Monday, May 2, 2005

   Cameras and the Mentally Challenged
Jake: I can’t believe she actually fell for that!!!

Max: I know! That was awesome!

Jake: To bad we didn’t get a chance to stay and watch Mary get snapped by the mousetraps we put in her bed.

Max: Don’t worry; I left my camera on in her bedroom. We can watch the whole party tomorrow. And see the stuff they did when they locked themselves in the room.

Jake: Yay! Blackmail!

Max: This is going to be awesome!

Chris: What are two doing here? Did Jess kick you guys out?

Max: Yeah.

Jake: Of coarse.

Chris: Wow, a new record. A whole three hours without Jess kicking you out.

Jake: I’ve spent longer then three hours at their house before!!

Chris: Yeah but Jess was never there.

Max: He has a point.

Jake: Whose side are you on anyways?!

Max: Yours of coarse.

Jake: Well, start acting like it!!

Max: Yes sir!

Chris: Don’t yell at the mentally challenged, Jake.

Max: Hey that’s mean!

Chris: You kill things for fun, and you’re calling me mean?

Max: Yeah.

Chris: You all are nuts. I’ll see you in the morning Jake; I’m going to bed. Max better not be here when I wake up.

Jake: Please, can he spend the night? Please? Please? Please?

Chris: Fine. Whatever. But my entire house and my belongings better be in one piece when I wake up, you got that?

Jake and Max: Yup!

Chris: Good. Now go to bed. Both of you.

Jake and Max: Yes sir…

Jake: I can’t wait till the morning to get that videotape!

Max: Me either! What should we do with it after we watch it?

Jake: We should definitely make copies.

Max: Should we put them on the internet?

Jake: We’ll talk about that in the morning, we don’t want Chris to hear us.

Max: OK, then!
Comments (5) | Permalink

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

   YAY!!! BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!! (Part 2)
Jake: Can I have presents now?!

Chris: No.

Jake: But I ate all my cake!!!

Chris: I’m afraid what they might be.

Tyedye: Come on, Chris. I want to know what the presents are too. And I have a present for Jake, also.

Chris: Fine.

Jake: YAY!

Max: Open mine first!

Jake: Napalm! Awesome!

Max: I thought you’d like it.

Mason: Now mine!

Jake: Wow! I’ve always wanted a Giant Butcher Knife!!!

Chris: If you use any of the napalm or kill ANYTHING whatsoever, I’ll never throw you a birthday party again.

Tyedye: You can open mine next; I think you’ll really like it.

Jake: Where is it?

Tyedye: In the back yard.

Jake: Awesome! A Piñata!!

Tyedye: It’s killing something, and getting sugar for it at the same time.

Jake: Give me a bat!

Max: Here.

Tyedye: Don’t forget your blindfold!

Jake: Do I have to wear that?

Tyedye: Yes.

Jake: Damn.

Tyedye: Ok try to hit.

Jake: Am I hitting anything?

Max: Just air.

Jake: I can hear you laughing.

Chris: The world can hear them laughing.

Jake: Lets see you try it.

Chris: Ok.

Jake: Let me tie the blindfold.

Chris: To tight!

Jake: I know.

Tyedye: Ok, try to hit it!

Max: Hey, he broke it first swing!

Jake: No fair! You’re going easy on him Tye!!

Chris: I’m just better than you.

Mason: Who cares! Lets eat candy!

Max: I’m in!!

Tyedye: Me too!!

Chris: Count me out. I’ve had enough sugar for today.

Jake: More for me!

Tyedye: And me!

Max: There’s enough here to last a year.

Tyedye: Knowing you guys, I’d say it’s going to last at least five minutes.

Max: Yeah, you're probably right.

Tyedye: I always am; I’m the Authoress after all.

Jake: Don’t rub it in; it’s my birthday.

Tyedye: Sorry.

Comments (9) | Permalink

   YAY!!! BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!!
Authoress: Since this is a special day, I will be in this post to help celebrate Jake’s 18th birthday.

Jake: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

Chris: I think you should state your name, Authoress.

Authoress: Ok, It’s- do I have to?

Chris: Yes.

Authoress: It’s Lady Yvonne van Peterson!

Chris: No it isn’t.

Authoress: Fine, it’s Sapsidonawong The Sometimes Homicidal!

Chris: No.

Jake: That sounds more like me.

Chris: Yeah.

Authoress: Lonerish the Xylaphone Buggy?

Chris: No….

Authoress: Samantha Merryweather?

Chris: NO!! NOW SAY YOUR NAME!!!!

Authoress: Fine, my name is Nene Futabatei. But people call me Tyedye!

