Monday, September 25, 2006

oh my fans...
yeah, its always good when your comment box is filled with people thinking you are the cutest thing ever, people who think you are a narcissistic parrot, people who believe you're relationship is doomed to failure, and people that just tell you "BEAWRE!"
yeah, i'm so lucky to have you guys to inspire me to constantly rant in this site that is a mircocasm of what it would be like if i was a cult leader. so now the ranting shall now commence, brace yourselves pathetic FOOLS!

okay, first of all me and my beloved have been together for 13 monthes, it seems i'm constantly asked that, so i'd imagine everyone who wants to know is never around. yes, i realize all that a wedding means, but after me and my love have spent four years apart, by the time she moves here, we're going to live in sin, as they say. i wanna get out of my parents' houses and into one with my love, so is marriage really that big of a step after that? i dson't see marriage as being a huge step forward in the relationship, i believe it is the feeling that you need no other, that this is the person you want to spend forever with, without a doubt, that is what matters to me, whether we get married tomorrow or never, what really matters is what my feelings are. i just really want to share the ceremony with her, i want to take her to prom, i wanna go to her's, i wish i could take her home-coming, yeah at certain times i hate the distance, but it tempts me more to just take up roots and run away to her than to dump her, she really is the most important thing in the world to me, a source of perpetual happiness. i realize you all doubt me, that a lot of the wiser, world traveled people think that i am just a naive little shit getting swept up in puppy love. and i guess because this is my first relationship i have no concept of how good or bad it is, but i know i've never been close to this happy before. and i realize you guys will never believe me, because i'll never be able to tell you, because really, as cheesy as it sounds the way i feel about Bev is more than words could ever express. i tell you the details, and i try to describe the feelings, but i'm starting to think it's impossible. if there is one thing in the world i'm sure of its that i'm in love with her, no one else could ever compare to her. everything about her i love, even things that are even remotely bad, and by that i mean if another person had those traits they'd annoy me, but in Bev i just think they are adorable and endearing. i really do love her, so much it hurts, i'm so into her it is an obsession, and she loves me for me, she supports me and always help me out and make me feel better. i really couldn't ask for anything more, because i wouldn't risk giving any of this up.

and so what if 50% of marriages fail, but you see people with several failed marriages, 3, 4, 5, 13. and if your marriage works, its 1 for life, so i think that number is deceptivly bad. plus i have faith that me and my lover would work it out, some people just quit, me, and espeacially Bev never give up, so i know that this is going to work. i have finally found paradise, and i'm not giving it up.
and by the way, i used to hate the idea of marriage, and i've always hated kids, but once i thought of having little beings that are the creation of me and my beloved bonded as one, now i don't think i could ever have too many. and once i thought of Bev in that wedding dress, and back to when Bev told me she would want to propose to me and marry me, so that the kids would have a stable home, now i love both, i'm so happy to have a person i can truly love. a person who as i said, can make me do something i absolutly hate with all my being, and make me enjoy every moment of it.

and i know about the financial shit, i would be hard, but Bev is going to take care of the money, she really is a great girl. she may be sweet and loving, but she doesn't put up with my shit, which is the greatest gift of all. so i know that if i wanted money we didn't have, she'd keep it away from me, but i know she'd make it worth while, the way only a devoted lover can.

i think we have a pretty good idea of whats going on, and its still 3 years til then, also there is the idea that the best laid plans can always fail, life is what happens while you're making other plans.

now for the narcissism,
yes, i love myself a lot. but its all thanks to my lover. she gives me confidence, i always loved myself, but she made me adore me. because of her i see that i'm pretty, i'm great at flirting, seducing and just being sexy. thanks to her i have confidence, she really is a miracle to have.

myui, pillows, i hope one day i'll be able to convince you i really have something good with her, but i have to thank you for questioning me, becuse in justifying it, i remember just how much i have.

-quote-

Bev: *mopey/emotional* You'll never leave me, you promise?

Me: *confident and romantic* I promise i'll never leave you.

Bev: *all happy* Me too.

Me: *whine*

Bev: huh? um... *cute giggle* oh, i promise i'll never leave you too!

Me: and we both never break our word, so we'll be together forever.

gotta admit we're cute!

HAIL ZEON!!!!!!!!!

p.s. remind me to talk more about the swaety sexy guy thing next time!
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Sunday, September 24, 2006

well, i guess i should start typing now.
well, i must say that today was pretty good, it wasn't fantastic, but overall it was a good day.

