs. Kenshin


Saito vs. Kenshin


Aoshi vs. Kenshin

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Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I will follow my heart
I can no longer live in fear. I will no longer live with regret for my actions. The only thing I can do is go on living. And I plan to do just that... Live. I will spend more time with friends and less time sitting in my room in tears. I will work hard at my job and not just go through it wallowing in self pity. And I will do all that I can to show ____ that I want to earn her trust back, that I want to earn..... her love.
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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

And it is here that I return....
I have transitioned to GaiaOnline because of the new Vibrant issues. But, I can't just leave MyOtaku. It holds so many memories for me, though they seem so small when they are in posts as compared to the actual situations themselves. And because of that fact, I've decided to use MyOtaku as a type of journal. I know, it sounds really lame, but so be it.

So much has happened. Where do I begin? I almost completely lost one of my best friends over my own stupidity. I made a horribly wrong decision, that led to hurting two people I really care about. Though I regret what I did, I know I cannot undo it, and that I must move on with my life. My good friend has gone back to being my friend and we are talking like we used to again, and I am very grateful for that. I don't know what to say in regards to ____. I can't explain how badly I made her feel. I can only hope that I can try to earn her trust back. She is truly important to me, and I can't stand to see her hurt or sad, especially when I am the cause of that sadness. I earned the right to be ignored and yet she has been talking to me lately, which makes me glad. One of the best nights I'd had in a long time was just a few days ago, in which both of them and I were eating at a restaurant. It doesn't sound that exciting, but it was good to see them both smiling and laughing, it made me really happy.

I am no longer with Queen of Werewolf. I didn't want her to go on thinking that I was in love. I had to tell her that my true feelings were elsewhere, and that my heart was still longing to be with ____.

Through it all, I have been doing my best to keep smiling, even if some of the time I'm only pretending so as to not make others feel bad. Besides, I feel that if I didn't keep smiling, I'd probably go crazy. It's just all of this....is too much for me, and I know that I have it easy compared to many people, but I still can't help but feel like I'm alone. As I am now, sitting at my desk in my room at my grandparent's, typing this at 5:09 AM because I couldn't sleep. I stare at my laptop and type to people to try and feel included in something, try to feel like I'm important to someone. I sit here, with tears hitting my keyboard. ____ was right, I am too emotional. I can't help it, I didn't used to be this way. I used to be tougher than this. I used to rarely cry. Now though, it seems to be a weekly occurrence. I have lost nearly all confidence in myself.

I should be strong. I need to be strong. No one is going to do this for me, I have to carry myself. I have to believe in myself. I cannot go on living in sorrow, I know this, but.... I just wish... that it wasn't so hard, that there weren't so many things against me. Still, I will try. If not for myself, than for my true friends, whom I would give my life for. It means so much to me to see them smile.
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Thursday, March 13, 2008

Grrrrr....
Fix this new Vibrant garbage!!! It's enough to make me want to leave MyO. There's nothing left!
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Wednesday, March 5, 2008

A change for the better...
Well... one of my friends decided not to move out with us, so it was just me and my other friend left, but off of just the two of us, we couldn't afford it... well we could afford to move out, but if anything went wrong, like a flat tire or something, we didn't have enough yet. But... I still wanted to get out my house. So... I talked to my grandparents on my mother's side, and they've allowed me to stay there.

It will be exciting and difficult, but I believe it to be for the best. It will allow me to kind of start a new life. And one of the best parts is wireless net, so I can update here often and talk to people.

My xbox has been dead for a while now, but I can't decide whether or not to save up for a normal xbox or a 360. I love some of my old games for the original xbox, but do also like some of the newer games for the 360.

Things seem to be going well in life, only one upset, being that my car is currently in the shop... T.T ... but it should be fixed by the end of the day. I had just cleaned it too... :( But I would have to say that I'm doing pretty good... well, better than that... I'm incandescently happy with my life. ^^x


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