Chris: Good, now lets get on with the party already.

Jake: Yeah!

Tyedye: Ok!

Max and Mason: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKE!!!!

Max: We brought you presents!

Chris: Dear Lord, save us……

Tyedye: Oh be quiet. We’re going to have lots of fun.

Jake: Can I open my presents now?

Chris: Not until we have cake.

Jake: You bought me a cake?

Chris: Tyedye did.

Jake: YAY!!!!! SUGAR!!!!!!!!!

Chris: I told you not to buy him that cake.

Tyedye: It’s his birthday.

Jake: I can’t wait for presents!!

((Tyedye: I need to go! I will continue his B-Day party tomorrow when I have more time! Then I will continue the "sleep over/revenge party on Jess and Mary" story.))
Comments (8) | Permalink

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

   Happy Birthday
Hi, this is the Authoress. Before I forget, Jake's birthday is tomorrow. So wish him a happy birthday if ya have the time!
Comments (3) | Permalink

   Mice, Movies, and Screaming
Jess: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Max: What’s she screaming about? She hasn’t taken her shower yet, has she?

Jake: No we would’ve heard the shower going.

Mary: HELP!!! MOUSE!!

Jake and Max: COOL!!!

Jess: Just get rid of it! And don’t you dare put it in the microwave!!!

Jake: Blender it is, then.

Max: OK!

Jess: I need a shower, and aspirin.

Mary: I’m going to get some popcorn. You guys want to watch a movie with us.

Jess: NO!!

Jake: Sure.

Max: Yeah.

Jess: Damn.

Jake: What’re you watching?

Mary: Poltergeist.

Max: Awesome.

Jake: Count me in.

Jess: Count me out. I’m going to take a shower.

Mary: Hurry up.

Jess: Ok.

***About a half hour later***

Jess: AHHHHHH!!!!

Mary: What is she screaming about now?

Jess: My hair is blue!!!!

Mary: I can see that.

Jess: Quit smiling!!! This is not funny!!!

Jake and Max: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Jess: I know you two did this!!!

Jake: I’m out of here.

Max: Wait for me!

Jess: Come back here! I’m going to kill you two!!!
Comments (12) | Permalink

Monday, April 25, 2005

   Prior Chaos
Jess: What is he doing here?!

Max: You’re having a friend over I should get to have one over too!

Jess: He’s not a friend; he’s a nutcase!!!

Jake: I resent that!

Jess: You resemble that!!!

Jake: GRR!!!!!

Mary: Now settle down children; we don’t want to start a fight.

Max: Popcorn anyone?

Mary: Come on Jess, we’ll just stay in your room for the evening.

Jess: Fine, but if one thing blows up I’ll have their heads!!!

Jake: That was close. Did you put the mousetraps in their bed?

Max: Yep, but they won’t go to bed for at least another hour.

Jake: Damn! We better get started on the hair dye then.

Max: The bathrooms this way.

Jake: Which shampoo is Jess’s?

Max: That one.

Jake: Head and Shoulders? I didn’t know Jess has dandruff.

Max: She doesn’t; it’s just cheaper.

Jake: Oh.

Max: Put it in her conditioner. Its that bottle.

Jake: Pantene Pro-V? How many Shampoos does she have?!

Max: A lot. Just put the stuff in there.

Jake: Ok, but how are we going to get the super glue on her pillow?

Max: She’ll be coming to get a clean pillowcase in a few minutes. I coverd her other one in BBQ sauce.

Jake: Nice.

Max: I know.

Jake: Just wait till they find out about all the stuff we’re doing! It’ll be hilarious!!

Max: I know!!
Comments (5) | Permalink

Friday, April 22, 2005

   Shampoo and Super Glue
Max: Shouldn’t we get revenge on Jess first?

Jake: We haven’t thought of anything for her.

Max: We could always burn down her house.

Jake: You live there too, Max.

Max: Yeah, you’re right. I could stay at your house.

Jake: I don’t think Chris would like that.

Max: So?

Jake: He’d throw both of us out.

Max: Yeah. What about burning her room down?

Jake: That’s not going to work.

Max: Why not?

Jake: It would catch the rest of the house on fire.

Max: Lets put bright blue hair die in her shampoo! That would get her back good. She loves her hair!

Jake: That’s great! I’ll add it to the list!

Max: Then, superglue on her pillow!! That will be really funny!

Jake: I want to spend the night the day we do this.

Max: I’ll need your help, anyways.

Jake: Anything else?

Max: I read a story where a woman put raw fish in her ex-husband’s car seats to get back at him. We could put raw fish in her room.

Jake: Nah, that will stink up the whole house.