well off the bat i woke up and talked to Bev, being as there was a UFC Pay-Per-Veiw, and being as these days i don't get to talk to my beloved late into the night, so my only chance to be with her was in the morning, and it was really sweet and cute. i always have fun when i'm with her, no matter what is going on in the world, when i'm with her it all just melts away, and everything is happy.
luckily though i had 6 hours with her, and thanks to multiple runs, as she sometimes has to hang up, we spent about half of it together. and like always i thoght about her a lot, long past the point i must hang up her spell still lingers over me, its such a nice feeling, being semi-intoxicated by the air of love she always leaves around me.
what a wonderous dream it will be when my love is in my arms, there for me to hold and touch, so i can fall asleep with her next to me, that is the predominent thought in my head before i pass into sleep. it makes me feel so warm and happy inside to think about her, she is mine, she really is, and she wants me as her's. its so hard to believe such a beautiful and wonderous thing is a reality, and that it will get better if i just endure.
endure, yeah, i'll endure the happiest time of my life,
SOMEHOW!
-^_^-

also we talked about our wedding day, niether of us ever wanted to get married before we met eachother, but now we want it. i know she'll look so great in her wedding dress, i know that will be such a wonderful day. but i'm in no hurry, that is something i want to be perfect, and being as me and my lover are planning to save the vows for the wedding soley. each expression of love will come when we both want it, the order does not matter.

but after that it was face punching time, well in 4 hours, first i watched a little TNA, which makes me believe i still like professional wrestling, if it doesn't suck.
then i watched Ultimate Fighter, well the last half, i was talking with my love on the phone for the first half, which of course was totally worth it! after that i watched FMA re-runs i'd never seen, because i was really late in liking the series. then came Bill maher. i must say that if he wasn't funny he'd be completly un-watchable. his beliefs are so left of center and insane that they themselves are a running joke, but i still enjoy the show so i can't complain.

and then came the face punching, and i must say it was a so-so card. rashad evans' fight was pretty awesome, other then that it was all kinda average. Hughes won again, i really don't like hyim, but damned if i believe if anyone can beat him, its just his wins look so lame, he always gets people in wierd holds where they can't defend themselves because their arms are tied up, then just hits them in the head, cheap but effective, i wish penn had won, that triangle choke/arm-bar was awesome, too bad it burned him out and he lost because of it. if my bro had been there it would have been way more tolerable, but he was absent until the very end, so that whole angle was ruined, plus my dad was asleep most of the day, so yeah, good times.

after Hughes' got his win i just flopped down on my face and rested, and emeadiatly, when my mind had a moment without a thought, it was siezed by my heart, and my mind was filled with warm thoughts of my beloved. my chest felt all warm and tingly, and i thought about how i want to get my beloved's name over my heart. i can't decide if i just wanr her name, or an eleborate design, if i get the latter i plan to get a heart wrapped in barbed wire, with a lock bearing her name at the end, locking the wire around my heart. i think that would look pretty cool. Bev wants to get my name over her heart too, but to tell you the truth i'm sorta conflicted. it is really romantic, and uber-sweet. but Bev loves the low-cuts, and i don't really think the chest tats look good when your boobies are hanging out. but i know if she wants it i'll let her have it, because when it comes to love, in stark contrast to my normal beliefs, i choose substance over style.
along with the heart tat i wanna get one of her kisses tattooed on the back of my neck/shoulder area, and a lower back tattoo, i really wanna look cute/hot, and i want to always know my body shows that i'm owned, wanted, kept, i belong.

in finality i wish to state i'm offended by the comercial that says there is no such thing as a hot, sweaty, sexy, guy. i really wanna prove that wrong. i mean i could wear all the clothes the chick in that comerical wears. skin tight black halter top? awesome, i'm like Albel! Skin tight leather pants? so sexy! tons of wrist bands and charm bracelets? i'd do that every day one i get them! plus, i use secret deoderant and i wear perfume, i really have no BO, and i'm pretty sure i've got a hot enough body. i just need to firm up a little more and get a tan. that and get around to getting rid of the body hair, i never liked it any way. i should probably go commando too, the boxers would mess with the skin toight ness and showing skin.
don't you think a pretty boy in those types of clothes could pull off being hot and sex when they get all wet?

-Quote-

Bev: If i were a guy i'd sound so gay.

Me: so? if i were a girl i'd be like a les... no, i'd pretty much be like a normal girl...

Bev: thats whats so cute about you! i love you so much.

Me: the only reason you're not a lesbian is that i have a penis...

HAIL ZEON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Saturday, September 23, 2006

my mind, it flows like fondue.
not only does that describe the lack of liquidity of my thoughts, but also the lameness also shines through.

but lets just move it along. i must say i'm glad i got such kind and noble respounces on my fighting. yeah, i suppose there is some honor in not being able to assault weaklings, but i still feel kinda bad about not fighting back. but hell, to dwell in the past is a fool's venture, yesterday is not mione to win, but tomorrow is mine to lose. i know that if i had to i would have fought, so i'll take that as good enough reason for my actions, i'm too lazy to do anything that unnessecary.
And its also good supported in my eagerness to fight for love. i know not the reasons for my actions, but to me they are just in my eyes, and my heart, so i should just be happy that i have such a defined code of honor, even if it is so complicated that i can't always decern why i act the way i do. so i'll continue acting on instincts when in fights.

