Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Doom!!! (hehe)
Ok, not really doom. I'm happy. Stragely giddily happy. And there is no true reason for it. Its not that I'm completely free of worries, because there is always something there that I'm waiting to go wrong (part of my personality i guess). But right now, I feel like i have some of the best friends in the world.

I have had good friends for a while. People who I hung out with and who were there for me in high school. Really I can think of only two people who were really good friends to me during my high school years, Neko-san and her brother.

And I still treasure their friendship, though I don't talk to Oniisan as much as I used to. But I'm at this excited happy stage where I am suddenly realizing the amount of people who care about me. And for somebody who has never had more that 4 good friends, thats a surprise. Its like I'm finally becoming a social minded person. I am finding more than a few people who like me and share my interests. I have this group of people who I hang out with and feel safe with.

I made one true lasting friend my freshman year of college. I got somewhat closer to Paul and Jason, but we have really been drifting apart. I like them, but it took me a long time to realize that we really share few interests. I like to walk and talk to people. I like to socially interact. I have a tendency to be quiet in large social gatherings, but I seem to have found people who understand that. That see through the public me and are interested in getting to know me better.

And so I'm happy. I'm hoping that this is a change in attitude and that maybe things are going my way. I have found several things that interest me and for once I'm devoting time to my own enjoyment. I have plans, I go to clubs. I don't seclude myself anymore. I was really lonely my freshman year, being away from Neko-san, because we spent so much time together. And I still miss her, but I feel a little less alone.

And I'm looking forward to seeing her again. And I'm hoping that my new devotion to roleplaying is something she is interested in. Because that would be cool ^^

And even if she's not, I hope she likes my new friends. I don't know why, but I'm anxious about her meeting them... I trust her and her opinion.. So I guess I just hope that she doesn't think I'm an idiot or that my new hobbies are stupid or something...i don't know :P

I have my field trip on thursday, I'm staying the night at Lys and Craig's the night before and then we are driving in the next day together.

I'll be back on friday at like 8pm, making me a couple hours late for LARP, but I'll still get to go :)

I have been doing some plotting with my character, so I can't wait to see what is going on. I have to talk to a couple of other characters before things are solidified. But things will be going in an interesting direction. Which is appropriate for the last few weeks of gameplay. I'm assuming, since the President never got ahold of me, that we aren't having an executive board meeting this week. Therefore it will probably occur next week, which is a bit more hectic. I don't know why we didn't meet, he said we would be. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

I think the nice weather is affecting my mood. My post has this horrible look of optimism to it ;)

~ciao

P.S. how come all the good boys are taken, or too shy to make a move, or not interested... *sigh* I will have happiness without boys...but mostly because i know i have good friends willing to spend time with my lonely single self. I just want someone to spend time with... all my really good friends are in these relationships right now that I envy. I feel surrounded by couples. And its kind of lonely being the only one without someone... grr this was a good post until i thought of boys *sigh*

And why is everyone getting married or engaged or just in a really serius relationship. Its not fair!!! *ahem* Sorry. I'm just kind of sick of people telling me that I'm pretty and smart and funny... and that boys like me. Cause if boys like me, why have i NOT had a boyfriend in a year and a half. I have had two people ASK during that time period. Both who I know way too well to think it would EVER work. And both who realized eventually that I was right. And have moved on.

I suppose the best advice came from Craig. He told me...that only after you've given up all hope and resigned yourself to being alone...that's when somebody you fall in love with comes along. And I look at him and Lys and wish them to be happy forever. Cause both of them deserve it so much.

But its hard to give up hope when everyone around me is in love.

Damn.
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