Max: Let’s put a live snake in her room! She hates snakes!

Jake: Ok, then. I think that will be enough.

Max: Jess is having a sleep over with Mary next week, you could come over then and we could get revenge on both of them!!

Jake: Awesome!
Comments (7) | Permalink

Thursday, April 21, 2005

   Diabolical Strategies.
Jake: So how are we going to get Mary and Jess back?

Max: I don’t know.

Jake: We could always tear up her room with a chainsaw.

Max: We did that last year.

Jake: What about dog poop in her refrigerator.

Max: We did that for Christmas.

Jake: Dead mice in the microwave?

Max: We did that on Easter, on her birthday, on Halloween, on Thanksgiving, last week, and yesterday.

Jake: Oh, yeah! I remember that!

Max: That was funny.

Jake: What about a dog in the microwave or oven?

Max: We put Duke’s Chihuahua in the microwave last year after we sawed up her bedroom.

Jake: I’m running out of ideas here!! Is there anything we didn’t do to Jess yet?!

Max: I guess not.

Jake: What about Mary; we’ll go after her first.

Max: We could always put mousetraps in her bed!

Jake: Good idea, anything else?

Max: I can’t think of anything.

Jake: That’s not a first.

Max: You’re starting to sound like Chris.

Jake: Oh my God, you’re right! I have to stop hanging around him so much.

Max: Really.
Comments (5) | Permalink

Monday, April 18, 2005

   Eavesdropping and Strageties
Jake: Max, be quiet, they might hear us.

Max: Sorry, but do we have to hide in a bush to listen to them?

Jake: Would you rather hide in that trashcan over there?

Max: Good point.

Jake: Now shut up I’m trying to listen to them.

Mary: Dating is hard. I just can’t seem to get a boyfriend these days.

Jessica: I know. The last guy I was dating dumped me because Max set his pants on fire while he was still wearing them. I told him my little brother was like something out of one of those stupid horror movies.

Max: I’m going to kill her.

Jake: Sit down you idiot! They’ll find us. You can blow up her bathroom her later and call it an accident.

Max: Like the time we found out how to make napalm?

Jake: Whatever, just shut up.

Jessica: What about trying to date one of our friends, like Jake or Chris?

Mary: Chris is ok, but not boyfriend material. And I cannot believe anyone would even suggest Jake as a potential boyfriend! EW! He’s totally insane!!

Jake: I want to kill her!

Max: Jake, remember your diet! Crush a donut when you get home.

Jessica: There’s always Mark or Marty.

Mary: Marty has a huge temper and an even bigger ego. And Mark is so short you’d think he never went through puberty.

Jake: Ha!

Jessica: True. There’s always Kyle or Joey.

Mary: Kyle has a bigger ego then Marty and Joey is kind of on the dumb side.

Max: You sure got that right.

Jessica: Well the only two left, and I regret to say, are Max and Mason. I won’t date them because they’re my little brothers but you can if you want.

Mary: Who’d want to?! Those two are total freaks!!

Max: She dies to.

Jake: Want to go plan how we’ll get back at them?

Max: Sure, sounds like fun.

Jake: Cool, but Chris has me doing chores so come over in about an hour and we’ll start the diabolical strategy.

Max: What’s that mean?

Jake: I don’t know, but it sounds cool.
Comments (7) | Permalink

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

   Cookies and Books
Chris: What are you doing now?

Jake: Eating cookies!

Chris: What kind of cookies?

Jake: Chocolate chip!

Chris: Why are you eating cookies?

Jake: Because I’m hungry.

Chris: Ok, last question, where did you get those cookies? I never bought any.

Jake: That’s for me to know.

Chris: You stole them from Marty didn’t you?

Jake: Yup! What, did you think I’d actually spend money on anything?

Chris: No.

Jake: Good. Because I wouldn’t.

Chris: I know. But aren’t you a little old to be stuffing your face with cookies?

Jake: You’re never to old for cookies!!

Chris: You still act like a child either way.

Jake: It’s better then being boring and stuffy like you!

Chris: I’m not boring. I have lots of fun.

Jake: You think reading is fun.

Chris: Reading is fun.

Jake: No its not.

Chris: At least I can read.

Jake: I can read too!

Chris: You’ve only read 11 books since I’ve known you.

Jake: And I own all of them. They’re the only thing I ever got without stealing.

Chris: Those books were given to you as a present from Mark.

Jake: And it’s the best series in the world.

Chris: What series is it again?

Jake: The Series of Unfortunate Events! Its hilarious!!

Chris: It figures you’d read something like that.

Jake: At least I read every once and a while.

Chris: True.
Comments (4) | Permalink