well, i got my DVDs and my LaGOWE thursday, and i plan to watch my DVDs slowly, and to savor Gundam SEED Destiny, in its dubbed, probably hated form. but i really must say i picked a fine time to start watching it slowly, how the hell does Cagalli almost marry that creepy purple haired guy? i mean does he drug her, threaten her, is it meant to be a political thing? and being as ZAFT and the Orb nation are now enemies, when will i get to see Athrun shove his foot up that dude's ass? and what i have to wonder about is how bad are the tabloids in japan, or at least the PLANTS? Athrun and Lacus have been broken up for like a year and a half if not more, yet when fake-Lacus shows up, she has Athrun acting like her Fiance, my God!? you guys suck at reporting celebrity gossip! Then we have questions like "do Lacus and Kira ever have sex?" they are always sleeping in rooms full of children, and in seperate beds, i bet Athrun tapped that, and i bet he got into Cagalli's pants plenty of times too. I really hope those two couples don't break up, if they do don't tell me! i mean i'm guess Cagalli x Athrun is gone, but i still have hope! and i'm also afraid Lacus will get killed, i mean we have Lacus 2.0 now, who needs the vintage model? Man, this is going to be tough, but worth it. man, how'd i ever make it through watch the original SEED once a week? but then again i didn't care about the characters that much back then. it really annoys me as well that Orb sides with the atlantic federation, i mean they saud if they didn't they'd be burned down like last time, but do they forget that if they sided with ZAFT they'd have THEIR support? i mean ZAFT will have to come to the federation just like they will go right to the PLANTs, so why does it matter who you side with? AND ZAFT had nothing to do with JUnius 7 dropping, but the whole nuclear genocide thing came right from Gibrail. its really sad that i know the politics of the cituation better than Cagalli, but then again i'm being an arm-chair island nation leader, so i could be over stating my own understanding.

well i got to talk to Bev tonight, and we had lovey-dovey fun like always, and i'll get to have even more fun in the morning, being as UFC is tomorrow night, and TNA sunday. yeah, so at least my posts will be more interesting.

i have to say that the high point of every day for me is being with my Beverly-lover, i can't wait to see her when i get the money, but until then it will be all phone based love.
as you all know i'm madly in love with her to the point i regularly annoy you all with my cuteness and devotion to a person i've yet to see face to face or been able to touch.
it'd probably be good to write more of AP, but i think i'll lay on the couch and be lazy.

-Quote-

me commenting on Gundam SEED.

Azreal: How did ALL our Suits get wiped out?!

Pilot: EMP, the Coordinators had shielding on their controls, so they could still move...

Azreal: Why didn't we?

Pilot: Lord Gibrail spent the money for that on purple lip-gloss and wine.

-Senshi jokes-

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
But if you spell Senshi, you win every game
in existance.

-AP Comments-

Kit: Lazy ass!

Foxxy: *lying on the couch* nap time, Drco, cuddle up with me...

Draco: Never.

Foxxy: *still all sleepy and cute* i've got a permanent marker, case of gel pens, body glitter and temporary tattoos, a makeup case full of lipgloss and eye makeup in every shade known to man, a dog collar and leash that say you will.

Draco walks over a flops down on the couch next to her.

Foxxy: *kisses his cheek* Good boy.

HAIL ZEON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Friday, September 22, 2006

random post, i know not what to say.
yeah, i'd have to say that i really don't have a predominent idea for my post.

i guess i could try to rant about the fight, being as i think i could easily get a post out of that, maybe.
well yeah, i really can't say i really i won the battle, but i think i won the war. i really wish he had hurt me, i wish i had fought back, but he really didn't hurt me, he didn't get me to panic, or get into a flight or fight mood, so i couldn't really fight him, i feel bad about it, i feel like i betrayed myself, that i wish i could have stood there until he made me feel afraid, so i could have fought back, maybe he really did, being as he wounded my pride. i suppose at times the spirit is easier to break than the body. but then again i am thinking pesimistically, if i look at it this way, that with multiple blows he couldn't even annoy me, i guess it makes it seem like i won. and i did get what i came for, i got my hat, i fufilled the objectives i set for the mission, so what if i took some minor, minor damage, i lost nothing of consequence.

i really don't know, right now my mind seems all clouded and fuzzy, at some points i really feel like i'm not really remembering things, it feels like i'm writing and i have writer's block. i guess i'm lost in my life again, i'm just drifting down a path to nowhere in particular. so i have no idea what i'll do for a living, and i'm questioning my warriors spirit, i question my sanity. i my love tells me shre's hanging out with a male friend, and he teases me that he's going to take her from me, and i throw my fists against my bag until they bleed, yet some pathetic asnd misguided weakling hits me repeatedly, and my soul stays quiet. i don't understand what drives me, i guess love is more important than life to me. or maybe i'm just the kind who can only swing his fists at inanimate objects. but thern again maybe i'm just a coward...
i feel so lost, i wish i could talk to Bev more, i wish she would get online, so i could get her support more than a short time a day. but maybe i'm just reaching out for a crutch. biut i don't know, it seems like just remembering this incident just causes me confusion, i think i'm a lot less strong than i act like, or maybe i'm just prone to secret weaknesses. i need something to be lit inside me again, i need a drive, an ambition, i mean i want to be with Bev in person, but all that requires is that i don't spend my money, i know it will be worth it, but just gather funds is not a real accomplishment anymore. as far as love goes, i'm really happy, i know i'll be with my beloved forever and ever, and no matter how many tyimes i say thats all that matters, i really am uncomfortable thinking that i have no future, i question my own self, what do i want, why do i act, what drives me?
i'm guessing if i was without her i'd be completly lost, so its just by her kindness and love that i am still where i am, but i still fear the future, and i want to know myself better, but what i want to know is beyond my ability to decern, i can't introspect why i feel or act the way i do.
i feel so stupid for letting things shake me, i guess i just need to go up stair and put all my self-doubt into my fists, then i can be purified of all my inner afflictions.
i'm sorry if i don't visit a lot of people today, it just seems like i can't get in the mood to do anything lately.
but i'll always do my best.
hope its good enough.

