Thursday, February 10, 2005

..happy
The date was so much fun :) and i think he likes me which makes me want to dance. Containing happiness has never been so hard...mostly because i'm not used to this amount of happiness.

I recommend Phantom of the Opera to anyone who loves musicals, they did a fabulous job. The music was powerful and they did a great job with it. The use of color is so symbolic and engaging all at once. I am going to see it again.

He's coming to the dance on saturday!! I don't know if he's my "date" or not, but even hanging out and talking would be nice. I would like to get to know him better. His sense of humor makes me laugh and I think that he is just so great. I hope that things go well.

I have an exam today for my honors class. Hopefully i do well. :)

jayde
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Wednesday, February 9, 2005

I have a date!!!
Weee...i'm hyper...or slap-happy I don't know :) But I have a date with Zac tomorrow and we are going to see a really cool movie (Phantom of the Opera) with my friend Alyssia and her boyfriend Craig. Its just so cool. I have that fluttery excited feeling and its making me act like a teenage girl with a crush (which i am). So I'm happy and excited and a bunch of other emotions. I just hope everything goes good :)

Wish me luck!!!
jayde
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Monday, February 7, 2005

my character is a flirt...
I had a good weekend. Friday LARP was loads of fun, my character ended up being really cool. I made her really powerful but in a social way. Its the first time i've had a social character so it was a bit of a change. My last was a loner. Its way different from who i am, so i had to push myself to socially interact, but i think that made my character more interesting. Since she is so different from me (even though she is based on me...age and whatnot) I am better able to disconnect from me and get into the character. She completely moved into power...she isn't at the top yet, but she is doing pretty well for herself. She already holds a position and is at least equal in power to her maker. So its pretty sweet. I just LOVE this character. She is so much fun. I "seduced" 2 people using my social stats and one ended up becoming prince. So i'm doing fairly well and I'm hoping to get another position other than the one i already have. Which is a social one, called "harpy." Basically i am in charge of social stuff and if anyone offends me they are given a negative social trait. I guess my position is supposed to balance that of the prince. So even though it sounds kind of unimportant, I am able to use it on anyone. So its a good job to have.

I dressed kind of punk to go to Alyssia's, but she made me change... i got the lecture on how i was supposed to be luring people and be a toreador, who is high in social status. So i ended up in a black velvet dress, black tights and white ballet shoes. I spent half the time spinning and saying i was a ballerina...it was fun :) Patrick thought that i looked like a Malkavian with how i was dressed, but i stuck with being a toreador, i really wanted to come in as Alyssia's character's child. So i ended up NOT being a ghoul, but being a full vampire. It amuses me that some people play ghouls for years to get accustomed to LARP but i haven't played a ghoul yet. I have played two characters, both full vampires. Its pretty cool...

Zac was there and i was kind of dumb, but i think my flirting? worked. Sometimes i wish i weren't so socially inept. But i guess i will see how it goes. Unfortunately Patrick knows, so hopefully he won't interfere. He has good intentions...but he is NOT subtle. He told Craig that Alyssia wanted to have his babies...rather weird way to put that she liked him. But he was sweet and didn't say anything (i hope) to Zac. So I'm hoping i see him on tuesday, because since I saw him at Alyssia's he has been walking with her to class. And staying to talk to me. I'm encouraged.

Ryan though, I think i have given up on. He's a good person and I think he's cute, but i don't thinnk we have much in common. He thinks I'm weird. And I doubt I fit his notion of pretty. He's really picky. And he only focuses on the physical. I've been told that i'm pretty (though i don't really believe it...) but I don't want to have to meet some guys standard of beautiful. I want someone to like me for more than that. I don't think Ry is that shallow, but he kind of has a inflated view of his own importance. Like talking to someone makes them special. I don't know it kind of annoys me.