♥ JD Person ♥
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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

The adventures of Pretty-Boy.
well lets just start this off with a nice openning sentence, tuesday i got punched in the face.

yep, it all started in good ole' German class. see it was hat day so i was wearing Bev's hat she made me for our anniversary. to those of you who don't know, she put 2 red hearts, with "i" and "u" on respective hearts, and "love" in cursive, written in red rhine stones. i had it on, talking about how cute and full of love it is, and a person i know only as "ozvault," decided to chime in with a "you're never going to get laid!" to which i replied "i will, on... SPRING BREAK, WHOOOOOOOOO!" upon the last part i pulled up my shirt and flashed him my lily white chest and tight two-pack stomach." now see ozvault appeared to be going along with the joke, so the rest of the class went normally. after class i headed towards the bathroom to touch up my make-up, when i saw him dancing around like a a spaz, so i walked over, and he4 challenged me to fight, in a way that seemed to be joking, till he busted me in the cheek bone, he kept throwing blows, yet none of them hurt, i don't think i ever really moved, at one point i saw him going for a hay-maker, so i caught him in the wrist with a hard, stiff back-fist, eventually, even though i had no adreneline, no fight or flight, no killer instinct i decided to try to engage him, but at that point someone stepped in and stopped it [the fighter was not intelligently defending himself -^_^-] so the fight stopped there, so i cracked my neck, picked up my stuff with the same cocky grin as always, and went to class. upon making it to Lezak's class i realized the hat was gone, so infuriated that someone would engage me in combat under false pretenses, fail to provoke me with several blows, AND steal my hat? i was going to let this shit slide, because he failed to warrant a respounce from me, and my weeny dog can hurt me worse than his blows, but he just had to go and steal my hat. so being as he had no honor, i treated him with no honor, and went to the office to get my hat back. i only told them he hit me so i could get my hat back, but i knew what they'd care more about, they filed a police report, arrested him, took depositions from me and his best friend, and got my hat back. upon being reunited with my hat i told them that i needed their services no longer, and i wished for no more drama, the declined my request and gave me this big fuckin lecture anout civics. i sat down and had to wait in the damn office for an hour after giving am hour deposition, and as i sat there, especially after his best friend came in i wondered what they'd get on me? before when i was being bullied for being a wigger, i got accused and convicted of racism, because i said "go figure," and they convinced other i had said something else. so i wondered what the hell i'd get pinned with this time, then it came to me, sexual harassment...
but later it was revealed i was convicted of "running my mouth," that's a direct quote from the principal. and after that it appeared that i was going home for the day, to "cool off and relax," because i guess they expected i'd have a mental break-down after being punched in the face. they even escorted me to get my stuff, like i was a dangerous criminal, but what ever, i went back today and got all the work i needed to make up, and i have a few days to make the stuff up in Algebra II.

and speaking of that pain in the ass i figured out i'm not as good in that class as i thought i was, i got a 63% on a quiz i thought i understood, but oh well, as long as i pass the class i'm happy. i'm going to have a ton of work to make up in that stupid class, but i have the whole pep rally tomorrow and after school to finish it, so i'm not too concerned, and in the long run all my other grades will buff up my GPA, so i have nothing to worry about.

as far as injuries go i have a tiny red mark on my right cheek bone, and a few bruises under my skin, but over all i'm good. asnd i got my hat, so i'm happy.
i told my bro about it, and we were joking at how bad that kis was at fighting, that her hit the most painful spot for a attacker to hit, so his hsnd has gotta be jacked up, plus i cracked into his wrist, so he's probably not happy right about now. plus we made tons of gay jokes. that and my brother was loving that i filed a police report, so that when he punches his trailer park ho wife when he's 30, he can go to jail for good. actually, i wonder if guys get raped in juvie?

well, i'm still adjusting to my schedule, so sorry if the comments and AP are moving slowly.

-Quote-

Me: i was afraid he'd get me for sexual harrassment!

Josh: that'd be awesome!

Me: no it wouldn't!

Josh: yeah, because then he'd be admitting he's gay.

Father-Person: its not too late.

Me: no, they said i'm safe.

Father-Person: Thsts before he started having sleepless nights...

Josh: just unable to get the image of you chest out of his mind.

Me: he jeans just so uncomfortably tight and chafing!

*laughter insues*

-AP Comments-

Kit: its hard to fight weaklings for no reason.

Draco: Its better to just have them exicuted.

Me: if i could i would.

Sora: i don't know, pre-adulthood ass-rape is a fate worse than death...

All guys: True dat!

HAIL ZEON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comments (10) | Permalink

Monday, September 18, 2006

Dependency.
well, i'm going to TRY to make this a non all Bev post, but i can't promise success.

alrighty, its totally cool if people disagree with my beliefs, i respect that, and i will take them into consideration, but i must demate you guys, i'll try to keep it to minimum, but all you guys know me, i get carried away frequently.

[first i have to remove the emo pants, they look good, but i don't like wearing them, so i'm in my baggy shorts,, i see wearing shorts as really not-sexy, so i just do it in-doors, God! i feel like Yukino, i'm nothing but a pretty fascade, and i let myself go at home!] well anyway, i really do live for Bev, but thats not to say i'd die without her. i'd no longer live, but i'd EXIST. hell, i existed for 10 lonely years that i spent completly lonely and wanting a girl [since Kindergarten i was desperate for attention from the lady-folk] and i survived off of the shallow happiness you can get from material possessions and being egomanical. its nice to know have someone to live for, a reason, a guidance in life. i guess i am a little too enthusiastic about my Beverly-Lover, but if its worth doing its worth leaping into with reckless abandon. i'm glad all you guys are so concerned, its really kind, but i think when it comes down to everything in my life, i listen to my heart, espeacially in love, sorry if i offend or annoy anyone, i love hearing your advice, and if you guys are right [which i will never ever think about] you can tell me you told me so while i'm crying my eyes out and possibly taking the Irish way out.

finally my female parental unit is on temporary leave from her proffession, so i shall spend some of my money. i got Gundam SEED Destiny 3-4, and i bought a LaGOWE from a rival company to that illiterate bastard's. LEARN TO SPELL YOU STUPID-ASS! But i plan to try saving up my money again, so i may be able to see my lover over a vacation of some sort from the hell i contnually learn in. so yeah, time to see if the whole saving money for love thing works this time. i really wanna see my beloved, so this seems like an easy way to accomplish said mission. but in the mean time i will treat myself every once in a while, but i plan to do so rarely, because luckily Christmas and my birthday are coming up, so i get gifts, but unfortunatly Bev's birthday and Christmas are coming up, so i will blow a lot of money on her, well maybe just a little, but in any case there will be spending!

tomorrow is the second day of spirit week at my school, so i'm going to wear the hat Bev bedazzled for me, i don't care if i get mocked, i think its CUTE! but i really have no school spirit, i hate my school, but i love my baby, so i'm wearing her hat, to increase my cuteness +37!

well this week is looking good, new stuff, i'm no longer in the red, i'm 3 weeks into the first trimester at school, so i'm about a 6th of the way through half the year, i realize its a big stretch, but i'm optimistic like that, school is blowing by and each day i get up i'm a day closer to seeing my lover.

and contnuing the loose theme my lover sent me a cute card in the mail it said "a card could never express how much i love you, but i used my tongue a lot to lick the envelope." she then left kisses all over the card and envelope, she is really sweet, and i really love how hot her kisses look.

well, i'm going to have to start getting on earlier so i can update and visit everyone, being as i'd love to have made further progress in the rankings when the system comes back.

well i'm going to try my best to visit some of your guys' sites. i also have to do Algebra II/Trig and Lord Hotpants is making us read 63 pages in 2 days, so Tuesday wil, have lots of reading.

i hope the lovey content did not annoy you all too much, and i will now leave.

-Quote-

its not really a quote i just want to put in a little more love.

see, i hate my first name, thats why i go by initials, but whenever bev says my full first name i melt, its so strange, such a hated word, sounds so sweet and perfect from her lucious lips.
i can't believe how much i love her.
it will be so nice when i get hold her and kiss her and keep her as all mine in the future.

-Senshi jokes-
Do you know the strongest feeling you can have in your heart?
Senshi's heel.

-AP Comments-

Kit: WRITE MORE AP FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Alright already...

HAIL ZEON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Sunday, September 17, 2006