Sooo I'm being dumb and female. But its been a while since i've come across a guy I really like. So I'm going to try with Zac and hope that everything works out... I seriouly love his sense of humor and think he is really cute. I kind of like geeks though, so thats maybe why he is single? At least i have a friend who knows him pretty well, so I can see him sometimes without chasing him :) But i think i am going to go for him...and hope for the best. I tend to make mistakes when it comes to dating, so i'm hoping that this is a good choice. Sorry for going on and on. I'm just being really weird right now.

After LARP on friday, the secretary came home and watched a movie with us. His name is Eric, he's a really nice guy. He is very pretty...and i think he is nice. And no i'm not going to go after him. He is just alot of fun to hang out with and has a good sense of humor. I was kind of afraid Paul and I were smothering him (we had him over two nights in a row) but he seemed cool with it. So hopefully we don't freak him out. Since Paul and I don't really go out much, we tend to latch onto people. Its kind of weird. But when i like a person i show them that i appreciate their company.

I don't know why but i have wanted alot of social interaction lately. So going out and being with people is making me happy. Which is good. I don't want to fall into a depression right now. I am happy because i'm thinking of getting into a relationship, i'm kind of at the hopeful stage. But i don't want to mess it up and become this weeping mess that nobody likes. I was like that for awhile after Ian and I broke up. It was really stupid, but i felt really betrayed. *sigh* And nobody really talked to me for a couple of weeks so I felt like i had the plague or something. And then i started to build another network of friends though most of them i don't see anymore. I hate the fact that i go through these stages where people just stop coming to see me and i have to go out and make friends all over again. Its like people are ok with being my friend for a few months but after that they lose interest. Other than Chris, Ally, Jason, Paul, and Alyssia that is basically what happens. Maybe i just choose the wrong people to be friends with...I do the same thing with boyfriends alot so it might be that. I just wish i knew why people don't really care. Its like people LIKE disposable friends. Which I don't. And i try not to push people either so its really weird. Sorry if i sound like i'm whining, but it really bothers me. But i guess i will have to figure it out.. or just live with it.

Well sorry for the long post, this journal has been more about my personal life than anime and i feel bad for annoying people with stuff. :( but i made another amv, its not bad, based off of Yu Yu Hakusho. Mostly it focuses on Kurama. I will post the first chapter of my story after my exams are done (this weekend or next, depending on time)

Thanks everyone :)
jayde
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Thursday, February 3, 2005

guys night?
well tonight is guys night...no i am not a guy. i just get to be one tonight. For some reason it makes them feel better to imagine me as a boy then to say a chick is with them. I mean all we do is play cards...

Complete LARP turnaround. My new character, other than a few changes... will essentially be me. Only a vampire. Well a ghoul. But i'll be Alyssia's so its all good. And a Toreador, which i think will be easier to pull off than a Gangrel. I can just say my Gangrel left in case i ever want to use it again. It might be interesting.

So Joey, Paul, and Ryan are having guys night and Alyssia and I are honorary guys...it'll be fun. Paul and Joey and I have been playing Canasta online for the past few days so it'll be nice to play for real. I wonder if they are staying the night? That would be cool...

Well thats mostly it...i have to run to class now or i'll be late but i'll update tomorrow :)

Ciao!
jayde
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Tuesday, February 1, 2005

   boys and hair...
well i ran into Ryan (one of the boys i like) today and we sat together and talked for a little while in Starbucks...it was pretty cool to talk to him 1-on-1 for once...and then he had to leave to meet with his english prof and i stayed there and waited another half an hour till my class started. Then i got up to go to class and ran into Alyssia, Patrick, and Zac...Zac is the other boy i kind of like but don't really know. So i talked to Patrick and Zac while Alyssia heated up her soup and then we went to class together. It was cool...I like never see people i know and today i was seeing loads of people

So Alyssia will be dying my hair tonight and i'm looking forward to it, i am tired of the flame hair even if it does look cool. I don't like having blondish hair...