Cynicality!
you will not kill me with your cynasism! and here i was beginning to miss myui's constant contridictions of my every thought, i forgot how much i dislike the questioning of my relationship. i do like having him, and some of my newer friends here but i really cannot think about my beloved in any negative sort of way. my love is the world to me, she is the most important thing there is in my mind. she gives me a purpose to my life, a reason to get out of bed each morning, a reason to be a better person. i noe see the reason i was born is to make her life better and to make her happy. sure, i guess in a jaded way i should expect the worst to happen, that we'll break up, and i'll have to move on. but really, if thats how you're going to view a relationship, why not just break up on sight? i will continue to be overly optimistic and believing it will last forever. i believe i found my soul mate, and 13 monthes say i'm right. i will not "slow things down," i'll move at the speed me and my lover feel like going, people plan shit out too much, what speed to go at, what to say, how to act, it all too bothersome, just follow your heart, thats how i do it, if a person loves you, then they love you for who you are and how you act when you're being yourself, not when you meticulously plan out every aspect of life. you may all say what you will about my love life, possibly i am a naive little fool headed down a road to heartbreak. but i cannot see things that way. if i'm destinied to fail then i'll fail for being myself, not someone else. thank you so much for your advice, but i can't take it. i love my Beverly way too much to ever believe that we are not meant to be together. i found my soul mate, and i'm not ever letting her go. i have finally found my true happiness, to me, life is now paradise.
i don't see why i shoould slow down, how am i going to fast? what is the appropriate speed? how should i know it? i just act the way i feel, and Bev goes along with it, she loves the way i act, she loves me. why should i fear a future i can't imagine? Bev has never done a single thing to get me to even think about breaking up with her. the whole time i'm with her i feel all warm and fuzzy inside.. and not just that, i'm happy around her, she's my lover and friend. i love her and like her, she entertains me, she's funny and fun to be around. there really is no way for me to escape the spell she has over me. there is nothing she wouldn't do for me, and everything she does makes me happy. we always make eachother laugh, we are best friends as well as soul mates. i'm sorry if anyone dubts the validirty of my feelings, or the soldity of my realtionship, but if there is one truth in my mind it is that my Beverly loves me. i generally distrust people, i expect the worst of everyone, i expect ever friend to eventually abandon me, but i never expect that of my Beverly-Lover. no, with her i can imagine her as my prom date, her with me, holding me up in college, helping me acheive some sort of stable life after high school, i see her in her wedding dress, and us sharing a kiss after exchanging vows, me a her side birthing our children, and raising our kids together, growing old and retiring together, and us leaving this world together, one following the other as soon as we leave. for once i finally feel a sense of stability, i'm not a unicycle, i'm now a bike. i can balance, i'm no longer having to force myself to stay together. she is all i know, i know her, i may be naive and gullable, i may not be wise, i may be idealistic, and see a romanticized concept of reality that often causes me pain, but in the end i always hhave Bev's arms to come back to, and that if i just make it through the day, if i just make it til the time, thsat i can hear her voice and everything will be okay. and ya know what, fuck being independent, i now have a person to depend on, so i don't have to walk the painful lonely road anymore.
i'm sorry to all those i offend, but i've waited all my life to have a person to love me, and now that i have her i'm not going to second guess our feelings for eachother.
i thank all of your for your insight, but in the end my heart is the ultimate authority, and it tells me Bev is the one.

my one and only finished reading AP 18, so i'm free to pm it to anyone. also any other chapter for any readers or people who want to become one.

-Quote-

Me: Bev, i'll never leave you. cuz there is no cure in the whole world for this sickness you completly infected me with, called love.

Bev: *crying softly* Your so sweet, and stop making me cry you ass!

HAIL ZEON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Saturday, September 16, 2006

My special one.
yes, poor unfortunate souls who enter here, you must now endure on top of the adorable pink background, but an all Bev themed post. yes because so much has happened recently, and i must fill you all in, because for all intents and purposes i enjoy building a glass house around myself.

so right off the bat me and my lover have had a lot more time together, we been talking a lot more recently. see thanks to the cell phone failure of a few weeks ago i saved some minutes, so me and Bev have been spending them, saying all the cute things that cause anyone listening to the two of us to become so annoyed and sickened by the uber-sweet-gooey lovey-dovey cutie-fluff conversation they consider ritualistic suicide with a wooden spoon. yes we go back in forth saying things that are so obnoxiously adorable they could disrupt insolen levels.

t'well all was good til tuesday, when Bev remembered a bad memory, i must say that the subject of said memory is off limits, even a ass-monkey like myself is not so tact-deprived to talk about it. but this memory basically contridicted a concept held since the foundation of the relationship, and my beloved was afraid that it would cause stress on our relationship, and just my luck i said some really sweet things that caused her to prematurly birth this little disruption to the status quo. she called my poor ass up at midnight sobbing and unable to confess, i figured off the bat what the confession was truth be told i got an aura of it when i was saying the brain-meltingly sweet things to her, and my intuition [an other of my strangly feminine qualities] was correct, and after being forced to by my love i guessed correctly, and it was at this point this strong, great lover who i've been devoted to for a year was reduced to a sobbing wreck, huddled, waiting for me to shatter her heart like Gary Busey's skull. but with a kind gentle voice i told her her fears were completly wrong, and that i still loved her, like nothing had happened. now i must say, that was code for "okay baby, that was a little weird, but lets be uber-cute and patch things up." but to my dismay her mother made her hang up right there and then, causing me to wonder, did i really feel the same? was i alright? i didn't feel like i was going to break up with her, but i was shaken. i eventually drifted off to sleep [more like eventually i passed out from mental fatiuge] and i woke up in the morning, chipper as a squirrel on methanphedimenes. and as i went through-out the day i noticed this tingling in my chest, that pain that i love so much, i was love sick. after an encounter that would leave most relationships ruined, i was love sick for her, like a little puppy, wanting for its master. i was more in love with her than ever...