I was looking around about buying a hakama and stuff and it is way expensive...i was kind of discouraged but i guess i will keep looking *sigh* i want to put together traditional japanese attire and its hard to weed through all the junk online...so many things that are not proper kimono's...and its such a pain to have to deal with all the sucky stuff...so if anyone knows any good japanese clothing sites or any anime costume sites i would really appreciate it if you would let me know

thanks all :)
jayde
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when you close your eyes is it hell you see?
well i got more movies in the mail...i was happy even though they weren't anime (this time). But i ended up getting in a fight with Jason because i was in kind of a bad mood...but i think he deserved it.

RANT FOLLOWS...

Paul and i ended up doing the dishes last night (again) and then Jason comes home and we tell him its his turn and he tries to "shame us" Basically he said that he cleaned half the bathroom because Paul did his dishes for him (thereby negating his turn). Well i got p.o.'d and started yelling at him. And I basically told him that he has only done the dishes ONCE in an entire month. And it wasn't even all the dishes, he did the pans and Paul did the glasses and plates and stuff. And he didn't even finish that much! And he did a substandard job on the bathroom too. Which pisses me off, because i actually do stuff around the house and i cleaned my part without complaining. I took the harder jobs too, by scrubbing every inch of the floor and the shower. I scrubbed it until it was clean and all he did was reorganize under the sink, the medicine cabinet, and drop one of those blue disk thingies in the toilet. He didn't scrub anything. He didn't even clean the sink. Its still dusty and gross and the mirror is smudged and grr.

I'm just really angry that he won't even take the time to do it RIGHT. Its easier to do it right the first time than to go back and have to do it again. I'm just really mad about all this, since Paul and I have been switching off on dishes and picking up. And Jason's response to having to clean was that my sister will be back soon and SHE'LL do it. If he is going to increase her rent (when she buys half the groceries and I buy the other half...) then he can clean up after himself.

And I am probably going to have a job soon so Paul and I will both be working and he will have to do something for once. Or else we will live in utter grossness. It just makes me angry because he was right there with us when we moved in, saying we would keep the place clean.

So he could at least do something other than getting drunk and watching movies. I know we are in college. I know he wants to have fun. But Paul and I have friends too. And i would like to be able to invite MY friends without having them see what a mess my house is, because my roommates decided to trash it while i was gone. Paul actually does something though, so i'm not as mad at him (though i get mad at him when he laughs at us fighting...its really annoying).

He never worries unless his parents are coming and his friends never come over. He always goes to them. So its Paul and I who have people coming over and having to apologize because its a mess. Because people just throw their trash everywhere and never put their dishes in the dishwasher. And never take the bottles back when they say they are going to.

Sorry about going on, i will update with a less angry post later.

Peace...
jayde
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Monday, January 31, 2005

its warm :)
its like 30 degrees out today. Which is odd for this time of year since the drifts are like up to my kitchen window... i'm feeling a little better after sleeping but sorry for the long post yesterday :)

i was kind of freaking out so i babbled on a bit. but boys really suck y'know? Especially when they come out of nowhere. *sigh* Other than that things are ok. I have LARP this week and i can actually go and i can dress up pretty :)

It'll be nice to go and pretend to be someone else...even if it in a vampire :) I am totally making a new character, i am going to be my friends ghoul and she is permagen of her clanso i would at least have someone powerful to protect me.

So yay for dressing pretty and pretending to be the undead. :) but i have loads of work to get done for my paper *sigh*

But i am getting to see bunches of new anime

So i'm happy :)

Ciao!
jayde
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boys...and long weekends
Well my weekend was really long, it seemed to drag on forever. Jason's birthday went ok, though Paul had to work till 9 and then we only hung out a little while before Jason went to bed. He really liked the gifts we got him though, which made me happy. I gave him his second gift (a movie i thought he would like)and Paul gave him a shirt. I ended up making dinner for him and Paul (spagetti) and eating the noodles.