so wednesday was devoted to "cheer up Bev, i told you everything is okay." so i finally got her to stop crying out of sorrow, and apparently i was so sweet and kind to her that she began sobbing uncontrolably with joy. and i mean that, you ever see those women who lost their husband, all their children, one parent, a pet, all their belongings, and all their money in a flood, but worst off all, their vibrator shorted out? yeah, Bev sounded like that. and i mean its kinda hard to cheer your lover up when she's cry cuz you're so sweet and nice.

then the compliments came, she showered me with them and kisses over the last few days, she is just constantly and madly in love with me. and she's so happy! which makes me happy, and makes her happy. yeah tonight we spend just being so in love, just that deep, meaningful, high-school puppy love. yes, i realize that to any rational human being we are just in "puppy love," but at this point i'm boardering on making tom cruise look like john kerry/frankenstein [i love synonyms] so i think its deep. its the deepest i've been in, so it feels deep to me. like i keep forgetting to ask Bev to finish reading AP, because we're too busy being an uber-cute couple, so sorry guys, it'll be done eventually.

but i know we will both sleep very well tonight, as both our hearts are overflowing with joy.

-Quote-

Bev: Whenever i get money i spend it on you... cuz i love you...

Me: You're really sweet!

Bev: But i do kinda want to get myself something...

Me: Would it make you happy?

Bev: Yeah.

Me: And whats the greatest gift you could ever give me?

Bev: Peppers?

Me: *uncontrolable laughter* you are the cutest little spaz ever, i love you so much numb nuts!

Bev: so its not you who loves peppers... sorry *uber cute giggle that makes everything in the world okay*

*insert another 2 hours of fluff*

HAIL ZEON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Friday, September 15, 2006

Further existance for the express goal of living longer.
yeah, i was going to do a theme post, but i value it more than a normal update, so i'll do it tonight. so for right now you just get a random completation of thoughts.

Hooray you!

first off i decided to have my male parent drive me up to the land of imports so that i may purchase little plastic avatars of my favorite Mobile Suits from the anime series Gundam SEED. they still did not have LaGOWE, or "lego," as that illiterate bastard insists on pronouncing it... so i got BuCUE, the economy model! also i got the Dark Dagger L, which poses the question: Does "Blue Cosmos" even know the meaning of "Stealth?" the DDL seems to be the stealth model, yet they equip it with the excessivly huge anti-ship beam bazooka, or the huge shoulder mounted cannons. it seems to Gibrail "stealth," means black spray paint. i guess he blew the military budget on purple lipgloss and eyebrow pencils.
on a related subject, my Sci Fi teacher, Marshal Hotpants, was talking about what professions would be needed after a nuclear attack, he said about two "the scientist and the farmer could coordinate their efforts." i went "damn those coordinators, they're an abomination to nature, we have to destroy them all, FOR THE PRESERVATION OF OUR BLUE AND PURE WORLD!" my friend laughed his ass off.

along with that i planted a tree today. well first i had to dig it up, then dig a hole, then fill it with water, then let it drain, then fill it up again, then plant the tree, then pour dirt in, then pack the dirt. it was hard work for a pansy like me, plus i got all dirty. but i care not, i may look all pretty boy is, but i love doing work like that, cuz i love compitetion, and i love fighting and winning with my shovel against the dirt.

so that ate up an hour, that i wasn't planning for, so i lost a lot of time, i didn't get a chance to beat down my bag, i did manuel labor instead, and being as today is Gundam SEED Destiny day, and i must update, i doubt i'll be visiting EVERYONE today. but i did tuesday, and i didn't update, so think its about fair, i'm sorry that i'm taking forever to get my barings. i'm starting to figure it out, but its still not perfect. so stick in there with me, i promise i'll get my act together.

and i thank all you guys for your advice, some of you guys kinda gave me tough love. but i guess you guys are right, i need to learn to kick myself in the ass and force myself to be motivated, so that way when i do have Bev, i don't need her, i'm just getting her help out of the kindness of her heart, [and the fact i tend to get gradually less clothed and more tired the more i exercise, and she likes being in control] but i still kinda want to need her, but its not like i'm going to give up and just say, "i'll do it in 3 years," i'll just try to do things out of my own sheer will, and if i fail, i have my support. but i'm glad to know that all you guys can be straight enough with me to go, "shut and stop being bitchy and lazy, you whiny little shit." in so many words. its good advice, i don't know how well i'll stay to it, but i'll sure as hell try.

school is getting easier, basically because i've resigned myself to the fact i'm stuck there for 2 more years, or that my lover is helping me stay strong, but either way i'm good. i think i just can adjust to pain easily, i quickly go from pain to normal, you learn that little trick when ever one you ever had a crush on broke your heart utterly and completly. its so strange for me to be happy now, no matter what i do i never get use to pleasure.

i'll try FF.net tonight to see if its letting me work again, if not i may start using perma links, or just telling you to PM, AIM, or E-mail me for AP.