I'm on a bit of a health food kick right now so my fridge is full of bagels and yogurt and salad...I am trying to eat healthier. I'm also trying to transition more into organic foods, as well as cutting back on my meat intake. Its hard with living with Jason though, who asks me to cook beef for him when i'm trying to make vegetarian food to eat. I had a great dinner tonight, Meredith and Alyssia and I made a bunch of food and had a Munchkin party. It was loads of fun. I fried tofu and tossed it with an yummy organic salad and we had vegetarian organic stew and loads of other yummy foods. It was great. Munchkin was a bit more subdued, mostly because Patrick was tired. It was fun though. Just everyone was tired. And Alyssia is upset because Craig is still sick. He ended up going to the hospital and he is still in alot of pain, but they won't let him take any pain meds and they don't know whats wrong. I feel really bad because she hasn't slept in like 36 hours and she doesn't want to sleep until she hears from him and she has to work 2 shifts at work tomorrow. *sigh*

Ok, well other than that, my love life is semi-complicated. I kind of think i kind of like this boy. But i don't really know him. And the other boy who i liked before but didn't think liked me was being really...flirty?? I don't know. But Paul says he thinks he liked me. And then a friend (who is like my brother) asked me out. and i don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt his feelings but i don't think it would work. We are both way too spineless? Like neither one of us would ever make decisions. It would be a mess. Plus...he doesn't like anime. And its just way too weird. He is one person I never would have expected this from. And i don't know what to do...

But i must say, i have gone a long time without having ANY guys interested so i just find it weird that all of a sudden i have prospects. Or something. Because i think i have a chance with all of them (maybe?) but i don't know what to do.

Ugh. I hate life.

Ciao :(
jayde

P.S. I made my first AMV this weekend. I was very excited :)
But no further work on the fanfic... :(

Oh and I accicentally deleted one of my posts :( sorry i click-ied the wrong thingie
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Thursday, January 27, 2005

Chickens????
Sorry for not updating yesterday, I ended up missing my one wednesday class. Because of a chicken. Yes, a chicken. Or to be more specific, a rooster. For some unknown reason, the guys who live in the duplex next to us are enamored with playing pranks on people. And to get them back, some girl they know planted a rooster in their bathroom. A real one. And i heard it crowing about 30 times in 45 minutes before it shut up. So i missed class because of being kept up half the night by the chicken and other loud noises. Jason is in that class so i get to steal his notes. Thankfully :)

But yeah i now decided the neighbors are insane or something. They were weird to begin with (my definition of weird, they like mounting dead animals on their walls...then again there is a deer in my living room...against my protest)

Well i'm hoping today will go better, my chem quiz was kind of a pain and i have my honors class today, but its a lecturer. Which is better...and worse at the same time. The professor does not allow ANY use of labtops in his classes. And i like to type all my notes...so it really sucks. And he uses his labtop constantly in class, for everything so it bothers me alot. If they use the net, i usually go to the same site and bookmark it or something and i can't now...i just write down the site as best i can (i have very bad eyesight...) and hope i didn't mess it up.

Well i am done ranting...and depressed about v-day. I will (most likely) have noone to hang out with. Jason is having his ex-girlfriend come visit (ick!) and Paul MIGHT be having his ex-girlfriend come (doesn't know whether she can make it). Plus Alyssia is attached this year, so i can't hang out with her...i want her to spend it with the guy she loves, not with me hanging around and infringing on their together time...he is such a great guy for her :) and thats saying alot because i don't want to see her hurt so i'm kind of protective :P

So yeah, its going to be me...and me...and possibly some guy who will be set up to hang out with me out of pity (god i hate that...but my friends always try to get me on "dates" with people). But maybe it will be fun...i might rent some movies and have an anime marathon...and hope i don't walk in on my roommates doing anything with their respective ex's.

Ew.

:(
jayde
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Tuesday, January 25, 2005

I watched Samurai X last night/early this morning. I had already seen the movie and finally got to see Trust, Betrayal, and Reflection...and all i have to say is they are so sad...i was just weeping half the time i was watching them. They were really good though...and i would watch them again. They were definitely worth losing a little sleep.

:( so sad,
jayde
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