-Quote-

Me: *digging a hole to get dirt for the tree* just cuz you're pretty doesn't mean you can't get really dirty!

-Senshi jokes-

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade,
Senshi's game were never that fair.

-AP Comments-

Kit: When will your lover-girl finish reading ch.18 so our remaining fan can read it.

Foxxy: thats pretty extreme bro!

Sora: like we have a whole fan left...

HAIL ZEON!!!!!!!!!!!
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Monday, September 11, 2006

just me.
well, time for me to write another post. i always have so much to talk about, and you guys are always really supportive so i know its worth it. but damn, going back to school sure makes you appreciate all the time you have during summer. i do really hate school, i mean i have friends, i make friends easily, because i'm so out spoken, so people either like me or hate me quickly, but i just don't really want friends i guess. i'm not interested in doing things with people outside of school, once i'm out of school i just want to do whatever i feel like, just chill out, play video games, go shopping, play with my action figures, go on the inter-web, i'm just not into doing much activities. i am pretty selfish to tell the truth, with one exception, my beloved Beverly. i'd do anything with her, because i just want to be around her. plus Bev likes doing everything i do, so i won't even have to sacrifice most of the time. i mean kitty and stacy are cool, but we don't share any out of school interests, they're great school friends, but they're not really, i guess compatable with me. when i was a little kid i was so bossy, i always told everyone how to act, what to like, and i'd throw a tantrum if i didn't get my way. i really regret how i acted back then, but i can't really acct much differently from then. i mean i don't boss people around, or get pissy if i don't get my way, i just shut up and sit in silent suffering, hating the whole time. its just that at the exception of Bev i haven't found someone who can make me have fun, that no matter what i do with them its fun. i haven't found people i'd sacrifice for. and they never push me, when i was a kid, all my friends were older than me, and back then i thought they were teasing me and being mean, when they'd make me do things, or just blow me off when i through a bitch fit, yet i always came back, and i always liked them as friends, my parents saiid they were manipulating or using me, but i realize they were trying to help me, make me realize that the world does not revolve around me, and when i leave them all because i'm being a divo [male diva] that i was the only one suffering. they out grew me, because i was at least 3 years younger than any of them, and we gew apart, butthey were all great friends. they pushed me to do things i didn't want to, to make me a better person. and basically Bev can make me do anything, and by being my love anything she asked me to do is pushed against me by the weight of the world. i need someone to kick me in the ass and do things, because i'm so unmotivated. no one makes me do that, not stacy or kitty, no one, so i'm just lazy and pathetic. i want to be a better person so badly, but in the end when it comes down to crunch time i'm too lazy to follow through, i give up on the punching bag before the 30 minutes are up, i barely ever even go up there to begin with, i want to be tanned but i have no out-door interests. i want a future, but i have no extra-curicular activities i'm interested in. i want to be a better artist, but i lack the confidence and motivation to practice. on the inside i have so much ambition, so big of dreams, but when its time to act i just give up, all my fire goes out. i need a cheer-leader, a motivator, i need my beloved telling me to keep going, because no matter how sweet and loving my Beverly is, she does not tolerate my bullshit. i know that if i bitched i wanted to be a better artist she'd make me practice. if i said i was going to hit the bag for 30 minutes, she'd probably make me keep at it for an hour. i if i wanted to tan she'd drag me around in the sun all day. but as far as my academic future goes, my love can't get here until i've been in college for a year, i need her help. i want to be a VA, a comedian, or a Cryptozologist. i still have hope for the last but very little. really all my dreams are out of reach. Bev is a great artist, and draws anime, so she wants to work on anime, maybe in the editting process, i don't know her exact plans. but she is so sure, and she works hard for her dream, i knoow she'll get it. but for my VA dreams, i want to be a VA, not a real actor, i was watching "professional," plays, i don't want to do that, i want to just do a normal voice, not an over blown voice with exagerated actions. my self and my future are so fucked up, but i have love, and its definatly enough.

on top of mourning and evening calls, Bev called me at midnight and we talked until 2 thirty. i felt like Shuichi in the mourning, i was just so happy and entergetic. i realized that its the lack of me talking to her that makes me all dark and mopey. i really hope we get more time together, then i'll be set. at least i know no matter what job i take, i'll come home to a house full of love and the person who fills it and me with it, so its all good.

-Quote-

during the night call...

Bev: Are you sleepy baby?

Me: being as its past midnight i am a little.

Bev: well i could hang up if you...

Me: [giving her kisses] don't you know by now? any time is a good time to talk to you lover.

-Senshi jokes-

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face,
even attempt to fool Senshi and you will make you stop existing.

-AP Comments-

Kit: Its so much easier to be an anime character. my job was set out since birth, assassain/pilot/ladies man.

Foxxy: i really petty you, you have to decide your own fate.

Sora: Ours are determined by others, makes life a lot easier.

Me: Oh well, at least you guys appreciate i take all the pressure off you.

Foxxy: Poor bastard.

HAIL ZEON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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